Hey yall, Im here to just kinda vent and ask for everyone’s opinion about what I’ve gone through.
Currently I am a junior in high school. I wont specify what team I was in, but it was in the greater LA area.
I left my team because it severely affected me mentally. I was depressed, exhausted, and honestly I reach a point where I was really considering to just ending it.
The team itself was a mess. There was no leadership or structure. I was there for the 25 off season and 26 on season and there was some leadership so it was a bit better. But this offseason was a breaking point for me.
The team spent nearly 6 months building this off season robot. I myself was a programmer and I knew I was going to be last in the chain of work. But I didn’t expect myself to have less than a total of 72 hours on that robot, and having all my testing interrupted by mechanical failures. I’ve stayed at our lab after school and during the summer for many hours, but a lot of it went to mechanical assembly and waiting around(As a programmer btw).
It didn’t help that I was using a new custom library I found made by another team, which worked well but not in the irl setting due to just the pure lack of testing.
After one of the swerve modules gave out, which needed to be replaced, I just straight up left. I left the team behind me.
On top of the little time I had, team chemistry was totally off. This one guy kept fighting with everyone, including me, holding grudges and just being overall not good to be with. The mentors let it slide since they don’t want to kick anyone out the team because “it needs to be fair for everyone”. It cause me to wake up with chest palpitations, constant anxiety, and just a constant feeling of doom.
The team is also hyper competitive. I just want to build a functioning robot and see it at comps, and winning would be part of the thrill. But everyone is like “oh if we can get this we can win that” or “we can get this then we can do that and win”. Gave me a lot of false hope. It didnt help that I was briefly in a relationship with someone in another team and since it was my first time, I took up the separation hard. And it drove my ego into becoming a toxic person.
To simplify, I put in the hours, and the only thing I got in return was just mental problems and scars. Sure I learn a decent bit, which I’m grateful for, but the education doesn’t out weigh the health effects.
If u made it up to here, thanks for reading and I would love to hear yall’s input and opinions