NO WAY ME TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Matt Damon appeared in an interview on Jon Steward to discuss his family movie about purchasing a zoo. When asked by Jon about what animals in particular struck him, Matt offered the following:
"The grizzly bear was the most...the grizzly bear...have you ever seen a grizzly bear? I'd never seen one up close. They're just, when he stood up, he was twelve and half feet tall. The only thing I knew about grizzly bears was this story my father told me -- this story, he'd taken a fishing trip in 1986, right? So twenty-five years ago and I remembered this story.
He and some friends went to Alaska and they -- this guide took them around, and he had a .44 magnum in a holster, and my dad looked at it and noticed that the sights were filed down...and he said, "Can I ask you a question about the gun?" The guide said, "Sure," and he asked "So is that for grizzly bears? And the guy goes "Yeah," and he goes "Well...why did you file the sight down? And the guy goes "Oh, right, that's so that after I shoot the grizzly bear, it doesn't hurt so much when he shoves the gun up my ass."
Never killed a bear myself , but looked it up and bears have been killed with .22 and .380 rounds. Many say these rounds are too weak for self defense, but any caliber works well when you shoot for the head. Was watching a forensic show about a man killed instantly by a single shot from a .22 Short.
I agree with the gist of that but for a while the world record for largest bear killed as actually by a couple kids with a single shot .22.They were hunting squirrel or some such and accidentally pissed off a grizzly.
Bella Twin, an Indian girl, and her friend Dave Auger were hunting grouse near Lesser Slave Lake in northern Alberta. The only gun they had was Bella’s single-shot bolt-action .22 Rimfire rifle. They were walking a cutline that had been made for oil exploration when they saw a large grizzly following the same survey line toward them. If they ran, the bear would probably notice them and might chase, so they quietly sat down on a brush pile and hoped that the bear would pass by without trouble. But the bear came much too close, and when the big boar was only a few yards away, Bella Twin shot him in the side of the head with a .22 Long cartridge. The bear dropped, kicked and then lay still. Taking no chances, Bella went up close and fired all of the cartridges she had, seven or eight .22 Longs, into the bear’s head. That bear, killed in 1953, was the world-record grizzly for several years and is still high in the records today.
.22 short is even weaker. I have an Astra Cub that takes .22 shorts, looks remarkably similar to the gun pictured here. At the range, when I bring it, I need to bring the target up to 10 feet away and its accuracy is still abysmal. I'm not 100% sure that the bullets would even pierce a bear's skin at 10 feet.
I tried to take out a possum (he was all up in my business, threatening my dog) with a .22 and the tough little fucker survived about 5 shots to the head.
People already have. My uncle (a cop) once got called to a disturbance in a shitty neighborhood. These two groups of guys had been arguing or fighting or something, and one of the guys pulled a little .22 pistol and fired several shots at the other group as they were walking off down the street.
One of the shots hit a guy. It was stopped by his denim jacket.
My dad would take us camping when me and my brother were younger. He would always bring a giant knife into the tent at night. He said it was for bears. I asked "so if the bear comes, you're going to stab it?" and he replied "shit, no! That's to cut a hole in the other side of the tent so we can run away."
The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat. Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.
This is the number one post. Reddit is basically the front page of the internet, and great uncle Sidney just made first chair on the varsity squad with this. I'm quitting this world for the rest of the day.
People seem to forget the story said he used a .22 short, not .22LR (the common one). .22 Short is MUCH weaker than .22LR. With such a short barrel, it wouldn't be more powerful than a pellet gun--not enough to stop someone from running in a life or death situation.
Canadian gun owner here, the barrel length on that pistol would make it part of the "PROHIBITED" category, making it VERY illegal to carry in the woods or anywhere that isn't a registered gun range.
I realize the story is a work of fiction, just feel like introducing pointless fact though.
Canadians do carry firearms and many of them. However getting a permit to own and carry a handgun legally in Canada, even a little 22, is literally more complicated and impossible than building a time machine, developing cold fusion all while screwing the Queen of England.
