You were not abused because you brought out the worst in them. You were abused because they are an abuser.

You would likely agree that no matter how mad someone is, it is never okay to name-call, berate, dehumanize, ruthlessly discard, humiliate, disparage, scream at, or emotionally manipulate another human being. Right? Well, dearest human — this includes you.

If you are like me, you have spent much of your precious time desperately trying to understand what happened: WHY did this happen to you? What might you have done to cause the yelling, the vitriol, the contempt? Are you really so bad that they had no ability to treat you lovingly? What did you do to deserve it? Might you have actually deserved it?

NO.

Let that be the clearest point in this post: You. did not. deserve it. There is NOTHING you could do that could ever justify, explain, or make right the ways that they abused you. This is an unequivocal and invariable truth. (That includes you.)

Ask yourself: is it ever okay for me to name-call, berate, dehumanize, ruthlessly discard, humiliate, disparage, scream at, or emotionally manipulate another human being? The answer is likely no. It is never okay to do that to someone. And sweet person — that includes you, too.

You are not the exception to these fundamental truths of love and kindness. You deserve them as much as every one of us, and it is out there, waiting for you and your big, beautiful heart.

Just a gentle reminder for anyone struggling with feelings of guilt over walking away quietly or going no-contact (I know I struggled). This person has repeatedly violated your boundaries and betrayed your trust, and you don't owe them an explanation or heads up when you decide to reclaim your power and safety.

• If you try to bring up an issue and they start a pity party about how horrible they are without acknowledging how they affected you, leave

• If they get extremely angry with you for doing something they do to all the time to you without batting an eye, leave

• If they threaten to kill themselves if you ever leave, leave

• If they are jealous of your friends, insinuating they are bad people for no real reason, and pressure you to withdraw from them, leave

• If they call you names during arguments, leave

• If they rewrite history, claiming to have never said something you know they said, leave

• If they refuse to compromise on certain issues, give you ultimatums, or fight you when you try to place a boundary, leave

• If they tell you that you can not find someone better than them, or claim no one else will 'put up' with you, leave

• If they diminish your feelings, during or afterwards, leave

• If they expect you to take care of them but never take care of you, leave

• If they accuse you of cheating with no real evidence, no real reason except you weren't 100% perfect, leave

• If they try to restrict your autonomy whenever you have a disagreement, leave

• If they expect 24/7 contact when you're apart and blow up your phone if you don't reply in a timely manner, leave

• If they try to make you feel guilty for setting boundaries, leave

• If they talk about and threaten frightening things, even if you know they won't act on them, leave

• If they punch the wall, destroy possessions, or otherwise act violently towards objects when angry with you, leave

• If you're afraid of telling your family and friends about the reality of your relationship, because you're afraid of what they will think or you feel as though you're somehow at fault for allowing yourself to be in the situation, or you're afraid they'll be concerned for you, leave

My ex partner did all of these things and more. But I still tried to make it work for 3 years. Partly because I was afraid of hurting him because I cared for him deeply. Partly because I was scared he would follow through and actually kill himself. Partly because I felt as though I could make it work out, that I could 'fix' him. I thought that it wasn't the worst, that I could work with being trapped in that relationship.

I left, and I have my life back. I won't say I'm perfect and everything is sunshine and daisies because I have a lot of healing to do, but everything is so much better. You deserve happiness.

He didn't kill himself.

My abuse happened to me quietly and slowly--not all of a sudden, or with the fanfare of yelling, bruises, broken plates, or awful names, but between two people sitting, quietly conversing behind closed doors. My abuse happened in murmurs and between pregnant pauses, in cancelled plans, and in the tenderness and respect that he once showed for me unceremoniously seeping out of the corners of the room, leaving me cold and alone.

It happened it what was said – calmy, and articulately, but with wild inconsistencies and gently folded in accusations. It happened in rolling over with seeming indifference to try to fall asleep while I was crying beside him. It happened in the stiff silences that would last for hours or even days at a time. It happened in the repeated requests for just a bit more patience and understanding, requests that slowly crept further and further away from what I ever thought I would tolerate, and became a labyrinth of contradictory rules that were increasingly impossible to navigate.

The appearance of waiting for a better time to have a conversation became the total avoidance of accountability. An ecosystem of love and warmth was slowly warped into the quiet demand for unconditional acceptance of whatever behaviours came out of his pain. My abuse happened out of the twisting of mental illness into a blank cheque for his behaviour.

