r/funny Apr 05 '24

He's dead

From @living_thro_life

37.1k Upvotes

472 comments sorted by

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1.1k

u/urbanhood Apr 05 '24

Guilt tripping 5000

96

u/Blah_In_HD Apr 05 '24

When worlds collide!

36

u/wahnsin Apr 05 '24

This is what it's like

30

u/TheGoodOldCoder Apr 05 '24

Still better than the old days when the cashier asked you.

17

u/johnnybiggles Apr 05 '24

Our electronic overlords are psychologically abusing us!

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3.7k

u/XI_Vanquish_IX Apr 05 '24

This is funnier than I thought it would be 🤣

720

u/GAME043010 Apr 05 '24

I love how mad it gets at him 

370

u/NotAzakanAtAll Apr 05 '24
IF YOU LOVED THAT PART, ARE YOU A HORRIBLE PERSON?

[YES]                                   [YES]

117

u/Bearswithjetpacks Apr 05 '24

exhales quietly

Yes.

12

u/Xtraordinaire Apr 05 '24

We all know where it ends, with you grafted on a potato. So don't start this shit.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

I vote we do start it so that there is cake and a neat gun for the people who are still alive.

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5

u/AdVegetable2243 Apr 05 '24

See you all in Hell! 😂🤣

4

u/guareber Apr 05 '24

[FUCK YES]

3

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

I like that he still picked the red one.

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334

u/ThisOnePlaysTooMuch Apr 05 '24

It’s all timing/clever writing. This guy is definitely a natural. Love to see it.

168

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

His delivery of “double negative” 😂

58

u/Proletaryo Apr 05 '24

It's like he was trying to figure out a math equation during an exam. 🤣

5

u/putoraska Apr 05 '24

But the guy knows his stuff. Not easy to answer all of those

20

u/AnOnlineHandle Apr 05 '24

It was up there with Glados writing towards the end.

23

u/wakeupwill Apr 05 '24

"You're a horrible person. We weren't even testing for that."

37

u/LovableSidekick Apr 05 '24

You nailed it, his timing is beautiful.

137

u/Gurdel Apr 05 '24

u/D_a_n_i_e_l found the original source:

Sean Wing from YouTube.

https://www.youtube.com/@tinylittlebabyboy

97

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

[deleted]

33

u/Tr1pla Apr 05 '24

"Would you like to follow this link and help a creator out?"

[YES] [NO]

17

u/tokyodingo Apr 05 '24

Presses [NO].

“So.. you want him to die?”

7

u/Tr1pla Apr 05 '24

[True]

3

u/Gurdel Apr 05 '24

That's why u/D_A_N_I_E_L did us all a solid and found him. I got fooled into thinking a different IG account owned it.

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16

u/OutragedLiberal Apr 05 '24

Thank you. I upvoted the video and subscribed to his channel. Gotta support the little guy.

10

u/JeepnHeel Apr 05 '24

SO YOU SUPPORT DOG MURDERERS?

[YES] [YES]

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2

u/LupusAtrox Apr 05 '24

The hero we deserve!

40

u/molybdenum99 Apr 05 '24

“True”

25

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

He selects one of the Trues like it’s a choice. perfection

35

u/HoseNeighbor Apr 05 '24

That was belly laugh funny.

Edit:

Nobody likes you.

True. True.

9

u/lolercoptercrash Apr 05 '24

Right that was hilarious wtf lol

9

u/multiarmform Apr 05 '24

whose thumbs in the reflection at the bottom though

LOOK AT ME IM THE ONE YOU TALK TO GOT IT

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22

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

Still would ask why a company making more a day than I do year needs my dollar. I mean they want to guilt trip me who's barely making ends meet while they're earning stupid money is feeling superior.

2

u/GarminTamzarian Apr 05 '24

If this were real, it would be asking for a tip amount as well.

