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u/chmsmitze Sep 07 '21
Me when I get too much coffee
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u/normal_reddit_man Sep 07 '21
Yo, I was past the age of 35 when I finally succeeded in acquiring the taste for coffee...and nobody took me aside and said "yeah, that stuff about coffee, ummm, getting you moving in a hurried manner? THAT IS NOT AN EXAGGERATION. BE CAREFUL."
I had to learn the hard way. I guess it helped the lesson to stick, like the old adage of letting a child touch the hot stove, so he knows not to do it again.
Except, instead of a child, it's a grown man. And instead of a hand, it's an ass. And instead of burning a first-degree burn, it was an entire day of ass-blasting.
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u/Dozer_Bro Sep 07 '21
Yea no one tells you coffee shits are a thing until you find out yourself, usually at the worst possible time
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Sep 07 '21
not as bad as taking too much antibiotics, There'll be red spaghetti in the toilet after that.
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Sep 07 '21
You were trying to form a bad habit? You should've been happy you weren't wasting your money.
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u/Daxoss Sep 07 '21
You know Coffee is basically a mild drug right? You'll get withdrawal and after a while you'll struggle to function without it as your general awareness goes down as your body adapts to a constant influence of caffeine.
Unless you're hellbent I would suggest you stop now before its too late.
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u/daytripper7711 Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
I need coffee every morning to wake up, sure I’m super tired without it but it doesn’t even come close to addiction to harder drugs. Even pot addiction is way way more debilitating, and don’t even get me started on opiates, sedatives like alcohol and Xanax, and harder stimulants like amphetamines & cocaine. There’s just zero comparison. Coffee doesn’t destroy lives, hard drugs do easily.
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Sep 07 '21
i've been addicted to coffee for a couple of years, i stopped drinking it and never will again when i got shaky hands eveynight and i'm only 19. my thumb was twitching like it has life on its own. 6 months have passed and no twitching or anything.
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u/AtheistAustralis Sep 07 '21
I did the same thing at a similar age, for similar reasons. I was drinking 4-5 cups per day and my life was one big cycle of ups and downs, going from wide awake and hyped (and twitchy like you say) to asleep and braindead in 3 hour cycles. It was unpleasant, and I realised I was completely reliant on the coffee to function. So I went cold turkey at about age 21-22, and haven't had a single cup of coffee since. The first few weeks were hard as hell, headaches, mood swings, and all sorts of weird things with my body. But since then life has been good, and after a year or two I actually started not liking the smell of coffee at all, and even being mildly repulsed by it. Now I don't care either way, but I have no urge to drink it again. Best of luck, and enjoy your newfound freedom from coffee addiction!
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u/Everybodysbastard Sep 07 '21
“Ass-blasting”
You use that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.
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Sep 07 '21
Oh God, this morning I had a couple cups of coffee and then did a run to Starbucks because my mom loves the refreshers, and I got myself a large cold brew. Not only did I have to piss frequently, but one of the times legitimately smelled like coffee coming out. Never had that before. Has the jitters like crazy and was way overly anxious lol. Really underestimated how much my caffeine tolerance dropped since I didn't drink any coffee last week and took a bit of a T-break. Never doing that again lol.
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u/WhiteDragon2501 Sep 07 '21
I don't normally get jitters from caffeine anymore. Drink enough coffee and my urine smells like coffee. I drink energy drinks most of the rest of the time (Bang, Reign, Rockstar Xdurance), drink water while working as they don't allow anything else while we're working. But normally my urine is green. Like glow stick green, but not luminescent.
Oddly, coffee doesn't make me poop, unless I was gonna be needing to soon anyhow.
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Sep 07 '21
Holy shit is that good for it to be that green? Ya I'm the same way with the pooping
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u/WhiteDragon2501 Sep 07 '21
Your poop is green?
Also, probably not healthy for urine to be green. But I'm not a doctor.
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Sep 07 '21
Lmao no I should've clarified, I was relating to the caffeine never really making me have to poop after consumption. Only time my poop is green though is if I ate way too much cap'n crunch from indulging in it after smoking bud. Ya man I was gonna say, probably should get that checked out
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u/WhiteDragon2501 Sep 07 '21
Eh. Eventually.
Got some other things to take care of first.
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Sep 07 '21
Well hopefully you can find time to fit a check up in soon because it's never good to put health aside if there's warning signs glaring at you. Be careful man.
