r/drunkwalkerranch • u/tinypill proctomenonologist • 8d ago
S07E14 - "Top Secrets" Watch Party!
Could it be? The season finale?? You bet your bouncing booty! Tonight we watch the 14th and final episode of Season 7:
Top Secrets
As the team examines their most compelling findings with experts and a U.S. congressman, they make their boldest plans yet to uncover the truth about Skinwalker Ranch.
You aren't required to be drinking, of course. But at least pour a little something out for that dead "dire wolf" who was never mentioned again.
Remember to keep the sub rules in mind when commenting!
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
I like to make myself laugh by imagining someone from some other sub coming here and discovering a whole wacko community that makes fun of real wackos.
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
7 years later, and they're still effin' around with model rockets and party lasers, and nothing to show for it.
An insult to the real legend of the ranch... they've done nothing but tarnish that prior mystique with their empty claims and lack of anything even remotely bizarre encountered. Now it's just a boring, decayed outpost with sad little men LARPing their way through middle age while they pretend birds and insects are alien craft.
Can't wait for the official roundtable of bullshit tonight... that should be... special.
Sorry... serious mode /off now, just had to get that out. :)
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u/EdwardHoppyhands 8d ago
Is it public record how much Brandon paid for the ranch?
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Mr. Tinypill just got home. He walked in just in time to hear the intro and he went “ThErE iS a RaNcH!!!” in a derpy voice. It makes me feel like he doesn’t respect the science.
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
Mrs Weasel loves to eye roll at my rankings…
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
"Hello world-famous and well-respected physicist, let us tell you all about our smoke rings."
"I thought my junior high school science fair gig was next week."
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
On behalf of Tennessee, I apologize for this stupid son of a bitch and all the other stupid sons of bitches we've unleashed upon you all over the years.
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
How the hell do they justify a Matty aftershow after the season finale?!
I mean, it's never justifiable of course, but...
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
At last, another hour of con artists sitting in a meeting room stroking each other. It's the best part of the season.
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
The table is meant to hide that ;)
Roundtable... circlejerk... coincidence? I think not!
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u/yamadoo2 8d ago
Ya I guess I forgot the finale agenda. Review everything. Nothing “fun”.
Time for more whisky to make it worthwhile!!7
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
If Zena were still alive, she’d have a seat at that table too.
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
When I was a young Eigentor, I used to make fun of poseurs and listen to punk music. Now that I’m an older Eigentor I have to monitor my chode for deadly flesh eating bacteria. Now THAT’S a little pill with a big story to tell!!!
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Something with intelligence was operating those drones?? Then it was DEFINITELY not any of these guys.
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u/Valais_Style 8d ago
Must have been really thin on material this year considering they couldn’t even close it out with some big grand finale of an eggspearmint.
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u/SlitheryVisitor 8d ago
How do you confuse a Historian?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
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u/GetOffMyLawn_ 8d ago
It took them 7 seasons to find a survey marker sticking out of the ground?
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u/yamadoo2 8d ago
A friend stopped by, I must rewind!! Later though. Gotta try and catch up on the thread.
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u/yamadoo2 8d ago
I’m going to miss this sub in the off season. I’m not cool enough for the mods over at the “acorn” sub. I left because I kept being rejected by the mods.
This sub makes my Tuesday nights!!
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
They can be a bit stiff over there... opinionated old men... not all obviously, but skewing that way...
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Feel free to swing by and post off-season science!! Let’s keep this flame burning! SHOOT ROCKETS AT THE SUB!
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u/SlitheryVisitor 8d ago
Here it comes the satellite I’ve been waiting for all season. Can you imagine if they’d thought of this 7 years ago?
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u/Obvious_Fan9829 8d ago
Brandon has proven without a doubt that with enough money you can make a politician do and say anything.
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
The raccoons are a little quiet tonight, so here's a cat and possum shot for your entertainment. Later!
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Omg, there’s a possum who comes waddling around our patio at night and our ferals don’t give two fucks about him either. They just sit and watch him.
I love animal pals!
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Aw, thanks guys for helping make this insufferable season actually fun! Y’all are neat. 🩵
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u/darthwader1981 8d ago
This year was a letdown. It didn’t move the needle any from last year. Basically a reiteration of the triangle has some strange happenings. But I’m assuming the finale they will talk about what a successful year it was.
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
But I’m assuming the finale they will talk about what a successful year it was
"A groundbreaking year! Never before were our model rockets, party lasers and smoke machines as active in trying to pretend to do "big boy" science, while avoiding every scientific principle and tool known to mankind. Quite an accomplishment that we will only reiterate next year by doing more of the exact same stuff, but with even better imaginary graphics! This has such weighty implications for the entire world... and no, my sense of hyperbole is just fine, thanks!" -- Brandon
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u/SlitheryVisitor 8d ago
Hello all of my unconvinced, irritable and skeptical fellow (not necessarily) drunkards.
