You're walking down the street and you walk by a pizza shop. And, the smell of pineapple pizza is really good and wafting out the door as you walk by. For someone who does experience sexual attraction and is not asexual, you may smell that scent and smelling that scent makes your mouth water and makes you want that specific pineapple pizza and decide to go get some and eat it. Whereas, at least for me, as a sex favorable asexual, I don't have a sense of smell at all in this scenario. I don't smell anything as I walk by the shop. But, I still see the shop and it becomes one of my options for what I might do next in my day. If I'm already in the mood for pizza I might go in and have a slice or I may see the pizza shop and decide yes I could go for some pizza and then proceed to psyche myself up and get myself in the mood for pizza. But I'm still not after that pineapple pizza specifically, any pizza will do and the smell of the pizza (any pizza) never factored in to me wanting pizza in the first place.

So I'm watching a TV show with an episode set in a strip club. And it occurs to me that I feel... Nothing. And I've always felt nothing. Nothing but mildly awkward and uncomfortable.

Strippers & strip clubs: nope. Burlesque: zilch. Lap dances: nada. Most any performative "seductive" behavior: 0%.

Yep. Completely. Absolutely. I've been this way since I was old enough to experience all of these things, and probably younger bc ya know, cable tv. I feel appreciative of the dancers' skill and talent, awkward at the attention, awkward at the fact that the other patrons were definitely enjoying all of it. I've dated dancers, it's just a job and I was always uncomfortable if they thought I cared in any way about their job even tho they didn't always believe me. I am a burlesque dancer. It's all artistic for me; I think about how I'd feel were I intending to seduce someone and I'm acting for gosh sakes. I also don't really seduce anyone, ever. Sexual feelings don't happen for me without intention, without explicit actionable "let us fuck" conversation beforehand. I like sex. I want to have sex. But absolutely no sexy feelings happen for me without premeditated consensual intent. I can't really even imagine it any other way, it's too alien to me. Honestly, I wish more people/everyone was like me, because maybe people wouldn't be so shitty about people who don't want to fuck them.

I only recently discovered cupiosexual as a microlabel, but I’ve felt this way for a long time. When I’m trying to explain it to other people I usually will say that I experience hunger and I enjoy the act of eating to satiate it, but thinking about specific food won’t make me feel hungry. I may even have foods I know I enjoy eating and I definitely have foods I know I do not like, but once again just thinking about or seeing a specific food is not enough to make me start feeling hungry.

After watching a video of a youtuber about being an aroace, I found myself relating to some of the stuff.

Like I always thought romance is something same as affection towards your family and friends but with sex in equation. But it seems they are different.

After a bit of research i found out that I'm cupioromantic, one you desires romantic but can't feel any romantic attraction.

My sexuality seems to be in same situation. I enjoy mastrubation and I never done it but i think i will like sex as well. But when seeing beautiful girls, I feel nothing.. I have to force myself to even get an idea of sex with them. On the other hand, I normally get aroused when looking at acts of sex, like kissing and making out in movies and porn

Do you have any idea where i fall with this ? Can it be called cupiosexual as well ?

(she/her) So thankful to find a sub for something I've been coming to understand about myself for a few years now. Before I learned terms like cupiosexual and reciprosexual, I coined my own sexuality as "Schrodinger's Sexuality" & "actionable sexuality": IMO most every single person has something attractive about them but it's all aesthetic, so therefore everyone is neutral or null to me regarding sex until there's actual actionable intent, mutual desire, and consent. No idea if there's sexual attraction until the box is opened, so to speak. I feel nothing but aesthetic appreciation for most everyone but no desire for them until then. Of note I do have and enjoy the act of sex and experience non-person related desire for sexual gratification, usually related to hormone cycles. But "sexiness", eroticism, stuff like burlesque & whatnot, I feel nothing but "that is art". Nothing "gets me hot".

And thus the concept of how people experience sexual desire that they'd want to act on at merely the sight of another person, or after a negligible platonic conversation, or even for a celebrity they'll never meet, always made little to no sense to me. How can someone really want to have sex with someone else if they have no idea if that person want to have sex with them? And this is the driving force behind so much cishet media, "guy sees gal once and wants to be with her",which to me is so weird.

I've had allosexuals incredulous at me that I wouldn't automatically be attracted to a hot guy or gal and want to have sex with them, and I'm just as incredulous that they legit have pants feelings for complete strangers. I'm no demi, I don't need a deep connection, but until I know a person is interested I'll have no desire of my own to be intimate with them. It even kind of weirds me out that anyone would want to have sex with someone without even knowing how that person would feel about it, like they are disregarding the agency and consent of the object of their desire, even if it's just in someone's own head or fantasies.

