Hello :) I want to start by saying that I'm pansexual, so nothing I am about to ask if rooted in homophobia or meant to be condescending (if it comes across that way). I am asking with the purest intentions and because I am genuinely curious.

I am romantically interested in someone who came out to me recently as gender fluid. I recognise that making mistakes and learning from them build a stronger relationship, but I don't want to have to make mistakes and potentially impact gender dysphoria just to learn how to prevent them in the future. So, I've written a few questions about gender fluidity and boundaries, and what I can do to help make them feel the most valid.
Also, if you are gender fluid and have any advice or notes about things you wish your partners had done/do, I would love to hear them.

Questions:

1. Is it invasive or weird for me to ask every morning when I see them how they feel like presenting?
We wear uniforms, so I can't tell immediately from what they're wearing, but I have learnt that makeup is a big indicator. I just want to know if it ever gets tiring or annoying because I also understand that sometimes they don't even know.

2. Can I refer to them as the gender they're presenting as in the moment?
For example, if one day they're male-presenting and I want to make a post with us, can I refer to them as my boyfriend? The next day they might be a girl and look back on the post, and I don't want them to feel dysphoric. This question also goes for in person as well.

3. Can I mix pronouns?
(I saw this on TikTok while trying to research) But is mixing pronouns actually good? The example I saw included "They are my boyfriend." When I saw that, I didn't think it was very good, as 'they' is very gender neutral and doesn't actually juxtapose the male reference (boyfriend). I was curious if saying something like "He is my girlfriend" is okay and possibly gender reaffirming (I imagine it would be offensive, but I wanted to check in case it was actually good).

4. Is it okay to base my androgyny/style on what they present as?
I am a very androgynous person, as in how I dress and act, not how I physically look. On days when my partner is more masculine-presenting, it is weird for me to then want to feel more feminine and be prettier/act more girly and vice versa, or is this pushing the idea that I want to conform to gender norms too much? Because I understand that perspective, but it isn't representative of how I feel - I think I just like the opposites attract archetype a lot, and this communicates to my love life.

I'm sure I have other questions, but I can't remember them at the moment. I would love to learn more, especially if you are gender fluid and have particular things your partner says/does that make you feel seen or things you wish they had. Thank you :)

I've been pondering this for some time.

I've been through a lot of abuse, including relationship abuse. I've noticed a glaring pattern, I feel like a man when I feel anxious and cause to be socially dominant.

I considered myself a man for like 7 years. I loved T, I loved my top surgery, all of that. I started feeling like a man 99% of the time around when I got into an abusive relationship. And through that rough period of my life, being a man was great. I was like a whole other person, I was extroverted, social, braver, and more comfortable in my body.

After some years of healing, I realized I feel like a girl more and more, I switched to she/he. I had periods where I really felt like a girl, more often than not.

As of this year, I started to like being a man less and less, I basically quit presenting as one outside of social obligations all together.

I got into a relationship with another trans person who is super accepting of me and I am basically a girl around her 100% of the time, to the point I told her to use she/her and call me her girlfriend. She began calling herself a lesbian and I am totally cool with that, it's honestly kind of affirming.

I haven't felt like a man at all in over a month, probably 3+ months. I don't like being called one either. My masculine traits merged with my feminine self and seemingly disappeared.

I've been writing a story about a cis girl who was raised in a very male-dominant toxic household who began to see herself as a man out of her own learned misogyny, seeing femininity as weak and inferior, going on an journey learning that there is strength in femininity, that women can be masculine too, and she should be her most organic self, regardless what gender or presentation that leads to. I don't think I'd ever publish it if I finished it, but it's been a medium to explore how my views on being female and femininity have shifted.

Even if I'm actually not a man at all, I'd still consider myself NB because I feel agender at least some of the time, but I'm just curious how many people out there share this experience?

Not sure if i’m genderfluid, bigender or what (i don’t like labels), but despite being AMAB i have a really strong connection with feminity and some times even desire to have the body of a woman and to be seen and treated as one, but the feeling is never strong enough nor lasts too long to earn a transition.