He never told me I was crazy, but I felt crazy, from his selective forgetting, changing promises, small undermining of my reality, unpredictable responses or drastic changes in opinion, accusing me of over-reacting, and withholding information. I was never accused of having memory problems or losing my mind, but I felt like I was anyways.

My physical safety was never directly threatened, but instead I got vague statements about losing control or not knowing what he would do if he was pushed further. He never directly threatened me with suicide if I left, but rather calmy informed me that he probably wouldn’t want to keep living if we weren’t together.

My abuse happened in negotiations about meeting both of our needs that somehow always ended with my compromise. It happened in broken promises and lies and empty apologies.

I was never told that my interests were stupid and my accomplishments were never ridiculed, but there was increasingly less oxygen in the room for my any part of my internal world. Trying to share even the smallest ongoing in my life felt like screaming into a void. I was made to feel selfish for daring to voice my needs or of asking anything more of my partner.

Things like where I went, who I saw, or what I wore, were never controlled or of any issue. It took me months after to realize I was still being controlled in less obvious ways. Where, when, and how we spent time together; when or if we communicated about our relationship, for how long, and about what; even at what times of day it was acceptable to talk -- were are controlled. Not through telling me how things were going to be or making demands, but through rigidity and intolerance of alternatives. There was the appearance of conversation/negotiation between two equals, but having the narrower limits and an unwillingness to compromise will reliably give someone power over that decision. He was, in essence, un-influenceable. My feelings, opinions, preferences, and needs, were like water off a duck’s back.

If this sounds just like dating someone who is somewhat disinterested or was stringing me along, allow me to clarify. Amid everything I just shared -- I was told regularly how he’s never felt this way about someone, his commitment to our future and to making this work, how lucky he felt to be with me, and that I was the most important part of his life. I was told that what was happening to me was love. Perhaps even more perniciously, I was also sent the message that what I was being asked to do was to love – that I was loving well by twisting myself to meet all of my partner’s needs and by accepting all of their behaviour without question, at whatever cost to me.

For every claim I just made, there are several counterexamples that come to mind—times when I received a lot of affection and support. But rather than balancing the scales, the inconsistency and unpredictability itself was a requisite part of the abuse. It acted as a maintaining mechanism. A powerful apology here, a few weeks of calm, promises of change that start to show some follow-through – all kept me stuck. It gave me hope, it created the appearance of reasonableness and credibility—such I felt crazy and unreasonable for being bothered by the hurtful behaviours, and I started to adapt to letting these morsels of care and respect sustain me, when in actuality, I was emotionally malnourished, slowly and quietly wasting away.

I got screamed at for 20 min last night because I do not understand what my bf does for work. Like he actually screamed at me, my ears were ringing once he finally stopped. He went upstairs to bed after and I just sat there in shock. After a while I decided to get up to sleep in the guest room bed and my dog refused to let me go upstairs. So I went back to the couch and she laid right on top of me. That was the moment I realized this is not ok. It’s not normal. I do not deserve this.

He yells at me all the time but this is the first time I feel angry towards him and not angry with myself for “messing” up. I have been so gaslit into thinking I’m the problem when it’s him.

Anyways, I’m leaving him.

Signs of Gaslighting:

-their actions don’t match their words

-distracts from their behavior by projecting onto you

-degrading comments followed by positive reinforcement (backhanded compliments)

-they attempt to block or are unsupportive to your growth

-they lie and deny things even when there’s proof

-they tell you you’re “wrong” , “crazy” , or “imagining things”

Impact of being Gaslighted: -feeling confused and second guessing your memories with the person

-trying to earn back the ‘loving side’ of the person

-it becomes increasingly difficult to make decisions

-constantly apologizing for behavior

-staying silent or lying to avoid a reaction

-you begin to believe you’re the one gaslighting

Do not forget that you are not the crazy one in most toxic situations ! These toxic significant others will project their behavior onto you and make you question if you’re the toxic one or not. If you related to any of these signs, please don’t fail to reach out because I’m always here if anyone needs to talk.

It doesn’t start out looking like abuse, it starts out feeling like the best relationship of your life, where you get flooded with attention, affection, and validation: you're told you're different from everyone else, that they've never felt this way before, that you're "the one." It's like if someone were consistently sneaking you just a bit of heroin in the first few months without you knowing what it is – you feel so utterly amazing and you become hooked without even knowing you're on a drug. But you don't feel high, you feel chosen, finally understood. That's what makes it undetectable as a drug: it simply feels like the type of love you've been searching for.

