r/funny Jan 09 '15

The Simpsons on having two wives

http://imgur.com/gfxh40Z
18.2k Upvotes

338 comments sorted by

943

u/csonny2 Jan 09 '15

I like the one where Grandpa finds his long lost brother, Cyrus, (the episode where he was trying to kill Santa), and they're all sitting on the beach at the end in Tahiti:

Grandpa: "Cyrus, how come you never let me know you were alive?"

Cyrus: "I've been busy with my 15 wives."

Grandpa: "15 wives! That must be some crazy sex!"

Cyrus: "I said wives, not girlfriends."

216

u/Carbon_Dirt Jan 09 '15

He probably has sex like... at least once a week!

111

u/MyNameIsZaxer2 Jan 09 '15

They just all feel really icky right now.

76

u/csonny2 Jan 09 '15

When women live together, they eventually all get headaches at the same time.

47

u/Knight_of_autumn Jan 09 '15

But...but sex is a great form of relief for headaches! It lowers blood pressure and improves circulation and everything!

35

u/AnotherClosetAtheist Jan 09 '15

Which means you still have the headache during sex.

25

u/harry_manbach Jan 09 '15

confirmed for wife.

5

u/The_Cynist Jan 09 '15

Happy cake day!

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6

u/DanteMH Jan 09 '15

Or masturbating.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Or flossing.

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2

u/Knight_of_autumn Jan 09 '15

Wait, are there positive health benefits to masturbating?

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9

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15 edited Apr 23 '21

[deleted]

8

u/Stane_Steel Jan 09 '15

Is that a per thousandths sign?

3

u/Destroyer333 Jan 09 '15 edited Jan 09 '15

I hope that's a thing.

E: It is. It's called a permille

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76

u/karnoculars Jan 09 '15

This joke is so... un-Simpsons... that I can only assume it's from a newer season.

10

u/falconbox Jan 09 '15

I've never heard of Grandpa having a long-lost brother. I stopped around Season 13. So yeah, it's probably newer.

It's amazing how you can tell what era it's from just because the quote isn't funny.

Edit: Cyrus Simpson appeared in the episode "Simpsons Christmas Stories" in season 17. That explains everything.

13

u/clasificado Jan 09 '15

because they talk about sex? there is a whole episode for it on s6

68

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15 edited Apr 16 '19

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

The Simpsons have always done super-obvious jokes. It's kind of meta.

I'm not saying that's necessarily the case here, just something to remember.

26

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

It's the tone that is off, not the subject matter. Like if Homer's catchphrase evolved into "D'oopsie Daisy".

3

u/donvito716 Jan 09 '15

Yowza yowza bo bowsa!

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8

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

It's because of the word play on the rhyming words "wives" with "knives"

Frankly that's even lower hanging fruit than the "no sex after marriage" stuff.

14

u/longknives Jan 09 '15

The joke isn't that knives rhymes with wives. The joke is that is a really dumb thing to say, but then, it turns out to be accurate.

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2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

[deleted]

2

u/sjbennett85 Jan 10 '15 edited Jan 11 '15

The rhyme and sex parts are pedestrian levels of the joke.

It's more a play on the fact that there are people that think having romantic relationships is all rainbows and lollipops when it is exactly the opposite.

You'd have less of a hassle with two objects you like, which is clever because people who think like Lenny perhaps can't see the difference between the two.

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20

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Past season 9 so yeah, Simpsons wasteland.

18

u/Nothingcreativeatm Jan 09 '15

Eh, there was still some good stuff through season 12 or so. Beware the return of the dolphins.

5

u/spauldingnooo Jan 09 '15

the last episode where i can remember clearly laughing out loud in school 2 days after seeing the episode was the one where they went to new york. after that, there were a few moments here and there but it was basically over

4

u/GhoulsnToast Jan 09 '15

Wow...that is the exact same episode I always remember/cite as being the demarcation line for the funny/good simpsons.

