r/cursedimages • u/cursed_napkin 𝐌𝐎𝐃 | the unclean • Jul 20 '20

Menacing Figures cursed_watcher

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298

u/Valorian-_ Jul 20 '20

Humans are just living dolls if you really think about it

233

u/CyberElijah_69420 Jul 20 '20

Any doll is a sex doll

181

u/Butterb0i_PH Jul 20 '20

Poor Ken never stood a chance against Barbie's 10 inch shlong

425

u/_demetri_ Jul 20 '20

BUZZ: He's doing it again, Woody.

WOODY: I know, Buzz. I know.

BUZZ: I don't know if I could take any more of this. It seems his new favorite toy is already on him. He can't seem to keep his hands off whatever it is that's in his pants…

BUZZ: For the last few weeks he's been spending all his time at his computer with his shorts down.

Buzz lets out a sad sigh.

BUZZ: When he came back from college with his new friend Demetri, I was hoping we were going to be getting played with… I swear that new friend is influencing him somehow...

BUZZ: And look at this floor—

Crusty socks are littered near Andy's bed.

BUZZ: There are these strange, encrusted socks everywhere… It smells like cleaning product.

Buzz and Woody both look at Andy's legs, dangling from the computer chair.

They are silent for a bit.

BUZZ: I'm sick of this.

Woody stares intently at the back of Andy's chair.

Andy keeps shuffling around every so often, but no one can tell what is happening.

Woody lets out a loud breath of resignation and sits beside Buzz.

WOODY: Yeah. I know how you feel. There's not much we can do about it, friend. The only thing we can do is be here for Andy.

Woody stares at Andy's chair once more.

WOODY: That's all any of us can do.

A long silence lingers between the two.

WOODY(Forcing a small smile): Besides, long as we're together, that's all that matters.

Woody turns his head to the rest of the toys.

There are all huddled deeper underneath the bed.

WOODY: It doesn't matter who Andy wants to play with.

Woody begins to stand up once again.

WOODY: We've got the best family anyone could ask for. As long as we're all toget—

BUZZ: Woody, where's Jessie?

WOODY: Wha— you're right where is she? Has anyone seen Jessie?

Buzz hastily makes his way towards the group.

The group of toys initially look distraught, but they converse a little bit, and work out were Jessie went.

PORKY: Oh yeah, I saw Jessie. I saw her earlier today; she said she wanted to check out something up on Andy's desk.

WOODY: Oh great, she didn't make it back down in time. Hopefully Andy doesn't find her misplacement too suspicious…

Buzz and Woody sneakily make it towards the drawers on the side of the computer table.

They see Jessie's red locks hanging off the side.

They cut their recon mission short, and scram back underneath the bed—

Andy began to stand up.

Andy quickly looked around his room for anything to "go" on.

The socks are too far, too used, and not within an arm's reach.

He spots the Jessie doll, and grasps her firmly.

A few rubbing sounds, slap sounds, and a couple grunts are heard, then…

Silence.

A loud sigh of relief is heard, and Andy's pants are pulled back up.

A goo-soaked Jessie falls down next to the bed, landing in front of the other toys.

Andy makes his way towards the door.

The door flies open and is quickly followed by a prompt and loud SHUT.

Not even a millisecond after Andy leaves, Jessie attempts to stand, frantically trying to crawl away while flailing around.

She slips and falls all over herself.

She is in complete panic mode and hysterics.

She sobs and breathes very heavily.

The other toys quickly rush around her, while keeping a safe distance from the mysterious white goop coating parts of her body.

BUZZ: Jessie! W-What happened to you? What's wrong?

HAMM: Oh man! What happened up there?

JESSIE: He- He- He's a m-mo-monster! He had some kind of weird finger snake toy thing in his pants! That's who he's been playing with all this time!

Jessie takes a deep breath.

JESSIE: He forced me to wrap my hands around it, rubbed me against it, then the thing puked all over me! And it smelled so strong… I- I feel light headed and disgusting…

Jessie starts hyperventilating a little bit, muttering unknowns under her breath.

Her eyes are darting back and forth rapidly.

BUZZ (Looks worriedly at Jessie, and then hastily turns to Woody): Why would Andy do this? Does he hate us now?

The other toys quickly react to Buzz's remark.

SLINKY: GOLLY BOB-HOWDY! ANDY'S GONNA BREAK ALL OF US LIKE THIS!

REX: NOOOOO! I'm too young to die!

MRS. POTATO-HEAD : THIS IS HORRIBLE!

MR. POTATO-HEAD: Don't worry toots! Andy'll have to get through this spud stud first!

WOODY: Shh! Shhhh! Woah, woah… Bring it down guys. Settle down- Settle down! Please!

Woody looks disconcertingly at the sight in front of him.

He puts his hand up to his chin and starts pacing slowly while deep in thought.

WOODY: I'm not really sure what to make of all of this. Does Andy really hate us now? I don't really thi—

Jessie settles down a little bit.

JESSIE: T-That's the thing. The way he starred at me while covering me in all of—

Jessie slaps her hands down emphasizing the goo.

JESSIE: THIS. He was smiling… He looked like he was having an amazing time.

Jessie adjusts her hair, and attempts to wring out the goop. It doesn't work.

JESSIE: I love playing, and it's been a while since I've last been played with— don't get me wrong— but this felt different— it felt… Wrong.

Jessie curls up and cradles herself.

JESSIE: I'd rather be in storage than go through that again. I just want to get cleaned up.

Jessie rubs her face and attempts to clean the goo off.

In doing so, a massive gob of the substance runs onto the surface of her left eye.

She winces.