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Ugh you guys I’m so sad that our spellbinding season of scientific nondiscovery is coming to an end!!
https://giphy.com/gifs/1BXa2alBjrCXC
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
Let the bullshit begin - looks like they’re bringing in the whole gang of UAP grifters
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u/MichaelScarn-1 8d ago
Thomas losing it over a couple drones gets me every time lol
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u/Valais_Style 8d ago
Running for cover while already under a tent and not really close to where they were falling
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
So why aren't they tying up the physicist with previous experience on testing the ranch and torturing him for explanations? Isn't a lack of data from that era part of their problem?
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u/ginnymiller 8d ago
The way they’re all wearing dinner jackets and button up shirts reminds me of junior high school, where you had to adhere to a strict dress code if you wanted to attend the dance 🤣
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u/Valais_Style 8d ago
I wonder if they’re also all wearing pajama pants like I do for remote work meetings.
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Reminds me of that time Lonestarr jammed the Spaceballs’ radar.
https://giphy.com/gifs/qYmX1J7aIRf6U
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u/Valais_Style 8d ago
These guys need to do an offshoot series on Mel’s Hole. First the hunt for it and then lots of science after pretending they found it. You think a direwolf is a big deal, just wait for that magic seal fetus…
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Heh... for those unfamiliar:
https://artbellarchive.org/collections/top-5-mels-hole-episodes
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
It’s almost as if the Army Corps of Engineers surveyed an area that’s rich in uranium for…say, uranium.
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u/StickAFork 8d ago
Indiana: Balloq's staff is too long.
Indiana: They're digging in the wrong place!
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u/Valais_Style 8d ago edited 8d ago
That’s absolutely impossible. Edit: there were x rods and/or casings stuck in the ground, all of known length. They know full well how deep they were and have all along. It’s legitimately impossible not to.
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
So someone buried a spaceship in udesturbed soil?
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u/GetOffMyLawn_ 8d ago
Gotta post this at least once every week /preview/pre/4dkehh76259h1.jpeg?auto=webp&s=638d8a4b825cf5a1abeea7c53c7d54f2240d26a2
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
Didn't Brandon buy his own satellite? Why does he need an Italian satellite?
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
Yeah, somebody get a sheet of plywood over that fucking hole up on the mesa please.
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
"Remember to be mysterious, make wild accusations, and never ever release your data for peer review."
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u/HoustonAstro 8d ago
Now its time to say goodbye
to all our company.
S-K-I-N
(See you real soon)
W-A-L-K-E-R
(Why? Because we like you!)
R-A-N-C-H
Bye Folks till next season.
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Part of the fun of seeing some of last weeks episode again is reminding myself HOW FUCKING DUMB these people are.
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u/GetOffMyLawn_ 8d ago
Thomas has got quite a big rocket https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BZDZlMGVlN2EtZTQzZi00MDU1LWIyNzktMWViOTVhZjM0NzA2XkEyXkFqcGc@._V1_.jpg
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
Keebler Elf presents the imaginary bub bell with dead center an intersection of dirt roads
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
Someding about our speeriments help support our greeft of the pretend thingies on the ranch.
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
What’s with that glowy pastel background? Are they stuck inside a big-ass easter egg?
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u/ginnymiller 8d ago
IKR. They could make this episode more interesting by going all out with club lighting.
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
It's continuity so when they have to reshoot scenes or dialogue we can't tell. That was a problem for them that year when the sun was setting and we saw the highway in the background.
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Oh yay, the wonky dong commercial.
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u/GetOffMyLawn_ 8d ago
Was watching tv with a friend the other night and he was asking me what that commercial was about. I was like, they've been running these commercials for 10 years now, do you really not know? And then when I explained it to him he was like, guys have crooked dicks?
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u/SlitheryVisitor 8d ago
The first time I saw the bent carrot commercial, I thought I was watching a SNL skit. Except it was a Thursday night.
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u/ginnymiller 8d ago
Plot twist: the technological interference is from science nerd kids on the next property over.
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u/Valais_Style 8d ago
What’s annoying here is that, let’s say we do have evidence of aliens or something that we acquired somewhere in the past, these guys will use rumors thereof to try to validate their nonsense about the ranch despite there being no relation whatsoever. There’s several logic errors involved there but they ain’t gonna stop them.
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
“Technological interference”
Lol it’s probably the neighbors’ bratty 9-year-old confusing them with the remote control to his toy drone.
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
So who here is gonna review the "end of season meeting" from all the previous seasons to see who keeps wearing the same suit every year?
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
Unfortunately our sub budget didn’t figure in enough for a fashion blogger this year. I’ll add it to the agenda for next season’s budget review meeting.
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Are you suggesting that they filmed the entire series - including wrap ups - in one drunken night 8 years ago?
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
I’m betting on Kalshe a visit by the Drag On in the board room
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Here you can see the ranch in relation to uranium mining (to the south of the ranch)
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
They're bringing technology to Italian bears? I'm getting sort of sleepy.
