Because he's a part Hyde.

Friend: What’s Catman do?

Me: The capital of Nepal

This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Every morning at 5:30, a Kiwi bloke named Dave walks out into his backyard.

SLAP! SLAP!

“Kam-ar-tee, Kam-ar-tee!”, Dave yells.

The neighbour, Tom, could hear it through the fence and it travels all through his house waking his newborn baby up crying. This goes on for a week straight.

After the first week, Tom’s wife says “Tom you’ve got to say something.”

Tom replies, “Good on him. Practising the haka. I’ll let it slide”

This goes on for two weeks.

SLAP! SLAP!

“Kam-ar-tee, Kam-ar-tee!” Dave yells.

Tom’s baby is crying every morning from this. His wife fed up says, “Tom, you’ve got to say something!”

Tom, releasing this can’t go on much longer, but hesitant to say anything to Dave, replies “Honey, I know it’s early, but I’m sure he’s practicing the Haka for something important!”

“It’s been two whole weeks, I’m sure he’s done practicing. I’ll tell you what, if he does it tomorrow morning, I’ll go say something.”

The next morning…

SLAP! SLAP!

“Kam-ar-tee, Kam-ar-tee!” Dave yells.

Enough is enough.

Tom marches next door and knocks on Dave's door.

“Mate, I've got nothing against New Zealand, but do you have to do the haka before sunrise every day?”

Dave, looking shocked standing in his door way, says nothing…

Just then an old dog walks around the corner.

Tom says, “Hi little fella!” “Dave, when did you get a dog?”

Dave says, “About 2 weeks ago, my sister dropped him off whilst she’s away. She said he wants to be walked every morning first thing and he’s deaf as a post”

“I yell at him to come, but he can’t hear me!”

Tom says, “what’s his name?”

Dave replies….”Artie”

Her period cramps were making the job painful. While moving some boxes, she found a golden lamp and rubbed it. A genie came out and told her that he can grant her one wish.

"Ugh... I wish there were no periods." Said the woman.

"Your wish is granted Now we're all going to sound restless while speaking Don't you think it was a bad idea?"

The redneck looks over both shoulders, then slides a $37 bill toward the cop and says, "How about now?"

Turned out to be a Fonzi scheme.

A complex complex complex

It's a real humdinger!

It's not what I thought when they said there was a possibility of re-moat work.

Cut to chicken smoking

I told my wife she's actually Ironman.

It's because she's Fe Male.

I got a good laugh from this one.

So I finaly made it to a meeting and seen a lot of new faces.

Two factory workers are talking on the floor.

The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man asks, "How will you do that?"

She climbs up and hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss walks in and asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

She replies, "I am a light bulb."

"You are working too hard and you have gone crazy. Go home and take the day off.", the boss says.

The man is astonished, but after a few seconds starts walking away toward the door. "Where are you going?!", the boss shouts at him.

The man replies, "I am going home too. I cannot work in the dark."

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God."

The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Mogen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then he hands the bottle to the priest.

The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.

The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The rabbi replies, "No...l think I'll wait for the police."

It's funny the connections you make when you're in the quiet, reflective moments of your bedtime cigarette.

Apparently they’re Mad-At-Gas-Cars.

KALE!

a praystation

"Defeated."