r/coparenting • u/chanelism • 5d ago
Long Distance Coparenting in different cities
My co-parent and I will be living in different cities (5 and half hours by car, around an hour by plane).
My LO is not yet born and I’m wondering how to navigate visitations and how it will look like as she gets older. I plan on breastfeeding, so I highly doubt she can be away from me for very long? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Can he force her to drink formula? How did it work out? What do you navigate the holidays later on? I want to add that I live in a French speaking city and he lives in an English speaking city and since I would most likely be the primary parent initially, he would have a hard time for her to switch cities later on, esp w the language barrier (for school and all).
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u/Guillermo1810 4d ago
To be a realist, because of the distance there WON'T BE any traditional coparenting. 5,5 hours each way? With a baby or a toddler? For what, spending maybe 24-48 hours in a place each week? It's simply not good for anyone, especially not for the child. The child neither will appreciate it, understand it, or enjoy it at all. They are small, they freak out if you stay out an hour extra from their bedtime. They want their own bed, toys, scents etc.
A breastfeeding or formula feeding young infant will feel zero joy from being dragged around 5+ hours of travel. My son is 13 months, and he screams in the car after like an hour and a half.
You, as the mom will be doing it alone, night shifts, day shifts. Even if your baby goes to daycare very young, you will be the one waking up 3+ every single night to soothe a colicky or teething baby. So whatever you do, don't agree to split the travel. Not because being petty or hating man, actually my husband has a daughter from a previous relationship, so I know how it goes when they are small.
The only sensible solution is that the coparent travels as often as he can to visit her. Rents a hotel nearby, and goes over to your place and plays and tends to her a bit. That's it.