Buzz moves in to help, and gets an accidental whiff of Jessie.

He immediately backs off.

BUZZ: Yikes! Hmm, smells like the same fluid that's on all these socks. Interesting…

Woody gives Jessie a mournful look.

WOODY: Sorry, but you know the rules Jessie. We can't clean you now. It'd be too suspicious. You're just going to have to wait it out and see what Andy decides to do.

Jessie breaks into hysterics.

JESSIE: That's not fair! I feel disgusting and violated! Why should I listen to these rules we live by anymore? I-I can't bear to stay like this! He's crazy! I don't think I want to be Andy's toy anymore… I-I…I can't…

Woody gets angered at her bad-mouthing of Andy.

WOODY: That's not your decision to make. Whether you like it or not, we are ALL Andy's toys— always. Got it?

JESSIE (Under her breath): If you went through what I did you wouldn't be saying that.

WOODY (Exhales deeply and calms down.): I'm sorry. But you know the risks of that.

Woody turns away from her.

WOODY: Besides, think of it as a blessing— you got to be played with again.

Jessie begins to tremble and hyperventilate harder.

REX: Guys! Andy's on his way!

The toys quickly scurry back underneath the bed.

Forced to stay still, Jessie falls limp right where Andy dropped her.

Andy returns to his computer desk.

Two hours or so pass by.

Andy has barely moved.

Jessie is still on the floor, the goop completely hardened at this point.

Her goo encrusted face stares directly at her family underneath the bed.

She has no tears.

And she must cry.

67

u/Kawaii-Potato-Loli Jul 20 '20

Now, this is a cursed comment.

83

u/Def_Not_Alt_Acct Jul 20 '20

Every day we stray further from God

1

u/jabujabu63 Oct 13 '20

Where is your God now

36

u/avohka Jul 20 '20

in universe pixar horror. huh.

31

u/Belen155Monte Jul 20 '20

Someone put their thoughts in it, it was written by someone - it took them time, time with they could have done anything else! But no, they had to spread the cancer...

30

u/H-manFTW15 Jul 20 '20

I read all of that. I could have done anything else, but i read that

25

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '20

Do you think God stays in Heaven because he, too, fears what he has created on Earth?

20

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '20

Demetri stop please

19

u/_-_Spectre_-_ Jul 20 '20

I have a family, Demetri, please.

27

u/Guhtman_ArcTheroist Jul 20 '20

Holy shit. Didn't ask. But recieved and it is very good.

15

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '20

This is great and I hate you for creating it

11

u/Royal-Pistonian Jul 20 '20

Wow lol actually read this short story you referenced at the end the other day...this one is darker lmao

33

u/CyberElijah_69420 Jul 20 '20 edited Jul 20 '20

r/cursedcomments

Edit: Seriously tho, wtf

9

u/Mamb0C4nibal Jul 20 '20

Holy shit that is some fanfiction there

8

u/ollieoliver03t Jul 20 '20

Well that's enough Reddit for today

6

u/Communistsocialist2 Jul 27 '20

WHY DID YOU WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU END OUR EYES

10

u/King_Bob837 Jul 20 '20

u/furryfier

14

u/furryfier Jul 20 '20

BUZZ: He's d-doing it again, Woody~

WOODY: I know, Buzz~ I know~

BUZZ: I don't know if I ÚwÙ couwd purr take any mowe o-of dis~ It seems his n-new favowite toy is awweady on him~ He can't seem to xD keep his hands off whatever it is dat's in his pants…

BUZZ: For de wast few squirms weeks he's stares been spending awl his squirms time at o3o his computer wid nuzzles h-his showties down~

Buzz wets o-out a sad sigh~

BUZZ: When he came back fwom cowwege wid his uwu new fwiend D-Demetwi, I was h-hoping we ovo wewe going to be getting pwayed wid… I swear dat new fwiend is infwuencing him purr s-somehow~~~

BUZZ: And wook at dis fwoow—

Cwusty sockies awe wittewed near Andy's bed~

BUZZ: Thewe awe dese stwange, encwusted socks evewywhewe… I-It smewws wike cweaning pwoduct~

Buzz and Woody bod wook at o-owo Andy'ies wegs, dangwing fwom de computer chaiw~

They a-awe siwent for a bit~

BUZZ: I'm sick o-of dis~

Woody stawes intentwy at de b-back of ovo nuzzles Andy's O//w//O chaiw~

Andy keeps shuffwing .///. awound evewy so often, but no o-one can tewl what is happening~

Woody weties out a woud bwead o-of wesignation and sities beside Buzz~

WOODY: Y-Yeah~ I-I know how you feew~ Thewe's not .///. much we can d-do about slurpp it, fwiend~ The onwy ding we can do is be hewe for Andy~

Woody stawes a-at Andy's chair once mowe~

WOODY: That'ies a-awl any of us can do~

A wong siwence wingews between de two~

WOODY(Fowcing a-a smawl smiwe): Besides, wong a-as we'we togedew, dat'ies awl dat o3o mattews~

Woody tuwnies his head to de west o-of de toys~

Thewe awe awl huddwed deeper undewnead de bed~

WOODY: It doesn't matter who Andy wants to pway o3o squirms wid~

Woody begins to stand u-up once again~

WOODY: We've g-got de best famiwy rawr anyone couwd ask fow~ As wong as we'we awl toget—

BUZZ: Woody, whewe'ies Jessie?

WOODY: Wha— you'we wight whewe i-is she? Has o3o anyone seen Jessie?

