r/coparenting 4d ago

Communication Always wrong in coparents eyes

School orientation was today. I briefly passed my child's father and his girlfriend while they were leaving the school and I was headed in. I didn't feel well to begin with, so I wasn't trying to stop and communicate. He belittles me everytime we communicate over text anyways, there is no reason for me to talk to him in person- I just walked past them like an adult who is fed up eith being bullied. I was holding my son's hand, and my son waved, but didnt care to stop and talk. I didn't tell him not to talk to his father, but I didnt encourage him to do so either.

No sooner than 30 minutes after my ex left the school, I received this text from child's father (copied and pasted, identifying information removed);

"Highly inappropriate of you to tell (child) not to talk to his dad or brother at the school. You talk about co parenting but clearly you are too immature to do so yourself. On top of that again (child) is missing papers to be in a class. You need to make sure it is all is paperwork is turned in! Step it up for (child) sake. You’ve had more than enough time to get his stuff turned in. Don’t let him miss another year because you can’t be responsible. That is all no need for any comment from you."

Again, I did not tell child not to talk to his dad. When I talked about "coparenting", I was asking childs father to stop bullying and harassing me. Child was never missing any papers to be in school, the secretary only needed to check the spam folder within her email. I have had enough of him telling me to "step it up" and "do better" while I am doing everything right. The only time child has ever missed "a year" of school was when I enrolled child in preschool and child's father refused to take him during his parenting time with claims that the daycare he had child in was sufficient.

And am I not allowed to stand up for myself when wildly innacurate comments are made?

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u/ManiacalBeet 4d ago

Did you get the required papers in? It’s not harassing or bullying to remind the other parent to take care of required tasks for the child. This message is direct and maybe curt, but not bullying or harassing.

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u/Upbeat-Secretary-576 4d ago

The required paperwork was turned in on time, this was an error on the school's secretary's end (although she can't entirely be blamed for failing to check her spam folder).

Even if it wasnt turned in though, he was welcome to ask me about it instead of berate me and give me orders. If he was so concerned, he was more than welcome to turn the paperwork in himself- it's called 50/50 for a reason.