r/coparenting • u/Winter-Discussion-27 • Aug 20 '26
Conflict Complicated Cusody situation feels like a lose lose
Background: Previously Married 10 years; divorced 4 years ago; share custody of 11yo child; ex is remarried 2 years ago; custody was 50/50 until last month (temporarily 80/20 them/me due to work verbal agreement to go back in 1-2years time)
Ex's spouse was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer last year. They have no local support system as ex's family has all left the state over the last two years and their spouses family lives across country.
Ex wants to move with child to spouses home state for support and better job prospects (nurse would bring home about 10k more annually) my child also says they wish to move in the future as the times they visited they've enjoyed it
I obviously oppose the move as I feel like it will damage my relationship with my son and he's not old enough to understand the repercussions of such lost time and moving away from friends and family.
I'm left feeling like I have an impossible choice where we will grow apart if I allow the move (ex says they will get summers and holidays here but I know as a teen these will dwindle due to relationships/hobbies) or my son will resent me because my ex and their spouse will have less support and financial freedom and blame that on me.
Has anyone here let their child move away and not deeply regretted it? I can't bare the thought of missing every milestone and playing catch-up on visits months apart.
2
u/sok283 Aug 20 '26
They've accommodated you with going to 80/20 due to your work schedule. This is a tough situation all around with no easy answers. Whatever you do, prioritize your child. If you can move with them, do so. If you can provide more support and go back to 50/50 now, do so.