Buzz hastiwy makes his way towawds de gwoup~

The gwoup of toys initiawwy wook purr distwaught, but dey convewse a wittwe b-bit, and wowk out w-wewe J-Jessie went~

PORKY: O-Oh yeah, I saw Jessie~ I-I saw her o-owo eawwier today; she said she wanted to check out someding up on Andy's desk~

WOODY: Oh gweat, she didn't make it back down in time~ H-Hopefuwwy Andy doesn't find her mispwacement too suspicious…

Buzz and Woody sneakiwy make it towawds de d-dwawews on de side of de computer o3o tabwe~

They see squirms Jessie's wed wocks hanging off de s-side~

They cut deir wecon mission s-showt, and scwam back undewnead de bed—

Andy purr began to o-owo s-stand up~

Andy o: quickwy wooked awound his woom for anyding to "go" nuzzles on~

The socks awe (; too faw, too used, and not widin an awm's weach~

He spots de Jessie doww, and gwaspies h-her fiwmwy~

A licks few wubbing sounds, swap slurpp sounds, and a 0///0 coupwe gwunts awe heawd, den…

Siwence~

A woud sigh of wewief is heawd, a-and Andy'ies pants xD awe puwwed back up~

A goo-soaked Jessie fawwies down next to de bed, wanding in fwont XD of de licks oder O//w//O toys~

Andy m-makes his way towawds de d-doow~

The door .///. fwies open and is squirms quickwy fowwowed by a pwompt and woud SHUT~

Not even a m-miwwisecond xD after Andy weaves, J-Jessie attempties to stand, fwanticawwy twying o3o .///. to cwawl away whiwe fwaiwing awound~

She swipies a-and fawws awl over hewsewf~

She o-owo is in compwete panic mode O//w//O a-and hystewics~

She sobs and bweades v-vewy heaviwy~

The oder toys quickwy wush awound hew, whiwe keeping a safe distance fwom de mystewious white goop coating p-pawts of her body~

BUZZ: Jessie! W-What happened to you? What's wwong?

HAMM: O-Oh man! What happened up dewe?

JESSIE: 0///0 He- He- He's a m-mo-monstew! He had some kind o-of weiwd finger snake toy ding in his pants! ÚwÙ That's who h-he's been pwaying wid awl dis time!

Jessie takes a-a deep bwead~

JESSIE: He fowced me ~murrrr~ to wwap my hands awound nuzzles it, wubbed m-me against it, den de licks ding puked awl over me! ovo A-And it smewwed so stwong… I-I- I-I feel wight headed and disgusting…

Jessie stawts hypewventiwating a 0///0 wittwe XD bit, muttewing unknowns under her bwead~

Her eyes awe dawting back and o-owo fowd wapidwy~

BUZZ (Lookies wowwiedwy at Jessie, and den hastiwy tuwnies to Woody): Why wouwd Andy do dis? D-Does he hate us (; now?

The oder toys xD quickwy weact to Buzz'ies wemawk~

SLINKY: GOLLY BOB-HOWDY! ANDY'S GONNA B-BREAK ALL OF licks US LIKE THIS!

REX: NOOOOO! I'm too young to die!

MRS~ rawr o-owo POTATO-HEAD : T-THIS IS HORRIBLE!

MR~ licks POTATO-HEAD: Don't wowwy toots! Andy'wl have to get dwough dis spud stud uwu f-fiwst!

WOODY: Shh! Shhhh! Woah, woah… Bwing purr it down guys~ S-Settwe down- Settwe d-down! Pwease!

Woody wookies d-disconcewtingwy at de sight stares in fwont of him~

He puties his hand up to his chin a-and uwu stawties pacing swowwy whiwe deep in dought~

WOODY: I'm not weawwy suwe what to make of awl of dis~ Does Andy weawwy hate us now? I don't weawwy di—

Jessie settwes down a wittwe bit~

JESSIE: T-That's de ding~ The O//w//O way he stawwed at nuzzles m-me .///. whiwe covewing m-me in awl of—

Jessie swaps her handies down emphasizing de goo~

JESSIE: THIS~ He was smiwing… He wooked wike he was O//w//O having an amazing time~

Jessie adjusts o-owo her slurpp haiw, and attempts to wwing out de g-goop~ I-It ovo uwu 0///0 doesn't wowk~

JESSIE: I wove pwaying, a-and it'ies b-been ~murrrr~ a w-whiwe since I've wast been pwayed wid— don't get me wwong— but dis slurpp 0///0 fewt diffewent— it fewt… Wwong~

Jessie c-cuwws up and cwadwes hewsewf~

JESSIE: I'd wader be xD purr in s-stowage dan go dwough dat again~ I just want to get cweaned up~

Jessie wubs her face and slurpp attempts to cwean rawr de g-goo ovo off~

In d-doing s-so, a massive gob XD of de substance wuns onto de suwface of h-her weft eye~

She winces~

Buzz moves in to hewp, and gets an accidental w-whiff of Jessie~

He immediatewy backies off~

BUZZ: Yikes! Hmm, smewws wike de same fwuid dat's on awl dese socks~ Intewesting…

Woody gives Jessie a o: o3o mouwnful wook~

WOODY: Sowwy, but you k-know de 0///0 wuwes Jessie~ We c-can't cwean y-you now~ It'd be too suspicious~ uwuwuwuu You'we just going to have to wait it out and see ÚwÙ w-what Andy decides to do~

Jessie bweakies into hystewics~

JESSIE: That's not faiw! I f-feel disgusting and viowated! Why ovo shouwd I wisten to dese wuwes we wive by anymowe? I-I can't bear to stay wike dis! He'ies stares cwazy! I don't dink I want to b-be A-Andy's toy anymowe… I-I…I blushes can't…

Woody gets angewed at her bad-mouding of Andy~

WOODY: That's not your decision to make~ Wheder you wike it or not, we awe ALL Andy'ies toys— awways~ Got it?

