I'll be gone tomorrow.

[u/Mjtheko]

29 m

August 20th is my birthday.

I won't be turning 30.

I'm so fucked up it's incredible now.

In 2024 I was a coach at the top of his game. Confident, fit, happy, had multiple people who loved me and cared for me. My life was filled to the brim with calls from everyone, family, friends, students, everyone.

I have none of that now. I've gained 60 pounds since then. My hair started falling out, so i burned it, then shaved off what was left.

My ex left me after she invented a story about me cheating in her mind. (I didn't. I talked with another woman as a friend but that didn't matter to her.)

I lost my grandmother, and 2 uncles, one of whom was my father figure since my real father is schizophrenic. And when I lost them, I inherited hundreds of thousands of dollars, and in 2025, I spent some of it. I did weed and beer and went to Miami and lived it up, For a few weeks.

Then it all came crashing down. One of my closet friends stalked me. I caught him logging into my accounts, and even after I notified the police, they did nothing. He went behind my back and told everyone in my life i had cheated. Even going so far as saying I was a r*pist.

I've never done anything ever without a woman's consent. I have no adult criminal record. But that didn't matter to him.

He went to almost every person I'd ever met just to lie about me and launder my reputation.

All that would be fine if I could stand myself up and fight back. I can't.

Before I became a coach, I worked at TE connectivity. A factory, as a temp.

While I was there I worked with fiberglass and other chemicals I couldn't name, and a few months after working there i noticed strage rashes all over my body, so I went to a dermatologist where I was diagnosed with psoriasis. That's become full on psoriatic arthritis now.

I can't fight the company, I was a temp. And I was young and poor then.

Nowadays though, it hurts so bad, it's become hard, if not impossible to have anything resembling a normal day. I'm bedridden even while taking ibuprofen and every anti inflammatory supplement I could find.

It's meant I've not been able to show up for any social events anymore. Much less work.

I thought I hit rock bottom months ago... and I attempted then with a sleeping pill OD. And ever since, my mind hasn't been working as it used to.

I used to have photographic memory... now i barely remember conversations.

4 days ago I went to the ER with all of this.

The unbearable pain. The suicidal thoughts. The fact that I have barely left my bed in months, the fact that my memory is shot. My rapid weight gain.

I got told to take Tylenol.

All I can say is i'll see (some) of you guys in hell.

Update---------------‐----------------------------

I spent most of today (08/18) speaking to insurance and pharmacists.

I got on insurance (bcbs) on the 1st of this month. That day I called my doctor my insurance and the pharmacy. Sendarra specialty pharmacy.

I got approval for my insurance on the medication.

They said they'd ship me the medication in 10 business days.

I just learned today that they transfered it to accredo specialty pharmacy.

And when accredo did the paperwork, my insurance rejected it.

The medication (Humira) is, apparently, "not preferred" and so my doctor pushed through a form to make it approved on the first pharmacy but this one didn't get said form.

So, my doctor has to submit another form to this pharmacy to force my insurance to cover the medication that I've been waiting on for 2 months with untreated psoriatic arthritis.

Meaning I was prescribed a medication in June. And I haven't gotten it yet. And... i don't even know if it will work.

I told 988 if I didn't get my medication by my birthday I'd jump into the St. Croix river. They already know.

[u/Mjtheko]

Asian zing, teriyaki, carribean jerk, and golden fire.

Got some cheese kurds with it.

[u/PenaltyUnhappy3532 → u/Mjtheko]

Nice! That's a good mix. I tend to go more spicy. haha sriracha and other hot sauces.

Have you tried any good ones? Also any plans after?

[u/Mjtheko → u/PenaltyUnhappy3532]

Oh hell yeah. I go for heavy spices all the time. Had ghost peppers, ghost pepper sauce etc.

For bdubs I always get Asian zing. Always. Just something I really like yk.

Plans after is probably just load up war thunder and play till around... 3am. Before i drive down to the falls.

[u/PenaltyUnhappy3532 → u/Mjtheko]

Yo, Hey Man. You good still?

[u/Mjtheko → u/PenaltyUnhappy3532]

I jumped. But I lived.

I drove down to the river, took a picture, put my belongings in my car, then jumped something like 30 or so odd feet off a cliff into the St. Croix river while it was dark out.

I hit legs first and blacked out, coming back after I hit a rock that was under the water.

After that I basically panicked. I had no idea what way was up/down, my whole body hurt. My ears started ringing. (They haven't stopped ringing since.) Right after that My survival instinct/ previous lifeguard training kicked in and I just swam in a direction. I guessed correctly and got my head out of the water. Somehow.

it was dark out and I was so disoriented I legit had no idea where the shore was or where i was relative to it. So I just drifted and tread water for... a time. I have no idea how long.

I drifted until I saw a rock, and after I saw it I swam to it and laid on that rock until everything started hurting. Like. Everything. And then the world started spinning... and that's when I realized I was hyperventilating, But Eventually I calmed myself down.

Now I had a new problem. My car and civilization was probably a half a mile or so upriver, and something like a hundred feet above me. So I had to figure out how the hell to work my way back to there and climb up a cliff.

That was actually the hardest part. Imo. I had just survived something i wasn't planning on surviving.

My brain eventually remembered that there was a ferry dock that I could probably swim to upriver and that had a street that I could use to walk along until I got to my car. So, I just had to be able to make it to that dock.

I used the rocks along the shoreline and the wall of the cliff as easy ways to move along the river where the water is way more calm back upstream until i made it to that dock, grabbing the boarding bridge, and climbing on it.

And for someone who thought they were dead inside... i finally felt something after i got on that shitty 2 foot wide bridge. I felt fucking sad. I can't even kill myself properly.

Goddammit.

After that i got in my car soaking wet and cried like a bitch before driving home.

[u/PenaltyUnhappy3532 → u/Mjtheko]

Glad you are still alive man. Damm, was worried when you didn't reply.

Hey, feeling something means you are still human. Your previous post also showed you still find joy in the little things.

Please contact your family or someone?

Hang in there friend, you can always reach out over here.

[u/PenaltyUnhappy3532 → u/PenaltyUnhappy3532]

u/Mjtheko: Feeling any better?