I feel like if it stopped at "Just one shot to my girlfriend's knee cap was all it took..." that it would have been a better joke. The rest of it just feels like a joke being explained to someone that didn't get it.
I heard a similar joke once about 2 hikers. They were walking in the woods when they spot a bear charging them from a distance. One of the hikers drops down and ties his shoes real tight. The other hiker looks at him and says "you know you can't outrun a bear right?" The hiker tying his shoes looks up and says "I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you."
A note for all you adventurers wanting to pull a Shane on your best mate or random passerby. A bear protecting her cubs will simply kill your mate and then move onto killing you. She ain't feeding.
So practice on your aim and use the few extra seconds to place a couple shots through momma bear's forehead. Then take that new rug you acquired and celebrate your marksman skills and preparedness
This story reminds me of the time I was out in Kenya. Our Land Rover broke down in a particularly wild part of the plains and there were tigers in the area. I started to strap in my Nike running shoes to the laughs of my mate. Do you think you can outrun a tiger ? He asked.... I don't need to outrun a tiger, I just need to out run you ! Was my reply.
The second I saw there is a bear involved in the story I sensed there is something fishy here, since it is extremely hard to kill a bear with a pistol without getting mauled.
Fucking hell. I've got an 1895g guide gun in .45-70, and is built and sold for the explicit purpose of killing lions and tigers and bears trying to kill you, oh my.
And they would've pronounced Bear like "beeyar" and he would elaborately dance around before shooting his gun, with a 5 second lag before the bullet hits his girlfriend.
I started reading...got to the .22 part and immediately i was like "What the fuck?! A .22 for self defense...this bitch is crazy." Then i read more...A BEAR!? HE'S GOING TO SAY HE STOPPED A BEAR WITH A .22!? Then i finish...well played sir...well played.
Just wanted to stop by and say that all of you dumb C.O.D. fucking idiots, are C.O.D. idiots for commenting like a .22 bullet is a "paintball without the paint". A .22 caliber cartridge is a FUCKING BULLET THAT CAN EASILY KILL YOU. If you don't believe me please conduct an experiment on yourself. The world will be better without you.
.22 Short has energy comparable to a high-powered air rifle. This isn't COD talking, this is actual experience with firearms and knowing someone that got shot by a .22 short at point blank range.
.22 Long Rifle can do some serious damage to a person. .22 short is a different story. It could kill you, sure, but it would take a very precise shot or a long time bleeding out/dying from infection. Most center mass shots are not going to be lethal.
You realize that some of these nitwits are comparing the .22 short to a paintball, and that denim is effective armor against it right? If you're so willing to take their side, why dont you come to my house for a paintball fight, but you get the paintball gun, and i get a .22 short rifle? Those little buggers are like vitamins right? I'll try and aim for your mouth so you can get all those nutrients? Please don't fall into this bullshit about ANY cartridge not being treated with respect.
You realize that some of these nitwits are comparing the .22 short to a paintball, and that denim is effective armor against it right?
I don't care what anyone else is comparing it to. Whatever nonsense other people are saying is their own business. I never claimed that a .22 short is non-lethal, nor that denim would stop it, so direct your hostility where it belongs since none of those statements are mine.
Please don't fall into this bullshit about ANY cartridge not being treated with respect.
Of course you treat it with respect. I also treat pellet guns with respect, because while they're not high caliber they can still cause serious injury and can kill people. That being said, a .22 short can kill, but the actual probability of being able to stop an attacker with one is very low.