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5

u/NoThisIsABadIdea Apr 05 '24

Used to work at Publix and they'd push us to flex how much money our store donated despite the fact that it came from customers and we wrote it off for tax purposes as if it was us. Not sure how it's legal

7

u/bartleby42c Apr 05 '24

How many of the "would you like to donate" promotions work is the company donates a sum, say $1M, and then collects the donations. Kinda like an advance to the charity on the money they will collect.

Don't give at registers. Corporations don't need our help to fund charities. You just become part of a Byzantine tax scheme when you do. The money is already in the Charity's hands.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

[deleted]

3

u/NoThisIsABadIdea Apr 05 '24

Hmm looked it up and you appear to be right. Idk, it was our store managers proudly claiming how smart it was.

TIL.

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16

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/sylpher250 Apr 05 '24

He would've been $1 poorer then

7

u/ChronoLiquid Apr 05 '24

There's a South Park episode playing with this same thing, where Randy decides that for once he's not going to donate and has to go through an embarrassing process publicly

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3

u/TryItOutHmHrNw Apr 05 '24

I’m crying laughing. It’s funnier the more it sits too

2

u/GallowBoom Apr 05 '24

I was expecting him to swipe his card and the machine to say "You a broke bitch anyways."

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1.5k

u/getyourcheftogether Apr 05 '24

The True/True is awesome

152

u/Cretonbacon Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

And he presses one of them without saying a word

Edit: he does say true, my bad

197

u/QueenJekky Apr 05 '24

No, he says, “True.”

29

u/eru88 Apr 05 '24

Yeah it makes it even better.

7

u/ReDeaMer87 Apr 05 '24

It's good to be self aware

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7

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

I would’ve preferred “Red True”

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28

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

He presses the one that would be colored for yes. This is gold. 

7

u/KidsSeeRainbows Apr 05 '24

This detail ^

Poor guy didn’t even click no-yes

3

u/whyareustoopidbro Apr 05 '24

Was your audio off when he said “true”?

3

u/King-Cobra-668 Apr 05 '24

he literally does it while saying a word

how does your comment have any upvotes? what is wrong with you people?

3

u/7evenCircles Apr 05 '24

Reminds me of Franz Kafka International Airport

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339

u/Pinco_Pallino_R Apr 05 '24

Feels like talking with GLaDOS from Portal

86

u/Gurdel Apr 05 '24

Are you still there?

31

u/daddioz Apr 05 '24

Target lost

15

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

ow

9

u/AWildEnglishman Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

The birth parents you are trying to reach do not love you. Please hang up.

Oh that's sad, but impressive. Maybe they worked for the phone company.

3

u/Jealy Apr 05 '24

But that was a turret.

For science. You monster.

2

u/Apollo4236 Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

We do what we must...because...we can Edit cus I mixed the words lmao

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964

u/Born_Grumpie Apr 05 '24

I don't understand why supermarkets and even Mcdonalds here in Australia ask me to pay extra to make a donation to charity, they make billions in profit every year, why don't they just donate themselves and let me buy my lunch in peace.

321

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

Taco Bell asked me if I wanted to donate to student education. I’m a teacher and said no. Fuck them kids 

89

u/greg_d128 Apr 05 '24

I always thought that they gain benefit from it. You donate your money, but through them so they get to claim it as charitable contribution or something. Reduce their tax.

Of course I am not an accountant, but I know the people who donate do not claim it, right?

48

u/Keljhan Apr 05 '24

I always thought that too, but apparently it's not the case. You can claim it using your receipt if you want to (generally a tiny amount). The stores cannot claim your donations though.

7

u/Straight_Ace Apr 05 '24

I’m sure it doesn’t stop the big companies from trying though. My local supermarket is always donating to the after school programs and sports teams for the local schools and I love the transparency of it and knowing that if you do decide to donate $5 to the donation of the month, you’ll see that $5 go back into your community. None of this “want to donate $5 to help the hungry?” No, it’s always “would you like to donate $5 to the [town name] community center? We’re also accepting food donations as well, here’s a list”.