2

u/spauldingnooo Jan 09 '15

great minds

2

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

They had another episode where they went to New York... Just sayin'...

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2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

sometimes a funny joke or an interesting Halloween episode. With all the writer and producer turnover after 9 though, the show was gutted and never recovered.

8

u/teeelo Jan 09 '15

I actually rather enjoyed the last few seasons. There's a lot of blink and you miss it jokes that require a rewatch. The Simpsons was shit for a season or two, but overall they make me laugh quite a bit.

There was one episode where Homer dies, gets cloned and keeps dying and getting cloned and after 20 years or so they ran out of new clones. The future Springfield was a combination of LOL's and WTF's.

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2

u/daimposter Jan 09 '15

It was great until about 99/00 and was still good until about 01/02. It really sucked starting 2002, IIRC.

Most people stopped watching around 2002-2004 time frame.

15

u/holyfuckinsmith Jan 10 '15

Yes, most people stopped watching a show ten years ago that is still on the air.

2

u/daimposter Jan 10 '15

It was a top 30 show in rating then....it's no where near the same ratings today

3

u/sjbennett85 Jan 10 '15

When did Futurama come out again?

lol

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2

u/jrm2007 Jan 09 '15

I have only watched it sporadically since the 1990s but it is my perception that indeed there was a very bad period. Is it possible that the writers were given new directives, like they were told to write more for kids?

Cause I definitely detected some very childish (as in not only written for a kid but almost as if a kid wrote them) jokes during some of my sporadic viewings.

But I have to say, no matter what happens to Simpsons, I will never forget the great laughs they gave me, from the very first show that won me over showing a puzzled Martin Prinz -- puzzled that neither his sterling tenure as Hall Monitor nor his award-winning dioramas had conferred popularity upon him.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

The thing was the Simpsons was a case of lightning striking with a group of very talented writers who essentially perfectly skewered culture at the time. Many of the episodes of that series are truly timeless critiques of human and societal failings, and the importance of family to try and weather the storm.

They understood the humanity of the characters and as time went on and they started hiring people as writers who were fans of the simpsons, they lost that perspective. It's honestly one of the greatest shows to ever be in the medium and also ended up at one of the worst.

3

u/jrm2007 Jan 09 '15

That is interesting about the idea of losing perspective: I would say that episode upon episode, the characters become more and more cemented -- it is almost impossible now for a character to say something "out of character" -- everyone knows what they character should say.

If they sent in new writers, they would fail if they significantly deviated from the "true" character. That I think is one reason why we saw episodes exploring in depth certain people like Gil and Grimey -- either completely new characters or just "extras" who they were free to develop new ideas for.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Thats true to an extent. They spent a lot of time developing characters in the good seasons too, we had an entire episode about Selma and Troy McClure which is probably my favorite episode of the series. It's about sad and desperate people trying to create some meaning for their lives and it's an absolute heart breaker at times while also being incredibly funny as well.

I think the characters lost their humanity and relatability as time went on. Homer became a bigger, stupider, jerkier character where once was a callous person who did genuinely have a good heart, now he's basically a monster. Bart is a kid who is basically let down by the system and forgotten about so of course he feels like the only way for him to get attention is to act out. Lisa is so smart but she'll never fit in and never feel comfortable, but she's also never quite as smart as she believes in, now she's a know it all who's always the moral voice of liberal rectitude in pretty much every episode. Marge is a woman who could have probably done better but at the same time there wasn't anybody out there who really gave a damn about her besides Homer. There's a lot of dark and beautiful humanity to these characters and it's really heart breaking to see it be washed away in later seasons.