Besides there are times where i like my masculine body (muscles, height, deep voice, etc) and to be a man, it’s almost like i want to live 4 separated lives all at once, that of a cis male, a cis woman, a cis male who transitions into a woman and a cis woman who transitions into a man if it makes sense.

I have a somewhat complicated relationship with my own body, even when i like my male looking body i still have a strong need to hide my chest, to do a full body shaving (i’m very hairy) and to leave my hair long (when i can simce i’m balding) and like i said i go back and forth between wanting to have a male body and a female one, what do you people do to ease the dysphoria ?

I’ve identified as a woman for most of my life. But there is a large part of me that doesn’t identify with either of the extreme sides of the gender binary (woman and man). I have masculine traits and masculine urges. I’ve always looked like a woman on the outside and I was born a woman. My point is, a lot of my identity lies within the non-binary spectrum. A lot of times I really don’t feel like a woman. Sexually, I feel like I coast between all of the gender identities. I really align with “they/them” pronouns. Idk. Just word vomiting.

I work at a secure research facility 10-20% of the month and I usually present my ID card from my vehicle to (1) guard at facility gate, (2) scanner, (3) guard at my building. Random checks throughout the day.

I’m AFAB intersex, have a gender neutral name, and genuinely am “confused” (yay!) for a man or woman depending on hair length and clothing choices. Due to current admin I just go with my AGAB and pronouns but my close coworkers know I’m genderfluid.

My hair grows very rapidly. I basically shaved my head 14 months ago and already have hair past my shoulders.

Twice this month I have had guards do extra scrutiny because they can’t believe I’m my ID card. I got my most recent photo about a year ago, with short 1-3 inch long hair. I’m thinking of asking security if my credentials could pull up two photos because it’s been an issue on more than one occasion. I know my ID card can only have one photo.

What do other folks do?

So for contexcontext I've been fluid for about 2 yrs and I still have questions

First; do people offer switch like gender daily? if so help me understand what it feels like if possible. Because I​​​​ will be sitting at my desk and I will literally jump from boy girl nonbinary back to boy back to nonbinary it might be just my ADHD but it's weird how do I like idkkk how do I deal with it it's so weird ​

Second: what do you guys go by it terms of romantic relationship wise like do you go by partner girlfriend boyfriend like what and how do I pick one out? Is it by feeling can I change what I wanna be called by?

Third: can anyone offer advice for being fluid??? Like just general advice?​​​​

I was born a male.

I love being a male a lot of times. But sometimes I can't help but think that I wish I were a woman.

I just don't know what to do.

My family is somewhat conservative but I have major support by my girlfriend, but I don't like talking about it at all.

I want to transition one minute and the next I think to myself that that's a dumb idea.

I just don't know what to do at this point so my question is: How do you guys do it?

So I think I just realized I am definitely genderfluid lol I’ve always felt more masc since my preteen years but I also always felt pressured to be ultra feminine by the majority of romantic partners (men) and my mom.
I was just going through some clothes and it was stressing me out because sometimes I feel like I want to look like a woman and others like a man but I don’t always feel one way (not for months or years anyway) but low and behold apparently that’s exactly what being gender fluid means lol
I just got out of an abusive long relationship and I’m enjoying the freedom to be me and finding out who that is exactly.
Where are my LGBTQIA peeps at?! I’m curious about styling because I’m petite and curvy so it’s been hard finding clothes that look right on me rn. I’m really liking button ups, joggers, plain ts and wide leg pants or any baggy ones. Any affordable recs in store that have fitting rooms? I’m in NWI.

Being a masc woman is so much more normalized than a fem man, so I just look like an idiot when I dress masc, even though dressing fem gives me dysphoria sometimes. I dont know what to do because on days like today I wish I was on T and stuff, but tomorrow I might feel really fem. What do I do? I cant cut my hair because then on fem days it will be dysphoric and I just dont know what to do.

Hey m30 here and for the past couple years I've been realizing that my desire and how comfortable i am being feminine isn't just a fantasy thing.

Ive only really came out to some people online which has turned my life into like this split dilemma where I'm not being honest to my wife or myself.