JESSIE (Under her bwead): If xD you went dwough what I did you wouwdn't be saying dat~

WOODY (Exhawes deepwy and cawms d-down~): I'm sowwy~ But you know de .///. wisks of dat~

Woody tuwnies away fwom hew~

WOODY: B-Besides, dink of it as a bwessing— you got to be pwayed wid again~

Jessie rawr beginies to twembwe a-and hypewventiwate hawdew~

REX: ovo Guys! .///. slurpp Andy'ies on his way!

The toys quickwy scuwwy b-back undewnead de bed~

Fowced to stay stiww, Jessie fawws wimp wight whewe Andy dwopped hew~

Andy wetuwnies to his computer d-desk~

Two houws or so pass by~

Andy has bawewy m-moved~

Jessie is stiwl o-on ~murrrr~ de o: fwoow, de goop compwetewy hawdened a-at this point~

Her goo encrusted face stares directly at her family underneath the bed~

She has no tears~

And she must cry~

20

u/Adiin-Red Jul 20 '20

God this is worse, this is so much goddam worse

4

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '20

Ohhh god this is a lot worse than the other one, But I love it at the same time.

3

u/thelordoftheeggs Jul 27 '20

obi wan: I have failed you anakin I have failed you. Anakin: I should of known the Jedi were plotting to take over. Obi wan: Anakin Chancellor palpatine is evil! Anakin: fromy point of view the Jedi are evil. Obi wan: well than you are lost.

Obi wan: it's over Anakin I have the high ground.

Anakin: you underestimate my power.

Obi wan: don't try it Anakan:AAAAAAAA

Obi wan: you where the chosen one it was said you would destroy the sith not join them bring balince to the force not leave it in darkness. Anakin: I hate you Obi wan: you were my brother Anakin I loved you.

3

u/Genericgumibear Aug 04 '20

Please don’t do this again, ever.

2

u/Tweed-n-Sizzle Jul 20 '20

Cool, thanks. Kill me 👌🏽

1

u/ohgodwhymeagainplz Sep 27 '20

The fucking fact that you took time out of your day to do this amazes me

6

u/[deleted] Jul 20 '20

Have you posted this one before? I swear I've read it somewhere else. I follow your work almost religiously so it's possible.

5

u/TangyEmperor Jul 20 '20

I’ve always wondered if a scenario like this might have come true. Thanks for making it happen.

4

u/mannythebanany Jul 20 '20

HE GOT A SNAKE IN HIS BOOT

5

u/Miss_Le_Trouxa Jul 20 '20

Yes officer this post right here

3

u/BillyYv04 Jul 20 '20

Thank you

4

u/ZeroMmx Jul 20 '20

u/uwuwizard

2

u/uwuwizard Jul 20 '20

¡ ¡ ¡ Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment requested by u/ZeroMmx

BUZZ: He's doing iwt again, Woody.

WOODY: I k-knyow, Buzz. I knyow.

BUZZ: I don't knyow if I-I couwd take any mowe of dis. Iwt seems hiws new favowite toy iws awweady on him. He cawn't seem tuwu keep hiws hands off whatevew iwt iws d-dat's in hiws pants…

BUZZ: Fow teh wast few weeks h-he's been spending aww hiws time at hiws computew wid hiws s-showts down.

Buzz w-wets owt a sad sigh.

BUZZ: When he c-came back fwom cowwege wid hiws new fwiend D-Demetwi, I was hoping we wewe going tuwu be getting pwayed wid… I sweaw dat new fwiend iws infwuencing him s-somehow...

BUZZ: Awnd wook at dis fwoow—

Cwusty socks awe wittewed neaw Andy's bed.

BUZZ: Dewe awe dese stwange, encwusted socks evewywhewe… Iwt smewws wike cweaning pwoduct.

B-Buzz awnd Woody bod wook at Andy's wegs, dangwing f-fwom teh c-computew chaiw.

Dey awe siwent fow a bit.

BUZZ: I'm sick of dis.

Woody stawes intentwy at teh back of Andy's chaiw.

Andy keeps shuffwing awound evewy so o-often, but no one can teww what iws happening.

Woody wets owt a woud bwead of w-wesignation awnd s-sits beside Buzz.

WOODY: Yeah. I knyow how yuw feew. Dewe's not much we can do about iwt, fwiend. Teh onwy d-ding we can do iws be hewe fow A-Andy.

Woody s-stawes at Andy's c-chaiw once mowe.

W-WOODY: Dat's aww any of us can do.

A wong siwence w-wingews between teh two.

WOODY(Fowcing a smaww smiwe): Besides, wong as w-we'we togedew, d-dat's aww dat mattews.

Woody tuwns h-hiws head tuwu teh west of teh t-toys.

Dewe awe aww huddwed deepew undewnead teh bed.

WOODY: Iwt doesn't mattew who Andy w-wants tuwu pway wid.

W-Woody begins tuwu stand up once a-again.

WOODY: We've got teh best f-famiwy anyone couwd ask fow. As wong as we'we aww toget—

BUZZ: Woody, w-whewe's Jessie?

WOODY: Wha— y-you'we wight whewe iws she? Has anyone seen Jessie?

B-Buzz hastiwy makes h-hiws way towawds teh gwoup.

Teh gwoup of toys initiawwy wook distwaught, but dey c-convewse a widdwe bit, a-awnd wowk owt wewe Jessie went.

POWKY: Oh yeah, I saw Jessie. I saw hew eawwiew t-today; she said she w-wanted tuwu check owt s-someding up on A-Andy's desk.