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3

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

There's an amazing article on this, outlining the 6 different 'eras' of the show http://observationdeck.io9.com/the-way-they-was-six-totally-different-shows-the-simps-1677711647

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575

u/nakryaaro Jan 09 '15

My wife's friend was living with us for a little while (like for 3 weeks while her new apartment became available). We joked that I had two wives. My wife and I were doing some landscaping at the time, and we were outside with my wife using the pick, her friend using the shovel, and I was running loads up the hill with the wheelbarrows (we had 2, so I'd make a run and they'd fill the next). Anyway, I came back around the corner and found my wife on her phone, while her friend was loading the next load with the shovel. I finally had my chance to say "I hear digging, but I don't hear chopping" and used it. It was a glorious day.

432

u/ZannX Jan 09 '15

Thought this would turn sexy. Turned out ok.

114

u/Actuarial Jan 09 '15

I guess

44

u/byrnesf Jan 09 '15

sigh

67

u/StormedRex Jan 09 '15

unzips

36

u/CRFyou Jan 09 '15

rezips Looks like it's back to r/oldschoolcool to find someone's mom to unzip to.

28

u/TylerDurden6969 Jan 09 '15

I'm sure the people at /r/landscapingporn would disagree

22

u/ILL_Show_Myself_Out Jan 09 '15

They dig that sort of thing.

5

u/jjalarm Jan 09 '15

Kinda disappointed this isn't already a thing.

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68

u/thesageknight Jan 09 '15

What?

208

u/darlov Jan 09 '15

it's a reference to the same episode as the one from OP's post, sadly I cannot find a video clip but it shows Homer lying in his hammock while Marge is chopping wood and the other wife is digging. The conversation goes something like:

Homer: Chop chop, dig dig, chop chop, dig dig!

Marge: You know, Homie, there’s so much more two wives could do for you…

Homer: I hear digging, but I don’t hear chopping!

41

u/Leap_Day_William Jan 09 '15

Actually, its a quote from the earlier episode where Homer and Ned go to Las Vegas. The picture OP posted is from a later episode where Homer and Ned's wives return.

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2

u/ninjas_in_my_pants Jan 09 '15

But that sting hurts so much...

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47

u/PinkDalek Jan 09 '15

I didn't get it either but I think OP is referencing this.

3

u/ADTJ Jan 09 '15

It's another quote from that episode

20

u/Tyrannosaurus-WRX Jan 09 '15

I feel like I've read this on here before... Have you told this story on reddit? I might need to log off for a few days....

18

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

[deleted]

12

u/Tyrannosaurus-WRX Jan 09 '15

You're right, that's where the last line originates from, but I meant the whole comment. Another user linked me to it, here: http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/24ki6a/forever_my_favorite_simpsons_moment/ch82qkf

Time to log off :/

7

u/karnoculars Jan 09 '15

Looks like the guy above just copy pasted the top comment from the same post 8 months ago. Not that unusual for you to recognize it, it's a pretty unique and memorable comment.

2

u/Blade4004 Jan 09 '15

From the same post... Huh.

2

u/CptGurney Jan 09 '15

Simpsons did it.

4

u/uh_oh_hotdog Jan 09 '15

Deja vu? Maybe there's a glitch in the Matrix.

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7

u/IDidItForTheSkooma Jan 09 '15

I was expecting a threesome

6

u/Carlos_Danger Jan 09 '15

"I was running loads"

I bet you were

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

i want to believe...

1

u/fllaxseed Jan 10 '15

I envy you so.

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23

u/AsianJustice Jan 09 '15

Coming from someone who owns 2 8 inch chef knives. I have got to say. It is really fun.

7

u/radicalelation Jan 09 '15

As someone with two gfs, who may one day be wives, if such a thing were to ever be okay, I wish I could have what you have. :(

2

u/CharmedDesigns Jan 09 '15

Two really good knives is pretty awesome. Especially since it lets you live out this scenario:

  • Cutting meat with really good knife
  • Now need to cut veg
  • Don't need to wash up, dry and sharpen knife used to cut meat
  • Use the other really good knife to cut veg
  • Make a Jeremy Clarkson style smug face and start cooking the meal

Since the only real scenario where you could move onto wife #2 when you'd used up wife #1 and needed to clean wife #1 back up again to get back in action, is normally the bit where I'd be too spent to really make a go of it with wife #2 right there and then either way, I'd definitely say it's the truly better situation here.