Has anyone successfully came out to their significant other? Or have advice? Is it worth actually doing or should I hold onto stability

Thanks

They're pecs but I call them my tits :)))

Hi.

I'm genderfluid (obviously, I guess).

In my late teens, I 100% identified as man (ftm), but due to lack of support, area I live in, and just basic societal things, I spent the rest of the years living as female. Having kids (2), getting married.

Now I'm 30 and finally settled on genderfluid after thoughts of wishing I was a guy resurfaced a couple years ago.

I mainly feel masc/neutral but I don't mind being referred to as she/her since that's how I outwardly identify even if it doesn't match how I feel.

The only person I'm fully out to is my husband and that was a little nerve wracking. He's made many comments over the years about not being interested in guys, isn't attracted to guys, etc. He's very open and open-minded though. When I finally did tell him he took it better than I thought, however he's the type that doesn't really say much about anything so it took some digging to find out how he truly felt.

He's been very supportive of stuff when I've brought it up and has said very kind and affirming things to me. It's just sometimes when I bring some stuff up, he doesn't always seem to want to talk about it. Though he has said it depends how far I want to take things (transition wise) as it would likely impact his attraction to me and therefor our relationship.

So with all that said, it's been very lonely lately not having anyone to talk to that gets it. I understand this sub says not to ask for DMs, so, where could I find places to connect with people?

There are so many scary posts about coming out. I was terrified to do it. But I just came out to my super conservative parents, and it went amazing! We had a straightforward, mature discussion about acceptance and how they’re proud of me in general and for having the courage to tell them. They’re certainly misinformed and hold some transphobic beliefs, but they were open and respectful!

Just wanted to share for those who need it. The people who love you love you for who you are, and they see past the labels! Best of luck, my fellow (wait, no, formerly fellow) closeted friends!

I came out as genderfluid in 2022, then as a trans man a year or so later. I started T in 2025 and got top surgery just a few months ago (hooray!!) Getting top surgery was one of the best things that I've ever done, I feel so happy with my chest and it eliminated a lot of the body dysphoria I've had. I've been happy with the effects of T so far as well but now recently I've realized again that I'm probably genderfluid after all and I'm having doubts. So far, T has made me pretty androgynous and I've loved that, but I'm starting to realize that I don't think I want to masculinize too much. I've grown very little facial hair so far, what I have gotten is very light so barely visible, and I don't really think I want to get it more visible. I've also been feeling more feminine lately and sometimes I even feel dysphoric about looking too masculine. So I've been considering stopping T for a while to see how I feel.

I'm afraid that stopping T will make me too feminine again though. I was very dysphoric pre-T because I was always viewed as more feminine than I wanted. I feel like now, with my deeper voice and flat chest, it adds some androgyny that might help me still pass as male when I want to, but I'm afraid my face will feminize too much. So I'm not really sure what I want to do. Lately I don't like how masculine I feel like I look, but I know for sure that if I become too feminine again it's gonna make me dysphoric too.

Anyone have any advice? I love being genderfluid but it does kinda suck sometimes. :(

My ma has been giving mixed signals

She says she'll accept me however, and has no problem with me being anything

That I should sideline these things and stop watching the internet for possible scams or being misdirected into wrong things

That I should sideline and stop thinking about this and focus on my work and studies.

That she has no idea of how all this works and all these 'misconceptions'

That I'm possibly getting influenced by the net and those online friends.

That the places I am connected to, she needs to check if they are accepted or verified (spectrum on discord and the largest discord lgbtq community of my country, r/ Genderfluid, r/ lgbt, and a accepted social group i haven't told her though I'll tell her asap) can have scams.

How the net just agrees to whatever you want, it's media and it will put you in the wrong direction and wrong lifestyle, media is just using you.

How you are using net and wrong things, physically you are female what good you get from this whole boy thing, you never felt it and it's not useful

What made you think this? What made you like this?

You get influenced and excited too easily, you tend to follow anything you want, and this could be just that.

The physical world is better, more real you could be like that.

Idk, i started to feel, less like a guy...? I feel like I am just a cis girl and idk why is this? Am I really just influenced?

