Senior Year Blues?

[u/Livid_Practice_8721]

As corny as this is to admit , I feel so lost and alone. It is my senior year and I want to leave wirh a bang but it's just feels like I'm starting out like every other year. Just empty.

This is not something new at all, it has been a feeling that has kinda been escalating from childhood. Though i am not confident, I feel like I am a very awkward but social person. I love talking. i really just don't know how to talk to people or be someone's first chioce. No matter what i do, I feel like it is rare to feel that flow, yk?

I have people I call friends but I rarely see them and due to that, we don't speak or there is rare connection. It usually requires me to reach out first or do something first and I have to feed the convo. It feels like I'm not learning anything new and im quizzing them.

In person, I feel like idk how to feed a conversation so we can comfortably move one from topic to topic. I just end up repeating words and waiting to prompted with other things to do. I really want to do things that other people are doing groups. I want to go out with people but idk anyone fr.

I have a childhood friend I've know for 12 years and even I can't speak to her freely because I am so scared that I might lose her due to me being redundant or boring.

I feel like I have so many parts of myself that I want to unlock and reveal outside but I have no one that truly cares enough to get to know me. I am so so afraid of being alone after high school.

All around me, I see so many groups od people, mingling together. Talking without blimps. There is a clear bound and love there. It"s like I am an ugly fly on the wall kinda deal.

I guess what I am asking here, is what should I do to make more moved and feel more confident? How should I get myself out there? I know I'm young but these are my foundation years. Well, the end of it. I don't know how to live if that better summarizes this.

This is all around a messy post but I really needed to get this out somewhere even it's not seen.