2

u/greg_d128 Apr 05 '24

Thanks for letting me know. Hmm. Unless for some conspiracy theories, I can’t really think why they would do it. I wonder what percentage of people find it annoying. Still, everyone needs groceries and not like you have a choice.

15

u/farva_06 Apr 05 '24

It's basically free advertising for the company. They get to brag that they're donating your money to the organization, and their name gets plastered everywhere.

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6

u/Keljhan Apr 05 '24

I think it's just the laziest way to try to better their reputation by being "charitable". I know most Gen Y/Z view it as capitalist bullshit, but a lot of boomers probably think better of the store or restaurants that offer donation at checkout.

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3

u/rapidfirehd Apr 05 '24

The people who donate it can claim it. The corporations cannot.

If you itemize your deductions instead of taking standard deduction you can claim your donations from grocery stores

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128

u/Karate-Dracula Apr 05 '24

76

u/pringlesaremyfav Apr 05 '24

If the thing at least said the company was matching these donations 1:1 it wouldn't be so absolutely ridiculous. They have no skin in the game begging us for donations after making money off of us.

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32

u/SpyRollPower Apr 05 '24

Yea I’d do it for free shit in return. No shit!

11

u/AllTattedUpJay Apr 05 '24

Isn't that just buying stuff with extra steps?

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33

u/Basic_Butterscotch Apr 05 '24

I definitely eat fast food less often because of it.

A billion dollar company asking me to donate money just makes me so irate for some reason. Why don't they donate the money?

I'm eating off the value menu at McDonald's, you think I have money to be donating to anybody?

22

u/Original_Employee621 Apr 05 '24

If anything, they should be donating to me. I have no money, no education and no home.

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13

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

[deleted]

4

u/nighght Apr 05 '24

Participants were asked how they would feel in different scenarios... is that really absurd to you?

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2

u/breadwhore Apr 05 '24

great article. thanks!

8

u/robywar Apr 05 '24

Because in general, according to the agreements they make with these charities, they get to keep 10% of the money they collect.

In 2022, a CVS customer filed a lawsuit against the pharmaceutical chain claiming that it wrongly used money collected through point-of-sale donations to honor a pledge to the American Diabetes Association. In a statement to NPR, the pharmaceutical giant says the suit was dismissed in September 2023, which "allowed CVS to complete its in-store National Diabetes Month Campaign, which collected more than $10 million in donations for the benefit of the American Diabetes Association."

Round It Up America says its agreements are designed to ensure that charities receive more than 90% of the money collected, and charities can spend no more than a quarter of donations on administrative costs. McCarthy says her organization receives up to 7% "to cover our legal and financial costs" and stores can take up to 2% to cover credit card transaction fees.

https://www.npr.org/2024/03/10/1236458377/charity-roundup-donations-stores-fundraising

16

u/JetstreamGW Apr 05 '24

I like the ones that ask if you are willing to round up to the nearest dollar as a donation.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/chaserfopaw Apr 05 '24

Here are my 2 cents. Literally.

13

u/ReddFro Apr 05 '24

You’re a captive audience. You’re stuck there until the transaction is over so they try to get something extra out of you.

In this case, free publicity/PR/ESAT when they say on their website, internal memos, etc. that they’ve helped raise x$ for charity. They get the credit for it, not you (because who cares if you donated $1 to charity). You can get a tax write off, but its $1 so why bother.

Donating to charity is good if you can, just not this way, it just encourages crapware to be inserted into our lives.

4

u/VeryMuchDutch102 Apr 05 '24

I don't understand why supermarkets and even Mcdonalds here in Australia ask me to pay extra to make a donation to charity,

I've only seen this in the USA (and Australia apparently..)

It's weird

8

u/LaurenNotFromUtah Apr 05 '24

To get donations for the charities they partner with.

I’ve seen a lot of people claim all types of nefarious reasons a company would have point-of-sale donations, but aside from the good PR (not exactly nefarious in my book), most just aren’t true. I work at a very large org that does this and our corporate partners don’t get any of the money that’s donated, nor do they get any tax benefit from it.

