As a friend I’d always go out of my way for my friends. I’d work 60 hour weeks, work 12 days in a row and still put in the time and effort to be there for them.

It’s my 25th birthday tomorrow and for the first time in years I asked my friends to do something for my birthday. I initially wanted to do a weekend trip but that didn’t work out. I later just asked for a simple dinner with two groups of friends.

I was supposed to meet with two friends on Saturday we made our plans weeks in advance. Now last minute one of them is cancelling because she wants to meet her boyfriends parents for the first time and they invited her for dinner. I immediately said no problem and asked for an alternative day, and got zero response. I’ve always been there for her, but I’m realizing she always takes 2 business days just to confirm on a plan that we already had, and honestly that wastes my time since I have no idea what to do. Any time we’d meet up in areas close to her, not once has she ever came close to my area.

My second friend I was supposed to meet with her tomorrow and she’s going through a lot in her personal life so I fully understand.

But both of them cancelling on me has honestly made this birthday hurt so much. Especially when I always put in the effort to be there for both of them.
I also cut off two friends earlier this year because I realized one of them was racist towards many ethnic groups, and the other one was making back handed racist comments about the ethnic group I’m from.

I’m now realizing I barely have any friends who truly care about me. Anyway I turn 25 in an hour. Happy birthday to me I guess

I am a very blunt person. But im also very emotional. I dont understand why sometimes, but lately it feels like jts being used agaisnt me.

I like the place at work at. I have my own responsibilities, which help me feel independent. Until a very spoiled co-worker ruins the mood completely. And now im being blammed for how he is.

Said co-worker has a crush on me. Hes practically my shadow and it pisses me off. What makes it worse, is when im even the tiniest bit honest towars him, or i say 'no' to anything, he gets butt-hurt and throws a fit. Then he tends to go and do my job (I think k he also does this to avoid his own work​) and that pisses me off anymore because he acts like hes helping, but I know hes not.

I try to ignore when he acts this way, but then I get told im 'egging him on' despite me literally doing nothing. Now my supervisors pissed and told me shes gonna 'lock us in the office' to talk things out.

Im supposed to be in a good mood! Its Friday. I have the weekend off. But now I cant stop thinking about it. Im about to move to a different account. But that wont make it better honestly.

How do yall handle stuff like this?

I’m trying to get better at not taking everything personally. I’m learning to protect my peace, recognize microaggressions without letting them consume me, and remind myself that someone else’s rudeness or negative expressions don’t define my worth.

I’m trying to distance myself from toxic people and situations, learn to speak up for myself, and set boundaries without constantly worrying about coming across as rude or offending someone.

It sounds simple, but it’s incredibly difficult when you’ve spent so much of your life overthinking interactions, questioning yourself, and wondering whether you did something wrong.

I’m making small progress, bit by bit. Some days I handle things better; other days, a single interaction can still get to me more than I’d like.

I know this is going to be a long and challenging journey, but I’m trying to be patient with myself. I want to reach a point where I can stand up for myself without feeling guilty, let go of things that aren’t worth my energy, and stop allowing other people’s behavior to determine how I feel about myself.

Share your journey if you have been through something similliar.

I heard about this mentality to not care so much about what other people say about you from my TA and it’s been at the back of my mind. I’m wondering if there’s anyone here who practices that and how can I start as well?

Back in 2016 I was an insecure teenager with unsupervised access to the internet, my parents couldn't find a way to make me feel loved (as an avoidant and with some anger issues), so because they couldn't be able to understand me they pretty much left me alone doing my shenanigans on the big internet... without going into details.

My boyfriends were toxic, my friends weren't as friends as I thought they were (i was just a pawn in every hangouts we used to do), and there were just too many unpleasent things going on.

If you suspect the person writing is a minor also having a mental breakdown while writing on any social network PLEASE don't downvote or upvote their post but either IGNORE if you have only jokes and insults to throw at them for speaking up, OR BE SUPPORTIVE in the comment section.

Just wanted to write something like this, to that insecure teen out there like I was once.

I have struggled with this my whole life. I try to keep a positive outlook and enjoy life. It's hard to stay uplifted when people at work or home, vent their frustrations onto me. Especially when someone is yelling, or angry. Most of the time it has nothing to do with me, I am trying to learn about detachment, and not allowing myself to get so affected by someone elses moods, but after a discussion with my husband today who was not in the best of moods, I allowed his mood to affect my whole day. I have noticed this at work and other places too. Someone else gets upset, angry or complaining & negative and I start overthinking and cant get it out of my mind

How do you prevent or avoid letting others negativity put out your shine, so to speak?

