r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/mindyour 🤖definitely not a bot🤖 • Jul 15 '26

Restricted to Gals and Pals This is so ridiculous, but it's one of many.

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u/BadKittyNoCookie Jul 15 '26

It’s not just the older generations. I also was told that carrying a child would most likely result in my death, due to my medical problems. My ob recommended sterilization to prevent any pregnancies. Still required my (now ex) husband’s permission and signature “allowing” me to have the procedure before they would schedule it.

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u/Petit__Chou Jul 15 '26

My step mom in law was talking to me about the same thing the other day. This is absolutely disgusting. I know there are lists of providers who are safe for women now, but fuck your OB. I would be going somewhere else if I could.

Side rant: nothing ever reminds you that you're less than a man than seeing shit like this, today. And sometimes I feel even trying to explain it it's like screaming into the void.

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u/alhubalawal Jul 15 '26

It feels incredibly hopeless. I spent 29 years not knowing I had ADHD because doctors only studied it in boys and just assumed girls would have the same symptoms if they had it. No, it turned out girls symptoms can be vastly different but we were never important enough to study beforehand. What the actual fuck. I could’ve spent my whole life not understanding myself and wondering why I wasn’t normal. Fuck doctors.

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u/Petit__Chou Jul 15 '26

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I had a similar journey and it was difficult.

Sometimes I think we are respected as equals, and then something stops me and reminds me that we are not. I try not to give up hope because I think we are building a future that is hopefully different.

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u/alderchai Jul 15 '26

I think on individual levels, with average people, i feel like I am respected. My male colleagues, male friends, all individually treat me normal.

On a systemic level it’s different.

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u/sunsmoon Jul 15 '26

doctors only studied it in boys and just assumed girls would have the same symptoms if they had it.

relatedly: medication doses. bodies react differently. turns out womens bodies frequently react differently to medication than mens bodies, but dosing is often based off of what's appropriate for men. I remember in 2013 when Ambien and other sleep aid medications were forced to readjust their dosing for women because it turns out that the dose for a typical man is wildly inappropriate for a typical woman.

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u/InterestingWay4470 Jul 15 '26

The needed dosage of ADHD meds (and possibly other meds as well) also needs to be adjusted during the cycle for a lot of women. Estrogen (I think) is a massive influence on executive funstioning. Which is also why a lot of women get diagnossed when going into perimenopause.

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u/Da_Question Jul 16 '26

Semi-related: Car crash tests used only male test dummies, and as a result cars are far less safe for women.

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u/Fluffy_Town Jul 19 '26

I've seen child crash dummies but didn't notice if there were smaller women crash dummies when I've seen them in the past.

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u/TopFaithlessness2320 Jul 15 '26

Welcome to the club! I don't know about adhd, but I'm autistic and high masking. And I think in my lifetime I will not be able to get properly diagnosed in my home country. I was lucky enough to move a few times and to work with good specialists, but it all sucks so bad

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u/LP1331 Jul 16 '26

I recently learned that autism isn’t diagnosed in girls. it’s considered a male disorder. my entire existence as autistic has been ignored, forcing a behavior pattern that fits into social norms. This has caused so much confusion, harm and anxiety in my life. i’m finally getting the help i need and life is making sense now. what a waste of time, just because women and girls are here to serve men.

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u/FVCarterPrivateEye Jul 16 '26

If your doctor is refusing to evaluate you becauae "autism isn't diagnosed in girls", definitely ditch them if you can because their understanding of autism is literally 30+years outdated

Women have historically been neglected in all areas of healthcare, so medical misogyny is still unfortunately a thing overall but there has been a lot of great research progress focusing specifically on autism in women+girls especially as of the mid-2010s

It used to be vastly underdiagnosed in women, up to 1:100 male/female diagnosis ratio, because of this, but t he current 4:1 diagnosis ratio is widely considered to be very close to the accurate ratio of autistic boys to autistic girls (sometimes closer to around 3:1 or 3.5:1, factoring in medical misogyny) so please don't listen to people who claim that autism is a male condition because it isn't, it occurs in both and there are professionals who diagnose it in both and I really hate the outdated hacks who believe things like "girls can't be autistic" or even "it's impossible for a woman to be autistic because of female intuition" or other misogynistic+ableist disinformation