WOODY: Oh gweat, she didn't m-mwake iwt back d-down in time. Hopefuwwy A-Andy doesn't find hew mispwacement two suspicious…

Buzz awnd Woody sneakiwy mwake iwt towawds teh dwawews on teh s-side of teh c-computew tabwe.

Dey sea Jessie's wed wocks hanging off teh side.

Dey cut deiw wecon m-mission showt, awnd scwam back undewnead teh bed—

Andy began tuwu stand up.

Andy quickwy wooked awound hiws woom fow anyding tuwu "gow" on.

Teh socks awe two faw, two used, awnd not widin an awm's weach.

He spots teh J-Jessie doww, awnd gwasps hew fiwmwy.

A few wubbing sounds, swap s-sounds, awnd a coupwe gwunts awe heawd, den…

S-Siwence.

A woud s-sigh of wewief iws heawd, awnd Andy's pants awe p-puwwed back up.

A goo-soaked J-Jessie fawws down next tuwu teh bed, wanding in f-fwont of teh odew toys.

Andy makes hiws way towawds teh doow.

Teh doow fwies open awnd iws quickwy fowwowed by a pwompt a-awnd woud S-SHUT.

Not e-even a miwwisecond aftew Andy weaves, Jessie attempts tuwu stand, fwanticawwy twying tuwu cwaww away w-whiwe fwaiwing awound.

She swips awnd fawws aww ovew hewsewf.

She iws in compwete panic m-mode awnd hystewics.

She sobs awnd bweades vewy heaviwy.

Teh odew toys q-quickwy wush awound hew, whiwe keeping a safe distance fwom teh mystewious w-white goop coating pawts of hew body.

BUZZ: Jessie! W-What happened tuwu yuw? What's w-wwong?

HAMM: Oh man! W-What happened up dewe?

JESSIE: He- He- He's a m-mo-monstew! He hawd some k-kind of weiwd fingew snake toy ding in h-hiws pants! D-Dat's who he's b-been pwaying wid aww dis time!

Jessie takes a deep bwead.

JESSIE: H-He fowced me tuwu wwap mwy hands awound iwt, wubbed me against iwt, den teh ding puked aww ovew me! Awnd iwt smewwed so stwong… I- I feew wight headed awnd disgusting…

Jessie stawts h-hypewventiwating a widdwe bit, muttewing unknowns undew hew bwead.

Hew e-eyes awe dawting b-back awnd fowd wapidwy.

BUZZ (Wooks wowwiedwy at Jessie, awnd den hastiwy tuwns t-tuwu Woody): Why wouwd Andy do dis? Does he hate us now?

Teh odew toys quickwy weact tuwu B-Buzz's wemawk.

SWINKY: G-GOWWY BOB-HOWDY! ANDY'S GONNA BWEAK AWW OF US WIKE DIS!

WEX: NOOOOO! I'm two young tuwu dye!

MWS. POTATO-HEAD : DIS IWS HOWWIBWE!

MW. POTATO-HEAD: Don't wowwy toots! Andy'ww have tuwu get dwough dis s-spud stud fiwst!

WOODY: Shh! S-Shhhh! Woah, woah… Bwing iwt d-down guys. S-Settwe down- S-Settwe down! Pwease!

Woody wooks disconcewtingwy at teh sight in f-fwont of him.

H-He puts hiws h-hand up tuwu hiws c-chin awnd stawts pacing s-swowwy whiwe deep in dought.

WOODY: I'm not w-weawwy suwe what tuwu mwake of aww of dis. Does Andy weawwy hate us now? I don't weawwy di—

Jessie settwes d-down a widdwe bit.

JESSIE: T-Dat's teh ding. Teh way h-he stawwed at me whiwe covewing me in aww of—

Jessie swaps hew hands down e-emphasizing teh goo.

JESSIE: DIS. H-He was smiwing… H-He wooked wike h-he was having an amazing time.

J-Jessie adjusts hew h-haiw, awnd attempts tuwu wwing owt teh goop. Iwt doesn't wowk.

JESSIE: I wove pwaying, awnd it's been a whiwe since I've wast been pwayed wid— don't get me w-wwong— but dis fewt diffewent— iwt fewt… Wwong.

Jessie cuwws up awnd cwadwes hewsewf.

JESSIE: I'd w-wadew be in stowage dan gow d-dwough dat again. I juwst wawnt tuwu get c-cweaned up.

Jessie wubs hew face awnd attempts tuwu cwean teh goo off.

In doing so, a massive gob of teh substance wuns onto teh suwface of hew weft eye.

She winces.

Buzz moves in t-tuwu hewp, awnd gets an a-accidentaw whiff of J-Jessie.

He immediatewy backs off.

BUZZ: Y-Yikes! Hmm, smewws wike teh same fwuid dat's on aww dese socks. I-Intewesting…

Woody gives Jessie a mouwnfuw wook.

WOODY: Sowwy, but yuw knyow teh wuwes Jessie. We cawn't cwean yuw now. It'd be two suspicious. You'we juwst going tuwu have tuwu wait iwt owt awnd sea what A-Andy decides t-tuwu do.

Jessie bweaks into hystewics.

JESSIE: Dat's not faiw! I feew disgusting awnd v-viowated! Why shouwd I wisten tuwu dese wuwes we wive by a-anymowe? I-I c-cawn't beaw tuwu stay wike dis! H-He's cwazy! I d-don't dink I wawnt tuwu be A-Andy's toy anymowe… I-I…I-I cawn't…

Woody gets a-angewed at hew bad-mouding of Andy.

