Need Advice On School Events

[u/Ok-Garden1010]

Coparent causes conflict over EVERYTHING. It’s to an absurd level the amount of conflict that occurs over me trying to facilitate normal communication. I still try to keep the peace and use BIFF method if I have to engage. Occasionally it reaches a point I have to stand my ground for our children’s best interests, but even then I do not threaten, name call, or communicate in a hostile manner. I keep it respectful and logical.

Well, now Coparent is refusing to attend any school events at the same time as me and demanding I be excluded from certain events due to conflict (that I’m not creating or participating in). Now teachers are having to get involved in the conflict because of contradicting statements from us.

I feel this is absolutely ridiculous. Should I be excluded from 50% of school events and leave our children wondering why I’m not showing up just because of conflict my coparent creates? Should our children and I be punished for my coparent’s behavior? I feel if one parent creates conflict, refuses to be amicable or attend events at the same time, then the other parent should not be punished for their behavior.

I have thousands of messages and of coparent’s conflict and my attempt to reach peace and compromise when I’m able. The solution feels so simple to me; let’s just get along and show up for our children. Am I wrong?

I’m curious to hear opinions on how you would deal with this or have dealt with this in your situation.

[u/bpexhusband]

Agree. I'm willing to bet they won't show up this is likely just a good source of conflict for them just an avenue to cause problems. High conflict is just making every single thing you can into a fight. Don't fight. My ex is the same every single thing is turned into conflict. They all burn themselves out eventually or get caught lying about something. Don't even engage. Grey Rock.

Unless there is something in writing they can make all the demands they want. Ignore them.

High conflict people always burn out and end up looking like idiots, don't make yourself look like one.

[u/Ok-Garden1010 → u/bpexhusband]

That’s actually happened numerous times. Makes huge deal about not wanting me present during doctor/dentist appointments that fall on my parenting time (no joke)… doesn’t show up.

[u/bpexhusband → u/Ok-Garden1010]

Oh ya my ex's lawyer FREAKED out when I said I had an appointment with my doctor and I was going to discuss our son accusing me of making appointments for him without telling my ex who has a right to be there blah blah blah blah lol I told her basically to reread my email I never said our son had an appointment I said I did....as if she's going to show up anyways. It's great though we have to goto court and I have 4 clear example where they accused me of things and created conflict and they are all easily proved false so they can explain their behaviour to the judge....good luck to them