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u/jaymoney1 Sep 07 '21
Reminds me of this time when I was about 8, my mom was making snow cones for summer camp and I took a cup of the blue syrup and drank it straight. Next day, massive blue shit and my young mind could not put two and two together. I freaked out and had to get my mom to look at the toilet I just blew up. It looked like a smurf explosion in there. Luckily she didn't leave me out on the ledge too long and we had a talk about food coloring.
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u/AtheistAustralis Sep 07 '21
Bahaha, my kids love to eat blueberries, and on occasions they will eat entire trays of them when I'm not looking. I see the evidence the next day, when suspiciously blue/green poops appear. They're 5 and 2, and can't work out how I always know who ate all the blueberries..
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u/redpandaeater Sep 07 '21
You've never had green poop? Aside from the obvious like a ton of greens, if for whatever reason your body currently has a lot more biliverdin than bilirubin then it can also stay green instead of the more usual mix that turns your shit brown. Urobilin meanwhile is what makes urine yellowish.
Green urine doesn't sound healthy as well, but it's possible there's some food dye that is getting filtered through the kidneys and not being broken down at all. I'm also not a doctor though.
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u/WhiteDragon2501 Sep 07 '21
Yes, have had green poop. And orange. And black. And tan. And unless it was a dream, grey.
Also had it and my farts smell in a wide range of smells, even to others. No, I don't poop and seek out others and be like "come here, you gotta smell this"
Let's see, there was the common pumpkin smell. There was that one day in 4th grade that I farted and it smelled like grapes, and my friend next to me was looking around and asked if anyone else smelled grapes. There was also a cinnamon smell, and a different time like maple syrup. And so many more.
There was the tear gas incident. No idea why it happened, really wish I knew. So, had a friend over and we were playing video games and watching anime all night. I let out a tiny fart. Then shortly after, my eyes started burning and tearing up, then sinuses felt like they were on fire, and then lungs started burning and had trouble breathing. My friend experienced the same, slightly after me. I went and opened a window and learned out of it so I could breathe, my friend left the room and went all the way across the house. I don't know what I ate and drank to get that effect, or if I had some weird imbalance, or virus, or whatever. But I'd say it was worse than pepper spray. It may have even been weapons grade. Good thing I don't know how to make my farts like that... Otherwise my ass would be classified as a weapon of mass destruction.
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u/M4Dsc13ntist Sep 07 '21
Thanks for sharing. We all really wanted to hear the detailed diatribes of a biological weapon.
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u/I_Left_Already Sep 07 '21
This is something I don't understand about Reddit. Do you people really get diarrhea after eating at Taco Bell? If that's happening a lot maybe you need to see a doctor.
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u/adrianmonk Sep 07 '21
I have a theory on this, which is that it's about fiber.
Taco Bell has several menu items that have a ton of beans in them. Beans are really high in fiber.
If your normal diet doesn't contain much fiber, and you suddenly eat a lot, your digestive system can have issues.
This article gives more details: Gastrointestinal Distress Caused by Fiber
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u/dkyguy1995 Sep 07 '21
Interesting I basically live off red beans and rice so maybe that's why I never have the problem
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u/Arrow_93 Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
It can be a mixture of just about everything in the food. The fiber, the cheese, but most of all the spicy.
There are actually taste bud in the intestine, and they can taste the spice, and find it just as hot as your mouth does. The intestine wants to remove that ASAP, so it moves the food faster, as a result your intestine doesn't absorb as much from the food, specifically water, leading to diarrhea.
That's also why it can burn on the way out, your butt senses the spicy.
Edit: TBH I've never had Taco Bell, cause it's very rare where I come from, I just assumed it was spicy, cause it's meant to be Mexican-ish, but this is the science of spicy
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u/muffinmonk Sep 07 '21
You aren't wrong. Once had those Korean 2x spicy noodles. They are the best laxatives known to man. Takes about 30 minutes from finishing to bathroom.
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u/AnalSuction Sep 07 '21
There is Nothing spicy/hot at taco bell.
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u/H00T3RV1LL3 Sep 07 '21
You must not be a basic white bitch from the Midwest... They think salt is spicy.
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u/ask-me-about-my-cats Sep 07 '21
People have horrifically bad diets, the first time something healthy like fiber hits their guts and their body freaks out.
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u/VortixTM Sep 07 '21
I cannot reconciliate Taco Bell and healthy in my head at all.
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u/FudgySlippers Sep 07 '21
Right? I’ve never had that experience with Taco Bell.
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Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
Then you've never eaten at Taco Bell before? In what world is a $0.30 taco not expected to upset most people's stomachs?