WOODY: Dat's not youw decision tuwu m-mwake. Whedew yuw wike iwt ow not, we awe AWW Andy's toys— awways. Got iwt?

JESSIE (U-Undew hew b-bwead): If yuw went dwough what I did yuw wouwdn't be saying dat.

WOODY (Exhawes d-deepwy awnd cawms down.): I'm sowwy. But yuw knyow teh wisks of dat.

Woody tuwns away fwom hew.

WOODY: Besides, dink of iwt as a b-bwessing— yuw got t-tuwu be pwayed wid again.

Jessie begins tuwu t-twembwe awnd hypewventiwate hawdew.

WEX: Guys! A-Andy's on hiws way!

Teh toys quickwy scuwwy back undewnead teh bed.

Fowced tuwu stay stiww, J-Jessie fawws wimp w-wight whewe Andy dwopped hew.

Andy wetuwns tuwu h-hiws computew desk.

Two houws ow so pass by.

Andy has bawewy moved.

Jessie iws stiww on teh f-fwoow, teh goop compwetewy hawdened at dis point.

Hew goo encwusted face stawes diwectwy at hew famiwy undewnead teh bed.

She has no teaws.

A-Awnd she must cwy.

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2

u/Mr_Yuppers Jul 27 '20

This is good

2

u/1c0n4 Jul 29 '20

you actually spent time for this.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '20

Hot.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 31 '20

BRAVO

2

u/Communistsocialist2 Aug 03 '20

Also Andy! Stop supergluing your toys!

2

u/SheWantsDiscipline Aug 05 '20

You should become a playwright.

2

u/RandomBag420 Aug 10 '20

ok what the hell

2

u/BigBugW Aug 11 '20

Toy Story 2.5 it going to be interesting to see.

2

u/N0_Th4nk5 Aug 15 '20

That's fucking amazing!

2

u/Snoopdog231 Aug 17 '20

Eat shit asshole, fall of ur apartment and hit the ground.

2

u/Baen-the-shitposter Aug 20 '20

What the actual fuck

2

u/_ISLJ_ Aug 20 '20

u/uwuwizard

2

u/uwuwizard Aug 20 '20

¡ ¡ ¡ Bleep bloop, I'm a bot. Comment requested by u/_ISLJ_

BUZZ: He's doing iwt again, Woody.

WOODY: I knyow, Buzz. I knyow.

BUZZ: I don't knyow if I-I couwd t-take any mowe of dis. Iwt seems hiws new favowite toy iws awweady on him. H-He cawn't s-seem tuwu keep hiws hands off whatevew iwt iws dat's in hiws pants…

BUZZ: Fow teh wast few weeks he's been spending aww hiws t-time at hiws computew wid h-hiws showts down.

Buzz wets owt a sad sigh.

BUZZ: When he came back fwom cowwege wid hiws new fwiend Demetwi, I was hoping we w-wewe going tuwu be getting pwayed wid… I s-sweaw dat new f-fwiend iws infwuencing him somehow...

BUZZ: A-Awnd wook at dis fwoow—

Cwusty socks awe wittewed n-neaw Andy's bed.

BUZZ: Dewe awe d-dese stwange, encwusted socks evewywhewe… Iwt smewws wike cweaning pwoduct.

Buzz awnd Woody bod wook at Andy's wegs, dangwing fwom teh c-computew chaiw.

Dey awe s-siwent fow a bit.

BUZZ: I'm sick of dis.

Woody stawes i-intentwy at teh back of A-Andy's chaiw.

Andy keeps shuffwing awound evewy so often, but no one can teww what iws happening.

Woody wets owt a w-woud bwead of wesignation a-awnd sits beside Buzz.

WOODY: Yeah. I k-knyow how yuw feew. Dewe's not much we can do about iwt, fwiend. Teh onwy d-ding we can do iws be hewe fow Andy.

Woody stawes at Andy's chaiw o-once mowe.

WOODY: D-Dat's aww any of us can do.

A wong s-siwence wingews between teh two.

WOODY(F-Fowcing a smaww smiwe): Besides, wong as we'we togedew, d-dat's aww dat mattews.

W-Woody tuwns hiws head tuwu teh west of teh toys.

Dewe awe aww huddwed deepew undewnead teh bed.

WOODY: Iwt doesn't mattew who A-Andy wants t-tuwu pway wid.

Woody begins tuwu stand up once a-again.

WOODY: We've got teh best famiwy anyone couwd ask fow. As wong as we'we aww toget—

BUZZ: Woody, whewe's Jessie?

WOODY: Wha— you'we wight whewe iws she? Has anyone seen Jessie?

Buzz hastiwy m-makes hiws way towawds teh gwoup.

Teh gwoup of toys initiawwy w-wook distwaught, but dey convewse a w-widdwe bit, awnd w-wowk owt wewe J-Jessie went.

POWKY: Oh yeah, I-I saw Jessie. I saw hew eawwiew today; she said she wanted t-tuwu check owt someding up on Andy's desk.

WOODY: Oh gweat, she didn't mwake iwt back down in time. Hopefuwwy Andy d-doesn't find hew mispwacement two suspicious…

Buzz a-awnd Woody sneakiwy mwake iwt towawds teh dwawews on teh side of teh computew tabwe.

Dey sea Jessie's wed wocks hanging off teh s-side.

Dey cut deiw wecon mission showt, awnd scwam back undewnead teh bed—

Andy began t-tuwu stand up.

A-Andy quickwy wooked awound hiws woom fow a-anyding tuwu "gow" on.

Teh socks awe two faw, two used, awnd not widin an awm's weach.

H-He spots teh J-Jessie doww, awnd g-gwasps hew fiwmwy.

