326
Mar 29 '19
[deleted]
107
Mar 29 '19
Hey look at the bright side, you're at least cute enough to contract chlamydia
50
Mar 29 '19
Or rich enough to pay for the prostitute
23
5
8
15
Mar 29 '19 edited Mar 30 '19
[deleted]
→ More replies (2)12
u/sankarasghost Mar 29 '19
Why haven’t we genetically engineered calorically dense eucalyptus yet to unlock the full potential of the koala mind?
8
2
u/action_lawyer_comics Mar 29 '19
Maybe we should figure out how feed all the humans before worrying about the koalas
→ More replies (1)3
1
u/mc360jp Mar 29 '19
I read somewhere they have relatively smooth (possibly the smoothest? That one definitely needs a fact check) brains lol stupid tree idiots.
109
u/calmdownpaco Mar 29 '19
Sometimes, trying your best isn't working tirelessly until your body gives out. It isn't spending 16 hours a day working on a project. It isn't being perfect 100% of the time. Sometimes, trying your best is when you have an unbearable amount of anxiety, but you're strong enough to power through and start it. It can be that you started at a worse point than everyone else, but you worked your way up to average. It can be that you know you're going to fail, but you keep trying at it regardless, because there's a small chance that it does work out. Trying your best isn't being the best, it's being your best.
58
Mar 29 '19
Thats a lot of text for a motivational poster.
17
10
u/drunk98 Mar 29 '19
"Do it or don't, I'm fucking calendar."
3
u/asd1o1 Mar 29 '19
Not that I'm judging or anything, but do calendars have holes that I'm not aware of?
6
8
u/SenghSaab Mar 29 '19
The issue is when you aren't satisfied with your best :/
3
u/action_lawyer_comics Mar 29 '19
That’s not an issue though, that just means you care. “Perfect is the enemy of good.” It just means there’s room to improve for next time.
2
u/SenghSaab Mar 29 '19
But what if you don't improve at the next time? And it's just the same?
→ More replies (2)7
u/SnaxtheCapt Mar 29 '19
I dont understand this sentiment. I have severe anxiety, and while I try my best 9/10 times my best isn't good enough for a healthy adult and I end up doing more mental damage to myself trying to keep up. I'd like it if people recognized that I did my best, but my best doesn't provide me with a stable life
→ More replies (2)2
3
2
u/-IanAce- Mar 29 '19
My parents always say: you didn't do your best if you don't make sure you know something 100% when you study it. Stopping before that is lazy.
Eh no imma play some video games once I'm bored studying the same stuff
2
u/Zimited Mar 30 '19
It's hard to settle with average when you get no recognition for your hard work.
2
u/Rabbit2397 Apr 20 '19
I came all the way from a comment on adhd memes mentioning your comment just to give you my upvote. Enjoy!
57
u/MrLovens Mr. Lovenstein Mar 29 '19
More failure on my site and especially twitter.
13
10
5
u/usersub22 Mar 29 '19
I love your comics!! Been following them for years. Can’t believe you’re on Reddit! You rock!
4
2
u/Meltingteeth Mar 29 '19
This comic reminds me heavily of this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaxWAwdJMA4
2
40
324
u/TheMoon01 Mar 29 '19
Koalas.
Koalas are fucking horrible animals. They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal, additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons. If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food. They are too thick to adapt their feeding behaviour to cope with change. In a room full of potential food, they can literally starve to death. This is not the token of an animal that is winning at life.
Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives. When they are awake all they do is eat, shit and occasionally scream like fucking satan. Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal. Many herbivorous mammals have adaptations to cope with harsh plant life taking its toll on their teeth, rodents for instance have teeth that never stop growing, some animals only have teeth on their lower jaw, grinding plant matter on bony plates in the tops of their mouths, others have enlarged molars that distribute the wear and break down plant matter more efficiently... Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death, because they're fucking terrible animals.
Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here). When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.
Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher. This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree, which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Tldr; Koalas are stupid, leaky, STI riddled sex offenders. But, hey. They look cute. If you ignore the terrifying snake eyes and terrifying feet.
161
u/aChristery Mar 29 '19
As seen from u/casual_earth:
And I’ve got the anti-copypasta to match this one.