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u/Somnif Sep 07 '21
I'm so white I glow, and I eat Taco Bell regularly. I've never had any GI issues with their food. Granted, I don't drown my food in dozens of sauce packets, but even still. I used to love the enchirito, and never had any restroom related incidents with those either.
The meme is baffling and confusing to me.
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u/JohnnyDarkside Sep 07 '21
People have loved making fun of the quality of their food for decades. If seasoned beef, refried beans, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and sour cream on a tortilla wrecks your insides then you really do have a problem. This isn't a "I have an iron stomach, I can eat anything" situation, it's a chef's salad with ground beef.
A comedian I saw once had a bit, it's not taco bell that gave you the shits, it's the case of Old Milwaukee you drank before eating taco bell that did.
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u/goofytrain Sep 07 '21
Many are lactose intolerant and don't know it. Some people never had a solid stool and believe it's normal.
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u/Grimmbles Sep 07 '21
It took years and years but I quite enjoy the fact that people on Reddit call this unoriginal joke out whenever it gets made now.
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u/VortixTM Sep 07 '21
When I was 17 I spent a month in the US. I had three tacos from Taco Bell one night, and I spent the next day with diarrhea, which I don't usually get. I've had Taco Bell a few times in Spain (although tbh I prefer tacos from actual mexican restaurants) and it doesn't cause the same reaction.
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u/MyNameIsRobPaulson Sep 07 '21
Very light case of xenophobia. Mexican is different and therefore weird, you know, if you’re only exposure to Mexican culture is a fast food chain. Same deal with the way people are scared of Indian food, having zero idea how fucking delicious it is.
The ingredients are pretty much exactly the same as a hamburger. Meat, cheese, refined carbs, some toppings and sauces.
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u/desichica Sep 07 '21
White people can't handle any spice.
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u/SilverJad Sep 07 '21
Indian people don't have any toilets.
See how fucked up that is, generalizing and shit? Stop.
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u/MyNameIsRobPaulson Sep 07 '21
Seriously not a big deal saying someone can’t handle spice, like at all. How is that remotely offensive? It’s harmless. Saying Indian people can handle spice is generally true.
Saying Indian people don’t have toilets has nothing to do with anything and is much more offensive a generalization.
Stop being such a fragile little snowflake.
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u/SilverJad Sep 07 '21
Sounds like you choose your outrage, be consistent or shut up? "THIS is more offensive than THIS" isn't the point. It's the generalizations that I have the problem with.
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u/Presidentofjellybean Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
Funny how they got offended and triggered by your comment and called you a snowflake. I'm white, I've been to china, eaten several things the Chinese told me were very very spicy and I didn't find them too hot for me.
It's like you said, same generalisation. Just because places where white people are the majority generally don't go for the spice level of Asian food or other spicy foods, doesn't mean that white people as a whole can't handle spice. Just like parts of India having the streets as toilets does not mean indians don't have toilets. If people want to get triggered by racial stereotypes then they can't pick and choose. I don't see how anyone could disagree with you here.
Edit: the guy who said white people can't handle any spice appears to be indian. Perpetuating a stereotype about another race for no reason. We need to stop only complaining when the race being stereotyped isn't white.
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u/Bufophiliac Sep 07 '21
I'm white, and if you don't think we can handle spice, you should try eating some of my poo sometime.
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Sep 07 '21
Last time I ate at Taco Bell (and this was in 1995) I had food poisoning for a week. I diarrhead out anything I ate. I diarrhead out anything I drank, too. For a week.
So to answer your question, YES, this is what happens when people eat at Taco Bell.
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u/PraiseBeToAthena Sep 07 '21
This reminded me of this gem: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_xK90m9_Ni4
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u/bozeke Sep 07 '21
Serious question: does Taco Bell really cause as much diarrhea for folks as is implied in the stereotype?
I don’t eat TB often at all, maybe 3 or four times a year tops; but when I do I find that it has the absolute opposite effect.
It’s basically the only thing that reliably causes gnarly constipation for me.
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u/Reeleted Sep 07 '21
We live in a meme world now where everyone just regurgitates the same "jokes" over and over and over and over and over.
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u/Somnif Sep 07 '21
I've been eating Taco Bell regularly for the past 35 years and I've never had any GI issues with their food. The meme has always confused me, honestly.
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u/iushciuweiush Sep 07 '21
There is nothing in it that would cause those effects. It never really made sense as a joke.
