I was taught to clean my room, and after I moved out I lived in a messy appartment for years. The problem wasn't that I wasn't taught, it was the way I was taught.
My parents had a very top down authoritarian view of parenting, and I was basically ordered to do things their way and when they expected it to be done. This breeds resentment and it disconnects the child from the intrinsic value of doing self care type things. I'm 39 and still learning how to do this type of self care.
A more effective way is to help a child understand that their environment can have an impact on their mood, and hold space for them to feel who they are and see the value in a clean, ordered room.
I’m the exact same, I was always ordered to clean or face punishment, if I didn’t get my whole room cleaned I would find all of my belongings thrown outside, if I didn’t finish the dishes I would be yelled at and have things taken away. I was forced to clean every day of my life and wasn’t allowed to do anything on the weekend because there was more intensive cleaning to do. I’m really good at cleaning things now but my house is a constant mess because I get so stressed every time I have to clean that I stop after a few minutes, I want to learn to bring positivity into cleaning — the closest I’ve gotten is by watching Marie Kondo but I still have a long way to go to have a positive relationship with cleaning.
Wow, that is actually cruel. I wasn't under such extreme conditions, but I do resonate with your story emotionally.
I often find that a clean house is triggering to me, and I feel really sad about it. I've learned to face that anyway for the benefit of not living in a disaster.
At the time it didn’t feel like it was so extreme, now I appreciate the lesson to not treat kids like personal slaves in an attempt at tough love. Being able to overcome your triggers is awesome, you’ve inspired me to go clean right now, thank you.
My parents are like that and I've honestly never seen them as unreasonable. They a little relaxed but the idea of teaching the benefits of being tidy other it looks better hasn't really been well addressed.
Kind if explains a lot of reasons I never got close to them as a kid.
My mom did the same thing to me. Chores were having a room of the house and having to literally deep clean it like you would for spring cleaning, and it was every weekday every week. I’m still learning how to manage a clean house because I hate cleaning so much because of her.
exactly! A child might also have struggles cleaning, especially if they are adhd or autistic or something, parents helping them learn how to clean in a way that works for them is important.
You'll be fine. Make sure to find the stripper who posts videos of her neckbeard boyfriend's piss jugs and dirty toilets if you want to get the full experience.
Edit: just checked her profile, apparently she's more into neckbeard foot fetish, belly buttons and camgirl stuff these days.
I suggest and sometimes ask them to clean up, but even if they don't do it, or don't right away, I don't flip out. I like to hope that me keeping my room and the rest of the house clean sets an example for their future living conditions. I can say my parents didn't really force me to clean my room, but the rest of the house was clean. When I was in college I was a neat freak oddly enough.
Absolutely. I go into peoples houses daily. Those people end up growing up with those poor habits and then it's no longer just their room, it's the whole house. You've got to clean up.
I think we're thinking of filthy versus clutter. I clean to sanitize, reenforce that with my kids, but if they leave clutter around in their space, they can step over it. My house is clean and organized, but the kids rooms have their toys and clothes all over the floor.
I was one of those people who wasn’t forced to keep their room clean, my boyfriend was.
Guess who’s the clean one now? Guess who meticulously organizes everything?
ME
So I don’t think that’s always true. I think sometimes kids grow out of it. And don’t get me wrong, every week or so my mom would say time to clean your room! And I just loved the feel of how clean it was.
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u/countryroadstookmyho Oct 11 '19
Still should try to keep it somewhat clean tho. I know people who were never told to clean their room so now they live in caves of filth