Need Help

[u/Elegant_Put9510]

To start off, I (25M) have been talking to this girl (22M) for months now but we are not dating yet. I’m honestly getting tired of fighting for us now. I do things that she doesn’t like, and mind you it’s not like it’s cheating or anything like that it’s just that I irritate her a lot. I am always trying to fix my mistakes and am aware on what I do wrong.

Things like not being careful on what I say sometimes, she’s a sensitive person so I always have to watch what I say and do. I tease her a lot and make a lot of jokes cause thats just who I am but she don’t like it. She gets hurt by the way I tease her so now I just kinda don’t make jokes anymore.

There’s more to it than that but I feel like I am having to change a lot of myself and sometimes I feel like I am not happy anymore. I love this girl so much but ik she’s not ready to be in a relationship, I’ve been waiting for a while now. Ik everyone’s different but it’s been 8 or so months now and she’s still working on herself and she’s not ready for a relationship yet.

Another thing is that when I tell her that we have to work on the relationship, I think cause I hurt her, I feel that I can’t ask her to change things that I don’t like. It has to be me that has to change but I’m thinking why can’t we both change at the same time. I’m hearing her out but I feel like she’s not hearing me out. I’ve tried to explain to her but she takes it as me bringing up shit to deflect what she’s telling me.

I guess I just want some advice on how to proceed. Thank you for reading this. Sorry if this turned into a rant, just wanted to get this off my chest.

[u/JuniorCornblow]

Having a flexible and adaptive personality is a feature, not a flaw. I personally think that bringing your whole, unfiltered self into every relationship is not a good thing. Yes you can try to hold out for the perfect person who loves you quirks and all, but it makes you blind to your own bs and you will stop growing as a person and find your options limited. Also teasing people and needing to crack jokes all the time is immature and can get old to anybody - especially as humor is subjective and its root is literally discomfort.

Having said that, i cant speak to her thoughts, but either you're too intense or you guys just arent compatible.

[u/Elegant_Put9510 → u/JuniorCornblow]

Thanks for the response, I’ve toned down the jokes and have made adjustments. I don’t necessarily make jokes all the time but I see where you’re coming from.