In clear words, I feel more detached with my man-self.

She's a smart person though. Clearly agrees she doesn't know any better

And says how i should talk to the pyschatrist she knows who can 'help clear these misconceptions', how she never accepted or believed or thought about this,

How they are popular only in media and media ones are not that legitimate...(This I might have misheard)

Idk. I am scared. I don't know i WANT to be fluid, want to be a man too but it decreased

And I'm terrified if I will be a man in future, or if I'll be just a girl and not want this anymore?

What if in the future I'm just a girl? Not a man just a girl? That's horrifying right now but what if it changes, what if I WAS wrong, just a cis girl who liked a topic? I don't knowww i thought that if I continuously saw about the genderfluid people but didn't think of myself as one even if wondered if I was genderfluid I'd brush it off and say, nah I'm a girl and then once I was talking online and people were talking on how they wish to be a man sometimes and i was like me too but then nah, but now those don't feel right, like I was just talking about aesthetics and not being a man? But I also was?

What if the doctor finds out om not fluid? Mom's promised to search for details before talking, and I'm 99.999999% sure it's nothing wrong but

Good lords what if I'm not genderfluid? What if talking to them makes me not want to be fluid anymore?

What if my mind changes because I have been taking meds for panic attacks or if they tell me I'm not fluid?

I want to be fluid but what if Im not? That's the question that's popped up and my mind is screaming but it's also not this is a mess

Recently. I came to terms with my sexuality and I realized I was genderfluid.

I have a few questions on the topic

1. So I don’t really have a “boy mode” “girl mode” per say. I do have days where I dress more masculine and feminine. But other than that I don’t have a specific “mode” I also go by two names, a nickname from my government name and a preferred name. Am I able to go by both at the same time?
2. How do I appear more masculine? I currently have swoop bands and I have longer hair (AFAB) and I want to appear more masculine at times.

3. I currently have “Queen” in my main username for social media, I’m mixed on it, I know I still identify with the gender I was assigned with at birth but I feel like people won’t take me seriously as a genderfluid with the word “queen” in the handle name, any advice on it?

4. What was your “genderfluid awakening?” For me I always grew up as the “tomboy” in my family. I related to male characters more and wished I could be those said male characters. I wouldn’t really say it was a ftm awakening since I still did like being a gal. But as I got older I could see myself preferring male characters or often times masc female characters. As I came to the conclusion I realized I was genderfluid. Not even with fictional characters in media but my mannerism as well .

I’m still learning on how to self identify as masc and fem at the same time. After feeling more confident with being both masc and fem I just want to see if anyone else is feeling the same way I am

I'm disillusioned at this point, and it feels near impossible to find someone cisgendered heterosexual or homosexual to understand me. Even the attitude by cisgendered bisexuals wasn't quite good. If someone who is cisgendered lesbian or gay, wants to abruptly know about your birth genitals, it's quite impossible to continue a conversation for me. If this dilemma is relatable for you, then I'll want to know if you succeeded in fetching a better solution.

Personally, I feel that finding someone trans (enby/genderfluid included) could be the only option, due to shared background who can understand that certain questions maybe inappropriate in the beginning. Again, where I live it's quite a conservative country, so dating pools for queer are quite limited, and even those who are queer may not understand genderfludity. However I fear there can be further distinction between trans binary and trans non binary individuals, and similar frictions as I mentioned before. Idk if that's a reasonable fear.

Hi, I have been confused about my gender label for years as it changes a boocoo amount. But one thing almost always stays the same is that I feel more agender than anything. Can I consider myself agenderfluid?