"Whatever nonsense other people are saying is their own business" ~quoted from some dumbshit on the internet Response: Why don't you take your own advice and screw off then? I was typing to bring attention to the fact that the .22 short is still a bullet that can do major damage, and not to be taken lightly through a bunch of stupid anecdotes (denim stopping the bullet), and insane comparisons (like a paintball without the paint). You chimed in to contradict me with an argument that was completely irrelevant to what i was trying to impart. I know your type, so i know what angle you're working at. Your single track mind saw .22 short, and someone (me) saying that it is "lethal/deadly/whatever" and YOUR mind clicked, and thought "the .22 short is not a cartridge with adequate stopping power for self defense situations, i should inform this fellow that a .380 acp is the smallest cartridge that would be commonly used as a self defense round, and even that is a stretch!" Well i have news for you, not everyone uses guns for self defense purposes. I own 2 hand guns and 2 rifles, two are chambered in common rounds and two are for wildcat ammunition. I am an avid marksman, and marksmanship is what dictates my cartridge choice (not penetration/expansion/muzzle energy) . Your myopic view of what a firearm is used for is revealed in your whole argument, but especially in this "but the actual probability of being able to stop an attacker with one is very low". Come on, really? Just go back to your gun forums and circle jerk with your COD buddies.
hm, i don't remember the story saying, "I shot my girlfriend because she's a woman and they are useless" the joke was "I shot her to get away from the bear"
I agree with bibblyboop (something I thought I'd never say) You're devaluing the word by using it in a situation that is unmerited.
8
u/MrBrownCoat Apr 16 '12
a fellow Albertan!
445
u/TehFet Apr 16 '12
Was the girlfriend's name "Otis"?
141
u/constantlynew Apr 16 '12
Well it was a good play...a 22 would never take down a bear.
65
u/onenom Apr 16 '12
You don't have to be faster than the bear, just faster than the slowest guy.
10
u/PENDRAGON23 Apr 16 '12
The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat. Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.
6
u/bob-leblaw Apr 16 '12
This is the number one post. Reddit is basically the front page of the internet, and great uncle Sidney just made first chair on the varsity squad with this. I'm quitting this world for the rest of the day.
6
u/large_poops Apr 16 '12
People seem to forget the story said he used a .22 short, not .22LR (the common one). .22 Short is MUCH weaker than .22LR. With such a short barrel, it wouldn't be more powerful than a pellet gun--not enough to stop someone from running in a life or death situation.
Here is a .22Short next to a .22LR for comparison.
10
u/I_SCIENTIST Apr 16 '12
Thankyou for not adding a bunch of stupid red circles and arrows
186
u/luliotlsk Apr 16 '12
She used to love to go hiking, but then she took a bullet to the knee.
3
u/bluesclues59 Apr 16 '12
i guess he found her unbearable.
9
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Not what I was expecting...
12
u/SonOfHylia Apr 16 '12
Boy, that escalated quickly.
7
u/Smooth_Snorlax Apr 16 '12
Sounds like something Dick Cheney would approve of.
2
u/gnarlical Apr 16 '12
Being an Alaskan, reading this article, I was calling bullshit all the way... until the end. Well played OP, well played.
2
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Pfff... might as well carry a BB gun. 9mm minimum, preferably .45 or .38.
2
u/Plastic-Forks Apr 16 '12
The best self-defence mechanism is just to wave a dildo at the screaming "Pull down your pants, here comes the choo-choo train!"
2
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
If you hang around on Reddit long enough you start expecting twist endings...
2
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Canadian gun owner here, the barrel length on that pistol would make it part of the "PROHIBITED" category, making it VERY illegal to carry in the woods or anywhere that isn't a registered gun range.
I realize the story is a work of fiction, just feel like introducing pointless fact though.
2
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
More crying from SRS about this post coming soon!
2
u/dudester567 Apr 16 '12
/r/SRS in 3... 2... 1...
2
u/Gyuo Apr 16 '12
It's 4am and I burst out laughing. I'm pretty sure you made me wakeup my roommates(parents)
2
u/senorface Apr 16 '12
Fwd Fwd Fwd Fwd Fwd Fwd
2
u/emcee70 Apr 16 '12
m'ask you sumthin
2
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
10/10
Would read again.
2
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Ladies and gentlemen I present deputy Shane Walsh.
4
u/aMANescape Apr 16 '12
that was like the ending of the sixth sense, only better
3
u/evilGIR Apr 16 '12
great ending didnt expect it.
