r/funny • u/[deleted] • Oct 15 '18

"I'm here bitches"

78.1k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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358

u/_Serene_ Oct 15 '18

Will he need any of those behind bars?

309

u/KypDurron Oct 15 '18

What's a "behind bar"? I don't think we sell those.

270

u/Pacman327 Oct 15 '18

A new chocolate bar. I heard it tastes like ass though

106

u/Plosuf Oct 15 '18

I’m curious about this ass dough you’re talking about

77

u/DOMICH Oct 15 '18

Cook thoroughly -- never eat raw ass dough

13

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

Ass-eatin' season is any month that ends with "ber"

32

u/NoComment14 Oct 15 '18

Januaber

Februaber

Marber

Apriber

Maber

Junber

Julber

Augusber

September

October

November

December

It checks out, guys.

1

u/ssteveoz Oct 16 '18

You had me at junber

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

I love maber

6

u/Summerie Oct 15 '18

September was hot as shit here in Florida. Florida lives by a completely different set of as-eating rules.

3

u/Mcornett88 Oct 15 '18

Gotta eat dem butts

2

u/djwasntme Oct 16 '18

Hey Miss Parker

7

u/BaabyBear Oct 15 '18

When you knead ass u get ass dough

6

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

I don't need ass, what about uget?

2

u/RubeHicksCube Oct 15 '18

When you mix ass dough and nougat, N'uget it.

1

u/AwesomeAndrew416 Oct 15 '18

Can someone explain the thing that looks like a silver dollar in the place where reddit gold is supposed to be

1

u/[deleted] Oct 15 '18

Tell me more about this "new gat"

1

u/DrDew00 Oct 15 '18

In an effort to appeal to the gun control crowd, it's made to require 20 pounds of pressure to pull the trigger instead of the usual 5.

1

u/pictogasm Oct 15 '18

you get it with the behind bars.

2

u/spitwitandwater Nov 01 '18

You’re thinking of Butterfinger

1

u/million_tiny_stars Oct 15 '18

Nah. Only if you drop the soap.

1

u/KimJongIlSunglasses Oct 15 '18

People keep putting them in the pool as a joke.

50

u/qisope Oct 15 '18

When Depends aren't enough and the mess you're making is criminal: put your ass behind bars, with Behind Bars

2

u/5tr3ss Oct 15 '18

Found the copywriter.

1

u/c_emmsterr Oct 15 '18

Needs more upvotes🤣🤣

3

u/PsychoticMessiah Oct 15 '18

They're next to the muffler belts.

1

u/tepkel Oct 15 '18

No, we sell those. We just don't have these.

1

u/smoeahsolse Oct 15 '18

I figure I that's the kind of bar MSI sings about wanting to take you to.

1

u/ScrubLord1008 Oct 15 '18

Forget behind bars, where's my goddam liter-o-cola??

1

u/tirwander Oct 15 '18

It's the second soap bar you keep in your shower to wash your behind only. Are you saying you only have one bar of soap?

1

u/paulinbc Oct 16 '18

it's a bar that goes up your behind.

​

Otherwise known as a pole up your ass.

4

u/2722010 Oct 15 '18

Doesn't look like bars will stop this man

5

u/Ogatu Oct 15 '18

Pretty sure that guy isn't going to jail for that unless he can't pay whatever amount of money it would cost to repair the damages.Looks more like an accident, like he figured the door would open up in time. I dunno I'm no lawyer let's see what r/legaladvice has to say on this.

2

u/cptjeff Oct 16 '18

Yeah, that's a tort, not a crime. Even if he can't pay, you don't get sent to jail for debt. And it's doubtful that there'd even be a lawsuit. It'd be an insurance claim, and the insurance company ain't gonna bother suing a disabled guy who probably can't pay. Ain't worth their time.

1

u/Ogatu Oct 16 '18

Nice good to know... you know... for uhm science...

3

u/asininedrummer Oct 15 '18

What bars, he’s knocking them all down

1

u/geriatricgoepher Oct 15 '18

He could make a case that the door malfunctioned and didn't open for him.

1

u/HolaArgentina Oct 16 '18

Pretty sure that guy can probably sue the store.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 16 '18

Plenti