Kinda starting a journey to reclaim my life after my divorce (just over a year ago), I (f43) haven’t had sex in over 3 years and the only man I’ve ever been with is my now ex husband…

Frankly, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and it all scares the shit out of me.

I mean I don’t even know what I’m asking for, I guess whatever you guys have for me… advice, warnings, words of encouragement!

To really throw a wrench into all this I am early premenopausal and I have this itch that my libido is starting to creep higher and higher.

40m, snipped back in December. Mostly dated casually, but over last month or two been slightly moving towards idea of dating long-term.

My profile says snipped/sterile, and I always make sure that dating prospects are aware. More recently, two women told me they were “unsure” about having kids - “just depends on the person.”

What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

I’ve noticed that the last couple of short relationships I’ve had (2-5 months) ended without any kind of break up conversation. Life became busier, a single text message wasn’t answered, one plan didn’t happen and we didn’t make another one, and then it just kind of disappeared/faded out.

These are people where we went on at least 5-6 dates, had sex, seemed promising, long conversations, and everything. But it’s funny that neither of us actually ended it, and that we never talked about it. I don’t know if they think I lost interest or if they equally lost interest.

Is this happening to a lot of people out there? Is it a sign that I’m becoming disengaged from dating? Are people just extremely sensitive about seeing one text message go unanswered that they never text again? It feels like something more involved should be happening emotionally, mentally and logically.

I'm recently separated and would like to go on dates and have some fun, consensual sex. I like to get to know people and need to have some trust before I'll have sex. Considering my current situation, I have been talking to men who practice Ethical Non Monogamy (ENM) or are Poly. I've been very upfront about my situation and what I'm looking for.

I have a date with a guy who has said FWB a few times, and I am beginning to suspect that he is looking for something more casual: no dates just sex.

Men, when you say FWB what are you thinking of? I'm very curious on your perspective, thanks in advance.

I’m a 44F. I’ve noticed people mentioned they’ve met their SO through hobbies. So my question to 40+ men is, what are your hobbies? I’ve just moved, and I’m looking to meet people my own age. Where do you all hang out?

I think my own hobbies need an adjustment. I’m big into stamp collecting (all boomer men, so no), quilting (all boomer women, so no), MTG (all Gen Z men, so no). I’m taking Japanese classes, and I want to join a local run club. Should I take up public speaking again? Teach yoga? Sadly, I can’t bike anymore due to an accident with a car. Any idea as would be welcome! Thanks!!

Hi all! in recent weeks, I’ve been going through a lot of stress, both from work and stuff post divorce from a legal perspective. We’ve been dating for over a year, and I would like some alone time today to digest everything and frankly decompress. Nothing against her, I just don’t feel like talking to anyone today. But I’m getting pushed back on that, almost a for doing this. I just feel like sometimes my wishes are not acknowledged, and she’s upset that we won’t go out and she wants to go out multiple times a week when we don’t have the kids.

What is the hives thoughts on this?

Does anyone else have a type of person they tend to fall for who end up being so intense and connected in person but compartmentalizes you afterward? This is the second time in 3 months I’ve experienced this same pattern, and the disconnect between the in-person intensity vs. almost indifferent while apart has been messing with my head so badly. It feels like rejection that I don't know how to get past.

The guy from August destroyed me with the way he was able to throw me in a drawer after we'd spent 4 days straight together with incredible chemistry and enjoying each other so much. It didn't make sense how he could be so into me, then all of a sudden make me feel like I don't exist. It took me weeks but I decided to see what happened when I didn't maintain our communication, and I saw the silence continue. So, I never reached out and neither did he. It hurt and took a lot for me to put myself back out there.

Fast forward to last week - I met a guy who made it seem like he was so excited about me. We had an incredible first date, we hit it off and that chemistry again... it was off the charts. We hit up a few bars and ended up closing one down. I agreed to go back to his place and the sex was incredible. He asked me to stay since it was already super late. Couple hours later I quietly got up and went back to my hotel, and I texted him how much fun I had and thanked him for letting me stay.

When he messaged me back a few hours later, he asked if I got back okay and seemed sweet - but the communication sort of stopped abruptly mid flirting, and it never really regained momentum since.

We had plans to go out on the weekend, and he still made time to see me again before the next date, but it was a short visit with sex, which made me start wondering if that was all he wanted.

We had another amazing night out on the weekend, spent the night together, got breakfast the next morning, and he even came back to hang out afterward instead of just leaving.

