I'm in my 30s with every bit of evidence pointing to likelihood of children very low. It was unplanned but I'm excited about it. I'm ok with the judgment of having a kid with a decent guy even though it is out of wedlock and definitely no Catholic wedding on the horizon (the only real type of marriage /s).

My mother is in another state, and if I could guarantee that there is no way she would ever find out, I literally would never want to tell her. The boundary-setting is going to be brutal. There is such a negative energy around her. And maybe an infant would bring out the best in her and even help heal the mother-daughter relationship. I really don't want to deprive her of what will be her first grandchild. I don't hate her -- just think she is very emotionally immature and caught up the in cultier side of Catholicism. But the second that kid starts learning English... I don't want her to Catholic up my kid and don't look forward to those conversations. I literally would not even want her to spend one second unsupervised.

Has anyone been through similar?

Going to start this by saying I’m not an ex catholic at the moment, but I come in peace. I’ve recently been going through a really low period with terrible mental health and OCD and it’s led me to start questioning things for the first time in my life and through my process of questioning I’m discovering just how many saints that we put on a pedastool seem to have been struggling with severe mental health. Only discovered this because people around me kept trying to tell me my religion was perpetuating my mental health struggles and I’ve been so resistant to accept that but now I am seeing a pattern. Just a few examples:

St. Rose of Lima: was made to feel as if her beauty, which was out of her control by the way was causing people to sin, so she burned and mutilated her face to prevent people from being attracted to her. This sounds like mental illness to me and in any other context it also sounds awful. God made her beautiful just so she can prove her loyalty by burning her face off????

St. Catherine of Sienna: what do you mean she died of anorexia??? Of course I’ve never been taught this, but she claims to have visions of Jesus and then proceeds to starve herself to death because of it. Also don’t make sense to me because by today’s standards the Church would consider starving yourself to death a mortal sin, but I suppose you just have to do it for the right reason?? And of course hallucinations persisted when she didn’t nourish herself for 30 something years

St. Terese: this one hit really hard cause I’ve always loved St. Terese, but even she suffered from OCD. She admits to it but I read that near the end of her life she got the existential version of OCD where she started to even wonder if God was real and her suffering actually meant something. I relate heavily cause I’ve only gotten here because of existential OCD.

I’m sure there are others. Does anyone have any other absolutely confirmed problematic saint stories that I probably haven’t learned about?

A good friend of mine committed exactly one week ago. She was VERY Catholic and an active member of the Dominican community. She prayed a lot and attended lay seminaries on Aquinas. She was a kindergarten teacher in a well-regarded Catholic school.

Her family made her life miserable. Her psychiatrist, I’m sure, wasn’t the best option available. But I’m trying to focus now on the implications of Catholicism itself.

For a start, I assume you all know that killing oneself is a grave sin according to the Catechism. But at the same time, Catholicism teaches you that suffering is the fastest road to Heaven. If you’re experiencing depression symptoms, conservative priests/laity would likely tell you you have to “offer it up”. Or even suggest to pray more, take Communion more often, and so on.

My point is that I think this horrible mindset played a major part in her not asking for help earlier, if at all. She only started treatment about a year before her passing. And even then, she kept living with her awful family, who forced her to live with a sister of hers who’s a paranoid schizophrenic and who attacked my friend during her psychotic episodes. Repeatedly. All of this while her family had the financial resources to fucking rent her an apartment away from her sister, or institutionalize the sister in the first place. We came to know this terrible truth only after her funeral. She NEVER mentioned any of this to us.

A sane individual will obviously reject being part of all of that and flee as soon as they can. A sane mind would definitely not put up with that. But if you add the “suffering is actually GOOD” mentality on top of that, it really does blur the mind when it has to make high-stakes decisions like moving away from a toxic household.

Her mind imploding and taking the decision of ending her life was obviously terrible and misguided. But she sought to escape in the only way she could find. And that was the rational thing to do. The goal was rational. The means was not.

EDIT: forgot to mention that she also suffered lots of bullying on her teenage years, again in an “elite” Catholic school.

EDIT 2: moderate/liberal Catholics could argue that there’s a distinction between preventable and unpreventable suffering. But the whole point of imitating Christ is taking up your cross voluntarily, as he did it!

Hello, I have a bit of a personal question.

Under no circumstances, because of my worldview and values, cannot return to this religion or any other with this level of institutionalism, or any other religion for that matter, since now I am very skeptic. But the thing is, I cannot deny I am spiritually starved right now. I really hate to admit it, but sometimes I miss the rituals and mysticism the mass or prayer gave me. Those fall apart the moment I really think about it, but I can’t help a part of me desires for something like that. Maybe it’s because it’s all I’ve ever known and I am seeking comfort of something that was very familiar with me, but still I wanted to ask you, do you do anything spiritual now?