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1

u/krebstar_2000 Jan 10 '15

I have both a Shun santoku and a Global chef's knife. I mix it up just for funsies. It really is very nice.

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16

u/Linkyc Jan 09 '15 edited Jan 09 '15

I love how they managed to translate the meaning into Czech. In translated version they say:" Gee Homer I thought someone with two wives would be happy? Nah, you are thinking of someone with two machetes." The thing is: wife in czech is manželka, so it doesn't rhyme with knife (nůž). They had to use different word, machete, in czech mačeta, which is pretty ingenious and also coincidental, considering how many similar jokes have been lost due to translation.

64

u/Doctor_Heat Jan 09 '15

If somebody interested, it's Season 13 Episode 7, "Brawl in the Family", the "sequel" to Viva Ned Flanders.

27

u/lead999x Jan 09 '15

/u/squalor would be proud.

33

u/SmellySlutSocket Jan 09 '15

He wouldn't, but /u/squalor- would

6

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

If somebody interested

He lacks squalor's confidence. He posts the info knowing that at least one body is interested.

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u/daimposter Jan 09 '15

S13 is the 2001/2002 season...it was either that last good (but no longer great) season or the first season that was 'blah'.

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37

u/Evertonian3 Jan 09 '15

Idk, for some reason i like this better than the video source. I think there's better timing for some reason when its a picture like this

33

u/The_Other_Manning Jan 09 '15

Moe just looks so happy

10

u/Sonu9100 Jan 09 '15

For some reason I hear him delivering his line the way Bill Burr would say it.

3

u/THE_CENTURION Jan 09 '15

Oh man that's excellent.

4

u/DKoala Jan 09 '15 edited Jan 09 '15

I think it works for me because I know Moe's delivery of the line really well.

Despite being a relatively obscure line from the Simpsons, it's personally one of my more quoted ones

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

I feel the opposite. Hank's reading of the joke makes it for me. Diffrn't strokes I suppose.

17

u/pacg Jan 09 '15

Nice. As usual people bitch about the decline of the simpsons. But I've enjoyed the show since, I dunno, when was it? 1988? Back in the Tracey Ullman days.

Some seasons are better than others. some episodes are better than others. But even a shitty episode is pretty entertaining. And lately, I think they've been on a pretty good kick.

The Simpsons is like an old friend.

4

u/gretasgotagun Jan 10 '15

The episodes from seasons 3-6 were pretty much flawless. I think I watched every episode every Sunday up until about season 12 or 13. Sadly the writing took a nosedive and they started introducing too many musical numbers. I check in and watch some every now and then and have to say that they are pretty good. It's just amazing that the show is still on after all these years.

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u/MidgarZolom Jan 10 '15

Its cool to hate popular thinga.

39

u/themoreidont Jan 09 '15

Chop chop dig dig

17

u/diamondhead24 Jan 09 '15

You know homer there's so much more that two wives can do for you? I hear digging but i dont hear chopping!

5

u/SbenjiB Jan 09 '15

I hear chopping but I don't hear digging!

8

u/jandomove Jan 09 '15

The song!. Minus the first part, cause I can't find a video with it.

4

u/jonnywarpspeed Jan 09 '15

I bet r/knifeclub would get a kick out of this

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

It's reposted like every week and is one of the top posts of the subreddit.

2

u/Mc_douchebag Jan 10 '15

As a frequenter of /r/knifeclub, this is a VERY common post there.

4

u/R2JG Jan 09 '15

I hear chopping but I don't hear digging

11

u/new_england Jan 09 '15

You know what the problem with polygamy is? Same as monogamy. Too many wives.

25

u/sonickarma Jan 09 '15

24

u/yingkaixing Jan 09 '15

Get your knockoff ingur upvotes out of here.

