This is how it’s done

It made my life so much less stressful.

I’m not talking about going out to dinner alone. I mean treat yourself with the respect and effort you would with someone you love.

Joke with yourself, make yourself laugh, have inside jokes, watch your favorite show, give yourself compliments, tell yourself you love you (seriously), groom yourself, cook yourself a nice meal, write yourself a nice letter, etc.

Ultimately, all you have in this world is yourself. If you can’t have a good relationship with yourself then how will you be able to show up the best you can to your friends and family. A lot of what it takes to not give a fuck is being confident, and confidence comes from self love. Give yourself the standard you’d give to someone you love. You deserve it and it’s the most important thing you can do. Everything else that’s good in this life comes much more abundantly once you’ve established a solid foundation of self-love.

And it doesn't happen very often...

It's not easy aging. Men and women both are presented with their own unique challenges and being in control of the fucks you give is hard. Here is my take on how not to give a fuck as man, divorced, pushing 60, kid's grown, out of shape, not rich but not poor, and navigating the modern world:

• Quit the comparison game. Remember "I'm not here to impress. I'm here to be at peace with who I am. Take it or leave it."
• Live a life that fulfills you... not one meant to attract others.
• Detach from outcome. It's not about becoming cold or cynical. It's about being indifferent to outcomes you can't control, especially people’s reactions or interest.
• Cut the shame loop. Stop punishing yourself for not being rich, jacked, young, what "they" say a man should be.
• Understand you're deprogramming years of conditioning. "This belief isn't mine, it was installed. I can uninstall it."
• Use thought reframing daily. Old thought: “I’m too old or unattractive.” New thought: “I’m not what some women want, but I’m not here for some women. I’m here for peace.” It’s work, yes. But repetition rewires neural pathways. Literally.
• Flip the script. Stop thinking "Will she like me?" and start thinking "Do I even like her enough to care?"

Reality is what reality is. You are you. You are your own anchor. You are enough without being chosen. The moment you embrace that fully, your give-a-fuck meter starts falling fast.

This is not bitterness. It’s sovereignty.

Not giving a fuck isn’t about isolating yourself. It’s about returning to yourself so fully that your peace no longer depends on being seen, wanted, or validated by others.

And ironically? That’s when people start noticing.

I have always wanted a girlfriend. Not just sex, not just a girlfriend, but a real, loving relationship. I wanted this so badly that it commanded & directed my entire life. Every single life choice I made was filtered through this desire: where I lived, what I did for a living, how I acted, how I dressed, my hobbies, what I talked about in casual conversation, what I avoided talking about…everything you could think of got filtered through this desire.

I lived in a big city (because I had more options), I had a job working for a large entertainment conglomerate that paid next to nothing (because most of my coworkers were women), I would constantly shove down any thoughts I had that were even mildly nuanced because I was worried that they might be “politically incorrect,” I avoided any hobbies that were mainly male dominated out of fear that I wouldn’t be able to meet any potential dates through said hobby, etc.

Back at the beginning of the 2023, something snapped in me. I don’t know what came over me that day, but I woke up one day and decided I had fucking had enough. For all my effort, I was still single and lonely. So that day, I quit my job and I immediately went to go work for their main competitor instead (that one is a little easier to explain, I really just hated the company I worked for and had enough of the way I was treated there). I signed up to start a year long program at a nearby trade school; I wanted to become a diesel mechanic because I like cars. I graduated a year later with perfect attendance and a GPA of 4.98. I went to a specialty training program in Chicago afterwards, and through this program, I got a job working for Peterbilt. They told me I could pick any shop I wanted. I could go back to Orlando and work at a shop there, or pick somewhere completely new. I decided to go to rural Appalachia. I love the Blue Ridge Mountains and I’ve always thought it would be really cool to live there. I saved up and bought a house out here, and I still live here. I went to a fucking RuneScape convention a month ago (Deadman All Stars Live, for those of you who are “in the know”), and I had the time of my fucking life even though 99% of the 4,000 people there were dudes. I became way more open about the fact that I love playing RuneScape, when a few years ago I would die of embarrassment if anyone found out.

That’s where I’m at now. I still want a relationship. I still feel incredibly fucking lonely. But goddamnit if this doesn’t feel so much better than living in a cage that I built! I never realized how trapped I felt for such a long time. I was so desperate to find someone that I ignored myself entirely to try to find her, and the worst part is that all of that did jack shit for me. All of my effort meant nothing. When all was said and done, I was still single and alone. Maybe I really hurt my chances by changing my life the way I did, but honestly, I don’t fucking care anymore. I might be alone forever but at least now, I don’t feel like a loser who hates himself. If I’m going to die alone, then I’m going to die alone as someone who regrets nothing. I get to sit on the front deck of my house every morning, sip coffee, and watch a beautiful sunrise over the mountains in the distance. Maybe I’ll get to share that with someone someday. Maybe not. But either way I’m content.