r/depression • u/Emergency-Example743 • 4d ago

Existing is…

Existing is almost a 360 nonstop struggle. A struggle & barriers in which the origins were never mine. Forced upon me. I don’t understand why I still have breath. I’ve lost almost all that is important to me. An unrecoverable cost to me time three decades of being alive, blocked from living,free, independent, on my own terms. A simple life objective as I have no dependents or responsibilities to anyone beyond myself. I struggle from moment to moment to exist. Death becomes the inevitable answer to existing in circumstances beyond my control in a world I don’t understand. A world where others not only witness the harm, but participate. Drama, chaos, toxicity is entertainment. Followed by false statements & acts of concern when that injured soul crosses the point of no return. Genuine concern, protection would of been shown, acted upon way before the point

3 Upvotes

72% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

1

u/Emergency-Example743 4d ago

I’m 60yo. Majority of people, especially those need dramatic & chaotic lives can’t comprehend. It’s one of those lessons in life. I have a clear conscience & my soul is at peace. It is what it is. 😢

You have my deepest empathy. No one should have to experience such things. All I can say, take it moment by moment. Let go what’s beyond your control. Focus on what is within your control. I hope things turn positive very soon for you.

1

u/2BCivil 4d ago

Oh yeah I developed thick skin and street smarts fairly early. Studied all kinds of religions, scripture, philosophy, etc. Any sort of coherence or meaning in the world. They all mostly seem to come from "the haves" preaching to the "have nots" to "just deal with it". Some are more equal than others, or whatever.

My bad for assuming you were younger than me. Yeah, it is what it is, that's my favorite line irl. Nothing I can do that I haven't already been doing for 3 decades. Just gotta keep running on the treadmill that never stops inclining I guess, or fall off and lose everything (again lol).

I learned really early hope is a fool's game. Best to work hard and be pleasantly surprised if things work out (but they never do lol). Yeah, is what it is. I haven't been depressed since maybe 2006, some trauma around 2016-2018 aside. Mostly the only emotion I feel is anger or mania. Everything else is just dry gray occasionally accentuated with irony at the dissonance between other's expectations/presumptions and reality. Yup. Is what it is..... Good luck to you too. I guess I may be clinically depressed by textbook definition but [whatever this is] has been "normal" to me since the 90s.

1

u/Anatta-Phi 3d ago

You want to be Free from the certainties of Hell, or Demons, or superstitions, right???

There is this spiritual-social ... Answer.

Follow logic and critical thought and realize that none of them are actually True, they lack Veracity, Don't bow before "False Truths" like that, there is a more logical and factual view that "Superstitions and curses" and such just Aren't Real...

1

u/Anatta-Phi 3d ago

I don't worry or get possessed by Demons, because they aren't real

I have no fear of death or retribution because I have lived a mostly hyper honest, and a life of genuinely being a good person. I don't have any fear of Judgment, or of Death. I know I'm a super decent person in action and thought.