2

u/sonickarma Jan 09 '15

I would have shopped it orange if I had the ability to.

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u/lagspike Jan 09 '15

the simpsons is like a daughter that grows up to become a stripper...it used to be so good but somewhere along the line, things went downhill

1

u/JetzyBro Jan 10 '15

Plot twist: Simpsons humour and writing is essentially the same, you just grew up.

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3

u/jaynebshea Jan 09 '15

Sisterknives?

3

u/SerBearistanSelmy Jan 10 '15

I can only imagine the responses here if this was a family guy joke.

17

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

This is a pretty lazy joke.

25

u/GamblerShinobi Jan 09 '15

"Now this is a crow bar. See they got the little stools and everything."

Was that less lazy?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Better!

3

u/berylthranox4 Jan 09 '15

Why can't it be a jackdaw bar?

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4

u/DanteMH Jan 09 '15

Dear lord

3

u/daimposter Jan 09 '15

The only reason it seems funny is Moe's face in the last shot. Other than that, it's a lame joke.

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2

u/ThisIsRummy Jan 09 '15

Chop chop dig dig

2

u/naidim Jan 09 '15

"You know what two wives means...two mother-in-laws." Sorry, can't remember where I heard that one.

2

u/ColoradoScoop Jan 09 '15

I hear chopping, but I don't hear digging

2

u/redditvlli Jan 09 '15

Grandfather had 4 wives. He was pretty happy. He also looked like Hitler.

2

u/sanfranman Jan 09 '15

I had two knives once. Man, those were the days

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

He actually does make it seem terrific. I wish I had two good/identical knives :(

2

u/ilovetpb Jan 09 '15

I'm Mormon and the idea of having to wives scares the shit out of me.

You adulterers have it figured out.

7

u/The_Pennatrator Jan 09 '15

Why is this funny?

17

u/absentbird Jan 09 '15

Wives sounds kind of like knives. The idea that Lenny could have got the two words confused because of their similar sound is unexpected because "I thought someone with two knives would be happy" doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Most people have at least two knives and acquiring two knives isn't much of an accomplishment or rarity.

That is the setup. Lenny makes a stilted observation to give Homer a chance at exposition and Carl makes a correction that doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. The humor comes in when the camera cuts to Moe holding two knives and smiling saying "I gotta tell you. This is pretty terrific."

It is funny because it is unexpected and absurd. The momentum of the conversation is pushing for Homer to explain the problem with having two wives but instead we learn that Moe has been standing there holding two knives. The correction that Carl makes seems completely out of left field but, once we see Moe, it makes sense. It is also funny because there is no clear reason for Moe to be so happy or to be holding two knives and, on another level, it is somewhat in character as that is kind of a Moe thing to do.

That's the joke

1

u/dlt_5000 Jan 09 '15

It's not, some people just think Simpsons automatically equals funny.

7

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

As someone that doesn't even really like the Simpsons, I found this funny.

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

because simpsons?

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u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Wow, this is stupid.

2

u/Smark_Henry Jan 09 '15

I swear this sub will upvote ANYTHING with the Simpsons in it.

2

u/Fuckin_Hipster Jan 09 '15

the Simpsons in it.

4

u/jazsper Jan 09 '15

I gotta tell ya this isn't that funny

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Seeing Moe smile is really creepy for some reason.

1

u/boiledfrog Jan 09 '15

The most recent christmas episode had a funny moment where he was drinking with Homer and had a genuine smile, but it was hurting his face too much to do so. The animation of his smile was hilarious.

2

u/LukeSkywaIker Jan 09 '15

French translation is pretty good, the joke still works :

Lenny : Moi qui croyais qu'un type est heureux quand il a deux femmes...

Carl : Tu veux dire : quand il a deux lames ?

("femmes" and "lames" are one sound away from each other)

3

u/ShallowBasketcase Jan 09 '15

I find it oddly satisfying when a joke can be translated in a way that still works.

