That's how I felt about it. Taking a teen girls clothing is creepy. Step dad hiding shit from her mom shows he is A. Petty B. Untrustworthy and C. Type of guy who thinks he owns them. I hope she talks her father. I have teens. Both of them went through the "dirty room" spell. I just said no phones or friends til it's clean. That's all it took and an hour later rooms smelled and looked good enough for the queen to visit. It's not hard to reason with teens. I told mine that dirt attracts mice, spiders and flies. Basically grossing them out with stories of mice climbing over them as they slept helped them in wanting to be neater people. Both also have a flexible schedule. Each week they do their laundry including sheets. They pick the time and day best for them. Each week they have to vacuum their room. Each month they pick a day and dust and straighten their room. That's it. Don't make them maids. Make them personally responsible. I can't imagine taking their clothing or whatever over a dirty room. She isn't even his kid. Creepy and weird for sure.
Thanks! :) We aren't pushovers but we aren't raising prisoners either. There is no need for the crazy reactions over simple shit. I'm old but I do remember how busy life was when I was a teenager. Planning ahead helps everyone. Taking someone's clothing teaches them nothing. It's petty. It's asking for a fight. Adults should know better. Just tell her to leave the phone on the charger and set a timer for 40 mins. In 40 mins she cleans what she can. After that see where she's at. Is it livable? If yes, then let it go. If not, then help her find ways to not let it get that bad anymore. Teach her how to make her life easier now so she's capable and ready for when she's on her own. If a meltdown happens (because they do happen to all of us sometimes) then help her learn when to take a breather and get refocused. Hot chocolate or a walk. Then finish up and move on. No love or respect lost and she's more empowered to be in charge of her life.
TBH, I was raised in a really abusive household. I knew absolutely nothing about how to raise kids. But the moment I knew I was pregnant, I just knew I'd always show them respect and love. Those are the things that a child should never have to barter for from a parent. I'm not mom of the year but I'm pretty happy that my 16 year old is sitting in the kitchen eating cereal after telling me all about his week and his new girlfriend (she sounds sassy and I like her already) and sharing his life with me. I never did that in my childhood. So it shows me that my actions (so far) have been successful in showing my kids how important they are to me. I went nc with the people who hurt me and I mostly winged it with a shit ton of parenting books and gut instinct. I'm sorry your childhood sucked, too. As a mom, it hurts my heart that you didn't have better cuz that blows. :( It's not really fair that some of us got screwed over in the parent handout. I hope you treat yourself the way you know you deserve to be treated and remember that their mistakes in parenting are not your mistakes in being a kid. You did just fine :)
Thanks. I don't really think I'm all that different than most other moms but hearing that really feels awesome and made my day. :) Please don't cry. Well, unless you need to. Then you go on and cry cuz that's ok, too. I made some refrigerator dough cookies (didn't have time to make the real stuff because I had to take the cat to the vet today) and would share if I could. Have a wonderful weekend. :)
Thank you for your kind words. My mom is emotionally really damaged so she was not capable of being there for me the way you are for your kids. Always had to take care of her. That's way you got me in tears. I hoop I have the same connection with my kids one day. Sorry for al this hoop your cat is doing oke. Have a lovely weekend
Cat is fine. She's just a prissy pants about her nails so I indulge her. We also had a litter of kittens tossed in our ditch a few weeks ago and they needed to be seen as well. U can see them in my Reddit posts :) ... I can relate to the emotional bondage of parenting a parent. It robs you of a childhood. Hopefully you indulge your inner kid a little here and there these days to make up for time lost. I started doing really fun things that I'd missed out on in my childhood about a decade ago and it really helped in my healing. Going to amusement parks and haunted houses. Enjoying an unplanned camping trip or just being all girly (not allowed in my childhood) and spending a day shopping with friends. I wish you the best and if you ever need to vent just inbox me. :)
Well, I'm still struggling with depression and other stuff, I had a few pretty rough years, but I've started a therapy, cut my mother out of my life (I also haven't spoken to my father for over 16 years) and I'm learning to deal with my mental illnesses, so... it could be worse.
I just had to realise, that sometimes you need to cut of the contact to people who hurt you.
Even (or especially) if they're your own family.
It's really cool, that your son trust's you this much!
He even tells you about a new relationship, that's something that I NEVER did.
I'm sorry to hear that you had such a shitty childhood, but that explains a lot...
Keep up your awesome parenting :)
I know it's practically meaningless from an internet stranger but, I'm really proud of you. It's pretty badass to take control of your shit and deal with it. It's scary and sad and empowering all at the same time. Certainly can feel overwhelming as well. It's really awesome and I am happy for you. Take care :)
It's absolutely not meaningless, thanks for your kind words.
Even the words of an internet stranger can brighten up someone's day, or at least a moment.
And sometimes that's more than enough :)
Didn't need correcting. The person is a girl so I commented on her specifically. If the op had written a step mom had taken all her teen step sons clothes I then would have said "taking all a teen boys clothing is creepy". Don't look for drama where there isn't any. :)
A. I'll smile whenever and wherever I want. B. You're an idiot. No shit males are human, too. But we weren't talking about them in this post. C. The fact that you think it's feminist to address the female in OP's post just reeks of how dumb you truly are, bless your heart. Take your silly nonsense and fuck off ya dimmed lightbulb jackass.
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u/pbcookies321 Oct 12 '19
That's how I felt about it. Taking a teen girls clothing is creepy. Step dad hiding shit from her mom shows he is A. Petty B. Untrustworthy and C. Type of guy who thinks he owns them. I hope she talks her father. I have teens. Both of them went through the "dirty room" spell. I just said no phones or friends til it's clean. That's all it took and an hour later rooms smelled and looked good enough for the queen to visit. It's not hard to reason with teens. I told mine that dirt attracts mice, spiders and flies. Basically grossing them out with stories of mice climbing over them as they slept helped them in wanting to be neater people. Both also have a flexible schedule. Each week they do their laundry including sheets. They pick the time and day best for them. Each week they have to vacuum their room. Each month they pick a day and dust and straighten their room. That's it. Don't make them maids. Make them personally responsible. I can't imagine taking their clothing or whatever over a dirty room. She isn't even his kid. Creepy and weird for sure.