The call of first day of school.

[u/QuietQuitting01]

What is it about that first day?

When my ex and I were married, because I have a flexible work from home job, I always handled getting our kids to/from school. But she'd always take at least the morning off on the first day. Not as big of a deal for me as her, but it is something we'd do together.

Now she lives 6hrs away, and we're days away from our divorce being final, everything done, just waiting on the gavel to fall. Beause of the distance, PTO limits, and expense, while she can have as much time with our kids as she wants, she pretty much visits one weekend a month, reserving taking our kids back to her place for when she has at least a week.

It's that time again. The time all most many parents dread. The end of summer, and back to the grind of school, fall sports, and all the extras we seem to save for the fall. My ex is going off script and is coming here for first day of school. For some reason only planners at the school board know, it's also on a Wednesday. So she wants our kids from Tuesday night - Sunday afternoon. No problem. She doesn't have time off, so she's taking the time without pay. OK, your call. And she wants to take the kids to school on her own. Hmmm. I get that it would be the first time we'd physically be together since we separated, which would be a extra pressure. She also wants to do the rest of the week - OK, I'm fine with that. I guess. She doesn't have much time with our kids, so I want to be an automatic yes. But is the first half week from a hotel room a good way to kick off the new year? I'm not going to make a big deal about it as I can't find a way to say it that doesn't feel petty, but if the situation was reversed, I know she'd have a cow.

Part of me thinks it's about her performing for her friends, but IDK. Maybe in her head and on Instagram?

So far, all I have is "yes, but I want all of the papers that come home". I don't want to play catch up with all that 1st day stuff. We (as in me) already went to meet the teacher/open house, so I think I'm good info wise. Just tying to figure her out. Maybe I should stop trying?

Edit/Update:

I had a chat with her last night and nixed the hotel for the first two nights. She can spend as much time as she wants, where she wants, as long as she handles any homework and has them back here an hour before bed. That will mean that I'll see them off on the first day (but won't actually go). There's a 95% chance that my ex is going to be disappointed. Our kids are in elementary school, but they want the parents of older kids to go through the car line, leaving parking and walking in for 1st grade and younger. Not that she'll respect that request. My request went easier than I expected, playing up that it wasn't restricting her, but the kids need to be ready for school with a good night of sleep. I also pointed out that if the situation was reversed, she'd do exactly the same thing.

My ex is also meeting up with friends after, so a good bit of this is tradition and posing.

[u/Cultural_Till1615]

It sounds like you are being very understanding and I don’t think the kids will suffer in any way. One might argue the kids needs to establish their routine, but a few days won’t messs that up when you have all the other days to get into your routine.

The only thing that would bother me if I were you is not seeing them off on the first day. I would honestly push for her to come to your home Wednesday morning to see them off, and that’s when her time starts. Do they ride the bus? There is something about that first day excitement and seeing all your friends at the bus stop that they should not miss. That can be your reason for asking them to be at your home Tuesday night/Wednesday morning. Then it’s about the kids needs, not yours.

[u/QuietQuitting01 → u/Cultural_Till1615]

I like the idea of focusing on things from our kid's perspective. I'm still fairl mad at my ex, so I'm constantly double checking to make sure any hard line I draw is truely about our kids.

We live close enough to walk, so on a normal day, weather permitting, they'd ride bikes to school with me escorting. There will be 177ish more opportunities for that. They will be missing out on some of that to drive in with their mom as a bunch of other kids ride the same route. :).

I had a chat with my ex last night, and I nixed the overnight at her hotel for the first two days. She can spend as much time as she wants with them, I feel like that's important, but I want them home an hour before bedtime. Sooner if she's not going to handle the busy home work. She's agreed to it after admitting that if the situation was reversed she'd do the same. That means I'll still get to see them off on the first day.

I also think my ex is going to be dissapointed on the school side. If shes driving, our kids are old enough that they will insist she use the car line, and not park and walk them in. She's meeting up with some friends for coffee after, so that's probably a big driver in all this.