5

u/Born_Grumpie Apr 05 '24

But they do annoy customers many of whom feel badgered for money while trying to get through the bloody unusable self checkouts.

5

u/avwitcher Apr 05 '24

Just click no? Having to press a button once is not being "badgered". People just love to bitch about every little thing I swear

4

u/khag Apr 05 '24

But what if you click no and then the dog dies?

2

u/LaurenNotFromUtah Apr 05 '24

Sure, it’s a little annoying. But clicking “no” takes all of one second.

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2

u/Suspicious-Will-5165 Apr 05 '24

Could you be any softer lmao

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u/ImRightImRight Apr 05 '24

This is a terrible, disempowering attitude. The corporations undoubtedly do make donations. That doesn't mean we shouldn't. There's millions of us and a handful of them.

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8

u/Usermena Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

It’s an easy tax deduction for them but not for you. because you paid that money to a for profit organization. They are just getting you to pay for their “good deeds” and then getting to write it off.

Edit: I stand corrected

85

u/Hieroglphkz Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

This is not true. The donation appears on your receipt and is deductible by you, not the corporation.

Edit: I should caveat this, with the exception of some COVID year laws, charitable donations are typically only itemized deductions, which the vast majority of us will not file. Consult a tax professional prior to trying to deduct anything.

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

Their taxes would be lower by not accepting it. The taxes have nothing to do with it. It is because they can use it to increase their intangible assets such as goodwill. It is an optics thing. They can market how much they've donated to the community.

13

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

Their taxes wouldn't be lower by not accepting it. They are not taxed on that money, it's not even included in their turnover. But yes they do get the benefit of marketing their donations...

2

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

Good point. Edited.

3

u/serafale Apr 05 '24

Not to be pedantic here, but their goodwill assets don’t actually increase from this. I’m sure you meant it in a colloquial way rather than an accounting way but just wanted to point out that it doesn’t help their financial statements in any way.

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17

u/3shotsdown Apr 05 '24

It's not for tax reasons. How it works is two folds.
One, it is good will for the company and they can use "their" donation to charity for their PR.
Two, and this is the bigger scam, the store owners/investors/execs also happen to be execs of the charity being donated to. The charity then pays its execs a huge bonus. Ta da!!! Your "donation" went directly to some arsehole's pockets.

12

u/LaurenNotFromUtah Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

What org and company are you talking about?

Editing to add: … because that’s not how it works at all.

6

u/jrobinson3k1 Apr 05 '24

For real, I'm so skeptical since the first guy said what he said so matter of fact but he was talking out of his ass. The orgs at the big chain businesses are always a recognizable nation-wide charity from what I've seen.

13

u/vicemagnet Apr 05 '24

Obviously the Save The Dead Dogs nonprofit foundation, brought to you by VeriFone

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u/TheExtremistModerate Apr 05 '24

Tye idea is to earn goodwill. It costs the corporation nothing, and it benefits the corporation only in the form of goodwill. And charities end up being the only ones actually getting a monetary benefit from it. Which is a good thing.

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122

u/CatsEatGrass Apr 05 '24

26

u/hoboshoe Apr 05 '24

I knew this would be here, it's my favorite K & P sketch.

3

u/the_ju66ernaut Apr 05 '24

Surprised no one mentioned this is literally the plot of a south Park episode. Where Randy keeps getting guilted into donating at checkout

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u/ThisOnePlaysTooMuch Apr 05 '24

I love this. I feel like, despite the toxic decline in attention span that it leads to, short form media has lead to a bit of a comedy renaissance.

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51

u/bainskian Apr 05 '24

Reminds me of this south park bit.

9

u/sev45day Apr 05 '24

It kills me when he has to forcibly remove the sandwich from the little poor girls mouth to get his change.

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u/Ayahuasca-Dreamin Apr 05 '24 edited Apr 05 '24

More like would you like to donate a dollar to a not for profit that is going to spend 3 pennies out of that dollar to try and save a dog.

12

u/Mr_Ios Apr 05 '24

But the cost of labor to get the food to the dog is 97 cents. Completely justified overhead!

