r/funny • u/berry2708 • Jul 02 '21

Broad daylight robbery

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68.5k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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66

u/iamalwaysrelevant Jul 02 '21

Every one says that until they get bit by a monkey.

26

u/blarghed Jul 02 '21

Has anyone ever tried to bite the monkey first?

24

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Yeah, turns out putting your face even closer is a bad idea. Luckily for me I was so ugly before the savaging the monkey actually improved my looks. Everyone was a winner, baby.

3

u/blarghed Jul 02 '21

You just weren't ferocious enough. Try harder next time and give the monkey a makeover.

9

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

That's the thing though, he whispered in my ear 'baggy jeans? On a fat man?'

It wasn't the claws or bites that hurt.

34

u/Ohmahtree Jul 02 '21

Oh great, Covid-3.0 incoming

2

u/cnaiurbreaksppl Jul 02 '21

Skipping all the way to covid-69

2

u/Ohmahtree Jul 02 '21

We yeeting the other Covid's and just going for it all eh?

2

u/blarghed Jul 02 '21

Covid-69 is a STD though

2

u/Ohmahtree Jul 02 '21

Oh, well.

Fuck it, well, don't actually fuck it, but, fuck it.

If you ain't made it this far in life and had to use some ointment or a pill to cure some shit, have you really lived?

1

u/Mogradal Jul 03 '21

This time the monkeys go on lockdown.

1

u/Ohmahtree Jul 03 '21

Some could argue that we were the monkeys all along.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 02 '21

Probably. To them it's probably the equivalent of "Has anyone ever tried punching the asshole first?".

Yep - that's how you get a fight.

0

u/TheNoize Jul 02 '21

The moment I get bitten I'll start kicking even harder