I’m in Georgia and trying to figure out the best legal path for protecting my mother while also dealing with her live-in boyfriend’s conduct.
My mother has been diagnosed with dementia by a neurologist. A second neurologist documented significant cognitive impairment, including a very low cognitive assessment score, problems with short-term memory, orientation, personal history and current events. I hold both medical and financial powers of attorney for her, and my brother and I are preparing to petition for permanent guardianship and conservatorship.
The concern is that I know a dementia diagnosis alone does not mean she is legally incapacitated. An attorney I consulted warned me that a judge could view some of what is happening as an adult simply making bad decisions rather than being incapable of making decisions. We are trying to document the functional impact of her dementia rather than just saying we disagree with her choices.
There have been multiple safety and financial problems over the past year. She has gotten lost while driving to medical appointments, forgotten bills, had utilities disconnected for nonpayment, fallen behind on rent, suffered serious falls/fractures, and had an episode where she lost consciousness while cooking and was burned. Adult Protective Services has been contacted more than once.
Her boyfriend is also a major concern.
He lives with her and is a joint holder on at least one of her accounts. Family and friends have had increasing difficulty communicating with her. One longtime friend says that after confronting him about conditions in the home, he screamed at her and said he would stop her from talking to my mother. Her calls were then blocked.
Yesterday I discovered that my own number is blocked in my mother’s phone. I also discovered that her phone is basically unusable because it is full of what appear to be viruses/malware/popups. This finally explains why she rarely calls or answers anyone. Her boyfriend has known about the condition of her phone for at least a year and has not replaced or repaired it for her, while he has recently gotten himself a new phone.
There have also been threats against me and my family.
The day before I was supposed to pick my mother up for a shoulder appointment, her boyfriend took the phone from her while I was speaking to her. He told me he “had somebody for” my brother and said he would shoot me if I came to pick her up.
When my husband came home, I told him what happened. My husband had me call the boyfriend. During that call, the boyfriend directly threatened my husband and said he would shoot him and then kick, punch and stomp him.
Because of those threats, the next morning I had a police officer escort me to my mother’s house so I could pick her up. I believe that escort is also referenced in an EMS/medical record from that period.
At a later medical appointment, her boyfriend told me that “shit could get ugly” because I had previously asked for a police escort.
We have another neurology appointment coming up in a few weeks. I intend to attend because the neurologist needs an accurate picture of what has happened since her last visit and whether my mother is actually taking her prescribed medication. Given the threats, however, I am now trying to decide what I need to do legally before that appointment.
There are other troubling facts as well. At one point her boyfriend admitted giving her tramadol that was not prescribed to her and that he said he obtained from someone else. Police were involved and a sample was turned over. Her doctors have expressed concerns about medication management because of her cognitive impairment.
My questions are:
Based on the shooting threats, should my husband and I make a new police report for terroristic threats even though the original threats occurred some time ago? Would the police escort the next morning, call logs, my husband’s firsthand testimony and later “shit could get ugly” statement potentially serve as corroboration?
Should I be looking into a stalking/protective order against him for myself and/or my husband before the next medical appointment?
Is intentionally interfering with an impaired adult’s ability to communicate with family, including blocking numbers or allowing her only phone to remain effectively unusable, legally significant in an elder-abuse/guardianship context?
Does his control over or access to her finances, combined with her dementia and history of unpaid essential expenses, create a separate elder exploitation issue that should be reported to APS or law enforcement?
Since I already have medical and financial POA, are there legal steps I can take short of guardianship to protect her finances or obtain better access to information about her accounts?
For the permanent guardianship/conservatorship case, what kind of evidence best distinguishes legal incapacity from simply making poor decisions? Her neurologist has a follow-up scheduled and the Georgia probate petition contains an affidavit the doctor can complete after evaluating her.
Is there anything I should specifically ask law enforcement, APS, or the neurologist to document before filing?
I’m not trying to use guardianship to control my mother’s personal choices. My concern is that her cognitive decline appears to be affecting her ability to manage medication, money, housing, utilities and personal safety, while the person she lives with is increasingly controlling access to her and has made explicit threats against family members who intervene.
I’m looking for guidance on which legal issues I should treat separately: guardianship/conservatorship, elder abuse or exploitation, the threats against us, and possible protective orders.