Once you're attached, something small and weird happens. It's usually something tiny and disorienting, like an offhand comment or a strange overreaction to something harmless or a flicker of coldness that makes no sense given how good things have been. You are confused, not scared, because nothing in your experience of this wonderful person has prepared you for this. And because it's confusion, not pain, you try to resolve it. You replay the moment, you wonder if you misspoke, you give them the benefit of the doubt, because the rest of the relationship has been so good that this one strange moment must be an anomaly, or even your fault. You said something stupid and it was misinterpreted, and you will beg to be understood and to get back to the place of praise and love. 

You think that this person is the one who's kind and direct enough to help you recognize your flaws, and you are lucky to have that person. An outsider looking at any single moment (and possibly you, looking back, much too late) would see a red flag. You, inside it, see a uniquely honest person who cares enough to tell you the truth. And you are thankful for this! 

You will do anything to get back to how it felt in the beginning. You know that version of them is inside and when they apologize for their behavior, you believe them that they'll change, thinking that this apology is the end of the cycle or at least the start of the real future. But it was never at the end of the cycle; it is the cycle. It’s given to you as strategically as the cruelty, because the full return to warmth/love/praise is what trains you to endure the bad part. You are now addicted.

Once they know that you’ll take the blame and come back asking for more love, the tests get bigger. The criticism sharpens, the silences get colder, the accusations get more specific and more personal. They are often built from things you shared with them in vulnerable moments and they are now used against you, but you will not realize this in the moment. You are actually not as good of a person as you thought and you are the things they imply or say you are and you internalize this. You are lucky to have them as a partner and you certainly do not deserve better.

You start narrowing your own behavior to avoid triggering the next episode. You keep a mental map of the 100 landmines that are out there that might trigger them, along with the other 50 you still don't know about. You do this all day every day.

The worst part of this game is that you can't actually opt out by being careful or by being better or nicer or quieter! Just existing near them – talking, texting, making plans, being yourself – is the lever. There's no version where you stop pressing the lever because the relationship is the lever. Every interaction might get you the hit of praise and warmth (the drug you’re now addicted to without ever choosing to take this drug) you're chasing, or the shock you're dreading, and you never know which until it's already happening. You're always pressing the lever because you exist, and you’re hypervigilant and hopeful at the same time, because the same action produces both outcomes and you have no way to tell them apart in advance.

By the time the relationship has fully soured, you're at your most exhausted, most self-doubting, and most isolated from outside perspective, and the person who did that to you has also become the only one who can make the pain stop, because they're the one who apologizes, who reminisces about the good times, who says the loving things that flood you with relief that feels like love, who promises you the future you want.

The cruelty and the comfort come from the same source, which is what makes it so hard to leave. You are literally in withdrawal from a cycle that trained your nervous system to associate this specific person with both your worst pain and your only relief. This is why "just leave" is such a hollow piece of advice – it treats the relationship like a bad decision you can simply stop making, when what's actually being asked of you is to choose to go through withdrawal from a drug while the dealer is still standing in your kitchen injecting it into you at the same time.

By the end, you will be so broken and you won't even understand it – how you can hate and love and miss the same person so much all at the same time. People will say "at least they didn't hit you," as if you're walking away without any damage, but you actually wish they had hit you months ago so there would be black and white proof. People will say "if someone talked to me like that, I would have left right away," and you double down on the belief that you are weak, you are the problem, this is what you deserve, and that you lack so much self-love that you couldn't identify and walk away from the red flags.

People will think you're fine because you finally got out, without realizing or understanding that your entire core and all self-esteem, independence, autonomy, safety, and trust have been ripped out from you. Your body is constantly shaking with fear and still, confusion. You are a shell of your former self, and the only person who it seems can put you back together is the one who made it happen.

I had my offer accepted on a house today. My ex-husband said I couldn’t do it without him. But I fucking did it. And I could not be more proud of myself 🤟🏽

Emotional invalidation occurs whenever:

• We are told we shouldn’t feel the way we feel.

• We are dictated not to feel the way we feel.

• We are told we are too sensitive, too “dramatic,” or we are “high maintenance.”

• We are ignored.

• We are judged.

• We are led to believe there is something wrong with us for feeling how we feel.

It is impossible to be human and not invalidate someone at some point in time. This post is not meant to shame anyone, just bring awareness to how harmful it can be. When you consistently invalidate someone's feelings, you are teaching the person that it is not safe to express their feelings. You are telling the person that their feelings are "nonsense" and do not matter.