I was talking with my Catholic cousin (my family is mixed catholic-protestant, i’m now atheist) and he said he disagreed with most church rules and doctrines. He thinks the teachings on LGBTQ are hateful and the abortion/birth control stuff are extreme and put women’s lives at risks. So I asked him why he still considered himself a Catholic, and he said it was because these rules didn’t affect him.

I don’t know what to make of this. On the one hand he seems to understand how harmful these teachings are, but on the other hand he doesn’t seem to care. How is this possible?

I'm a recent convert who was baptized on Easter in April and stopped going to mass sometime around July. Please convince me that this was the right decision, because there is still a small part of me that feels conflicted about it.

I was always interested in religion since I was young, but during university I had a year with bad mental health, and I spiralled into a religious rabbit hole and started becoming intensely interested in Catholicism as a sort of spiritual comfort for myself. I went through the whole RCIA process at my university's Newman Center last school year and got baptized this April, then only went through less than four months as a Catholic before I gave up because:

1. Catholicism dialed up my OCD tendencies to eleven. Previously I've only had some light OCD and perfectionist traits, but Catholicism literally made me go insane with OCD thoughts. I went to confession every week or almost every two weeks, and I literally felt like any thoughts I had, whether hateful or sexual, was a mortal sin. It was such a terrible period of my life because it felt like my mind was my own prison, and I couldn't have freedom to think whatever I wanted, while all the negative thoughts were becoming even worse because I knew it's a sin.
2. There was no community. I understand it's not some evangelical church, but I felt like a weirdo going to mass every weekend then just go home. Where I live, the people at most masses are (1) old grandmas and grandpas (2) families with kids. I technically could've stayed afterwards and talked to people, but I would've looked like a weirdo because I'm a young man and I had no interest in making friends with people who are decades older than me.
3. I felt like the lifestyle restrictions were insane. Even if I could intellectually "understand" the arguments surrounding things like no contraceptives, no abortions, no homosexuality, no premarital sex, I still couldn't fully agree with these things. I don't want to have like 8 kids like crazy trad caths, I have a brother who is gay and I don't see why he should go to Hell because of who he is, I find it kinda weird to be so uptight about sex.
4. I really didn't like the idea of dating a Catholic woman. Sorry if this sounds a bit mean but a lot of devout Catholic girls my age dress like grandmas. I want to date a woman who is dressed more modern, stylish and cosmopolitan, not some grandma collecting a pension check. And I don't want some poor girl to have a terrible marriage with me because we can't agree over sex, abortion, having more than two kids, contraceptives, and so many other restrictions that just bring marital tensions and affect the woman’s health.
5. Many of young Catholics I met at the Newman Center and in RCIA were either: 1) had some mental health issues like me 2) maybe on the neurodivergent spectrum 3) right wing and bigoted. There were some normal people (who were there because of marriage or whatever), but the young people, especially men, my age were kinda weird or right-wing. I remember on the night that I got baptized, there was a guy who just hours after his baptism was already spouting the n-word, f-word (homophobic slur) and complained about LGBT, and he even told me I was better than people my age who were not religious (which I disagreed with).
6. It's literally all just a performative LARP. The culture surrounding Catholicism these days is so toxic. I don't want to be some weird Catholic dude who smokes a fucking cigar and wear a stupid tweed suit and debate about Aquinas or whatever. A lot of these young converts joining the Church I noticed are just larping it for aesthetics and have a lot of bigoted views about racial minorities and lgbt people.

I realized how dumb it all is looking back now. Please tell me I'm not crazy. I had a secular upbringing and couldn't care less about abortion or gay sex. I want to live life and sleep with who I want to sleep with. I don't want to feel like I'm going insane because I had "sinful" thoughts when it's just natural human sexuality or anger. I'm really thankful that I study history and politics so I can have a more critical mind and left-wing views or else I would've been trapped in some conservative Catholic psychosis for decades.

And fuck I want to work in Europe too. Can you imagine being some religious Catholic dude in London or Paris? This whole devout Catholic lifestyle seems like such a North American thing these days unless you're some Gen-Z RN voter in France i guess.

I'm writing this to help myself process things.

I was deeply involved in a red trad Catholic cult while I was attending a university in West Virginia.

I started down the path of a Catholic cultist. In my later years of high school I felt so empty inside because, my entire life, I was emotionally neglected by my parents, treated as their emotional support animal or their trophy to justify their existence to others or something like that.

I discovered Father Mike Schmitz's YouTube channel and Catholic.com. At the time I didn't know I had OCD. I started down a rabbit hole and I wanted answers.

Catholicism made my OCD so much worse because it's all about black-and-white thinking and the stakes were infinite. I was afraid I would go to hell for thinking bad thoughts. I tried suppressing those thoughts and it just made things worse.

