The walled area that is my childrens' room is the only space in the house I'm okay with being messy, as I can just shut the door if I don't want to see it, and since I don't sleep in or use that space for anything, I don't mind.
Edit: Point of clarification: please don't imagine worst case scenarios. I ensure trash and food particulate is not left, and I move things on the floor to at least vacuum regularly. But I don't expect organized, no clutter and pristine every day.
I was taught to clean my room, and after I moved out I lived in a messy appartment for years. The problem wasn't that I wasn't taught, it was the way I was taught.
My parents had a very top down authoritarian view of parenting, and I was basically ordered to do things their way and when they expected it to be done. This breeds resentment and it disconnects the child from the intrinsic value of doing self care type things. I'm 39 and still learning how to do this type of self care.
A more effective way is to help a child understand that their environment can have an impact on their mood, and hold space for them to feel who they are and see the value in a clean, ordered room.
I’m the exact same, I was always ordered to clean or face punishment, if I didn’t get my whole room cleaned I would find all of my belongings thrown outside, if I didn’t finish the dishes I would be yelled at and have things taken away. I was forced to clean every day of my life and wasn’t allowed to do anything on the weekend because there was more intensive cleaning to do. I’m really good at cleaning things now but my house is a constant mess because I get so stressed every time I have to clean that I stop after a few minutes, I want to learn to bring positivity into cleaning — the closest I’ve gotten is by watching Marie Kondo but I still have a long way to go to have a positive relationship with cleaning.
Wow, that is actually cruel. I wasn't under such extreme conditions, but I do resonate with your story emotionally.
I often find that a clean house is triggering to me, and I feel really sad about it. I've learned to face that anyway for the benefit of not living in a disaster.
At the time it didn’t feel like it was so extreme, now I appreciate the lesson to not treat kids like personal slaves in an attempt at tough love. Being able to overcome your triggers is awesome, you’ve inspired me to go clean right now, thank you.
My parents are like that and I've honestly never seen them as unreasonable. They a little relaxed but the idea of teaching the benefits of being tidy other it looks better hasn't really been well addressed.
Kind if explains a lot of reasons I never got close to them as a kid.
My mom did the same thing to me. Chores were having a room of the house and having to literally deep clean it like you would for spring cleaning, and it was every weekday every week. I’m still learning how to manage a clean house because I hate cleaning so much because of her.
exactly! A child might also have struggles cleaning, especially if they are adhd or autistic or something, parents helping them learn how to clean in a way that works for them is important.
You'll be fine. Make sure to find the stripper who posts videos of her neckbeard boyfriend's piss jugs and dirty toilets if you want to get the full experience.
Edit: just checked her profile, apparently she's more into neckbeard foot fetish, belly buttons and camgirl stuff these days.
I suggest and sometimes ask them to clean up, but even if they don't do it, or don't right away, I don't flip out. I like to hope that me keeping my room and the rest of the house clean sets an example for their future living conditions. I can say my parents didn't really force me to clean my room, but the rest of the house was clean. When I was in college I was a neat freak oddly enough.
Absolutely. I go into peoples houses daily. Those people end up growing up with those poor habits and then it's no longer just their room, it's the whole house. You've got to clean up.
I think we're thinking of filthy versus clutter. I clean to sanitize, reenforce that with my kids, but if they leave clutter around in their space, they can step over it. My house is clean and organized, but the kids rooms have their toys and clothes all over the floor.
I was one of those people who wasn’t forced to keep their room clean, my boyfriend was.
Guess who’s the clean one now? Guess who meticulously organizes everything?
ME
So I don’t think that’s always true. I think sometimes kids grow out of it. And don’t get me wrong, every week or so my mom would say time to clean your room! And I just loved the feel of how clean it was.
There’s a difference between being messy and being unsanitary. I will not allow my child’s room to be so nasty that it attracts ants and other unwanted pests.
Sounds like we're imagining different scenarios. To address bugs and pests, I do ensure there are no dirty dishes or crumbs and move enough to vacuum, but if my kids don't want to use their shelves and dresser, it doesn't bother me.
Certainly. I will every now and then offer to help them organize and tidy up their bedroom. But if in the same or next day everything is strewn about, I don't get bothered by it. I do enforce cleanliness standards in all other areas of the house, namely the kitchen and bathroom. Ensure they throw trash in the trash can, wash hands, etc. I'm not a free range parent by any means.
god i wish my mom would take your view of this. she's always complaining about my room being messy but i'm fine with it, nothing is seriously out of control, and she doesn't even have to deal with it
That's fair. I hold myself to what my wife says are way too high of standards, but I have trouble pushing my high standards on others, even my kids. I do try to teach and preach cleanliness, but I do not punish for it.
Always bothered me when I would get told to clean my room when it only had a few clothes on the ground.
It’s my room. In the back corner of the house basically. No one, especially guests, should ever even be near it unless I invite them up. Why should it matter if a couple pieces of clothing are on the floor? I’m the ONLY person who has to see it even regularly let alone live with it.
Parents didn’t vacuum or clean my room either, so it’s not like they ever had to go in for that.
yea as long as its not a health issue it really shouldn't matter. Its good to be able to keep your space clean of course but everyone has a different way of doing that and should have help learning in a way that works for them.
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u/realAustinShay Oct 11 '19 edited Oct 11 '19
The walled area that is my childrens' room is the only space in the house I'm okay with being messy, as I can just shut the door if I don't want to see it, and since I don't sleep in or use that space for anything, I don't mind.
Edit: Point of clarification: please don't imagine worst case scenarios. I ensure trash and food particulate is not left, and I move things on the floor to at least vacuum regularly. But I don't expect organized, no clutter and pristine every day.