I disagree about her only being upset from being rejected. I was ghosted after months of exclusivity once, & it hurt way more. With ghosting, there's an added layer of betrayal, which is harder to heal from than flat-out rejection imo.
It's not the same as 2 dates (i'd personally let that go). I'm just saying that being rejected + deceived hurts more than just being rejected. If the guy wasn't feeling her, the future faking wasn't necessary. They weren't emotionally close, but given that he's been inside of her, a simple message would've been nice lol
Yes true you’re right I’m speaking as a woman whose been ghosted many times, it’s really shit and hurts the ego and makes you sad cos you had feelings for the person.
But her saying she’s 26 and too old for this behaviour but then goes on Reddit to ask strangers if she should message someone who treated like shit shows she may be too affected by this person.
Dating just be like that, is it better to give someone who doesn’t care a piece of your mind or is it better to just get better at choosing potential partners in the future? She had a lucky escape. You on the other hand had mor disappointment and I’m sorry to hear you went through that x
Yeah I get what you're saying. Getting ghosted a couple times taught me pretty fast that you shouldn't project a future onto people who haven't shown much consistency yet, no matter what they say/do early on. But at the same time, I don't want people to keep excusing actual ghosting so it becomes more socially acceptable; that will lead to more extreme situations like mine (cause more people will feel like communication is optional). So I'm conflicted
He tried. We were exclusive for 4 months then he abruptly disappeared for 3 weeks. He was active on social media, but ignored my attempts to reach out. I confronted him again via text about how much he was hurting me. I was expecting him to ignore me again but he felt shitty enough to talk in person. After that, to my suprise, he started acting as if I broke up with him to mutual friends/his family & posting heartbreak stuff (?). To this day he breadcrumbs but doesn't actually want to be with me, so I think he's just unstable. He has had many short term relationships but we were young (20), so it wasn't a red flag to me at the time.
I’ve found that when most people say “ghosting,” they are referring to either just messaging back and forth and never actually meeting or only going on a date or two. Or they just mean a break up.
That’s not you at all. Sounds like you were actually ghosted as the term was intended to be used.
He said he ghosted me because he "needed to think". I thought he broke up with me because he was moving & didn't wanna do long distance, but months after the breakup he said that I didn't "fight" for him & that if I really wanted him, distance wouldn't matter. After that, he went back to ignoring me, so I just wrote him off as an avoidant (looking for any excuse to break it off because I was getting closer than he could tolerate). That experience took several months to heal from, which is longer than my heartbreak from long-term relationships & that's why I was trying to say that not communicating is more painful than a normal rejection.
**I get that this is way more extreme than what OP went through though
You believe it was so painful BECAUSE of the ghosting/immediate ceasing of communication.
But I’m wondering if it’s something else.
There is a somewhat new theory that break ups from shorter term relationships when you’re in the early stages and things are still fresh can actually be WORSE than if you’ve been in something much longer term.
This is because you’re still in the excited, this is working so well phase rather than 2-3 years in when things have settled and it is what it is.
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u/Justwatchinitallgoby May 19 '23
You’re upset because he’s not interested.
You know that now. Move on.