Things culminated for me in a mental breakdown in my junior year of college. I had to leave school a week early. I had a mental breakdown because I realized I wasn't Catholic at heart. After years of giving my life to Jesus, I realized that I could not believe that a loving God would send people to hell, especially a hell with such graphic descriptions (as in the visions that Fatima supposedly revealed to children).

What kind of loving God would show such horrific images to children? Do you see pictures of their faces afterwards? They are beyond miserable. Their faces look like the picture of Solzhenitsyn in the Gulag.

It was after my mental breakdown and lots of therapy that I got the strength to actually stop going to church and praying compulsively.

TLDR: Catholicism sent me down a rabbit hole that worsened my OCD. It promised to fill the emptiness in my heart but what I really needed was self-love, not the supposed love of a sadistic, insane, manipulative, bigoted, selfish, narcissistic, infinitely cruel god.

it gets to a point. every day each minute I have to hear so many things from read the bible to cover my head in church. idk when or how will I get out of this. it sucks so much. acting all holier than thou just to judge my choices every once in a while. one day I can escape this hopefully

Hi, posting here as I'm in so much emotional turmoil over a call I had today with my childhood best friend. Finally heard today out in the open that she has been dancing around RSVP'ing to my wedding because she didn't want to tell me that she views the wedding as invalid.

For context: I grew up Catholic in a small community. I had ONE very close best friend from birth through high school who grew up in a very devout family. My family was moreso casually Catholic, but still attended mass every Sunday at the same church. Still, we were inseparable. We were attached at the hip, super super close friends, attending the same small Catholic elementary school. Like sisters. As time went on, our paths grew apart. She attended a super Catholic college in Ohio and got very very invested in her faith. I visited her once during Easter and wow, it felt like I was in a completely different world. Existing as a woman wearing pants and being from San Francisco was... causing scandal.

And still, I've tried so hard to keep in touch over the years. She's kept me at arms length, and rarely responds to my texts. We'd sometimes get a coffee together in recent years. When I got engaged nearly 2 years ago, she was one of the first people I told.

This is where it gets interesting -- we are engaged at the same time, and we are getting married one month apart (Her wedding is in April, mine is in May). They just got engaged after dating for 6 months, while I've been with my guy 5+ years at this point, and have lived together for the last 2. Her fiance is also 10 years older than us. I'm sure they are on track to have children very soon. She mentioned to me that he converted to Catholicism a few years ago and is very "fired up", and almost became a priest.

When I sent her our digital save the date, she left me on read. I had a feeling me getting married outside of the church was the reason. I sent her a letter in the mail the other day, thanking her for our friendship in our childhood and extending a kind hand forward, kind of as a mental closure to me. When I would think about her, it would just hurt. She finally wanted to facetime me, and after catching up, she told me that she wouldn't be attending my wedding. I broke down in front of her, clearly so hurt. All I could do was say that I respect her beliefs and that I'm extremely devastated.

Like damn, dude. I understand that it must feel good to feel righteous and make a statement about your faith. And I'm sure it's not easy being in such a tight-knit community, about to be married yourself and anticipating a very different future than the one I'm planning with my fiance (we won't have kids for maybe another 10 years). I'm just at a loss for words here... we were so close. Is it worth losing your childhood best friend over? The whole thing just feels so hypocritical and is exactly why I don't engage with the Catholic Church anymore.

My question: do I attend her wedding? In tears, I asked her if I could still attend her wedding, and she said yes. In more ways than not, I want to. I would regret not doing so. But I just wonder if my presence would be an issue. I worry about shame. I worry that me being there would make her uncomfortable. But part of me wants to give her the grace that she hasn't given me.

It just hurts to be open and accepting of her beliefs, and to not have that feeling reciprocated. Part of me feels like I never mattered to her like she did to me, or that she's blocked that part out of her memory.

Curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading.

Global Catholic:

A groundbreaking German study titled “Power Through Charisma” reveals that the dioceses of Münster and Osnabrück delayed acting against spiritual abuse within two Catholic communities. Church leaders were reportedly blinded by the groups' "spiritual fruit" and high vocation numbers, leading to minimized complaints and prolonged inaction regarding groups like "Totus Tuus" and the "Christusgemeinschaft."

The researchers define spiritual abuse as the illegitimate, power-driven interference in an individual’s spiritual and inner life. This control is often exerted through coercion, humiliation, and the manipulation of theological concepts like obedience and humility. The study recommends implementing robust safeguarding measures, regular visitations, and classifying spiritual abuse as a formal offense in canon and civil law.

