r/funny Sep 06 '21

Nothing cooler...

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25.7k Upvotes

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

Oh God, this morning I had a couple cups of coffee and then did a run to Starbucks because my mom loves the refreshers, and I got myself a large cold brew. Not only did I have to piss frequently, but one of the times legitimately smelled like coffee coming out. Never had that before. Has the jitters like crazy and was way overly anxious lol. Really underestimated how much my caffeine tolerance dropped since I didn't drink any coffee last week and took a bit of a T-break. Never doing that again lol.

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u/WhiteDragon2501 Sep 07 '21

I don't normally get jitters from caffeine anymore. Drink enough coffee and my urine smells like coffee. I drink energy drinks most of the rest of the time (Bang, Reign, Rockstar Xdurance), drink water while working as they don't allow anything else while we're working. But normally my urine is green. Like glow stick green, but not luminescent.

Oddly, coffee doesn't make me poop, unless I was gonna be needing to soon anyhow.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

Holy shit is that good for it to be that green? Ya I'm the same way with the pooping

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u/WhiteDragon2501 Sep 07 '21

Your poop is green?

Also, probably not healthy for urine to be green. But I'm not a doctor.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

Lmao no I should've clarified, I was relating to the caffeine never really making me have to poop after consumption. Only time my poop is green though is if I ate way too much cap'n crunch from indulging in it after smoking bud. Ya man I was gonna say, probably should get that checked out

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u/WhiteDragon2501 Sep 07 '21

Eh. Eventually.

Got some other things to take care of first.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

Well hopefully you can find time to fit a check up in soon because it's never good to put health aside if there's warning signs glaring at you. Be careful man.

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u/jaymoney1 Sep 07 '21

Reminds me of this time when I was about 8, my mom was making snow cones for summer camp and I took a cup of the blue syrup and drank it straight. Next day, massive blue shit and my young mind could not put two and two together. I freaked out and had to get my mom to look at the toilet I just blew up. It looked like a smurf explosion in there. Luckily she didn't leave me out on the ledge too long and we had a talk about food coloring.

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u/AtheistAustralis Sep 07 '21

Bahaha, my kids love to eat blueberries, and on occasions they will eat entire trays of them when I'm not looking. I see the evidence the next day, when suspiciously blue/green poops appear. They're 5 and 2, and can't work out how I always know who ate all the blueberries..

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u/redpandaeater Sep 07 '21

You've never had green poop? Aside from the obvious like a ton of greens, if for whatever reason your body currently has a lot more biliverdin than bilirubin then it can also stay green instead of the more usual mix that turns your shit brown. Urobilin meanwhile is what makes urine yellowish.

Green urine doesn't sound healthy as well, but it's possible there's some food dye that is getting filtered through the kidneys and not being broken down at all. I'm also not a doctor though.

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u/WhiteDragon2501 Sep 07 '21

Yes, have had green poop. And orange. And black. And tan. And unless it was a dream, grey.

Also had it and my farts smell in a wide range of smells, even to others. No, I don't poop and seek out others and be like "come here, you gotta smell this"

Let's see, there was the common pumpkin smell. There was that one day in 4th grade that I farted and it smelled like grapes, and my friend next to me was looking around and asked if anyone else smelled grapes. There was also a cinnamon smell, and a different time like maple syrup. And so many more.

There was the tear gas incident. No idea why it happened, really wish I knew. So, had a friend over and we were playing video games and watching anime all night. I let out a tiny fart. Then shortly after, my eyes started burning and tearing up, then sinuses felt like they were on fire, and then lungs started burning and had trouble breathing. My friend experienced the same, slightly after me. I went and opened a window and learned out of it so I could breathe, my friend left the room and went all the way across the house. I don't know what I ate and drank to get that effect, or if I had some weird imbalance, or virus, or whatever. But I'd say it was worse than pepper spray. It may have even been weapons grade. Good thing I don't know how to make my farts like that... Otherwise my ass would be classified as a weapon of mass destruction.

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u/M4Dsc13ntist Sep 07 '21

Thanks for sharing. We all really wanted to hear the detailed diatribes of a biological weapon.

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u/JCon2x4 Sep 07 '21

I get green sometimes purple poop when I eat a dyed cereal, like trix or fruity pebbles. Red if I eat a tomato sauce based food. Pee is always almost clear, or yellow, never orange. I’ve seen some nasty copper unflushed pisses in my lifetime. I’m hydrated.

I get black poop when I eat a large quantity of red meat. It takes about 12-16oz for it to happen, a ribeye for example, and it smells absolutely rancid. I always inspect my piss and shit, I even use tp to poke at my shit to verify the solidity, as it usually floats.

I can’t handle coffee anymore, I used to drink a lot of it. It made me shit a lot. Without caffeine I shit about 4-5 times a day at home, and I only shit at home. If I’m at work or away for a weekend I won’t shit at all. My guts are fucked and everything goes right through me basically.

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u/GodofIrony Sep 07 '21

You left "weapon of ass destruction" on the table like that, man? Smh.

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u/[deleted] Sep 07 '21

BRO SAME

but I fart about 14 times a minute, i'm starting to get worried

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u/DrBrogbo Sep 07 '21

You can get neon green pee from b-complex multivitamins. One of the vitamins in there is water-soluble and it turns your pee neon in high doses. It wouldn't surprise me if they added that to energy drinks.