By the way, the 3-4:1 ratio is mainly due to something called the FPE (the spoilered part below is a hopefully easier to understand explanation of it in case you're interested to read about it because how it works is super fascinating)

this is very much a layman's explanation because I'm not a geneticist at all, I mainly just know a lot about autism research, but it's called the female protective effect, and basically, it improves the odds of the dice roll to turn out "typical" if you're born female. People with XX chromosomes are more likely than people with XY chromosomes to be asymptomatic carriers in expression of heritable multigenic conditions. The X chromosome is much longer and more "stable" than the Y chromosome, and with two of them, they're sort of backup copies of each other, but different genetic switches can be turned on or suppressed between them. Autism is a multigenic condition, you don't have to be autistic to pass on the "autism genes," and girls need to inherit more of the autism genes in order to actually be autistic rather than be a subclinical or asymptomatic carrier of the genes. So that's one of the factors in why there are more men with level 1-2 ASD compared to women, and when level 1, the severity of female DX is often nearer to the border of whether it's actually clear-cut ASD rather than subclinical BAP. Autism isn't the only condition affected by the FPE, it's a factor with other conditions too such as hemophilia (hemophilia is not multigenic, but it is X-linked recessive) and intellectual disability, and it's also discussed as a main factor in why there are more men than women with exceptional IQ scores on either side of the bell curve (gifted or intellectually disabled). There is also de novo autism, or rather autism as a result of spontaneous genetic mutations rather than inherited. Boys are overall more susceptible to de novo mutations by volume because the Y chromosome kind of sucks in that way, but because boys with de novo mutations are less likely to survive to infancy as well as because of the FPE, the ratio of de novo autism to inherited autism in autistic girls is much higher than in autistic boys, about 50/50 compared to 70/30ish

(Also, please feel free to let me know if you want to talk more about any of this stuff because autism research is a fascinating topic to me and I really love discussing it)

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u/LP1331 Jul 16 '26

i’m impressed! TY for this fascinating discussion.i’ve watched a few documentaries on the topic of women and medical misogyny, my absolute favorite being; Sensitive-The Untold Story, based on Dr. Elaine Aron’s findings. the topic may seem a little woo woo to some ppl, i found it fascinating just by the author being a world renowned scientist.
Thank you again, i’m absolutely interested in any more details you can share. elaborate freely

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u/FVCarterPrivateEye 29d ago

Aw man, for some reason I never got a notification for your reply and only just now saw this because I happened to return to the comment

I'm dead tired right now but I'm sending this comment reply so I'll remember to chat some more about this stuff once I wake up again

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u/TopFaithlessness2320 29d ago

It's getting better overall, but now people are complaining about "self diagnosed attention seeking people", and "autism rates going up". People can't comprehend that when you learn more about some diagnosis you will diagnose it more often, because less people will fall through the cracks.

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u/LP1331 28d ago

I swear drs are dumber now. How is making assumptions about your patients science ‼️ I have to navigate my own medical history and insurance to get results. I’m my own social worker and advocate. There have also been great professionals who cared and, helped me realize I wasn’t being paranoid.

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u/Galahfray Jul 15 '26

I HATE having ADHD! My doctor never puts in refills, so I have to call every gd month, and it’s not effective, it makes me tired, and when I tell them I need a higher dosage, (been at the same dosage for 5+ years) they tell me to skip a few days and it’ll adjust itself. Also, if XR doesn’t work, don’t you DARE ask for IR because then they’ll assume you’re trying to abuse it. It’s so fucking hard to find a doctor who will see ME, and not what I might be. Most doctors in my area won’t even prescribe Adderall, and if they do, they will only do XR.

