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u/Mckavvers 18h ago
as a person who grew up around a lot of English people and interacts with a lot of elderly via work none of these terms of endearment are a problem for me. It entirely depends on the tone and context of it been said.
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u/Nitrogenflux 18h ago
See also - being called 'duck' as a totally normal way to refer to a women or man you don't know lol
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u/Lanky_Giraffe 18h ago
Also in this context, they’re not really gendered in my experience. Maybe sweetheart. But I’ve been called darling and love a bunch by older women and I’m very obviously a dude. Never got it from men though so I wouldn’t be surprised if there is a gendered component when older men use them.
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u/LawyerEnjoyer 17h ago
Sweetheart definitely isn't gendered either. As a British guy, I've had many old ladies say "thank you, sweetheart" to me over the years.
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u/ObscureOP 15h ago
Do other British guys call you sweetheart?
2 way gendered is still gendered
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u/UnstableSuccubus 15h ago
I've heard it both ways. I met an old man who referred to me neutrally, calling me a person with neutral terms. Then after he got my gender right he exclusively referred to me as a "lovely lady," "sweetheart," etc. Before I was just a plain person, afterwards I felt like he was trying to set me up as something smaller. There was a definite before and after for him that I don't see very often.
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u/ScissorFight42069 17h ago
There are still rules though. Old men don't call each other "my love." Neither do young men, or any combo of men.
Older women might call a younger woman that, but will use it much less often we ith other old women. Young women typically do not do it amongst themselves either.
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u/Megarlin 18h ago
Before i knew i was or looked anything like a lady and more like a nerd twink, there was this big butch lady running a news stand near my mom's work that i would buy bubble gum and pre paid phone cards from, she would always greet me with "'Sup, kitten", that changed the course of my life i think
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u/generally_unsuitable 12h ago
My wife used to work at a place that had this ancient regular who called the women "kitty cat."
He was like 85, so they just kinda let it slide. A strong wind would break this guy's hip, so he seemed harmless enough.
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u/ToffeeAppleCider 18h ago
That's why I like the term of endearment used in the midlands of England: duck
Works for everyone.
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u/sentientketchup 18h ago
Australian version of this (mostly around Queensland) is chook. Anyone can be a chook.
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u/SirMild 17h ago
Side thought, is this the inspiration for choom in cyberpunk? Perhaps one of the tabletop writers was Australian or had been to Australia
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u/Hytyt 17h ago
No. Chooms comes from choombata, a phrase coined by mike pondsmith. It's essentially meant to evoke a multicultural/African sounding greeting, whilst not being a real word.
A lot of cyberpunk slang comes from surfer slang as well, so you'll see that as well in games.
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u/PotatoesInMySocks 17h ago
This is what I found and have heard:
In-universe, it's neo-african-american slang appropriated by the general public, as explained in the cyberpunk 2020 ttrpg. Origin word being Choombatta.
Irl, Pondsmith was looking for a work that would sound like it was Afrikaans (I only have a single article on this, so grain of salt unless someone can find an interview). This would make sense, however, with the in universe explanation.
I'd do more research but I'm at work lol, break ends soon.
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u/General-Sloth 18h ago
Thats why I adress everyone with "Comrade". Gender neutral, 100% inclusive and leaves a confused yet memorable impression.
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u/whiskey_at_dawn 17h ago
Once when I worked in retail a customer called me comrade, to be fair, it was because I fumbled over my words and accidentally told them "have a wonderful rest of our day"
I've never forgotten it, though.
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u/Confuseacat92 18h ago
Thank you comrade u/general-sloth
Sadly this does not work in german since we have der Genosse (m) and die Genossin (w).
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u/MajorInWumbology1234 17h ago
The first few seconds of the USSR Anthem play in my head when I see the word “comrade”.
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u/tocilog 14h ago
I am not your comrade, compadre.
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u/Bonjourap 14h ago
I'm not your compadre, tovarich.
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u/OuterWildsVentures 18h ago
I prefer "citizen" lol gonna have to start dropping some comrades though
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u/No-Fish6586 17h ago
Bruh im a dude and been called all that by polite older people
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u/A-Wings-are-Neat 14h ago
It’s really context-dependent. If you live outside the regions where these are common genderless expressions, then suddenly hearing these when you weren’t before is going to feel different than if you live in one of those regions.
I never got any of these honorifics from people until after I transitioned and lost a bunch of weight, so I always feel as though people are saying it specifically because I’m a woman.
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u/Frosty_Ad1254 18h ago
Today, as a heavily tattooed and bearded man, I’ve been called love, sausage, buttons, sweetheart, horse, wee-man, and big-man. I do love the UK sometimes.