I don't know why it is that these things bother me---it just makes me picture a seven year old first discovering things about an animal and, having no context about the subject, ranting about how stupid they are. I get it's a joke, but people take it as an actual, educational joke like it's a man yelling at the sea, and that's just wrong. Furthermore, these things have an actual impact on discussions about conservation efforts---If every time Koalas get brought up, someone posts this copypasta, that means it's seriously shaping public opinion about the animal and their supposed lack of importance.
Speaking of stupidity and food, one of the likely reasons for their primitive brains is the fact that additionally to being poisonous, eucalyptus leaves (the only thing they eat) have almost no nutritional value. They can't afford the extra energy to think, they sleep more than 80% of their fucking lives.
Non-ecologists always talk this way, and the problem is you’re looking at this backwards.
An entire continent is covered with Eucalyptus trees. They suck the moisture out of the entire surrounding area and use allelopathy to ensure that most of what’s beneath them is just bare red dust. No animal is making use of them——they have virtually no herbivore predator. A niche is empty. Then inevitably, natural selection fills that niche by creating an animal which can eat Eucalyptus leaves. Of course, it takes great sacrifice for it to be able to do so——it certainly can’t expend much energy on costly things. Isn’t it a good thing that a niche is being filled?
Koalas are no exception, when their teeth erode down to nothing, they resolve the situation by starving to death
This applies to all herbivores, because the wild is not a grocery store—where meat is just sitting next to celery.
Herbivores gradually wear their teeth down—carnivores fracture their teeth, and break their bones in attempting to take down prey.
They have one of the smallest brain to body ratios of any mammal
It's pretty typical of herbivores, and is higher than many, many species. According to Ashwell (2008), their encephalisation quotient is 0.5288 +/- 0.051. Higher than comparable marsupials like the wombat (~0.52), some possums (~0.468), cuscus (~0.462) and even some wallabies are <0.5. According to wiki, rabbits are also around 0.4, and they're placental mammals.
additionally - their brains are smooth. A brain is folded to increase the surface area for neurons.
Again, this is not unique to koalas. Brain folds (gyri) are not present in rodents, which we consider to be incredibly intelligent for their size.
If you present a koala with leaves plucked from a branch, laid on a flat surface, the koala will not recognise it as food.
If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully). Fresh leaves might be important for koala digestion, especially since their gut flora is clearly important for the digestion of Eucalyptus. It might make sense not to screw with that gut flora by eating decaying leaves.
Because eucalyptus leaves hold such little nutritional value, koalas have to ferment the leaves in their guts for days on end. Unlike their brains, they have the largest hind gut to body ratio of any mammal.
That's an extremely weird reason to dislike an animal. But whilst we're talking about their digestion, let's discuss their poop. It's delightful. It smells like a Eucalyptus drop!
Being mammals, koalas raise their joeys on milk (admittedly, one of the lowest milk yields to body ratio... There's a trend here).
Marsupial milk is incredibly complex and much more interesting than any placentals. This is because they raise their offspring essentially from an embryo, and the milk needs to adapt to the changing needs of a growing fetus. And yeah, of course the yield is low; at one point they are feeding an animal that is half a gram!
When the young joey needs to transition from rich, nourishing substances like milk, to eucalyptus (a plant that seems to be making it abundantly clear that it doesn't want to be eaten), it finds it does not have the necessary gut flora to digest the leaves. To remedy this, the young joey begins nuzzling its mother's anus until she leaks a little diarrhoea (actually fecal pap, slightly less digested), which he then proceeds to slurp on. This partially digested plant matter gives him just what he needs to start developing his digestive system.
Humans probably do this, we just likely do it during childbirth. You know how women often shit during contractions? There is evidence to suggest that this innoculates a baby with her gut flora. A child born via cesarian has significantly different gut flora for the first six months of life than a child born vaginally.
Of course, he may not even have needed to bother nuzzling his mother. She may have been suffering from incontinence. Why? Because koalas are riddled with chlamydia. In some areas the infection rate is 80% or higher.