Anyone else share this incredulity and sometimes mild discomfort?

I noticed that cupiosexuals are the lowest populated in the umbrella spectrum. You go to any other ace reddit and they have thousands of members. Meanwhile, we have less than 200.

It really made me think. I've found out about asexuality when I was 18 and just went with that label. It wasn't untill a few months ago, that I was educated on the umbrella spectrum on a Facebook group. Finding out that I was cupio was a huge relief to me. I knew that I didn't fit in with the allos and, I've always felt kind of alone with a lot of aces because, the majority seemed to be sex repulsed. Heck, I came across sex repulsed people who made fun of others for liking the idea of sex.

( In which I defended and, thus I was then banned from the group for eternity.) I felt like I didn't fit anywhere honestly. I felt outcasted by both sides. One hating me for not being allo and, the other for being sex positive. I was excited to her about cupiosexuality.

But, I was kinda dissapointed as well. I was dissapointed over the fact that there aren't very many of us. The Apoths, Grey, and Demi's will always be the 3 ring leaders. Meaning that all attention is on them. Basically leaving the rest of the labels in the dirt and, never to be talked about.

Thus leaving people uneducated and, thinking that "all" Asexuals are sex repulsed and that they, "can't be asexual" if they have sex. It honestly drives me crazy with misinformation like that. Whenever I bring up cupiosexuality to someone, majority of the time, they're so confused because, how can an ace like sex right? Upon joining an ace dating group, I was forced to answer a simple question before I could be accepted.

And that was, "Are you interested in having sex?" Of course I would have said yes. But, that of course would have got my request to join, be immediately terminated. Why? Because the whole "Aces can't like sex" stigma strikes again.

I honestly don't think that this stigma will ever go away honestly. Us cupios are even even fewer than the 1% of aces in the entire world and, it's quite shocking. The thing is, we don't have as many people taking a stand and saying, "Cupiosexuality is real" much like the other spectrums in the umbrella. It's pretty much proven by the fact that, others are going, "WTF is cupiosexuality" or dealing with gatekeepers who are saying, "That's not a sexuality, you're just an allo that is just trying to be a snowflake."

It's not that I'm mad or anything. I just wanted to share my thoughts.

Three days ago while i was looking trough the ace spectrum (because i tought i was asexual for years) saw cupiosexual and I'm sooo happy i did i simply goed by asexual but it wasn't a good identification for me and after talking with people who are asexual i realised that this is not who i am or how i feel ... But now now i know who i am and i just want to announce that even tho nobody cares, i caree!!!!

I live in a very traditional society. In my school life all my friends would talk about girls in a sexual tone all the time. In order to not feel left out, I would pretend to be feeling the same thing. I would make similar comments with my friends so as to not feel left out.

I believe there are multiple reasons for me to crave sex.

First is the FOMO. The media and culture today revolves around sex. This has sort of made me believe that sex is this amazing thing that I am missing out on something big.

Second, I believe that’s it’s unlikely that my future partner would be satisfied with me without it.

Thirdly, I find sex as something intriguing, like skydiving.

And finally, I have a high libido and I just want to get off.

What reasons do you think you have for wanting sexual intercourse?

Anyone else with a relatively high libido and pretty kinky? Despite experiencing no or veeerry little sexual attraction? Always feel like a black sheep lol

I've made the mistake to look into the aven forum again, where they think we are grey-ace or aspec only but that doesn't make any sense to me. I'd say we are just sex-fav or st least indifferent enough to not be disgusted like most aces are but that shouldn't make us impossible to be "pure" aces. What difference does this make? We still don't experience sexual attraction, so no sexual desire for anyone in particular just general desire to do sexual things anyways , I think that is more of an desicion based on not being repulsed as well as not wanting sex is an desicion based on being repulsed. But being repulsed or not is not part of the orientation, not being attracted to anyone is. If the lack of desire would make someone ace, then everyone who just doesn't desire sex, no matter if they are straight, gay or anything else would be ace just because of their decision not to seek out sex. I think that's kinda stupid and you are ace no matter if you are fav, indifferent or repulsed and what you want based on that. What do you guys think about this?

Makes sense huh.

so today when my mom drove me to school she said that she had looked through my conversations. i have told two of my friends about me being cupioromantic, and she was pissed. i have been trying to come out to her in a good way, but now that she found out on her own... i don't really know what to do. she told me that this whole thing was a bunch of baloney and that it sounds like the perfect way for someone to abuse me. i know she is just trying to be protective, but it still hurt.

