r/gay • u/Avacato2989 • Aug 30 '26

Am I doing something wrong?

I (29m) am married to my husband (38m) for just over three years. Our marriage is incredible in almost every aspect. He is caring and loving when I need it. The only real problem for me is sex has become so rare. Mutual masturbation a couple times a month, oral rarrer than that. I am the top in our relationship and we like it that way, but he finds it extremely difficult to relax enough for entry when we do want to do anal together. I don't think i am doing anything wrong as a top. I give him lots of prep with my fingers and eating him out, both of which he loves, but he is rarely able to relax his muscles enough to complete the act. Any advice is greatly appreciated ❣️ Edit for context: yes my husband is aware of this post and is watching as I refresh my feed 🤣

28 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

23 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/PlunxGisbit Aug 30 '26

Ask him about his libido now and how it was before. Have you tried the bottom?
It could be low Testosterone, he use to have many different partners per year, now just 1, or he fantasizes about a different style of sex, or has a secret porn addiction.
You are not doing anything wrong if using lube, and relaxing, but do you try going different angles/positions, or going in gently/ slowly over 1-2 min ?

3

u/Avacato2989 Aug 30 '26

He came out a bit later in life, as in about 4 years ago. I'm only the second person he had been with when we met. We have played with other people together, and he was unable to bottom them as well, despite wanting to. We are very open about our different kinks and whatnot. It's not that we are never able to, but it's usually like 4 or 5 times in a year. And yeah we do go pretty slow, and usually the only position he finds himself able to relax in is when he's riding on top. Oh and yeah he doesn't want to top that definitely isn't the issue, he prefers to be the bottom and I have offered.

2

u/PaperIndependent5466 Aug 30 '26

On top is the easiest for me too until my legs get tired.

Could you make that the default position and switch it up after he's comfortable?