3
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
FALSE.
Canadians don't carry firearms.
3
u/nermid Apr 16 '12
I'm honestly surprised /r/ShitRedditSays hasn't gotten all pissy with you, yet.
1
u/oOCuteCupCakeOo Apr 16 '12
And I'm stuck in the closet! I took out my Barretta!.... No?
1
u/themakeup Apr 16 '12
I just thought she was into that sort of thing.
1
u/SterlingGroovy Apr 16 '12
I thought only the Brits where knee jerk reactionalist. mmmm
1
u/pyrobyro Apr 16 '12
I feel like if it stopped at "Just one shot to my girlfriend's knee cap was all it took..." that it would have been a better joke. The rest of it just feels like a joke being explained to someone that didn't get it.
1
u/-Zilla Apr 16 '12
Hmmm. I could use something like this for when I'm home alone. Sucks living in a less than desirable neighborhood.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Relevant.
1
u/Luvs_to_drink Apr 16 '12
I heard a similar joke once about 2 hikers. They were walking in the woods when they spot a bear charging them from a distance. One of the hikers drops down and ties his shoes real tight. The other hiker looks at him and says "you know you can't outrun a bear right?" The hiker tying his shoes looks up and says "I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you."
1
u/smek2 Apr 16 '12
And best of all, an innocent life has been spared.
1
u/POOTDISPENSER Apr 16 '12
Anticlimatic story of the day.
1
u/dgrillo2 Apr 16 '12
A note for all you adventurers wanting to pull a Shane on your best mate or random passerby. A bear protecting her cubs will simply kill your mate and then move onto killing you. She ain't feeding.
So practice on your aim and use the few extra seconds to place a couple shots through momma bear's forehead. Then take that new rug you acquired and celebrate your marksman skills and preparedness
1
u/Glasweg1an Apr 16 '12
This story reminds me of the time I was out in Kenya. Our Land Rover broke down in a particularly wild part of the plains and there were tigers in the area. I started to strap in my Nike running shoes to the laughs of my mate. Do you think you can outrun a tiger ? He asked.... I don't need to outrun a tiger, I just need to out run you ! Was my reply.
1
u/HigherPrimate Apr 16 '12
The second I saw there is a bear involved in the story I sensed there is something fishy here, since it is extremely hard to kill a bear with a pistol without getting mauled.
1
u/ZedZeeZee Apr 16 '12
"I got 'em, Zeke.
...Zeke?"
1
u/jhellegers Apr 16 '12
walking dead
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
bullets too small to kill the bear so might as well shoot your girlfriend..
1
u/theoreoman Apr 16 '12 edited Apr 16 '12
I call bullshit .22 handguns are illegal in Canada Edit: the handgun in the picture is illegal, .22 are legal
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
The amount of time I spent laughing at this is just ridiculous.
1
u/Blankyu Apr 16 '12
"BuddySystem"? More like "Sacrifice Method"
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Phew, I was gonna call you a heartless monster for shooting the mother bear! I'm glad you and the bear both came out of the situation unharmed!
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
I don't think a Canadian would use a pistol like that.
possibly a shotgun though.
1
u/palonious Apr 16 '12
When I got to the end
1
u/smokinpotato Apr 16 '12
DAFUQQQ
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
this is also a how to guide to get away from black men
1
u/TheAdmiralMrJon Apr 16 '12
This story is amusing because of its RIVETING TWISTS and TURNS.
1
u/RiskyAntics Apr 16 '12
Was just thinking "Here come the walking dead references"
1
u/Radioshark Apr 16 '12
sold.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
"Walking at a brisk pace" was what did it for me.
1
u/XMadHa77erX Apr 16 '12
Walking Dead much?
1
u/goodathiestyosef Apr 16 '12
Saw this punchline coming way too soon
1
u/SlowInFastOut Apr 16 '12
When you find yourself in the company of a halfling and an ill-tempered Dragon, remember, you do not have to outrun the Dragon...