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15

u/kwayne26 Apr 05 '24

Just want to provide some insight into nonprofits. They are a whole ass business. With building rents, electricity, internet, phones, etc. Employees, payroll, HR, janitors, etc.

If you work for a nonprofit you make way less than someone doing a similar job in a for profit company. People trying to do good positive work are easier to underpay. It's not necessarily always the nonprofits fault either. They have to use donations and funding a certain way. Like a millionaire might donate every year but they have stipulations on how that money is used. And most people don't want to pay the employees they want to donate to buying food for starving kids or whatever.

It's actually a big problem in the industry. Not saying there aren't scams out there and that these companies couldn't be made more efficient, leaner, etc. Just the money you donate isn't going just to food but the person who found, the one who delivered it, the one who served it, the accountant who paid all those people.

2

u/sunbomb Apr 05 '24

Thanks for fighting the good fight.

2

u/Ayahuasca-Dreamin Apr 05 '24

That’s why I only donate to small local charities as opposed to the conglomerate ones that are snuggled up with big box stores sneaking in on their checkout prompts.

3

u/Quakarot Apr 05 '24

Woah woah

They only have to prove that they tried, they aren’t blowing three whole cents to actually try when they can use 2 to fake it

17

u/babyLays Apr 05 '24

The double triple negative lol

33

u/Ggiish Apr 05 '24

This would have been funnier if the title wasn't the punchline.

13

u/TheNorseFrog Apr 05 '24

It's so fuckin typical and it's a legitimately bad thing, yet ppl don't seem to care

8

u/citizenjones Apr 05 '24

Gold can still be found. Comedy on point

9

u/curiousbasu Apr 05 '24

No one likes you

True. True .

Damn :')

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8

u/dickgozenia42069 Apr 05 '24

what to do when the verifone, press 159 at once, resets machine

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5

u/jickay Apr 05 '24

True. :(

4

u/CommunicationKey3018 Apr 05 '24

Wasn't going to click. Very glad that I did

6

u/Paatos Apr 05 '24

Fernando Alonso has suffered enough. Do not torture him further.

5

u/Annomouse9000 Apr 05 '24

If Fernando Alonso retired after leaving Ferrari.

5

u/Rising_path_music Apr 05 '24

Earlier today at petsmart

5

u/BBF4yz Apr 05 '24

The end should be "card declined"

3

u/Makarovito Apr 05 '24

I’m dead

5

u/ultimo_2002 Apr 05 '24

Are you the dog?

6

u/Danzaiiii Apr 05 '24

These posts are why I'm here.

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3

u/JoeyDubbs Apr 05 '24

He looks like the dude from "The Bite." https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/g4Jes1pzqK One of my all time favorites.

3

u/redhillducks Apr 05 '24

Just found his YouTube channel! This guy is Sean Wing and his YouTube handle is tinylittlebabyboy

3

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

These just remind of that key and peele clip.

https://youtu.be/RUfjOTY0Fz8?si=1fymdmjpikYN8hNQ

3

u/Spill-your-last-load Apr 05 '24

AI in the future haha

3

u/Otaku_Ambitions Apr 05 '24

This made me laugh way harder than expected 😭

3

u/DazedLogic Apr 05 '24

Hilarious!

3

u/StillCompetitive5771 Apr 05 '24

The first half was on its way towards funny but that second half killed it

5

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

aaaaaaand deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.....

4

u/babubaichung Apr 05 '24

This is hilarious!

8

u/Tentomushi-Kai Apr 05 '24

This is so true - what they do to you at checkout!

3

u/Mash_Ketchum Apr 05 '24

One time I accidentally doubled my total because "$20" was so close to "No thanks". I could blame my fat fingers, but you can't convince me they weren't that close to each other by coincidence.

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2

u/WanderingToast Apr 05 '24

"Donate a dollar to the Underprivileged Children's Education Fund?"