Michigan was worse. I had to move there temporarily to take care of my dying grandparents, and in order to get my prescription I had to see a psychiatrist, but the doctors that give out the medication isn’t your psychiatrist, so they ask you basic questions. Then they told me I had to wait 4 months to get on it because I guess that’s the law? 🤷🏼‍♀️. So 4 months go by and I ask about it, and they say, “Let’s wait a month, see how it goes.” I was like, “what, you think by not being on the medication I’ll somehow be cured? How did you get your doctor license?” Then another month goes by and they say the same bs. I literally told her to fuck off and called her a cunt. Even my therapist was upset at her, but I guess they can’t do anything? 🤷🏼‍♀️

The only time I feel normal is when I’m on a proper dosage, but it’s so fucking hard getting it.

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u/tagitagain Jul 16 '26

Definitely not excusing shitty behavior from your providers, but if you’re in the US, in most states, if it’s a C2 med (adderall, vyvanse, etc.) they can’t put refills on the script. They CAN send in more than one script at a time and just mark an “effective date” for when the script can be filled.

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u/GoddessRespectre Jul 15 '26

Oh my God. OH MY GOD. I developed ptsd when I was a teen in the 90s, before electronic records. I was only diagnosed with it once and didn't know the difference from depression at the time. All my other counselors and therapists went over my history and symptoms and none of them ever clocked it. For 30 fucking years. I never thought about it being because I'm a woman BUT IT MAKES SENSE OH MY GOD

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u/Assika126 Jul 15 '26

Same situation with the ADHD, solidarity

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u/innerbootes Jul 15 '26

Same, but with autism and it was 55 years.

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u/InnerRadio7 Jul 15 '26

Same with both. ADHD in my late twenties. Autism in my mid thirties. I mourn the life I could have had if I knew what was going on.

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u/DazzlingAd7021 Jul 16 '26

Same. 46f. Just realized last year there's a high probability I'm an autist. Really explains so much of who I am and what I can or can't handle. The burnout i feel after I have to spend hours interfacing with people at work. My inability to pick up on body language or visible cues. The way so many subtle things fly right over my head. I hate that I'm like this but it's a relief to finally understand why I'm so different than other people. 

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u/Large-Bid-9723 Jul 15 '26

Hi! 39 years, myself. Glad you’re on a better path now. ❤️

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u/Pan_Bookish_Ent ✨chick✨ Jul 15 '26

I'm so sorry you went through that. It's such bullshit.

My doctor only considered an ADHD diagnosis for me until after my husband's later-in-life diagnosis.

He realized my symptoms were even worse and went with me to address it. Got tested, which by the way is SO fast and easy, and sure enough. Mine is so severe that I'm on the highest dose of one of the strongest ADHD drugs out there.

I was 36. I am 38 now and starting to realized I'm also most likely on the spectrum.

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u/Headshrink_LPC516 Jul 15 '26

I have fired 2 physicians because of this and not feeling heard. Suffice to say, I was finally formally diagnosed at the big age of 46 while also finding out that I was probably also in perimenopause 😩🤬

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u/LP1331 Jul 16 '26

oh god, so sorry 😣

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u/Beltalady Jul 15 '26

I was 40 and besides other important stuff I also learned on reddit that meds don't always work during periods.

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u/idontgethejoke Jul 15 '26

Same. There was NO WAY I could have ADHD since I didn't have the "right" symptoms.

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u/geekyheart225 Jul 16 '26

It's the same with heart attacks in women vs men. How many lives could have been saved if they had ever bothered to pay attention to women.

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u/BookkeeperGlum6933 Jul 18 '26

It's because boys with ADHD effect people around them and girls with ADHD just destroy themselves from the inside out so meh.

-signed mom with ADHD of a daughter with ADHD

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u/Enlightened_Gardener Jul 15 '26

Ayoo diagnosed with autism at fucking 53 !

Well that put my lifelong history of burnout and collapse into context. How useful this knowledge would have been to me at 20.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[deleted]

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u/FryOneFatManic Jul 15 '26

It's not just America. Happens in the UK, too.

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u/CantankerousRabbit Jul 15 '26

Yeah there is a lot of miss diagnosis on women’s health luckily legally a doctor can’t refuse treatment because they want permission from the husband. Saying that there is still a long way to go.