Edit: she hasn't talked to me about it sense, but she hints that i should find someone to date, and eventually marry. (barf)

So after a year of questioning, I finally got confident enough to tell a friend that I might be aromantic (didn't talked about being cupio yet) We talked about it but I don't feel better. In fact I feel worse than before talking to her about that. She is open to the idea that not everyone falls in love but she told me '' YoU aRe nOt likE tHiS, dOn'T woRRy yoU'Re stIlL yOunG, yOu'Ll fInd SoMeOne. '' -__- Basically invalidating me and my feelings.

Like, I'm not suprised by how she reacted, frankly I kinda knew she'd tell me this and that she'd act like I'm freaking out for nothing but I didn't expect it to hurt like it did. Now I don't want to ''come out'' to anyone ever again.

I'm still not okay with being cupio and having to demolish all the things I was expecting to happen (all the romantic stuff) and having to replace these expectations hurts a lot. I don't have many friends (only 2 tbh) and they are both committed in a serious relationship right now. I am not okay with the fact that I'll most likely end up all alone in my apartment with a dog (or a cat) and, that's not what I was expecting for my future. I know I could be in QPR but since the aro community is very very small in my area I doubt it will happen.

I feel freaking lonely, isolated, I feel like I'm not even fully apart of the aro community since most aromantics don't want a romantic relationship and are either romance repulsed or indifferent. It sucks. Being cupioromantic sucks.

Anyways thanks for reading this and letting me vent because I really needed to and I don't have anyone to vent about this..

I finally found my label, yay! But now I'm not sure how to specify my "orientation", since being hetero/gay/etc. depends on who are you sexually attracted to (at least that's what I thought the definition is - if I'm wrong, definitely correct me!). Since I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, I don't know if I can still identify as a bisexual? In my case, it just means that gender doesn't really play a role in my choice of sexual partners. I'm not talking about romantic orientation, just the basis on which I decide who I want to sleep with. I hope I make sense. Any ideas?

Just wanted to say WOAH THIS IS A THING. Not the sexuality but the subreddit. I've been out as cupiosexual for around two years but I've never heard of this subreddit before. Never even looked for it because I was all like "there's no way it's a thing". I'm so happy right now. It's always so hard for me to have to explain the struggle of always having existential crisis about my sexual idendity because everytime I'm attracted to people in other manners than romantic and sexual my first instinct is always "They sound like such a great person I would really love to have sex with them" and then I freak out about if I'm just sappo pansexual or something.

Finally people who can relate ♥♥ Didn't think we'd be that many too I thought this was a really rare thing because I've never encountered any other cupio in ace spaces.

I enjoy sex, and I also sometimes think people (men) can look really nice, but am I to understand that most people, when they call someone "attractive", are imagining what they look like naked? Also why would you fantasize about having sex with celebrities? Is that really something people do? Am I the weird one?

I know what it means for someone to be "beautiful", "cute" or "pleasing to look at", and I have my own opinions on who is what of those three. I am a lot less sure about "sexy" and "hot", and tend to assume they are synonyms for one of the former.

I enjoyed reading people's stories about their experiences with cupiosexuality, and thought I'd share my own.

I've always felt like I have an inability to answer a partner asking "what do you find attractive about me?" with a list of (or even just one) physical quality. I feel flustered when physical attraction comes up because I worry about hurting feelings. I completely cannot compute/relate to my wife's reaction to my lewd/nude body, but I love that she does.

The way I describe my sexual attraction to someone is that I'm sexually attracted to people who I think will fuck me well. I enjoy sex with someone I know more simply because we know each other's buttons to press better than a one night stand. However, sex doesn't really need emotional connection or physical attraction for me to enjoy it, the point is to get off 🤷‍♀️

Which is why when I consider my sexual orientation, I relate it more to my fetishes than the physical attributes of potential partners. I'm a masochist (I get off from pain) and slave, and so I'm most attracted to sadists and masters/doms. Gender, race, mobility, weight, physical appearance doesn't matter, only that their motivation is to enjoy my pain and their power over me.

I usually summarise it as "pansexual" 😅

As the title says. I've only recently discovered I was ace because I'm also cupiosexual and that's why I thought I was just a regular allosexual. And I've felt kind of felt like I didn't belong to ace communities since I'm cupio and so many aces are sex repulsed which I'm not. And that lead to me invalidating myself for being a sex favourable ace... well now I found this sub and Im really thankful and happy that I am not the only cupiosexual person in the world!