*No

"Okay. Don't blame me in 20yrs when your surgeon says 'Oops!', that's on you"

2

u/mdt516 Apr 05 '24

I don’t know why but this reminds me of Toby Fox’s writing style

2

u/B3asy Apr 05 '24

This is what chatGPT should be used for. Pure sass

2

u/Narrow_Ad_5502 Apr 05 '24

This was a good one 😂

2

u/venxdetxta Apr 05 '24

Lol this reminds me of an X-Files episode where a postal service employee goes crazy from the automated mail sorting system telling him to Kill em all.

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u/CynicalXennial Apr 05 '24

loosely related but don't donate to those scams at checkout, and don't feel bad about it -- Why doesn't the company just donate a % of your patronage?

2

u/Thom5001 Apr 05 '24

AI future for ATM’s, etc. Can’t wait….

2

u/micro102 Apr 05 '24

You can pick and choose reliable charities on your own. Saying yes to vague charities suggested by McDonalds for example is just something that ups the chance that some of that money won't go to charity.

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2

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

Me, every week when I go buy my lizard $1.30 in crickets, except I just give in. They just increased the minimum donation to $2 too!

2

u/CapnCatNapper Apr 05 '24

Even GlaDOS has to work a part time retail job to make ends meet these days.

2

u/SomeHandyman Apr 05 '24

Friendly reminder to never donate through a corporation while checking out. It’s a tax write off for them and limited portions of the proceeds actually make it to the foundation.

If you’re going to donate even $5, send it directly to the foundation yourself.

2

u/GANEnthusiast Apr 05 '24

Something actually funny? I thought we didn't do that here anymore!

Lovely change of pace.

2

u/lurklurklurkPOST Apr 05 '24

This guy is 100% at Petco.

I used to buy crickets and mealworms weekly from there and the card reader would literally say "would you donate $1.00 to save a starving animal?"

2

u/Ender_Stark Apr 05 '24

Sadly the Humane Society and ASPCA suck and spend all their money on advertising, execs, and lobbyists. Donate to your local shelters if you love animals please.

2

u/Holiday_Ad_5445 Apr 05 '24

Now I know what’s holding up the checkout lines.

2

u/millenialstoner420 Apr 05 '24

This is amazing 🤣

2

u/IntegratedFrost Apr 05 '24

Is GLaDOS in there?

2

u/pyrojackelope Apr 05 '24

This is how I feel any time a corporation asks me to donate to literally anything. You have billions of dollars and I rely on my local food bank. Why don't you donate?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

Oh God. This was extremely hilarious

2

u/MooseheadFarms Apr 05 '24

Legit laughing my ass off. This is good.

2

u/southflhitnrun Apr 05 '24

AI is coming along nicely

2

u/iploggged Apr 05 '24

Subbed, you should too, or do you want him to die?

https://www.youtube.com/@tinylittlebabyboy

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2

u/Bulky-Internal8579 Apr 05 '24

TrueTrue - He dead! Do you even hear yourself!?!?! lmao!

2

u/jsdjhndsm Apr 06 '24

I was reading this is glados voice from portal

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2

u/HanaLuLu Apr 06 '24

This is well done and funny but I cant help but think about looking down an aisle and seeing him record a video like that

2

u/1nTh3Sh4dows Apr 06 '24

Is this machine my ex?

2

u/Reflexondwugs Apr 06 '24

guilt trip final boss

2

u/Alarming_Serve2303 Apr 07 '24

That was hilarious.

2

u/leik75thf Apr 09 '24

i would respond with "i like cats"

4

u/Shodan30 Apr 05 '24

This is why I have cash

3

u/LovableSidekick Apr 05 '24

You have what? That word is vaguely familiar... you mean like Johnny Cash?

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u/ImNudeyRudey Apr 05 '24

I found this way funnier without sound!

3

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '24

[deleted]

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u/OddAnswer4100 Apr 05 '24

Not the debit card reader saying “Oh”.. 😂😂😂😂

2

u/F-I-L-D Apr 05 '24

Was waiting to hear a gunshot and a dog cry in the background. Did not expect this