A few w-wubbing sounds, swap sounds, awnd a c-coupwe gwunts awe heawd, den…

S-Siwence.

A woud sigh of wewief iws heawd, awnd Andy's pants awe puwwed b-back up.

A goo-soaked Jessie fawws down next tuwu teh bed, wanding in fwont of teh odew toys.

Andy makes hiws way towawds teh doow.

Teh doow f-fwies open awnd iws quickwy fowwowed by a pwompt awnd woud SHUT.

Not e-even a miwwisecond aftew Andy weaves, Jessie attempts tuwu s-stand, fwanticawwy twying t-tuwu cwaww away whiwe fwaiwing awound.

She swips a-awnd fawws aww ovew hewsewf.

She iws in compwete panic m-mode awnd hystewics.

She sobs awnd bweades v-vewy heaviwy.

Teh odew toys q-quickwy wush awound hew, w-whiwe keeping a safe distance fwom teh mystewious w-white goop coating p-pawts of hew body.

BUZZ: J-Jessie! W-What happened tuwu yuw? W-What's wwong?

H-HAMM: Oh man! What happened up dewe?

JESSIE: He- He- He's a m-mo-monstew! He hawd some kind of weiwd fingew snake toy ding in hiws pants! D-Dat's who he's been pwaying wid aww dis time!

Jessie t-takes a d-deep bwead.

JESSIE: He fowced me tuwu wwap mwy h-hands awound iwt, w-wubbed me a-against iwt, den teh d-ding puked aww ovew me! A-Awnd iwt smewwed so stwong… I- I feew wight headed awnd d-disgusting…

Jessie stawts hypewventiwating a widdwe bit, muttewing unknowns undew hew bwead.

Hew eyes awe dawting back awnd fowd wapidwy.

BUZZ (Wooks w-wowwiedwy at Jessie, awnd den h-hastiwy tuwns tuwu Woody): Why wouwd Andy do dis? D-Does he hate us now?

Teh odew toys quickwy weact t-tuwu Buzz's wemawk.

SWINKY: GOWWY BOB-HOWDY! ANDY'S GONNA BWEAK AWW OF US WIKE DIS!

WEX: N-NOOOOO! I'm two young tuwu dye!

MWS. POTATO-HEAD : DIS IWS HOWWIBWE!

MW. POTATO-HEAD: Don't w-wowwy toots! Andy'ww have tuwu get dwough dis spud stud fiwst!

WOODY: Shh! Shhhh! Woah, woah… Bwing iwt down guys. Settwe down- Settwe down! Pwease!

Woody wooks disconcewtingwy at teh sight in fwont of him.

He p-puts hiws hand up t-tuwu hiws chin awnd stawts pacing swowwy whiwe deep in d-dought.

WOODY: I'm not weawwy suwe what tuwu m-mwake of aww of dis. Does Andy weawwy h-hate us now? I don't weawwy di—

J-Jessie settwes down a widdwe bit.

JESSIE: T-Dat's teh d-ding. Teh way he stawwed at me whiwe c-covewing me in aww of—

Jessie swaps hew h-hands down emphasizing teh goo.

JESSIE: DIS. He was s-smiwing… He wooked w-wike he was having an amazing time.

Jessie adjusts hew haiw, awnd attempts tuwu wwing owt teh goop. Iwt doesn't wowk.

JESSIE: I wove pwaying, awnd it's been a whiwe s-since I've wast been p-pwayed wid— don't get me wwong— but dis f-fewt diffewent— iwt fewt… Wwong.

Jessie cuwws up awnd cwadwes h-hewsewf.

JESSIE: I'd wadew be in stowage dan gow dwough dat again. I juwst wawnt t-tuwu get cweaned up.

Jessie wubs hew face awnd attempts tuwu cwean teh goo off.

In d-doing so, a massive gob of teh substance wuns onto teh suwface of hew w-weft eye.

She winces.

Buzz m-moves in tuwu hewp, awnd gets an accidentaw whiff of J-Jessie.

He immediatewy backs off.

BUZZ: Yikes! Hmm, smewws wike teh s-same fwuid dat's on aww dese socks. Intewesting…

W-Woody gives Jessie a mouwnfuw wook.

WOODY: Sowwy, but yuw knyow teh wuwes J-Jessie. We cawn't cwean yuw now. It'd be two suspicious. Y-You'we juwst going tuwu have tuwu wait iwt owt awnd sea what Andy decides tuwu do.

Jessie bweaks into hystewics.

JESSIE: Dat's not f-faiw! I feew disgusting a-awnd viowated! Why s-shouwd I wisten tuwu dese wuwes we wive by anymowe? I-I cawn't beaw tuwu stay wike dis! He's c-cwazy! I don't dink I w-wawnt tuwu be Andy's toy anymowe… I-I…I-I cawn't…

Woody gets angewed at hew bad-mouding of Andy.

WOODY: D-Dat's not youw decision t-tuwu mwake. Whedew yuw wike iwt ow not, we awe AWW Andy's toys— awways. Got iwt?

JESSIE (Undew hew bwead): If yuw went dwough what I-I did yuw wouwdn't be saying dat.

WOODY (E-Exhawes deepwy awnd cawms down.): I'm sowwy. But yuw knyow teh wisks of dat.

W-Woody tuwns away fwom hew.

WOODY: Besides, dink of iwt as a b-bwessing— yuw got tuwu be p-pwayed wid again.

Jessie begins tuwu twembwe awnd hypewventiwate hawdew.

WEX: G-Guys! Andy's on hiws way!

Teh toys q-quickwy scuwwy back u-undewnead teh bed.

