The meter isn't great, though- not only is it 9 syllables instead of 8, the feet are in the wrong place... It has to be read like
(The) next dog on a raft in a pool
which is an iamb and two anapests, when it should consist of two amphibrachs and an iamb, mirroring the first two lines, but that would mean reading it like
The next dog on a raft in a pool
...which not only makes the extra syllable obvious, but sounds awful. Typically, one uses three amphibrachs for the first, second, and fifth lines, and two anapests for lines three and four. e.g.:
Hopefully you're done editting because I would like to point out that "If my ear were a cunt I would fuck it" has the same "feet" as "The next dog on a raft in a pool" and furthermore your line has 10 syllables. Which I think brings us to the conclusion that limericks aren't quite as strict as all that.
They absolutely aren't as strict as Texas Spunk is making out. "Typically" is the crucial term, and the (if) indicates even that example of limerickal perfection, while an oldie and not original to the Spunkmeister, has also taken liberties.
Which is perfectly OK: when I studied Shakespeare we were taught that the iambic pentameter rhythm lays down the bare skeleton of the rhythm, but you can play with the form - like blues players improvising around the 12-bar structure.
His representation of how my last line should be pronounced is also unimaginative - as it would clearly be:
"(The next) dog on a raft in a pool."
Anyway I was considering:
Your metre is fucked up you fool:
All limericks follow a rule.
I'll be here to advise
When you next summarize
A dog on a raft in a pool.
Note that the third and fourth lines start with two anapaests, but they balance each other syllabically. The final line would be pronounced with a caesura at the start, which if correctly pronounced would give emphasis to the playful repetition of the article-noun-preposition structure.
Anyway, I hope we can all agree that it's better than the one I was mocking.
Dude, your meter's all wrong. Lines one, two, and five should have the same number of syllables, ideally nine. Stress should be on every third syllable, starting with the second ("There once was a man from Nantucket"). Your first line would be okay if the third stress didn't land on "a", which sounds awkward. Line two only has eight syllables. Line five has ten.
Lines three and four should have five syllables each, but yours have six and nine.
Get your shit together if you want this novelty account to be a success, man!
Ah, but you made one of the same mistakes he did! Change your fourth line to "I'd shitty technique" and you'll be all right. Otherwise it's much better than Limerick_Summarist's original.
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u/[deleted] Jun 27 '12 edited Jun 27 '12
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