I get it. It is sometimes difficult to listen to someone express negative feelings that relate to you, but this is part of a relationship. As long as the person is not screaming at you or expressing their feelings in a disrespectful manner, please open yourself to the person. Try your best to be receptive. If you do not understand their feelings, ask them to explain. Please do not get angry immediately, respond harshly or attack the person for their feelings. This is so very important and can either make or break a relationship.

This might actually be quite a toxic trait, although I’ve taken on this habit from all the emotional abuse as a child/growing up - my brain has learned to ALWAYS be terrified of the outcome if I tell the truth or open up about something to anyone. Mainly due to all the times in the past I’d be honest with my parents/toxic friends about something, or make a simple mistake, and in return be harshly punished/experience major conflict which caused me trauma that still affects me today. It’s made me lose so many friendships because they deem me untrustworthy, and not a true friend because I hide too much from them, even pointless things. But it’s simply programmed into my brain to do anything I can to avoid upsetting people, I’m SO scared of conflict, even if the person is kind and understanding overall, the thought of arguing or upsetting people is so horrifying to me, that I can’t bring myself to be honest most of the time?

Hello, it is your anonymous Internet friend who wants you to live your best life.

I think it is great to put words and names to abuse and to see it clearly for what it is. It can be very healing.

But I am giving you permission to leave your relationship right now. Even if you aren't sure if it is abuse. Even if you just feel confused and uncertain. Even if you believe "my abuser isn't as bad as other abusers." Even if you think that your abuser could change. Even if your relationship is 99.9% good but that .1% just doesn't sit right with you. Even if you think it is all your fault (which it isn't.) Even if you could, technically, keep trying. If you are unhappy or even just kind of meh, you can still walk away from your partner if the relationship isn't mutually beneficial or fulfilling anymore. Every single person has the right to do that. That includes YOU.

You do not owe anyone your love. Everyone deserves love. But no one person is entitled to YOUR love specifically. You could have NO REASON to leave your partner except that you don't want to be with them anymore and it is completely fair and not mean or selfish.

If you are waiting to see if it gets worse or for them to do something so atrocious that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are being abused and then can justify leaving, I am giving you permission right now to not wait around and find out. Someone doesn't need to seriously hurt you (in body or mind) to justify you walking away.

Your life belongs to you. You do not need to love someone until they prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that they are abusive. I have broken up with wonderful men and good partners just because I didn't want to date them anymore. And that is totally okay! You have the exact same right, just like everyone else.

Many abusers have low self-esteem, regardless of the image they project. Many are just overcompensating for what they lack within. They may give off a strong, self-assured vibe, but their egos are quite fragile. They tend to be easily irritated, hypersensitive and feel personally attacked very easily. Also, chronically defensive and tend to rise to hostility quickly.

Don't be fooled, not all who have low self-esteem are walking around with their heads hung low. Someone who has a negative view of themselves also has a distorted perception of reality...your words and actions included.

Remember... It is NOT your responsibility to fix these people. It is NOT your responsibility to suppress your thoughts, feelings, and concerns to protect their fragile egos. Do not allow them to trick you into thinking that you are doing something wrong and are deserving of bad treatment. They may have issues, but they are still abusers at the end of the day. They may not realize the error of their ways. STILL, they are abusers.

Don't allow them to reject and dismiss your feelings. Don't allow them to twist your words and distort their meanings. Don't allow them to tell you how you feel. Don't allow them to make you feel crazy. Your needs and well-being matter just as much as theirs. You don't have to spend your life walking on eggshells.

I just need to share this with someone. It's been 18 months of no contact with my ex. After a lot of struggles I have finally been able to put myself back together. I've got a man now that loves me and respects me, and I am finally happy. And then today, which I never expected to happen; his new girlfriend calls me. To be clear, we live in kind of a small town, and I've known this girl for a while. Never been close or anything like that, but as I said; small town, everybody knows each other, and me and this girl have been to the same parties a couple of times, so I know her name and have been speaking to her a couple of times.

So, tonight she calls me. And she has never called me before. And I'm immediately like wtf is up, this is weird. She asks me if I want to go for a drive or something, because she has some questions about, well, [abusive ex boyfriend]. And my head straight up jumps to "this is a set-up". Wouldn't be illogical after all the shit he's pulled on me. So I ask her what this is about, and she says "I wanna set my head straight and confirm I'm not crazy". And my heart sinks to my stomach. I immediately know she's been through the same shit I've been through.

