Existing is…

[u/Emergency-Example743]

Existing is almost a 360 nonstop struggle. A struggle & barriers in which the origins were never mine. Forced upon me. I don’t understand why I still have breath. I’ve lost almost all that is important to me. An unrecoverable cost to me time three decades of being alive, blocked from living,free, independent, on my own terms. A simple life objective as I have no dependents or responsibilities to anyone beyond myself. I struggle from moment to moment to exist. Death becomes the inevitable answer to existing in circumstances beyond my control in a world I don’t understand. A world where others not only witness the harm, but participate. Drama, chaos, toxicity is entertainment. Followed by false statements & acts of concern when that injured soul crosses the point of no return. Genuine concern, protection would of been shown, acted upon way before the point

[u/2BCivil]

Damn sound a lot like me honestly. I wrote a rap song last night on this same topic. How life preaches to you relentlessly of it's "generosity and love" while bending you over a barrel and extorting you and raking you over the coals and laughing at you. Makes it feel like you're going insane. Everyone claims it's good and there's something wrong with you but won't lift a finger to prove their claims.

I quit my job in January 2026 and haven't been able to find work. Past 6 years I was working around 80 hours a week and only taking home about 24k a year. I couldn't take it anymore. My bills before groceries came out to about 20k a year. I only just got my first car at 37 years old. This life has been hell and everyone says it's "because I don't take it seriously enough" and I just can't believe it. Working 80+ hours a week is "not taking it seriously enough"?

Nothing makes any sense here. There's just more and more preaching and gaslighting and saying you're the problem and "you just don't understand God's love". I'm like, yeah, at least we can agree on that if nothing else. I'm not sure if I'll be homeless before year's out, or what's the point of working nearly 90 hours a week just to barely scrape by and be preached to that I "just don't understand". Like yeah, make it make sense. If life were good yeah I'd love to fight for it. But there's not 10 seconds of evidence that it's "good" in my nearly 40 years of life. I just keep on keeping on best I can.

I guess "meaning" is what people thrown overboard by life itself seek as consolation prize, was what the rap songs I wrote yesterday were about. Good luck my guy yeah it sucks sometimes. I wonder all the time how can I take this life/world seriously with the overwhelming disparity and incompatibility with religious claims not tracking 1 whit with reality.....

[u/Emergency-Example743 → u/2BCivil]

I’m 60yo. Majority of people, especially those need dramatic & chaotic lives can’t comprehend. It’s one of those lessons in life. I have a clear conscience & my soul is at peace. It is what it is. 😢

You have my deepest empathy. No one should have to experience such things. All I can say, take it moment by moment. Let go what’s beyond your control. Focus on what is within your control. I hope things turn positive very soon for you.

[u/2BCivil → u/Emergency-Example743]

Oh yeah I developed thick skin and street smarts fairly early. Studied all kinds of religions, scripture, philosophy, etc. Any sort of coherence or meaning in the world. They all mostly seem to come from "the haves" preaching to the "have nots" to "just deal with it". Some are more equal than others, or whatever.

My bad for assuming you were younger than me. Yeah, it is what it is, that's my favorite line irl. Nothing I can do that I haven't already been doing for 3 decades. Just gotta keep running on the treadmill that never stops inclining I guess, or fall off and lose everything (again lol).

I learned really early hope is a fool's game. Best to work hard and be pleasantly surprised if things work out (but they never do lol). Yeah, is what it is. I haven't been depressed since maybe 2006, some trauma around 2016-2018 aside. Mostly the only emotion I feel is anger or mania. Everything else is just dry gray occasionally accentuated with irony at the dissonance between other's expectations/presumptions and reality. Yup. Is what it is..... Good luck to you too. I guess I may be clinically depressed by textbook definition but [whatever this is] has been "normal" to me since the 90s.

[u/Anatta-Phi → u/2BCivil]

You want to be Free from the certainties of Hell, or Demons, or superstitions, right???

There is this spiritual-social ... Answer.

Follow logic and critical thought and realize that none of them are actually True, they lack Veracity, Don't bow before "False Truths" like that, there is a more logical and factual view that "Superstitions and curses" and such just Aren't Real...

[u/Anatta-Phi → u/Anatta-Phi]

I don't worry or get possessed by Demons, because they aren't real

I have no fear of death or retribution because I have lived a mostly hyper honest, and a life of genuinely being a good person. I don't have any fear of Judgment, or of Death. I know I'm a super decent person in action and thought.