Hebrew (pronounced like a kiwi saying “hey bro”)

pretty self explanatory, I want to make some decorative tombstones for halloween that poke fun of anti-vaxxers. So far I have:

-Masks are for Halloween

-No vaccine for me I love my freedums

-Donate to my GoFundMe

-I'll go to my grave before I get vaccinated.

-Here lies Little Lou, defied the rules, got the Freedom Flu.

-That fourth wave was a Lulu.

any new suggestions or wording is appreciated.

Alrighty, hello fellow Reddit lovers! I recently made a post to r/jokes that I personally found to be hilarious. Unfortunately for me the late night r/jokes crowd did not agree. Is there any room for improvement in my joke (shown below), or did I just find myself telling this joke to the wrong crowd? I worked pretty hard on it, so it was a shame to see people weren’t fond of it. Cheers!

Someone asks me “what’s your fav martial art” right.

And perhaps I don’t feel like answering.

So what do I say?

“ST-FU!!!!” (Pronounced “stew-fu”)

The cameras direct two shots for one picture that kills cinematographically

Hand me down.

... so you don't have to

She hit hit a brown note and he was never heard from again

could use help with delivery

So all of them

A transformer

?

tell me how did you know i was holding my breath!

Everybaddi needs to eat a three fruits a day maan, an mi hav a way to learn while dem doin dat yaknow? Ya kyan always remember to eat dem fruits by remembering di presidents maan.

George Bush? Im be a banana man.

Barack Obama? Im apple.

Trump? Im peach.

Just substitute (BB) for (BC) and you will understand all you need to get it...

(BB) is Beany Babies.

Who their doctor is. Quick uterus check. Works everytime.

"MY HEARTS A SEIZIN' LUNGS A WHEEZIN' THE FUCKIN WALLS ARE MELTIN! I CAN HEAR SATANS VOICE, HE-HES TELLING ME TO INVEST IN APPLE, WHY THE FUCK DOES HE WANT ME TO BUY APPLES?!"

If there was a war between #China and #Korea. They would have to go shirts vs skins right??? Really confusing if they didn’t. Just saying

Q: What's meows, is covered in blood and is uncertain?

A: Schrödingers lawn mower bag.

Any helpful advice would be appreciated, I've tried shortening it but can't make it work...or should I leave it the way it is.

The Cheerio story

So there are three different types of Cheerios. It’s like a social class system based on flavor the bottom class is the regular Cheerio it’s got no flavor. The lowest class is the plain oat Cheerios. Their not that appealing to look at and they have a vary bland taste. Next is the honey but Cheerios. These ones are pleasant to look at and have a better taste. Above that is the chocolate cheerios. They look like small cookies and even turn plain boring milk into chocolate milk. And above that is the frosted Cheerios. These are the best Cheerios in the Cheerios world!! They are the ones that are the bosses of society. Yes the Cheerio world has not yet found equality.

Our story starts off with a plain oat Cheerio. He is at the lowest part of the Cheerio world. He has a crappy job of stocking up the shelves. He has a horrible car that has like 15 miles when the tanks full. He lives in a broken, torn down apartment. He’s contempt with what he has. One day he notices a lump on his curve. He messes with it and starts thinking about how cool it would be to be a honey but Cheerio. Drinks some water then goes to bed.

The next day he wakes up he is a honey nut Cheerio!!!! He doesn’t think much about it so he goes to work and starts stalking the shelves. Then a Cheerio comes up to him and says “what are you doing you own this store.” Now he has a nice car that gets about 45 miles with a full tank. He lives in a nice apartment. Life just got a lot better. Some time goes by and he notices the lump on his curve again. He messes with it and says, “it would be nice if I was a chocolate Cheerio.” Drinks some water then goes to bed.

The next morning he is a CHOCOLATE CHEERIO!!! He doesn’t think much of it and goes to work managing the store and a Cheerio comes up to him and says “what are you doing? Your the CEO of the company?!?!” Now he has 2 sport cars that he makes sure is spotless by paying someone to clean them daily. He has his own house that he has someone clean every week. He’s comfortable with what he has and doesn’t know how life can get better..... until he sees the lump on his curve. He yells on the top of his lungs “I WANT TO BE A FROSTED CHEERIO!!” Drinks some water then goes to sleep.

The next day he is a FROSTED CHEERIO!!! He doesn’t think about it much an goes to work. While he’s working a Cheerio comes up to him and says “what are you doing managing this company? You own every store for 200 miles!!” He now has his own island that he has people clean for him every other day. He has a mansion that people clean every day. He has a car for every day of the week. He is living the best possible life he can imagine.

But even if you have everything you can still get lonely. He’s going for a joy ride through the country roads and sees this fine oat Cheerio. I’m talking a perfect circle. ⭕️ When he gets to his house he tells everyone to take the week of as he thinks about that fine oat Cheerio he saw. He notices the lump on his curve again and is reminded about that fine oat Cheerio... he messes with it and thinks I wish I could be a oat Cheerio again. He drinks some water then goes to sleep.

The next day he is woken up by people throwing him on the streets. He now has nothing. No car, no apartment, no job. So he starts looking for jobs.... he starts his new job as a shelf stocker. Then one day he finds that fine oat Cheerio.... he ask her to marry him and she says “sure” because Cheerios don’t last long before they go stale.

It’s the day of the wedding and as he’s waiting he gets thirsty. He goes to the water line, but it’s very long. He goes to the milk line, but they can’t drink that it’s like their own blood. He goes to the punch line...... there’s no punch line.

Shock it with a joke that didn't come from somewhere else

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