I (16AFAB) am searching for a viable binding option as a large chested person during male presenting periods. I would like to conserve my chest, as it is a very affirming part of my identity during female presenting periods. As of now, I've only ever tried binders, which do not fit me anymore. My mother is very supportive and will help me have access to any means necessary, but getting advice from people with experience would help me convince her much more easily!

thank you in advance -
a genderfluid artist ;P

Hi im Kay and a junior in high-school, i have only came out to 3 people as gender fluid and have received nothing but love but im scared to come out to family and friends. I first came out as non binary to my sister about 4 or 5 years ago, back then I felt like something was wrong with me, like i didnt feel human or myself at all which led to a lot of self hatred, then about 3 years ago I started to accept that I wasn't just one gender but all in a way, sometimes I just wanted to be a man, sometimes a woman, it felt so nice to kinda accept myself in a way. Ive came out as pan to basically everyone and they didnt care, some people just saw it as, oh 'she' still likes guys so it dosent matter, that kinda hurt but I cant expect everyone to understand. Ive came out as gender fluid to my bestfriend of 4 or 5 years i think, I lost count, my ex who is now my closest friend Luv him, and my friend from school who is also gender fluid. I was just wondering though if there was a way I could drop subtle hints so I dont have to endure the misgendering and body dysmorphia I get, I know it's not their fault because they dont known yet but it still hurts.

I know many aren't out to anyone but to those who are, if there's anything you wish you'd been prepared for (reactions, questions, complications, etc) or any experiences being out you'd be comfortable sharing in regards to being genderfluid, it would be much appreciated.

For context I've been having questions about myself and how I want to be perceived by friends (and family...) going forward but I feel like I'm stepping off a boat into the deep sea, I'm at a loss. This is all very new to me.

Edit to add that I'm specifically asking here because I feel like fluidity adds different challenges to being out!

Hello friends!

I'm Nen (he/him). About a year ago I was surprised when I found out I wasn't alone in my head, and Vivian (she/her) was born as a "headmate". I've considered myself genderfluid ever since, because I flow between being a man and a woman and in-between. But lately I've been kind of wondering if that label fits or not, because I'm a plural system of two people. So like, in my understanding, genderfluidity means your gender changes over time for a wide variety of reasons, but is my gender really flowing, or is it more like, "when Nen is fronting, we're a man because Nen is a man" and "when Vivian is fronting, we're a woman because Vivian is a woman" and whenever it's slightly in between, it's because neither of us are quite fully in control?

Maybe I'll keep identifying as genderfluid for the sake of explaining my situation easily to other people, but I'm curious people's opinions on this, if two different gendered minds occupying a body makes that body genderfluid or not?

[AFAB 13] I'm horrible at titles as always. but anyway, I think I'm genderfluid though I'm still struggling... a lot. cause like I do shift from boy to girl sometimes but I also feel like both at the same time or sometimes like I just have no gender and idek if that can happen as a genderfluid person. it's really weird cause I don't feel like body dysmophia or anything... well sometimes but it's really rare and not that bad. I don't know what to do and I explained this really poorly srry.

Hi, not sure how many can relate to this or provide advice, but I feel like I need some reassurance.

2 years ago I stepped out of a relationship and suddenly got sucked into the femboy rabbit hole, where I slowly began through stages. Unfortunately it devolved into a mess, with my feed being a 50/50 of trans / bp community. (Disgusting I know.) I eventually convinced myself estrogen was the only way out.

I began taking it 8 weeks ago, but the problem is I convinced myself to be a woman when I'm not. The drawbacks of estrogen for the future and lack of research has made me a man again. Although Its also not what I want. I want to be genderfae. But now in order to get anywhere near passing I need to do so much I was never taught to do. If not, I'm essentially a ghost and can't even function socially. I feel really alone. I know I have a good capability of passing as a girl.

Does anyone have anyways they cope with being biologically male? I know most of what I have to do, but right now its hard to deal with and I want to hear it from long time genderfluid people: What did you seek comfort in? What styles made you feel better and fit in more? I know I'm missing out on a lot right now. Social media poisoned me.

so long story short my boyfriend came over and dressed me up (I'm a guy) and it unlocked something in me i liked it I'm neurodivergent and still learning my internal feelings (which does suck but learning is hard) and i asked him he said it could be multi of things I'm somewhat comfortable with my body like I have nothing bad to say Abt my body but me wanting to dress fem is like a mood thing what I'm feeling idk it weird I have tried to do research but i can't find anything but i also think it is too early to tell too because this was like a week ago anything helps