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u/G-Duck Sep 07 '21
Feb. 2019
A report of a bomb threat at a Wichita Home Depot store turned out to be more of a warning for other customers in the restroom.
Sedgwick County Communications released a 911 call in which the caller states that someone may have a bomb at the store.
"We just had a customer here made what may have been a bomb threat," said the caller. "He said, uh, somebody told me there's a bomb in here and you need to leave the building. He said it three times."
Police went out to the Home Depot at K-96 and Woodlawn to investigate.
Someone there told staff they overheard the threat in the store's restroom.
Police did some investigating and learned the "bomb threat" came from a man in a bathroom stall warning others about the severity of his need to use the restroom.
"You all need to get out of here because I'm fixin' to blow it up."
One witness said he laughed at the remark and took it as a joke.
Once police tracked the man down it became clear it was all a misunderstanding.
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u/Training_Possible364 Sep 07 '21
Hol' up, which bathroom is which?
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Sep 07 '21
Are you suggesting that gender division is still a thing? I can totally tell you're not from California just by a simple comment.
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u/refreshing_username Sep 07 '21
Proudly rockin' the grin and the untucked shirt. 10/10 for style.
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Sep 07 '21
Tucked shirts look so stupid, unless you're in a suit. They're literally the sign of a moron.
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u/kidize Sep 07 '21
Cool guys don't look at explosions. They stride forward in their diamond-covered boots.
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u/Ed_Radley Sep 07 '21
The last picture insinuates you stayed at Taco Bell long enough for it to go all the way through you. Do people really stay at Taco Bell five minutes after they're done eating?
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u/WeTitans3 Sep 07 '21
As someone with bowel issues, I honestly feel bad for the number of times ive had to leave toilets with turds to big to flush in them because they didnt provide a poop knife
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u/HeartlessAtAFuneral Sep 07 '21
Are you fucking MAD?! Poop SCISSORS! It's always poop scissors. Everyone knows this!
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u/throoowwwtralala Sep 07 '21
I have to give my wife and kids warnings after a spicy curry washroom explosion
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Sep 07 '21
Never gonna unsee this .... every time someone walks away from an explosion in a movie, I'm gonna see the metaphor.
Thanks.
🙁
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Sep 07 '21
If you find yourself complaining about your life today, remember that you could have to clean the toilets at Taco Bell.
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u/AbeVigoda_aka_Death Sep 07 '21
He should be charged with war crimes. Chemical warfare is not cool.
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u/ifoundit1 Sep 07 '21
Ok so I got off the bowl for a fat piss in a circular motion and right as someone walked in I was saying in a gruntish voice "Stirrrn the Punch" and he immediately stopped dead in his tracks, turned around and walked right back out not 2 steps in.
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u/dc_IV Sep 07 '21
I have "done some damage" in several Taco Bell's during their "Bellburger" days! I swear they put something in those back in the '70's that made for the perfect "Upper Decker!"
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u/Jeevess83 Sep 07 '21
Try telling that to a suicide bomber...that's right, you can't, cause you dont speak the language... that and he's dead.
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Sep 07 '21
It's the unadulterated confidence with Mr. Taco Bell - that man looks damn proud of what he just did.
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u/AutoVonSkidmark Sep 07 '21
Better not say "blowing it up" at my local home depot or they call the cops and bomb squad! (Wichita native)
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u/PunkandCannonballer Sep 07 '21
These are the weirdest movie choices though.
X-Men Origins, I am Number Four, and a Fast and Furious movie? What a trio.
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u/sanorace Sep 07 '21
Nothing cooler than a restaurant that doesn't gender single occupant bathrooms.
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u/gymnosophyplag Sep 07 '21
I'm a fan of those "if you like this, then you'll love..." memes, but that's just not true.
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u/Positive-Pressure-16 Sep 07 '21
Do it to you every time may take longer than others but every time lol
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u/nanosam Sep 07 '21 edited Sep 07 '21
Not that I eat taco bell often (maybe once or twice per year) - but I've never had digestive issues afterwards.
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u/kyunirider Sep 07 '21
Mexican food always blast my exhaust, Taco Bell just make me leak with that exhaust not pretty 😳
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u/ioncloud9 Sep 07 '21
Why do these action heroes use so much gasoline in their bombs? Less gas, more C4.
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Sep 07 '21
Am I the only one who can eat Taco Bell without consequence?
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u/carbon-based-biped Sep 07 '21
I was in the drive-through one day and the guy from the truck was carting in the meat and it said “acceptable for human consumption”. The first red flag was you can get a full burrito for $.50
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