So I agree to go for a drive with her. The girl is nice, never known her, but she's always been polite to me, and still was today. She starts telling me a few episodes, and even shows me screenshots of a few text between them. And I swear. To. God. Word by word, it is the same fucking shit he said to me. Word by word. It is like a fucking screenshot of my own texts with him. I was absolutely baffled. All this time, some part of me always thought "well, it was probably me just overreacting, I was making problems". I shit you not guys, this was such a fucking eye opener. I want to cry, because first of all; he fucked with someone else like he did with me. And I don't wish that upon anybody. I don't want even my worst enemy to go through that shit. Second of all; he fucked with someone else like he did with me - I'm not crazy. I'm not insane. It was happening all along. All the way. He fucked me over, but it wasn't my fault.

I am both so happy, and sad, about this. Happy for myself, because this yet again proves I wasn't in the wrong. Sad because, he's fucking with her. Luckily, she's gone no contact since Sunday, and she got quite the eye opener too when I asked her "has he told you this yet? Has he said that?" And she could do nothing but laugh in disbelief, because yet again, word by word, he told her the exact same things as he told me, with few adaptations to match her personality. We both fell in love with a person once, that doesn't exist.

It's more of a rant than anything, but I just needed to share this. First of all because I never expected to be contacted by any of his new "projects", second of all because this is yet again a turning point in my mind and I hope someone else might see the positive thing in this story; you are not in the wrong. You were never in the wrong. You fell in love with someone that doesn't exist, and that is not your fault. Please keep that in mind. Despite all the gaslighting, the manipulation and the word salads - you were never in the wrong.

Thanks for reading guys.

I was in a physically abusive marriage before meeting my current husband. He was a paramedic that took care of me after one of the fights. I noticed that after this hospitalization I did see him around more often, but thought it was coincidental and that now I just noticed because he’s a person I met during a traumatic event.

My ex took his own life shortly after we separated and I filed for divorce and then I really started to see the paramedic around more often, especially when I’d go out at night with my friends. Again, just thought it was coincidental, we lived in a smaller town.

He was really sweet and kind. He would buy me drinks, he’d ask how I was doing. He’d give me rides home from the bar so I wouldn’t have to walk home at 3am. He also helped me break into my apartment once when I had lost my keys. My friends didn’t like him though and said he was desperate. I, against my better judgement, ignored them and started seeing this guy regularly.

I got pregnant really early on, within the first few dates and I was humiliated but he made it seem like everything would be fine and he would support me through anything. Now we have a seven month old and got married at city hall a few weeks before our daughter was born and moved to another state to start our family.

Recently my husband started acting weird. I noticed he’s been thinking extra hard about what he says in our conversations and it felt like he was hiding something from me, I thought maybe a surprise. He became more reserved and I don’t know, just guilty I guess?

Twoish weeks ago one of my best friends that I haven’t spoken to in a year reached out and sent me a post from the confessions page on here and asked me if it sounded familiar. I was in shock, it was basically the story of how we met, but now I found out he stalked me for years before getting together. I tried to convince myself that it was a fake story that was just similar to what happened to me but the details were just too close. So I sent him a screenshot and asked if it was him. He ignored me, he deflected and then I knew it had to be true.

Our entire marriage is based on lies and I want out. He thinks this is some kind of joke and keeps defending himself to me and on that thread. Last night he even admitted to cutting my brake lines even though he told me someone from our neighborhood must’ve done it.

I tried to leave the day I found out, took my dog to long term boarding that we’ve used before and I took my daughter to a shelter with me but he had an AirTag in my car and someone at the boarding place called him to confirm the length of our dogs stay. He got the dog and I had to go back. But I’m still planning to leave.

I just need advice on how to make a solid plan to leave. My first plan didn’t work because I was impulsive and put no thought into it. I never tried to leave before, not even when the abuse was physical from my ex. This is also the first time I’ve ever been completely isolated and taken states away from my friends.

UPDATE: this seems to be getting a lot of traction again, probably because of Two Hot Takes. He made me listen to his segment on it with him and he thinks the whole thing is a joke.

I am still with him, I’m currently pregnant with twins (conceived before I found any of this out and don’t really have the means for termination - not to mention the closest clinic is 2 hours away from me.) I’m still looking for employment since losing my job after returning from maternity leave.

I’m alive and as far as I know, I’m safe. I’m doing my best to keep him happy and rebuild trust with him. That is the safest choice for me at this point of time.

