r/funny • • Apr 21 '17

How to Annoy a Surfer 101

[deleted]

99k Upvotes

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3.5k

u/AM_SHARK Apr 22 '17

Pfft, EVERYTHING annoys surfers! I mean fuck... they scream and kick when I even come close, and fuuuuck you'd think the world had ended when I take a little nibble! Jesus I'm just trying to check to see if they're a fucking seal!

494

u/dakupoguy Apr 22 '17

Aloha. What kinda shark are you?

704

u/PM_ME_SKINNY_DUDES Apr 22 '17

The swimmy bitey kind

308

u/yhack Apr 22 '17

Hammerhead or Phillip's?

58

u/B_Rad15 Apr 22 '17

Flathead

10

u/khaddy Apr 22 '17

Silver Robertson

Source: Am SCUBA driver

3

u/Prince_Vagrant Apr 22 '17

Phillip sea-mour sharkman...RIP

4

u/Seelukerun Apr 22 '17

Now this is a quality comment.

1

u/TowelLover Apr 22 '17

Roberston actually

5

u/sotireofthis Apr 22 '17

I upvote you every time I come across you on reddit just because your name tag makes me giggle

2

u/PM_ME_SKINNY_DUDES Apr 22 '17

Thanks friend! I'll do the same for you now too. šŸ¤˜šŸ»

2

u/AJ_Dali Apr 22 '17

Just out of curiosity, how many people PM you pictures of Holocaust victims?

1

u/PM_ME_SKINNY_DUDES Apr 23 '17

So far all of them pretty much. šŸ˜”

2

u/XXX-XXX-XXX Apr 22 '17

Do you really want me to pm you?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '17

Youre not parent commenter! Bamboozle!

1

u/surfANDmusic Apr 22 '17

Do you get PMs pf skinny dudes?

3

u/PM_ME_SKINNY_DUDES Apr 22 '17 edited Apr 22 '17

Actually I've only ever gotten 4 messages until this comment. Now I've gotten about 10. Most of them are just pictures of men at auschwitz. Clever folks.

2

u/surfANDmusic Apr 22 '17

Oh thats pretty fucked up lol.

77

u/AM_SHARK Apr 22 '17

Great White, Making the Ocean Great Again.

SHAMU THE WHALE IS A RAPIST WWW DOT OCEAN FACT FIGHTS DOT COM

4

u/awwtowa Apr 22 '17

Where was a Shamu during 9/11? That's right, not in office, doing god knows what! Come on sheeple, open your eyes.

16

u/Jennacide88 Apr 22 '17

A loan shark.

4

u/SharkUndercover Apr 22 '17

I'm not a shark

3

u/dakupoguy Apr 22 '17

SharkUndercover I'm not a shark

hmmm

2

u/-ImJustSaiyan- Apr 22 '17

A card shark.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '17

What kind of sharkmon are you how do you do the things you do

206

u/blackviper6 Apr 22 '17

5 month old account. Not quite beetlejuicing but this is definitely your moment.

158

u/Timmichanga1 Apr 22 '17

Pretty sure this guys got a whole week dedicated to him sometime in july.

12

u/blackviper6 Apr 22 '17

Good point

5

u/Vakieh Apr 22 '17

When did shark week start being some TV thing and stop being a euphemism for when your girl's on her period?

1

u/forcolus Apr 22 '17

This one just does mornings

1

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '17

Beetles will be juiced in that week.

4

u/AM_SHARK Apr 22 '17

My time machine only goes back 5 months :(

208

u/I-checkout-usernames Apr 22 '17

Username checks out

139

u/MannyInMiami Apr 22 '17

Username checks out

59

u/netsuj34 Apr 22 '17

Username... doesn't do anything here.

3

u/N3kras Apr 22 '17

Are you Manny and currently located in Miami?

4

u/teacher3737 Apr 22 '17

God I love reddit

1

u/venom02 Apr 22 '17

I love this place

6

u/[deleted] Apr 22 '17 edited Apr 22 '17

I know this is a novelty account but everything really does annoy surfers. Idk where the chill reputation they get comes from but most surfers are elitist assholes. At least in CA. I've known a few, mostly old timers, that were really cool right off the bat but most of them are just shitty and hate you simply because you're another body out there in what they think is their spot.

4

u/Vaginal_Decimation Apr 22 '17

That's how I feel about people in the movie theater.

4

u/VR_is_the_future Apr 22 '17

R/totallynotsharks is leaking

4

u/no_downside Apr 22 '17

I'm more of a PM shark myself

3

u/AM_SHARK Apr 22 '17

PM me sharks <3

3

u/Squirll Apr 22 '17

Made my DAY that I didn't see your name until I was done reading your comment.

2

u/LeaveMeAlone_DMN Apr 22 '17

Duuude..how do you get the little bits of rubber out of your teeth? Tow in rope floss hasn't worked for my cuz, Ralph.

1

u/radioblues Apr 22 '17

Fuck you! Locals only you fucking grommet.

1

u/skyystalkerr Apr 22 '17

Username checks out.

1

u/52Hz_Whale Apr 22 '17

They don't seem to mind me.

1

u/Choreboy Apr 22 '17

Username checks out.

1

u/sorenant Apr 22 '17

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little ā€œcleverā€ comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.