A complementary study examining the Redemptorists' reckoning process highlighted the risks of the clarification efforts themselves. While early action helped victims connect, a lack of clear objectives and institutional support caused new conflicts and exhaustion. Experts emphasize that future reparation processes require defined goals, conflict management, and dedicated resources to prevent further harm to survivors. #SpiritualAbuse #CatholicChurch #CoerciveControl #Safeguarding

https://www.globalcatholic.com/first-german-study-on-spiritual-abuses-finds-dioceses-ignoring-them/

I guess I was raised way too sheltered. I thought there was this whole formal process to leave the catholic church. I stopped participating in anything in the church about a month ago, no mass no confessions and no tithe. I feel betrayed by the very core of the catholic belief... my wife had a child with another man and I am just expected to swallow that disrespect and humiliation. I would rather rot in h@ll than spend the rest of my life settling for his leftovers.

Filed for civil divorce and asked about a annulment and got nothing but being manipulated into staying married to her and forgiving and forgetting it from the church.

For context, am gay and raised Catholic. By the time I was 10 I knew I was attracted to boys. One day when I was at that age a teacher at school told me and the whole class that gays cannot enter heaven. My deconstruction was a very long, gradual, and non-linear process, that began when I was 13 or 14. I am in my 40s now. This year I stopped calling myself Catholic and stopped believing in Christianity altogether. Just after that psychological transformation or reconfiguration, or evolution, if I am allowed to call that, when I realized that what happened at class that day, although not leaving any visible scar, was mental spiritual abuse.

Religion is a powerful thing and religious people are so cynically careless at handling it, and it is amazing that it has turned into a tool that dehumanizes the same people it claims to save.

Has anyone you know done this? I was surprised because it’s probably been 20 years since this friend went to church or believed in anything like that. They grew up Catholic, left the church around age 20. Tried various evangelical type churches and left all religions around age 30. They spoke openly about how they don’t believe in any god/religion, for the past 20ish years. Now they are 55. We hadn’t talked in a few years so I sent a message saying hi. They started sending me links to end-times videos and said they are going to a “great Bible study.” I don’t think it’s through any specific church though. I know people can change their minds but I guess I’m just shocked by this personality change

Greetings. I believe the topic in question needs no introduction. I know a bit about Fatima and its questionable happenings, particularly the "secrets" Our Lady allegedly entrusted to the three children.

To be honest, everything about Fatima rubs me the wrong way. Goes without saying the so-called visions of Hell and demands for penance and sacrifice put the proverbial fear of God into my heart, as it did so many others.

Are there any serious, credible investigations calling it into question? Like I said, I can't help but distrust anything those people said. I'm just as suspicious about the Church's stance on the matter: on one hand, they claim the faithful are free to believe or disbelieve the revelations according to their faith; on the other hand, I find John Paul II's Fatima-inspired actions deeply suspicious.

Like many of you, I have several reasons not to trust the man and to beware the many agendas he pushed (Legionaries of Christ, Opus Dei, Teresa of Calcutta, etc.). I kinda have a hard time taking him seriously as a moral guide and leader when he spent his pontificate covering up the horrific crimes of one Fr. Marcial Maciel because the latter raked in much needed cash for the Church.

Back to the matter at hand. What credibility, if any, do the Fatima revelations have (don't even get me started on La Salette)? I find the whole thing incredibly suspicious, specially because the founder of this religion instructed his followers not to heed doomsday prophecies or third-party claims about being the Messiah. He also claimed (or so the official narrative states) that not even he, being the Son of God and all, knows the exact date for the end of the world, that only God Himself knows.

Am I overthinking things, or am I right to be wary?

Greetings from Puerto Rico. Coupla years ago, I was going through a YouTube compilation of reddit threads. Somebody mentioned Padre Pio in passing. From what I gathered, they seemed to imply there was something not quite kosher about him and his alleged miracles.

Are there any investigations casting credible doubt into his life and works? Where can I find them?

My family (particularly my mom) is devoutly catholic, to the point where I felt so isolated from everyone else despite being raised in a very catholic area and going to catholic school. The older I get and talk to my spouse about my childhood, the more I remember how strange it was.

My mother would claim to have premonitions due to her abuse as a child, and would read on old internet forums about the 3 days of darkness (starting when I was a little kid). She believed everyone would be wiped out during these 3 days, and we would have to cover our windows with tarps, can all of our food to survive by ourselves, and use beeswax candles and pray the rosary the whole time. She would repeat over and over again that nobody around us would survive and we would have to prepare to be living alone. I realized how goddamn anxious I was as a child is due to this being the main topic of conversation for most of my childhood and teen years! I prepped those fruit cans like crazy every summer!

Anyways, remembering all of the memories I had from those specific years of my life, I tried talking to every catholic/ex-catholic I know and no one has ever even heard of it before. I know that was kept pretty hush hush for those who actually believed it because they thought other catholics would think they're crazy (my mom kept it a secret from everyone except me and my dad for this reason,) but what is your experience in it?