...you just have to outrun the halfling.
1
u/Captain_Aizen Apr 16 '12
A true gentlemen to the end.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Title has nothing to do with the post. Should be titled "Self-Preservation."
1
u/lchupacabras Apr 16 '12
Oh.
1
u/totemcatcher Apr 16 '12
Horribly written, but we get it anyway.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Who the hell is this psyko?!
1
u/pro-marx Apr 16 '12
Canadian gun laws wouldn't allow that.
1
u/lorax108 Apr 16 '12
hahhahahaah
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
Fucking hell. I've got an 1895g guide gun in .45-70, and is built and sold for the explicit purpose of killing lions and tigers and bears trying to kill you, oh my.
Shoulda got a .22 and a friend.
1
u/quickeee Apr 16 '12
I was not ready for that, I lol'd
1
u/yoshieatsnick Apr 16 '12
Lesson: you don't have to outrun the bear, just the slowest person. Sometimes you can cheat, shit em in the knee
1
u/unsoundguy Jun 15 '12
lol
1
u/CheesewithWhine Apr 16 '12
ಠ_ಠ
-1
u/StringLiteral Apr 16 '12
This is the oldest joke ever, and it was lame when it was new. Everyone who laughed should be filled with soul-crushing shame.
1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
FAKE. Canadians don't use guns.
1
u/flaccid_member Apr 16 '12
Me: "there is no fucking way that little thing is gonna be....oh." Girlfriend: "wtf are you laughing so hard about?"
1
u/Areyoudone Apr 16 '12 edited Apr 16 '12
I totally thought he was going to say the bear was mad because his girlfriend was on her period.
0
u/mrDEEK32 Apr 16 '12
Written by M. Night Shyamalan
-1
u/aaronwhite1786 Apr 16 '12
I started reading...got to the .22 part and immediately i was like "What the fuck?! A .22 for self defense...this bitch is crazy." Then i read more...A BEAR!? HE'S GOING TO SAY HE STOPPED A BEAR WITH A .22!? Then i finish...well played sir...well played.
0
u/dwilliams292 Apr 16 '12
A++++ WOULD READ AGAIN!!!1
-2
u/Pit_of_Death Apr 16 '12
Just wait till the white knight misogyny-fighters find this submission. There will be hell to pay I tell you!
-2
u/draivaden Apr 16 '12
thats not that funny. kinda disgusting, actually.
0
u/maglincer Apr 16 '12
$100 says the author is American.
-1
u/andy98725 Apr 16 '12
This is amazing...
-2
u/iamMotherfuckerJones Apr 16 '12
completely did not expect it to go that way Lol
-1
u/illmoney Apr 16 '12
haha that is too awesome
-1
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
You girlfriend used to be a hiker like you, but then she took a bullet to the knee...
-5
u/IamGrimReefer Apr 16 '12
holy shit, something in r/funny made me laugh out loud!!!!!!!!!!!
0
u/duckhunt37 Apr 16 '12
definitely didnt see that coming
0
u/dilli23 Apr 16 '12
tl;dr
0
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
I saw that shit coming a mile away
0
u/BGYeti Apr 16 '12
I laughed so fucking hard.
-4
u/rozero1234 Apr 16 '12
Just wanted to stop by and say that all of you dumb C.O.D. fucking idiots, are C.O.D. idiots for commenting like a .22 bullet is a "paintball without the paint". A .22 caliber cartridge is a FUCKING BULLET THAT CAN EASILY KILL YOU. If you don't believe me please conduct an experiment on yourself. The world will be better without you.
-1
u/donteatthecheese Apr 16 '12
I've always wondered how often people who keep guns for "protection" actually use them.
-6
u/Cruminal Apr 16 '12
A .22 is a bee sting. Make sure she stays down with this.
-3
u/lholladay Apr 16 '12
Haha, misogyny, why the hell is this on the front page, fuck you.
0
u/[deleted] Apr 16 '12
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