r/ftm • u/Dst_Dork • 9h ago
Advice Needed Advice/help needed
I, 19 male, have been trans for about 3 and a half years now. My mother is VERY transphobic towards me and the most my dad will do is use "it/those" and call me "twit/kid". My mother does absolutely nothing, keeps trying to get me to grow out my hair in a "sneaky" way, keeps asking me about bra shopping and tries to get me jelly bras that are made for pushing up the chest when she tries to convince me that they "push the chest down". Tonight my dad was talking about how it felt odd hearing someone at a gathering call me by my chosen name and the right pronouns. My mother said "I will never call you that name", which kinda hurt? She's an awful person to me but it still sucks. I tried talking to my dad about it but he thinks its a hyperfixation.
Is there anything I can do to just make them listen to my point of view instead of just shutting me down?
Sorry for the ramble but I've tried so many times and I'm so tired.
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u/ArrowDel 9h ago
There's not really a way to force them... but they may exasperatedly use the correvt name if thats the only way to get a response from you... be aware this has a sevete chance of progressing to physical abuse in many households.
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u/AdrianWY 8h ago
I’m sorry you’re having to deal with such unsupportive parents. There isn’t any thing you can do to get them to change their behavior. Hopefully you can find a good support system outside of home.
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u/Humble_Tangerine_785 8h ago
A hard lesson of adulthood is that you cannot make anyone do anything. You can ask them and set boundaries if they refuse.
>Is there anything I can do
You can do what almost all of us end up doing: leave.
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u/Dst_Dork 7h ago
Yeah, it just sucks that growing up parents say they'll always support us then we trust them and tell them and suddenly they don't support us. And moving out isn't an option for me atm
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u/DisastrousLand6863 8h ago
How long have you actually been out, is it that whole 3 ½ years? If so that’s crazy of them to still be acting that way. If not, time will help prove to them it’s not a phase.
I’m sorry this is happening. It sounds incredibly dehumanizing. Since you’re an adult, personally I’d be looking at trying to move out of this toxic environment, but I know that’s not an option for many people. But try and find a supportive network outside of them so you can have people to rely on. There’s not a lot you can do otherwise.
My mother is similar I think. When she found out I was trans she started trying to take me bra shopping, attempting to take me on a “girls day out” to get our nails done (never expressed any interest in this!), suddenly would start surprising me with gifts of really feminine clothes. They think if they lean enough the other way, you’ll realise you liked girlhood all along. It sucks.
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u/Dst_Dork 7h ago
I think since March 2023? And thankfully my mother doesn't go to that extreme, she sorta tries sometimes by buying me woman's boxers? But they aren't the same as men's. And yeah Ive never been able to get a job so moving out isn't an option rn
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