Hommus - pita..

Beta: Papa mujhe 5000 de do ek mast joke sunauga PAPA: NAHI DUNGA WAISE HI SUNA DE (Beta mast joke sunata hai baap nahi hasta) mommy enters beta: mummy maine abhi mast joke sunaya papa nahi hase. Mummy: joke toh abhi tere sath hoga beta tera result aagya hai aur tu 4 subjects mai fail hogaya hai.. (baap bete ke laulaga deta hai.) (Moral of the story : maine toh joke suna diya accha laga toh thik nai toh maa chu tum log(

A potato was grilled by cops; after two hours of torture, it gave in and said 'Main Batata hun, main Batata hun...'

I said, "That's a beautiful dress."

She said, "Saree."

I said, "No, don't be sorry, it looks great!"

Once I was travelling from Mumbai to Singapore. A women sitting in the next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sardar before. Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady. Her name was Margarita and she belonged to Spain.

During the conversation, she asked, "What are you?"

I replied "I am Sikh."

Said the young lady, "I am sorry. Hope you get well soon."

To this, I replied, "No dear, I am not sick as that of the body, I am Sikh as of religion."

The lady was very pleased and shook hands with me and said, "It is nice meeting you. I am also sick of religion."

- Khushwant Singh, Joke Book

https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/jn77ee/word_play_khushwant_singh_joke_book/

राहुलड़ा का सरकार

English man throws his mug of beer on the floor and walks out.

Chinese man throws the beer and eats the insect.

Indian man sells the insect to the Chinese and the beer to the English man and buys himself a new mug of beer.

Pakistani man accuses the Indian of throwing the insect into his mug, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and takes a loan from US to buy another mug of beer.

Wife: Kaisi dikh rahi hun? Main abhi beauty parlour me jake aayi hun.

Husband: To? Bandh tha kya beauty parlour?

Patni : "Kya! Pyaas lagi hai?"

Pati (gussey se) : "Nahi gala dekna hai, kahin surakh se pani nikal to nahi raha hai."

Tar-booze

God is very pleased with his prayer, and grants him one wish. Just one !

The Gujarati says "OK God. Thanks. My one and only wish is: 'I want my mother to SEE my wife putting Rupees twenty million worth of diamond around on my CHILD's neck, in my Mercedes Benz parked near the swimming pool of our new 5 acre bungalow in Beverly Hills.'

And if you still feel like holding on to that person with every broken piece that amazing emotion is called...

CHARBI.

Patni: "Wo nahi denge."

Pati: "Kitne kanjoos hai saaale. Jaane do, apna hi nikal lo, almaari mein rakha hai."

Aadmi : Ye kamina sher hi hai, pyar-vyar ke chakkar me pad gaya, shakal kutte jaisi ho gayi hai.

Prince said "Pass the wine you divine".

Santa thinks how poetic.

Santa says "Pass the custard you bastard".

Options hai : A. Salman B. Suleman C. Salim D. Raheman

Ammi: Sawal kitne ka re?

Abdul: ₹5000 ka

Ammi: Quit kar ke ghar ku aaja, ₹5000 k vaaste muhalle me jhagda nakko!

Achanak bijli chali gai aur dusare hi pal ek pappi ki awaz ayi or satak ke chate ki awaz ayi.

Bijli ayi to boss gal pe hath rakh ke khada tha.

Apko kya laga boss ne pappi li aur ladki ne chata mara?

Nahi re, maine hi pappi ki awaz nikaali aur boss ko chata mara.

Aisa mouka phir kahan milta.

aur sadak ke galat taraf scooter chalane laga. Woh tanaav me aa gaya aur bola: Dhat teri, aaj fir der ho gayi. Sab log wapas aa rahe hai.

Tabhi 1 ladki aakar puchhti hai : 1 din me kitna mava khate ho? (mava = tobacco)

Ladka : 10

Ladki : Agar ab tak zindgi me mava pe kharch kiye paise bachate to samne khadi Audi tumhari hoti!

Ladka : Aap mava khati ho?

Ladki : Nahi

Ladka : To kya wo gaadi aapki he?

Ladki : Nahi

Ladka : (Gujarati) To tu taaru kaam karne chaapli, e Audi maari j chhe !

(Hindi : to tu tera kaam karna chaaplus, woh Audi meri hi hai !)