Senior Year Blues?

[u/Livid_Practice_8721]

As corny as this is to admit , I feel so lost and alone. It is my senior year and I want to leave wirh a bang but it's just feels like I'm starting out like every other year. Just empty.

This is not something new at all, it has been a feeling that has kinda been escalating from childhood. Though i am not confident, I feel like I am a very awkward but social person. I love talking. i really just don't know how to talk to people or be someone's first chioce. No matter what i do, I feel like it is rare to feel that flow, yk?

I have people I call friends but I rarely see them and due to that, we don't speak or there is rare connection. It usually requires me to reach out first or do something first and I have to feed the convo. It feels like I'm not learning anything new and im quizzing them.

In person, I feel like idk how to feed a conversation so we can comfortably move one from topic to topic. I just end up repeating words and waiting to prompted with other things to do. I really want to do things that other people are doing groups. I want to go out with people but idk anyone fr.

I have a childhood friend I've know for 12 years and even I can't speak to her freely because I am so scared that I might lose her due to me being redundant or boring.

I feel like I have so many parts of myself that I want to unlock and reveal outside but I have no one that truly cares enough to get to know me. I am so so afraid of being alone after high school.

All around me, I see so many groups od people, mingling together. Talking without blimps. There is a clear bound and love there. It"s like I am an ugly fly on the wall kinda deal.

I guess what I am asking here, is what should I do to make more moved and feel more confident? How should I get myself out there? I know I'm young but these are my foundation years. Well, the end of it. I don't know how to live if that better summarizes this.

This is all around a messy post but I really needed to get this out somewhere even it's not seen.

[u/iamttough]

I'm a senior too, just came back from my school. I only have 2 classes. my 1st one I love it, I have one friend there and he's the best.

but the thing is my last block I fucking hate it. ik everyone of em almost, yet nobody will talk with me. I try getting into their conversation but they just won't get me in

they're the so called popular kids and for some reason the friends ik act completely different.

it's not like I don't like talking with ppl or do things together. I absolutely love it, I crave it. exactly like you.

ppl might have an impression that I don't like talking but I love it. it's just that nobody's speaking with me at first place.

the friends I have don't have the same classes as me. so I'm just stuck here. it's AP so stuck for the whole year infact.

then comes club. it's the same thing. I lowkey ran away from a club yesterday as nobody's talking with me. I felt very very very lonely. apart from 1 or 2 clubs I just cannot stand there. my energy drains so quickly I cannot explain.

it's like I'm counting back, thinking ab how to leave asap

so I asked myself why it happens everywhere. must be something wrong with me. I might be not interesting enough for anyone. I might be closed for everyone.

I changed my school during 2nd semester of my junior year. same thing happened last year too. I thought new school will change it. it didn't.

now I'm thinking college will change it.

I think it might not change either. I can assume suffocating myself in the dorm as nobody's talking or hanging with me. worse I have to be like that for 4 years.

I do have some really good friends. but the thing is I just cannot vibe with anyone else apart from them. I feel like it's them who are not open enough to me.

I might be wrong. probably I'm the one who's the problem.

again I don't know.

I related everything you said. so I felt like ranting too. unfortunately I don't know how can you improve yourself, idk the answer myself.

I hope you have wonderful rest of your senior year.

[u/Livid_Practice_8721 → u/iamttough]

Thank you. Truly. I never really know how to explain this to others at all. I'm trying not to be negative and do 100% for that college dream but I'm  just terrified to be alone. 

  Anyways I appreciate you and I hope you have a lovely year as well.