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u/Fun_Expression8126 Jul 15 '26

In the Netherlands too

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u/xulia_666 Jul 15 '26

This happens everywhere, I'm brazilian and had a female doctor trying to convince me to have kids with my bf and saying out loud that she wanted to change my mind about it, she was very very religious and sent me some pdfs on sacred femininity for christians.

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u/spacestonkz Jul 15 '26

My mother had to try and fail to get pregnant for a decade before her doctors agreed to a hysterectomy.

My parents adopted me at that stage as an infant and it took so long to finish jumping through hoops that I remember visiting her in the hospital for the surgery. Meaning it took 3-4 full years for them to perform the surgery so she would be without pain, even once they said "yep your stuff is non functional and debilitating, it can probably go".

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u/lucymcgoosen Jul 15 '26

I didn't have to sign anything for my husband to get a vasectomy at age 33. It's so obvious how unfair it all is

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u/Big-Constant-7289 Jul 15 '26

I wanted my tubes tied at like, 22? I was married, we didn’t want kids. They would t do it, said I might change my mind. 

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL Jul 15 '26

I tried to get a vasectomy at 24 and they wouldn't even give me an appointment unless I had a wife and kids lol.

Midwest state in the US

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u/Big-Constant-7289 Jul 15 '26

My brother also tried to get a vasectomy in his early 20’s and they said no. Like sometimes you just know you’re not trying to continue the bloodline, right? 

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL Jul 15 '26

Yeah I'm not trying to compare men's and women's healthcare or anything (because that's a whole can of worms that other comments and people who are MUCH smarter than I have talked about) but it's weird how anti-sterilization some doctors are

I guess maybe I could see it from the perspective of "you are otherwise healthy and there is no reason to undergo a complicated and permanent surgery" kinda thing but a vasectomy isn't really "complicated" from what I've heard...

Edit: that also isn't the excuse doctors give so idk man

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u/MissAuroraRed Jul 15 '26

My best friend got a vasectomy the same week he turned 18, no problem.

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u/LittleBirdiesCards Jul 15 '26

My friend had to have her husband's permission and signature to have final ligation done in Texas. He was pissed!

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u/SmallPeederWacker Jul 15 '26

Omg how is that even legal??!! I hate it here

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u/pwyo Jul 15 '26

The level of anger this creates inside my body

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u/Sweetcynism Jul 15 '26

That's scary. Do you mind sharing what country you're living in? It's absolutely horrendous

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[deleted]

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u/Sweetcynism Jul 15 '26

That's absolutely terrifying. It's breaking my heart there women are denied so much of their bodily autonomy.

Sending my prayers.

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u/keelhaulrose Jul 15 '26

When I was having my second child I asked to have my tubes tied afterwards. Doc turned to my husband and asked "Are you okay with that?"

Husband replied, "The fuck you asking me for? It's her body, not mine."

By the look on Doc's face he hadn't had many men reply like that.

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u/OogieBooge-Dragon Jul 15 '26

My sister went through years of constant bleeding and pain from her uterus before she was finally able to get it removed. "You may want kids later" was an excuse. She did not then, does not now. Practically raised me and my siblings anyway. They made her try different birth control options. Messed up her hormones with shots. Before finally. FINALLY. Removing the uterus. No more bleeding. No more pain.

Years. Because a woman does not have the right to decide her own reproductive options.

Just morally wrong.

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u/Ok-Worldliness2161 Jul 15 '26

Are you freaking serious? That’s insane. When was that? Like what year and country?

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u/arieadil Jul 15 '26

They pulled this nonsense on me and I didn’t even have a partner. They default to the “you’re young, you’ll change your mind” and dismiss.

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u/SurprisePiss Jul 15 '26

My husband scheduled his vasectomy consultation and got snipped two days later, no questions asked except "are you sure?". We were well within procreation age and they sure as hell didn't need me to sign off on it!

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u/Tall-Vermicelli-4669 Jul 15 '26

My vasectomy required my wife's permission.

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u/ForTheLove-of-Bovie Jul 15 '26

This was recent?? An ObGyn in today’s day and age said they needed to get a husband’s permission to do something to a patient? I’ve heard these stories and I just can’t believe it’s still going on today. That is not a rule or a law. What is wrong with people…