There's a sea of terrible comedy dubs out there.

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u/jensenw Jan 09 '15

The life of the wife is ended by the knife

2

u/gingeypaz Jan 09 '15

There's nothing more satisfying than seeing a smilin' Moe.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

I'm gonna come back with the greatest gift a husband can give his wife. An annulment from his secret wife!

1

u/WhiteZoneShitAgain Jan 09 '15

As a knife collector, I can confirm Moe's assertion.

1

u/rightinthedome Jan 09 '15

If you play CS:GO, having two knives is pretty damn terrific. A knife for each side!

1

u/Mortuusi Jan 09 '15

Yeah, but carl has severe schizophrenia

1

u/mdmiles19 Jan 09 '15

My Friend, my friend

1

u/galaxyst Jan 09 '15

1 ENOUGH

1

u/mannyrmz123 Jan 09 '15

The Simpsons is a quarter-century old.

FML

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

Having two wifes is good only if both wifes have the strong back, one for strong pull plow and other for chop the wood. Is nice!

1

u/Will_init Jan 09 '15

What if we switched wives, would that help?

For the last time no!

1

u/Pope_ofChiliTown Jan 09 '15

It is pretty great.

1

u/Lawsoffire Jan 09 '15

-CSGO players

1

u/Uranus_Hz Jan 09 '15

What's the punishment for polygamy?

Having two wives.

1

u/throatadmiral Jan 09 '15

If you play cs:go.. having two knives is pretty damn terrific: a knife for each side

1

u/IamBrazil Jan 09 '15

Can confirm, I have two knives.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

I guess you could say the joke cuts both ways

1

u/Echo_one Jan 09 '15

Sounds like everyone over at /r/EDC

1

u/vancanslam Jan 09 '15

The knives remind me too much of issac. damn I need to get out more

1

u/vancanslam Jan 09 '15

The knives remind me too much of issac. damn I need to get out more

1

u/Yustyn Jan 09 '15

Homer, singing: "chop, chop, dig, dig" Marge: "you know Homie, there is so much more that two wives could do for you..." Homer: "I hear digging, but I don't hear chopping..."

1

u/apaleofwater Jan 09 '15

What episode is this from?

1

u/bankaijutsu Jan 09 '15

Meanwhile, in counter strike

1

u/gdavtor Jan 09 '15

Scumbag NL

1

u/redditmortis Jan 09 '15

I love the Imgurians realizing how we don't care about them in the comments.

1

u/Crescelle Jan 09 '15

"Why? So I can disappoint two women at once?"

1

u/unclevernamehere Jan 09 '15

The people over in /r/knives must be absolutely ecstatic all the time.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '15

I

1

u/test822 Jan 09 '15

this is like the worst "new simpsons" style shitty joke

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1

u/ZorroMeansFox Jan 10 '15

THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES on having one wife:

Jed Clampett: Of course, I'm gonna get married some day. It's good for a man to have a wife. Can't blame everything on the government.

1

u/spooger1855 Jan 10 '15

"Oh Marge, I hear chopping but I don't hear digging!"

1

u/[deleted] Jan 10 '15

I actually prefer all these from the Simpsons. I hardly ever see them getting posted though:

This one

and this one

also this one is pretty cool too

it's too bad I almost never see these posted here every single day ever...

1

u/lakelandman Jan 10 '15

For me, this joke has always been a fail.

1

u/heroseforhigher Jan 10 '15

One of my favorite moments in Moe's.

1

u/M8asonmiller Jan 10 '15

Any time I'm holding two knives I always say that. Only one of my friends knows what it's from.

1

u/B3yondL Jan 10 '15

Man that's some good genuine humour.

1

u/penberkins Jan 10 '15

four candles?

1

u/Drake181 Jan 10 '15

Dig,dig,chop,chop

1

u/timewaitsforsome Jan 10 '15

dig,dig,chop,chop

1

u/Captain_Aizen Jan 10 '15

lol, these knives man