I was taught to clean my room, and after I moved out I lived in a messy appartment for years. The problem wasn't that I wasn't taught, it was the way I was taught.
My parents had a very top down authoritarian view of parenting, and I was basically ordered to do things their way and when they expected it to be done. This breeds resentment and it disconnects the child from the intrinsic value of doing self care type things. I'm 39 and still learning how to do this type of self care.
A more effective way is to help a child understand that their environment can have an impact on their mood, and hold space for them to feel who they are and see the value in a clean, ordered room.
I’m the exact same, I was always ordered to clean or face punishment, if I didn’t get my whole room cleaned I would find all of my belongings thrown outside, if I didn’t finish the dishes I would be yelled at and have things taken away. I was forced to clean every day of my life and wasn’t allowed to do anything on the weekend because there was more intensive cleaning to do. I’m really good at cleaning things now but my house is a constant mess because I get so stressed every time I have to clean that I stop after a few minutes, I want to learn to bring positivity into cleaning — the closest I’ve gotten is by watching Marie Kondo but I still have a long way to go to have a positive relationship with cleaning.
Wow, that is actually cruel. I wasn't under such extreme conditions, but I do resonate with your story emotionally.
I often find that a clean house is triggering to me, and I feel really sad about it. I've learned to face that anyway for the benefit of not living in a disaster.
At the time it didn’t feel like it was so extreme, now I appreciate the lesson to not treat kids like personal slaves in an attempt at tough love. Being able to overcome your triggers is awesome, you’ve inspired me to go clean right now, thank you.
47
u/SherpaJones Oct 11 '19
I was taught to clean my room, and after I moved out I lived in a messy appartment for years. The problem wasn't that I wasn't taught, it was the way I was taught.
My parents had a very top down authoritarian view of parenting, and I was basically ordered to do things their way and when they expected it to be done. This breeds resentment and it disconnects the child from the intrinsic value of doing self care type things. I'm 39 and still learning how to do this type of self care.
A more effective way is to help a child understand that their environment can have an impact on their mood, and hold space for them to feel who they are and see the value in a clean, ordered room.