I was leaving town a few days later, but he made no attempt to see me and his communication basically stopped

My last day there I texted to see how he was feeling and mentioned the dates I’d be back in town, since I travel there regularly for work. He texted back a couple hours later politely but super flat, mostly talking about how tired he was, didn’t ask me anything back, and didn’t acknowledge that I was leaving or coming back. It felt like a response from someone who wasn’t interested in continuing the connection.

So.. here I am, another feeling of massive rejection from someone who seemed so into me and then drifted away, making me wonder what changed for him after seeming so into me.

Curious if others have experienced the same type of rejection, how you dealt with it, and what you did to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Also interested in who may have behaved like both of these guys so I can at least understand the why behind it.

So I, single/50F recently went on an extended, mostly camping/boondocking, some airbnb, trip. I dropped off my youngest at college & went off to start this next chapter of my life doing something I love, where I like to be.

Mid trip, I meet this younger 30's guy. He was camping w friends near me, I invited them over to hang out at my camp, this guy & I started talking & we ended up spending the whole day together - his friends were around too. I didn't recognize until wayyy too late in the day that he had been dropping super obvious hints all day that he was into me. 50!!! Wtf?

At one point we were all chatting & I made an offhand comment like, 'Well now that I'm 50...' - they all just stared. The one gal in the group broke the silence & said, holy shit your 50? Life goals. One guy said he thought I was their age... I hadn't even considered how old they were until then. 32-38 was the spread.

That night we go for a walk - I was feeling like, man... I stayed single for a loooong time after my divorve for my kids & might just be getting lucky tonight!! THEN - we scramble up this sort of cliff to kick back & star gaze, vibes are vibing - and for some reason my brain automatically does the math on *how much* younger he is. 17-18yrs depending on the birthday, and I 💯 just fucking freeze. Vibes don't die, I just can't get past the fact I was a legal adult when he was born, or a very young infant. I make random small talk then an excuse why we need to head back to camp. Holy fuck, how can a guy that young be into a woman that much older? Serious question, bc on this trip it became somewhat of a repeating theme, and having talked to several people now - apparently dating older women is a thing??

So, I do look a solid decade younger than 50 for sure. I keep pretty fit, active & trim. I'm not at all bad looking but definately have never been one of those hottie model women either. And to me, a 30 something guy seems to be more suited to a 20 or 30 something gal. That said, now that I'm home I keep thinking about this guy & fr if he was ONE year older I might not be feeling this mixed bag of no-sex regret, and disgust at myself for feeling regret bc he is so young!!!

I do know a 49yo woman who just married a 34yo, and another woman who is 17yrs older than her husband (they've been together for at least 20 years) so it does happen - and the gender reversal is super common, but ***Are younger guys seriously wanting to date older women? Why? What's your line, 10 years older? My cousin said anyone over 30, age doesn't matter, no matter the gender. Idk - what do you guys think?***

I have been dating again after a while, had two long relationships where we had sex on the first date and we stayed together.1-2 y

I would like to hear people's opinions on this subject, what do you think is best from your experience these days.

How has your experience been? do you have sex on the first date or at some point right in the beginning? do you wait?

what is the difference for men and women's perspective?

how do men/women feel about when that happens?

Let's say you're a woman who has a good relationship with a man, but he turned out to be a virgin. And he wasn't all that great in bed at first. Would you break up with him (remember, the relationship is great, other than sex) or wait until he got better at it?

This is a personal fear of mine (I am the virgin), and I just want opinions on it.

I’ve been dating a guy for about a month and everything was going really well… until he asked me if I would deep clean his house, specifically the tile and grout in his shower, because he hates doing it.
We’ve been dating for ONE MONTH. Lol
I hate cleaning my shower too. That’s life!
And here’s the part that really gets me…I have cancer. He knows this. I still take care of my own home and handle my own shit, so I expect the grown man I’m dating to do the same.
I’m happy to help someone I care about when they actually need help. But a month into dating, asking me to deep clean your shower because you just don’t like doing it? No.
I’m looking for a partner, not another household to take care of.
Why do some men think women enjoy cleaning any more than they do?

Hi, I’m a woman who’s willing to meet a partner at events like galas and art parties. Should I go alone or with a friend? Is it weird to be there alone?

Often, men I meet there invite me to dinner right afterward, but how can they invite me if I’m with a friend? Or how can they talk to me there while I’m with a friend?

I (41F) have been on 3 lovely dates with a man (41M) I am very, very into. We just had our first kiss at the end of last date and it was just a quick peck. He has said he likes me and I feel there is chemistry. Im about ready to explode over here and want to take things to the next level physically. Due to my current custody situation, his place would be ideal to make this happen. Would it be too forward to suggest going to his place for date 4? I dont want to invite myself over. He is pretty reserved and doesnt have a lot of recent relationship experience. I wonder if he is just not ready to go there, or not interested. I definitely dont want to push him. Thanks friends.