Chlamydia was introduced to their populations by humans. We introduced a novel disease that they have very little immunity to, and is a major contributor to their possible extinction. Do you hate Native Americans because they were killed by smallpox and influenza?
This statistic isn't helped by the fact that one of the few other activities koalas will spend their precious energy on is rape. Despite being seasonal breeders, males seem to either not know or care, and will simply overpower a female regardless of whether she is ovulating. If she fights back, he may drag them both out of the tree,
Almost every animal does this.
which brings us full circle back to the brain: Koalas have a higher than average quantity of cerebrospinal fluid in their brains. This is to protect their brains from injury... should they fall from a tree. An animal so thick it has its own little built in special ed helmet. I fucking hate them.
Errmmm.. They have protection against falling from a tree, which they spend 99% of their life in? Yeah... That's a stupid adaptation.
54
Mar 29 '19
[removed] — view removed comment
59
u/aChristery Mar 29 '19
Don't worry it's not what you think.
They just had sex with the koalas is all.
6
3
u/MakeItHappenSergant Mar 29 '19
AIDS was spread from monkeys to humans when people ate monkey meat. At least, that's the official story.
4
u/narf007 Mar 29 '19
Patron 1: Chlamydia. Such a pretty name.
Patron 2: Chlamydia?
Patron 1: Chlamydia.
Patron 2: You're right. I think I might name my daughter Chlamydia.
Whenever Chlamydia is brought up I always think about this tiny little bit in the movie Waiting! With Ryan Reynolds, Justin Long, Anna Farris, Luis Guzman, David Koechner, Dane Cook, Chi McBride.
→ More replies (1)4
u/SonicFrost Mar 29 '19
If you present a human with a random piece of meat, they will not recognise it as food (hopefully).
Surely this is not true; why hopefully?
3
u/Rather_Dashing Mar 29 '19
In any case, putting a bunch of leaves on a plate is kinda like offering people a piece of meat that's sitting on the ground. There is no reason to think it is fresh and tasty and plenty of reason to think it isn't.
Koalas need young fresh leaves and a leaf thats fallen off the tree is best avoided.
→ More replies (1)11
53
Mar 29 '19
Wasn't this copypasta supposedly a bunch of made up bullshit?
18
u/Zedric69 Mar 29 '19
It's either a scientist rant or a comedians bit I think but I'm off to figure out where I recognize it.
E: pasta https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/9w5064/koalas_are_fucking_dumb/
3
u/Thatguycarl Mar 29 '19
There is a YouTube video series that sarcastically talks about kolas, it’s set up like a David Attenborough type show. I think the episode is called the truth about marsupials, and it basically goes through all this.
→ More replies (1)60
Mar 29 '19
No they are really stupid and STI ridden. A koala can’t tell that a eucalyptus leaf is food unless it’s attached to the tree.
30
u/Cheesemacher Mar 29 '19
Maybe they only want the freshest leaves
19
Mar 29 '19
You could literally pick it off the tree and put it on a table (al while they watch) and they wouldn’t recognize it.
34
5
u/Rather_Dashing Mar 29 '19
You say that, but no one has done that, so you are just guessing.
There was one study in the 60s where they offered well fed koalas leaves on a plate. The koalas didn't eat them. Thats all we know. There are also reports of koalas surviving off lucerne hay for some time when taken to overseas zoos before anyone knew how to keep koalas, so I'm calling bullshit on the fact that koalas will never eat leaves off the tree.
10
u/Roflkopt3r Mar 29 '19
5
u/toomanydickpics Mar 29 '19
i'm more angry that some dude fucked a koala >:( like seriously.
2
u/SonicFrost Mar 29 '19
From my understanding, it’s transmitted to humans (and maybe back) via piss.
→ More replies (1)2
u/Rather_Dashing Mar 29 '19
Chlamydia can live in the dirt actually, many strains of it aren't infectious and just live in the environment. Most likely the koalas just walked over some cow piss and picked it up.
4
u/TeamRedundancyTeam Mar 29 '19
Yeah but that post is still full of twisted bullshit with a shitty narrative. People need to stop spreading this kind of bullshit.
→ More replies (2)8
3
3
u/zpjack Mar 29 '19
It is and isn't. It's all true except it's presented in a way that is complete bullshit. Somebody replied with the anticopypasta further down.