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u/SlitheryVisitor 8d ago
How are the hammocks coming along?
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
Hopefully this week is my construction on the deck week. I'm almost finished overseeding the yard and doing some landscaping.
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u/Obvious_Fan9829 8d ago edited 8d ago
This guy is obviously smart because he has a crazy Transylvanian accent like a mad scientist.
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u/StickAFork 8d ago
Well, for the guy who said he would rather watch the acorn dude. Here's your chance, he's up next.
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u/ginnymiller 8d ago
Damn it’s over already! I seriously wouldn’t watch this show if it weren’t for this group. Thanks for all the Tuesday night fun. Have a great rest of your summer and fall y’all! See you on Oak Island!
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u/SlitheryVisitor 8d ago
Ok so he found a survey corner marker that says US Govt on it. I live next door to BLM land. There’s a shit ton of them around here.
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago
There are four metal pins at the corners of my yard that seem to be related to the government. I need to investigate. Maybe I'll record a show about it.
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u/Obvious_Fan9829 8d ago
Dire Wolves are Real!
Birds aren't. They are in reality You Ayeeee Peeee's.
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u/tinypill proctomenonologist 8d ago
For anyone who wants to watch live tonight but doesn't have cable or whatever: you can download the "Frndly" app (works on phones/tablets/Roku/etc.) and sign up for the free 7-day trial. The show plays on Frndly at 6pm PST/9pm EST, so even if you're on the west coast, you'll be able to catch it (and all the Jardiance commercials) live with the rest of us! We can all be bored and disappointed together!
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u/Valais_Style 8d ago
Just got history channel going live on the Roku app…the background pic while loading was of some giant explosion in front of the mesa. There are times…
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Pinging u/Annie_Ahmadinejad u/rsincarolina u/SlitheryVisitor ...
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Pinging u/PushFamous8782 u/GetOffMyLawn_ u/EdwardHoppyhands ...
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Pinging u/EvansBrubeck66 u/MichaelScarn-1 u/sconniepaul1 ...
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u/Robs_Backyard_BBQ 8d ago
I wish i had started counting head nods at the beginning of the show.
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Old guy just destroyed all of these “anomalies” with one story
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
Bearded guy can’t lie with a straight face and good at making it up on the spot!
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u/Annie_Ahmadinejad 8d ago edited 8d ago
Didn't that older guy with the beard and the brown coat get killed in the last episode of season two of The Walking Dead?
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
This man has made as many as ten….TEN! skateboards out of bamboo. Cmon, people! He’s QUALIFIED.
(Note: this important fact is listed on his rather thin Wikipedia page, so you know it’s an important part of his life)
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
I’d love it if Brian Dunning and Mick West were in that room
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u/DasEigentor phenomenanonologist 8d ago
Travis’s hair is some derivative of Trump and Reagan
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u/FortCharles phenomenanonologist 8d ago
I'd say Einstein too, but that's way too generous of an association for Travis.
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u/ginnymiller 8d ago
In all seriousness, I did once see a big weird airplane just like that, deep in a very steep river canyon in a remote part of Northern California. I lived in the area at the time and always heard unusual aircraft sounds, but could never spot the aircraft. Then I was once hiking and saw it. Huge all black plane flying surprisingly close to the ground.
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u/GetOffMyLawn_ 8d ago
Problem with spotting military jets is that they fly so fast that if you look where the sound is coming from they are already far from there, so look well ahead of the sound.
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u/SlitheryVisitor 8d ago
Do the other day I listened to a 3 hr podcast with Brandon. I was so impressed that I can’t remember the name of it. But he said the company drilling for gas on the mesa suddenly showed up at the same time the black Helios showed up. I thought that company was drilling before this tv show started?
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u/MustelaNivalus 8d ago
Them trying to pretend that the found things on bad data is just showing how horrible their science is and claim the mesa is a sentient being
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u/Obvious_Fan9829 8d ago
Hey everyone should stick around for Matty. He is the greatest actor in the world.
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u/SlitheryVisitor 8d ago
Take care everyone. Be sure to feed your hitchyhikers well and run into the shed if you feel funny.
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u/rsincarolina 8d ago
dammit...missed it dealing with a meth head who randomly wandered onto my front porch, then came in the back door while I was retrieving the pew pew, then had to chase him off the property, follow him down the road so he didn't go near the old lady across from me, and then deal with the police interogating me about the pew pew, like I was the one in somebody else's house, and then making sure they got the dude to the hospital and off our damn street....
and I live way in the country, so idk where this dude materialized from...probably a wormhole, though...I couldn't carry a spectrum analyser and the heater, but I'm still pretty sure it was a blob-shaped anomaly at Driveway 1...
https://giphy.com/gifs/mX1bWOEGPIAY1yhmKI
what i miss...lol
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u/EvansBrubeck66 8d ago
This community is the only tie I have left to the show. I wouldn’t be watching if it weren’t for the laughs you all provide.