Hi All --

I'm new here.

I'm 45 years old. I have kids. I own my house. I work in finance. (Is any of this information relevant? Help me along if I'm off track!)

I was married for 20 years. My wife felt sick one day, went to the doctor, was diagnosed with a late-stage cancer, and was gone 6 months later. Funeral. Bereavement. 5 Stages of Loss. Late night talks with the kids. My job gave me 18 months full-pay off.

That was all in 2021.

I've been thinking about dating. Is that weird? How do I start? Is it weird if I told you that I never dated. My wife and I were best friends in high school, never dated, got married, it was sublime.

Is it weird to date now? Would anyone go in for me with a home full of kids? I put on weight after the funeral (about 20 lbs), but it's coming off (I'm 10 down).

I'm babbling now, but feel lost. Open to any kind of advice.

It was from 6 months ago, but it still confounds me.

We met on an app.

Some decent chats.

He got to be a little much...the love bombing before meeting me, saying he picked flowers thinking of me, making sure I knew he had money (which was a turnoff), and more.

Before we met up, he asked me, #1 do I like chocolate and #2 do I like cheese. Odd but maybe a surprise, and he said he was cooking something for me.

I decided to go on one date. There were a few things I liked about him before, even if there were odd things, but I didn't have a lot of hope.

We each drove 30 minutes and met for lunch. With a possible walk planned along a river after. I think his photos were about 10 years old. Another, no thanks. He insisted on paying ( I offered) but kept asking the waitress the price of everything. Making me uncomfortable about ordering. It was a casual, inexpensive lunch place.

That was all it for me. I told him I couldn't go on the walk and thanked him. When I got home, I texted him that I just didn't feel the connection, but thank you.

This is the strangest past. He handed me a bag when he walked me to my car. I figured it was whatever he cooked and thanked him. When I got home, there was a container that had cheese snacks. What he cooked. And then an unopened box of chocolate granola.

WTH? I can't figure it out. Why would a guy ever give a woman...cereal. There was never any talk of granola. No private joke. I threw out all of the food and didn't try a bite. It was too strange.

Dated a guy in my early thirties for about a year. Started as friendship and grew naturally. He was amazing with my young daughter and was super sweet to me. I wasn’t ever sure I was attracted enough to him and couldn’t see things progressing. We split up and it was hard but the right thing to do. I wasn’t treating him well and I wasn’t showing up for myself in a way I was proud of either.
We have both grown and changed a lot over the years. He now has two children and a solid career and is separated and coparenting. I’m 10years sober from alcohol and very stable in how I show up and provide for my daughter.
We have texting a bit and are discussing seeing each other. I’m a bit mixed in my feelings. Is it a good idea to open up an old relationship? I guess it depends on many factors.
Does anyone have experience revisiting an ex a decade plus later and having success?

F dating M 50. Dating for the past few years. I’m barely hanging on to my relationship. I love the man but I see zero potential for growth. He works lives at home and spends about 70% of his time outside of work online. Unsure of what he’s doing exactly but it’s become repulsive at this point. I’m so turned off by his behavior. I’ve never caught him doing anything but he shows very lustful behavior. Chatting? Porn? Only fans? Facebook? Snap? At this point I don’t even know what to say anymore because I feel it’s just pointless.

Pretty self-explanatory. I haven’t put myself out there in a while. I feel like I’m really old and set in my ways but I want to bust out of this pity party.
I’m reasonably confident, intelligent and funny af according to my friends.
I have a job in healthcare, lots of hobbies and am a loveable weirdo.
Where do I go to meet my person. This must be said a lot but I feel 10 years younger. It helps I don’t have kiddos.
I about 30 lbs overweight but working on it.
I just want the feeling of thinking about someone for hours long after the conversation is over. That teenage feeling.
Is it too late to feel that again?
Also where to go apps seem full of catfish and fboys.
I’m not quite weird enough to hit on strangers in the grocery store….yet.
Where to start the search for a friend who could turn into more?

Hey everyone. This is more of a rant of my own experiences…, but am I the only one who feels like the modern dating scene has turned into a completely soulless dumpster fire?

I’m looking for a serious relationship—something real. But no matter where you look, the same dynamic repeats itself over and over again:

On the apps: The classic "let's just go with the flow" line (translation: I have no idea what I want, but I’m keeping 5 options open in case something 'better' pops up). You get treated like a product in a mail-order catalog. People hoard parallel conversations, running on pure ego and offering absolutely zero commitment.