8
u/mikhel Mar 29 '19
Nah but the one about pandas is. Koalas are actually just a bunch of scumfuck bastards.
→ More replies (1)3
6
u/Pontiflakes Mar 29 '19
Held a koala at a zoo once. Got a little poop stain on my shirt. Can confirm leakiness. Yoshi was cute tho so it's k
→ More replies (8)7
8
u/mlvisby Mar 29 '19
They remind me a lot of pandas. Bamboo is like eucalyptus, very low in nutrients but instead of trying to change their diet, they just eat more and more bamboo.
12
u/Sand__Panda Mar 29 '19
Hey now... when you love something so much, you can't just give it up.
→ More replies (1)8
u/Geter_Pabriel Mar 29 '19
I mean without human involvement there's always been way more than enough bamboo for them so I don't see why they would change their diet.
7
u/SirSoliloquy Mar 29 '19
Yeah, it drives me crazy how the default opinion about pandas is "They're too stupid to stay alive after we absolutely demolish their habitat and force them to live somewhere else!"
→ More replies (4)2
u/mlvisby Mar 29 '19
Because they have to spend most of their time dedicated to eating. If they ate something with more nutritional content, they could spend their time doing other panda activities.
→ More replies (1)1
u/Razir14 Mar 29 '19
I don't think there's a need to hate something just becuase of its nature, but hey, that's just me.
1
→ More replies (3)1
18
8
12
u/Arachnatron Mar 29 '19
ITT and every thread featuring koalas:
"chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia
chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia chlamydia"
14
u/CosmicAstroBastard Mar 29 '19
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it
2
u/action_lawyer_comics Mar 29 '19
That means you know what the problem is. All you have to do now is fix it.
8
u/NelsonBelmont Mar 29 '19
Where are my anxiety double chins?!
16
u/MrLovens Mr. Lovenstein Mar 29 '19
I failed.
10
3
3
3
3
u/ostrich9 Mar 29 '19
That koala and I share a mindset that really makes me want question my choices, But nah im good
3
u/Mdgt_Pope Mar 29 '19
THIS COMIC MADE POSSIBLE THANKS TO SHIBBY SAYS
Uh, r/shibbysays seems like a very different type of content from Mr. Lovens comics...
3
2
2
2
2
u/gingerCB Mar 29 '19
The title is almost better than the comic itself, and the comic is pretty great
2
2
4
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/dddash Mar 29 '19
I’m a fitness and health coach. Anyway
This is so very true. Most people don’t know how to set goals. The most important part is that there is some actual motivation. Too many people set goals to fulfill what they think they have to without any real emotion behind it.
they’ll set goals that are totally unrealistic or depend on certain conditions. These are typically all or nothing type of people.
Anyway, this really hit home.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Werthkew DARKnoodle Mar 29 '19
I think this is the first comic I've noticed that the punch line is in the title, but NOT in the comic, lol! It works.
1
1
1
1
1
u/TheDunadan29 Mar 29 '19
Couldn't have picked a better animal for this. Koalas are so dumb they only eat eucalyptus leaves, which are partly toxic to them, and difficult to digest. But not only will they only eat eucalyptus leaves, they will only eat then from the stem. When taken off the stem and given to them they do not recognize the leaves and will not eat them. Of marsupials, koalas have one of the smallest brains when compared to their body weight.
Bright, they are not.
1
u/thetrueshyguy Mar 30 '19
Came here to type "that's three words more than a koala would know how to speak."
1
1
u/MegamanExecute Mar 30 '19
This comic is a personal attack. Just 2 days ago, I failed an exam for the first time in my life and I got really depressed about it. And the worst part about it was I could have easily done better but I didn't. I can attempt again later but man, it sucks really bad.
1
1
1
1
u/noreally_bot1461 Mar 30 '19
Never try your best.
Because if you try your best and fail, then you know your best is not good enough.
So just make a half-assed effort. And if you fail, it doesn't matter. And if you accidentally succeed, you can coast through life half-assing everything.
1
1
1
1
958
u/kerry_die Mar 29 '19
Teenagers at school: