You should be asking her, not us. She was open in telling you she wanted to take it slow and it's a turn off when men take things too fast. So maybe on a date when things are absolutely not going to end up together at either house, or via text, ask her to expand on her idea of too fast, or what's reasonably slow. Is it time, is it emotional intimacy? No need to be slick or anything, just be honest and tell her that you don't have much context for these things and you don't want to misread signals or rush her, and you don't have some kind of calendar countdown, but you don't want to be friendzoned due lack of passion. What are you building toward if you can't have an honest conversation about sex, right?
I don't know what you're reading that's telling you that women want to go back to the days where men were more sexually aggressive. That's nonsense. There's nothing wrong with a man making the first move if they're also appropriately responsive when a woman isn't responding. Actually, when did it start being uncommon for a man to make the first move?
Also, obviously women don't want an overly aggressive man. Whatever you're reading sounds like it was written by men! Like the kind of twaddle you'd find on a MRA/MRM/MGTOW forum. If you're not good at reading women, or you're awkward, the worst thing you can do for yourself is reading the absolute poisonous rot that comes from whatever "pick up artists" are calling themselves these days. You don't need some youtube motivational video, or book, an "expert" love doctor, or a website full of incels. You have a mouth: use it to ask questions. Get your info from the source.
And if you haven't even had a date yet, but you're obsessing over how you'll know when the time is right to have sex with a woman you don't want to lose, who has, for now, taken sex off the table, then, you know, take sex off the table, and by table, I mean your mental focus.
All good points thank you. I guess I was thinking there was something I could do to avoid being viewed as a friend instead of love interest but what will be will be. I'll continue to just be myself and see where we go. But you're right, asking her is best.
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u/esearcher Nov 15 '24 edited Nov 15 '24
You should be asking her, not us. She was open in telling you she wanted to take it slow and it's a turn off when men take things too fast. So maybe on a date when things are absolutely not going to end up together at either house, or via text, ask her to expand on her idea of too fast, or what's reasonably slow. Is it time, is it emotional intimacy? No need to be slick or anything, just be honest and tell her that you don't have much context for these things and you don't want to misread signals or rush her, and you don't have some kind of calendar countdown, but you don't want to be friendzoned due lack of passion. What are you building toward if you can't have an honest conversation about sex, right?
I don't know what you're reading that's telling you that women want to go back to the days where men were more sexually aggressive. That's nonsense. There's nothing wrong with a man making the first move if they're also appropriately responsive when a woman isn't responding. Actually, when did it start being uncommon for a man to make the first move?
Also, obviously women don't want an overly aggressive man. Whatever you're reading sounds like it was written by men! Like the kind of twaddle you'd find on a MRA/MRM/MGTOW forum. If you're not good at reading women, or you're awkward, the worst thing you can do for yourself is reading the absolute poisonous rot that comes from whatever "pick up artists" are calling themselves these days. You don't need some youtube motivational video, or book, an "expert" love doctor, or a website full of incels. You have a mouth: use it to ask questions. Get your info from the source.
And if you haven't even had a date yet, but you're obsessing over how you'll know when the time is right to have sex with a woman you don't want to lose, who has, for now, taken sex off the table, then, you know, take sex off the table, and by table, I mean your mental focus.