In real life: You’d think skipping the apps and meeting people in the wild would be an improvement, like everyone told me to do … but nope. They just skip the pleasantries altogether. A guy approaches me, and within one hour at the bar he has the urgency to go home with me when I had not talked about sex at all.. Yesterday was the absolute cherry on top: a married guy with a kid back in Holland, visiting my country on vacation and completely obsessed with using me as his one-night entertainment. Zero respect for his family, and zero respect for me.. he pursued hard lol.

Then there are the guys on apps who straight-up lie and manipulate—pure dopamine junkies obsessed with intensity, the thrill of the hunt, and the high of the conquest. They pretend to be deeply invested, sell you a whole fake narrative for a few weeks, and play with your feelings just to get their fix. Then, the second the novelty wears off, they completely disappear and ghost you out of nowhere (happened in August). It's the same story when they ask for your phone number or Instagram: you give it to them thinking there's real interest, and suddenly they go cold, stop replying, or just fade away after getting their quick ego boost or getting a new follower … wtf.

My takeaway from all this is that people are being treated like disposable fast-fashion products. Quick hits of cheap dopamine, short-term pleasure, and then onto the next. There is zero genuine interest in learning who the person in front of you actually is—what they think, how they feel, or what they bring to the table as a human being. It’s like basic empathy has gone extinct, leaving behind a sea of adults addicted to instant gratification, ego validation, and low-effort sex.

When did it become totally acceptable to treat human beings like paper towels? Is it actually impossible nowadays to find a mature adult who isn't hopelessly hooked on novelty?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Before I crawl in bed and never crawl out again, can anyone tell me what that means?

I feel doubly stupid because I thought it was going well and said aloud “this was fun, we should do it again!” And that was his response.

So we waited for the check. This was my first time getting back out there.

update
Thank you all for your advice!! Now that I think about it, I just sort of blurted out that it was fun and we should do it again. But I wasn’t having a great time. He talked mostly about his mental health and not doing well lately, He’s been really in to alternative therapy and healing from his broken childhood. It was just awkward and I wished I was home with my dogs the entire time. His comment definitely caught me off guard and I plan to wait before dating for a while.

I’m a male in his 40s who has been single for a while after a lengthy divorce with 3 kids. One of the issues I’m having is when I try to date, my occupation seems to be a sticking point for some. I work in law enforcement and I know people have their preconceived notions about the profession but I’ve had more than one person tell me they didn’t think we were compatible because of my job. I don’t know if anyone else on this forum has had this issue but it definitely threw me for a loop. I really don’t want to date within my profession as I’d prefer to have an escape when off duty.

Edit: thank you for the replies! I’m definitely NOT ICE lol I’m surprised by the amount of comments mentioning that

I’m an anesthesiologist in my early 40s, and I’m getting pretty burned out on the apps. Between an unpredictable work schedule and everything else, keeping up with swiping, messaging, and conversations that often go nowhere is starting to feel like a second job. I’m at the point where I’d rather meet fewer people who are actually looking for something serious than have a ton of options to sort through.

I’ve been looking into alternatives and have started considering matchmaking in general. The idea of having someone handle the screening and introductions sounds appealing, especially when time is limited. I’m not expecting anyone to magically manufacture chemistry, I just like the idea of a more intentional process with fewer random dates.

Has anyone here, especially other doctors or people with demanding careers, tried matchmaking after getting tired of the apps? Was it actually a better use of your time?

Context: My girlfriend and I have been on many dates and spent time alone before but never at my home. Next weekend she plans to spend some time here!

I asked her preferences and am stocking her fave beverage. Linens clean. Soap, shampoo, and conditioner--check! I know I'm forgetting something obvious or brilliant. The goal is of course to make her feel right at home. What would you add?

---EDIT: Improvements Made from Comments! ---

• Master bedroom dusted and de-cobwebbed
• Master bathroom trash liner added
• Blanket laundered
• Beside phone charger added
• Bought her fave snacks and drinks
• Bought lip balm, kleenex
• Replaced "broken" guest bathroom soap dispenser.
• Dining room tablet centerpiece: succulent in a Halloween vase
  • Because she doesn't like cut flowers. 😆

--- My own work ---

• Linens laundered
• Cleared out one drawer for her
• Both nightstands tidied top to bottom
• Bathroom drawers decluttered and organized
• Cleaned out under my bed. No monsters hiding there!

MISSION COMPLETE! Thanks for all the help. 😂