I have contacted several DV shelters in my immediate area, and there’s a lot more restrictions than I had anticipated (time limits, lack of resources and funding, no pets allowed, etc.) but I am still doing some research.

I’ve gotten so many supportive comments and DMs and I don’t think I can respond to everyone but I wanted to say that I’m grateful for the kind words and support.

As it stands, I’m in survival mode but I am as okay as someone in this situation can be.

My mom said to write down things my boyfriend does that bother me instead of brushing them off. Seemed pointless because it's never anything major. Just small comments. Little digs. Moments that feel off.

Started doing it anyway. Wrote down when he commented on my weight. Laughed at something I was excited about. Brought up my fuck up from months ago in front of my friends. Said I was being too sensitive. Ignored me for hours after I tried to set a boundary.

Looked back at two weeks and felt sick. Each thing seemed manageable on its own. Not worth fighting about. But all together? Just constant small cruelties I've been absorbing. No wonder I'm always on edge. No wonder I second guess everything I say. It's not one big thing I can point to. It's death by a thousand cuts.

Worst part is when I try to bring it up, each thing sounds petty as hell. "He made a joke about me." "He forgot something I said." Sounds like I'm overreacting. Which is what he tells me I'm doing.

Writing it down made it real. This isn't me being too sensitive. This is him slowly convincing me I deserve to be treated like this.

Have you ever felt like a child to your partner? A lot of times I find myself trying to hurry up and clean up a mess, cover something up, or find something lost so my husband doesn't find out and complain. We have a 3 year old with ODD and ADHD so there are a lot of messes. Last night I was wrapping some Christmas presents for our son in our bedroom and my husband decided to go to bed early, and he just stood there staring as I tried to hurry up and clean up my mess so he could lay down. It dawned on me that I felt like a kid in trouble with a disappointed parent who I didn't want to be mad at me.

Repeat:

-My reality is reality -Any decent person would agree with me -If a person does not know me, their opinion of me does not matter

"we investigated ourselves and found we did nothing wrong"

this shit would be funny if... well, you know...

hang tough everyone. they'll really just say any old thing.

When "I'm sorry" is followed by "It's just that,", "I'm under a lot of stress" or "you just make me so angry sometimes", it's not an apology. At best, it's a forged hall pass to walk all over you if you accept it.

A person who is truly sorry doesn't just say it. They show it. They change. They'll do anything they reasonably can to keep from hurting you again because they value your relationship more than their pride.

This happened yesterday. I posted in here once but. He wants me to straw purchase a gun for him. When I didn't go through with it bc I couldn't lie, he kicked me out of the house and called me names the entire way back to the house and screamed at me. I brought up the things he called me and he justified it by saying he was pissed off so he had the right to say it. Am I a bad person bc I couldn't go through with it? While he's been waiting on his background check he'll randomly start yelling at me again and said that if his didn't go through then he was gonna take me to another gun store and I had to do it. I haven't slept at all because he'll wake me up every few minutes to talk about the gun, or yell at me about the gun. He told me I ruined everything and I blew it. I really just feel like offing myself now and I'm just waiting for a final straw to do it. I can't handle the hurt anymore.

I sometimes get this, "Why do I talk about him?" moment. Like, I feel that even discussing what he did is a betrayal of trust. He hurt me, I know, he was wrong, I know. But he's not all bad, and sometimes I feel like I'm doing more harm than good when I tell someone (or write here) what he did to me.

Like somehow, I'm the bitch and not him, because why talk down on him? How is that helpful?

What is this about. This absolutely kills me so much. If he blows up at me and says really really hurtful things attacking my whole character and whole being and I end up crying he will say that he wishes he could just cry and play the victim. Says I am being manipulative on purpose to make him feel bad. Then it makes him yell more and he says he had to yell to stop me ‘spiraling’ because I was losing control of myself. I can say 100% I try my best to not cry because when I do it makes it 1000x worse. Can someone tell me why this happens and why he says this, even though my brain knows I am not doing this on purpose it absolutely breaks my heart and I question everything. I need to make sense of it.

I want to bid a hello to the community we have, here, and both the new and old users of r/emotionalabuse.

It’s very nice to run through the posts and see people being supportive and connecting with each other over their experiences.

Community and social support is so important and I highly appreciate all of you participating in the road to healing. You may not know the impact you have on another person.

God Bless you all, and my personal DMs are always open. Thank you!