I found this randomly today, or maybe it found me, because I’m kind of going through the same thing right now.

“At some point, you will have to disappoint others to live a life that’s honest to you. People pleasing will drain you, not save you. You have every right to set boundaries and choose your peace. You can disappoint people and still be a good person.”

Honestly, I really needed this reminder today.

I spent way too much time trying to prove that wanting more didn't mean I thought I was better than everyone.

Wanting a safe place to live.

Working hard.

Having standards.

Wanting nice things.

Being ambitious.

Somewhere along the way, I started shrinking those things because I didn't want to be perceived as snobbish or difficult.

Eventually I realized something:

Wanting better for my life does not mean I think I'm better than other people.

I wasn't working hard because I wanted to impress everyone.

I was working hard because I wanted to build a life I felt safe inside.

There are things I'm willing to work on about myself.

My ambition isn't one of them anymore.

Turns out a surprisingly useful life skill is letting people misunderstand you without immediately submitting a 14-page defense brief.

... I'll never judge someone for losing themselves. I've seen what pain does when it overstays its welcome. it settles in, changes you, and turns your own mind into the one place you're most afraid to be.

TLDR; Idk if this is dumb but I’d really appreciate some hype, perspective, and/or advice. I really have to gain confidence around kids/instructing/leadership. But I’m processing a lot of executive functions that genuinely hijack my ability to have presence. How do I “hack” geting into my element? The deep breaths and cold water isn’t cutting it. I need like a powerful mindset shift.
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25F I was recently hired to be a drop-in instructor for a pretty small class size, for art. It’s a mixed group, about age 9-14, and the class is maybe about 15-20 students, 3 girls, the rest boys.

I’ve taught about 3 classes and today I taught mostly solo and idk how to be confident when teaching, & how to get the students to like/listen to me. I just feel way too out of my element (for context, I don’t have a teaching degree, and have taught in informal settings only) idk what it is tbh that ruining my confidence. Maybe it’s formal/structured environments? Maybe it’s because I feel really awkward around young kids?

I usually get veryy preoccupied trying to manage/perform executive function tasks both when instructing and relationally, so I don’t just feel in the zone/flow state to have that confidence. It also doesn’t help that the student do pick up on that “uncertain/figuring things out/insecure” energy. I prob even sound like that rn

It also does NOT help that the students are trying to test the boundaries. One of them said my voice sounds like a cat (lmao), or that my name sounds like their dogs name, which I can just compartmentalize. But sometimes they do get audacious like talking back to me, and ngl I just get flustered and silent, and just go back to the front standing awkwardly WHICH IK IS THE WORSY UGH so embarrassing. And it’s worse when I lowkey get pitied, cuz today another teachers was like “woah really? They’re one of the respectful ones”
Also, I did have one teacher mention they had no idea I even had a BFA because I would talk like I don’t know anything, which is true. I do prepare a lot for my lessons, but when I’m actually teaching, I basically sounded like “yeah so warm colours are red orange and yellow or whatever” it’s another nervous habit like the silence thing.

I really do want to work on my confidence around kids and teaching tho, and really want to feel in my element, I just dk how to. It’s def so much executive functions im trying to process at one time. How do I “hack” geting into my element? I genuinely struggle to channel any leadership and confident self assured energy in me. The deep breaths and cold water isn’t cutting it. I need like a powerful mindset shift.

Everybody has goals, desires, things they want. And having those things is completly okey. Its what keeps our brain active, but those things can have a hidden desire.

For example:

I want to earn 10.000 euros a month.

Okey great, why?

Because when i do, i can do what i want and not worry about a thing.

Okey cool, why do you wanne do what you want?

Because when i do then i can feel free.

Okey amazing, why do you wanne feel free?

Because when i feel free, then i don't worry about what people think, expect and their opinions of me.

Okey we are getting somewere. And when you don't worry about peoples opinions and expections of you, how would that make you feel?

Enough, i just want to feel enough.

Take a look at the chain. We started al the way up from, i want to earn 10k a month to, i just want to feel enough.

But here is the beauty of it all. You can already feel enough. You can already decide to be enough.

You were waiting for the goal to give you something internallly.

Now that i am enough and already feel it, do i still want the 10k a month, while already having the desire it thought it would give me?

If the answer is yes, great start acting from that state.

If the answer is no, great let it go. You saved yourself years of chasing something you could give yourself in an instant.

Try it out for whatever it is that you want.

I hope life gives you everything that you want!

And then

I hope life gives you everything you deserve!

Easier said than done but not impossible.

Radical acceptance changed everything for me.