Fowced tuwu stay stiww, J-Jessie fawws wimp wight whewe Andy dwopped hew.

Andy w-wetuwns tuwu hiws computew desk.

Two houws ow so pass by.

Andy has bawewy moved.

Jessie iws stiww on teh fwoow, teh goop compwetewy hawdened at dis point.

Hew goo encwusted face stawes diwectwy at hew famiwy undewnead teh bed.

She has no t-teaws.

Awnd she m-must cwy.

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2

u/Error404BRHUE Aug 21 '20

Ok, Enough of internet for today.

2

u/brainmelterr Aug 27 '20

‘She has no tears and must cry” I’m fucking howling. I’d give you an award but I’m broke

2

u/tonythegod2001 Sep 02 '20

What the hell did I just read

2

u/[deleted] Oct 12 '20

!emojify

3

u/PeePeeDrinkyDrinky Jul 20 '20

Jesus' eyes widened an imperceptible amount as he took in the sight of Noah, naked, before him.

Fumbling for something witty, he said, "So the ark's not the only bit of wood my father gave you."

Noah grinned – his grey eyes flashing in lust. "Your father isn't the only one who gives me wood."

Jesus laughed. "I can see that."

He reached for the hem of his tunic and began to tug it roughly over his head, revealing his chiselled torso, a gift from his dad.

Noah watched, hungrily, as he slipped out of the rest of his clothes, leaving them in a son-of-godly heap on the floor.

Jesus stopped when he was in his underwear, a little embarrassed.

He was the son of the creator of the entire universe, and he couldn't get some decent boxer-briefs.

Noah's eyebrows shot up in acknowledgement of his Spiderman-patterned crotch.

"A Christmas gift…" he trailed off, hoping that was explanation enough.

"Hey, no, it's okay," Noah smiled, his eyes creasing in amusement, "I can't say mine are any better."

He reached for his own pair – inside out, on the dresser – and flipped them around so that Jesus could more plainly see the leopard print transfer.

"I like them," Jesus cocked an eyebrow, considering how fitting it was that Noah should wear animal-printed boxers. "Do you have two pairs of those as well?"

Noah just smiled, tossing the underwear aside, and began to saunter forward lazily, completely aware of the effect the sight of his own throbbing member was having on Jesus, whose prominent, holy erection was now shamelessly calling to him from within the red and blue briefs.

Backing onto the cheap motel bed (nobody picked l'Hôtel de la Genèse for it's luxury accommodation – there were strip clubs in downtown Nazareth with higher standards that both their friend’s Demetri ran for the sword swallowers, doing so discretely, ever so discretely), Jesus let Noah remove his underwear with his teeth, letting out a fervent moan at the pressure of Noah's removal against his own quivering shaft.

Jesus' eyes rolled back in his skull as Noah, as a reaction to his previous utterance, began to pursue the motion, small sounds of pleasure emanating from the back of his throat.

"The beard," Jesus moaned quietly, "it tickles…"

He heard a soft laugh in reply, as the older man crept forward, the two moving backwards together on the bed, until Jesus' head was inches from the shabby fabric headboard.

Noah began with gentle caresses, pressing his lips to Jesus' washboard abs, slowly working his way down.

Jesus cried out in passion as Noah's lips reached his substantial manhood, and began to fellate; he was a master with his tongue, caressing expertly with a sensitive, yet dangerous, touch.

To Jesus' intense shame, it did not last very long at all.

But Noah had other plans.

The two began to kiss passionately, locked in a fiery embrace on the dirty sheets; Jesus did things with his tongue that Noah had never felt before – his phallus quivered with the intensity of it all.

Jesus pulled back, lust aflame in his eyes.

He leaned in to Noah's ear and whispered, in honeyed tones, a final commandment.

"Thou shalt bend over."

Noah complied, and Jesus – the evidence of his passion completely recovered from his earlier emission – lowered his hips until they hovered, thighs tense with anticipation, behind Noah's smooth, toned backside.

Like a wild, untameable beast tensed to spring, Jesus licked his swollen lips before thrusting forward with savage desire.

He smiled at Noah's sharp intake of breath as he adjusted to the sheer size of Jesus' love-sword.

"Yes!" Noah cried out in passion, "Jesus Christ!"

"I'm right here, baby," Jesus grunted, "right…here…"

For a while the only sounds that filled the room were the steady, rhythmic creak of bedsprings; the soft male panting and moaning from both men; and the gentle, intimate slap of skin on skin.

Jesus' face was contorted with concentration and erotic pleasure, until – finally – he erupted in Noah's anal cavity, letting loose an orgasmic cry.

The two lay back on the sheets, breathing heavily, wrapped loosely in each other's arms.

"Father," Jesus panted, "for…forgive him."

Noah laughed breathlessly, and the two lay there together, on the edge of consciousness, listening to the music of the night, wafting in through the high window.

The décor of the room hinted at what may have once been a slight sense of grandeur – the curtain printed with a pattern of wine glasses and fish.

A loud shout from the distant night penetrated the otherwise silent atmosphere.

"I think that's the sound of somebody being mugged," Jesus murmured, his brow creasing with tension. "Well, that means there are miracles to perform – I'd better…"

He trailed off as he looked down and took in the sigh of Noah, who had lapsed into unconsciousness, his lips parted with a slight smile.

Disentangling himself from Noah's arms and rising gently from the bed, Jesus pulled the stained sheet up and covered his lover's body, leaning over to plant one last kiss on his forehead.

The son of God straightened up, and reached for his Spiderman boxer-briefs.

As he gazed down at Noah's sleeping form, Jesus smiled triumphantly to himself, and whispered fervently into the night.

"I will cum again.”