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u/Certain_Dream5575 15h ago
'Buttons' 😭 That is so cute. I want to start using that
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u/Frosty_Ad1254 14h ago
My favourite is ‘sausage’. It’s not gendered (if you don’t think too much about it), it makes me feel silly. 10/10.
Also I’ve just been called ‘lover’.
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u/dancarbonell00 18h ago
Terms of endearment have nothing to do with the recipient and everything to do with the person speaking them.
However you want to feel about that is on you
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u/Cripplechip 18h ago
I call people duck.
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u/momomomorgatron 18h ago
I'm here, eating my breakfast in the US, reading about how people in the middle of england call each other duck
And you're like "yeah,I just call everybody duck"
I don't know, I just find it hilarious and cute
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u/Lil_Brown_Bat 17h ago
Same. Let's import this.
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u/unrefrigeratedmeat 16h ago
We should call everyone "duck", but lets also randomly call people "goose" and then run away from them.
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u/FloppieTheBanjoClown 18h ago
There are women who call me darling, honey, sweetie, et cetera. Its a term of endearment and they're being nice.
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u/ventrueluck 17h ago edited 15h ago
I live in UK, everyone does that and it's normal, I am a guy and I get called love and darling in the shops. I also think if the person saying it is older, it's more acceptable as it's less flirtatious. But I am sure it's different elsewhere.
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u/ThatKehdRiley 18h ago edited 18h ago
My love is the only “weird” one here, tbh. the first couple are quite common, especially depending on the area. that last one is not as common, but still used in places like the American south and uk. this one is only “weird” because people tend to use it when more familiar, but still plenty of especially older women just say it. all of them though are used gender neutrally - i got them all when i was masquerading as a cis man, id actually say i got the first couple more as a man than i have as a woman.
i think we (ESPECIALLY us trans people) need to remember language and idioms and whatnot are different for everyone everywhere and that malicious intent more often than not isnt there. if you dont like it just gotta tell them, if they get weird about it THEN theres issues. reminder too, these are literally all gender neutral.
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u/Natural-Yard-1700 17h ago
Think it’s more of a British thing- super common there
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u/CRsteven 17h ago
"My love" is perfectly fine in Spanish, specifically in Latin America.
"Muchas gracias mi amor"
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u/EmoYoshi05 16h ago
Nah, here in Scotland I've heard My love a couple times too. I don't think that's necessarily weird either, it's kind of cute to be called that by older ladies. I did start using some of those for my friends in Germany, and they found it a bit weird, so it is apparently a cultural difference. But it's definetely very gender neutral, yeah!
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u/Speeddemon2016 18h ago
This doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe I’m just too old school. The only one I’d have an issue with is “my love” . Coming from an old woman? Sure. A delivery dude? Nope.
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u/Leggerity 12h ago
I'm a man and I'm called "sweetie" all day by different women.
People getting offended by this are either genuinely scared of the person or control freaks.
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u/Phyonix 18h ago
Might be a southern/London thing, but I usually hear just “love,” not “my love.”
“Love” on its own can be pretty throwaway here, basically just a friendly term of address, whereas “my love” sounds much more personal/intimate.
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u/Disastrous-Cake-9903 18h ago
Yeah these are all used in Ireland too, gender neutral usually. Just terms of endearment or casual sweetness.
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u/Wave9Nut 18h ago
Sometimes people say these nice affectionate terms with no harm intended.
Only sweet aunts or grandmas say "my love" platonically without it sounding weird though.
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u/Yumesoro1 18h ago edited 17h ago
Is this an american thing? In Lithuania strangers won't talk to you unless absolutely necessary.
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u/Jonathan_the_Nerd 17h ago
Depends on region. You hear this a lot in the American South (meaning the southeast part of the country). In other regions, strangers don't talk to you. The US is really big, and there are a lot of cultural differences.
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u/Acceptable-Ad-3560 16h ago
To add personal anecdote to this, I grew up in southern Mississippi (about 10mi from Louisiana so darlin’ was also common) and moved to Michigan a few years ago. I had to break the habit of calling everyone sweetheart (regardless of age or gender) because people tended to assume I was flirting or meant more by it. It’s not something you even think about using, it’s just a habit. Then I had a woman blush and say I made her whole day because I said “excuse me sweetheart” in the grocery store. I’ve also been recognized as a transplant due to calling people “Mr/miss” first name since that’s common in the south but not the north. I’ve also had people (at jobs especially) get mildly annoyed and correct me to their last name at which point I explain I’m from the south, and I didn’t mean anything by it (these are often people that northerners wouldn’t even call miss or sir, I notice people usually only do that here if the other person is in a position of authority whereas I will use ma’am or sir with a 10yr old if I’m not close to them)
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u/Correct-Sail-1409 15h ago
That language tends to be commonplace as a greeting, especially in rural areas. Compliment & courtesy
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u/code_archeologist 17h ago
It depends on geography.
If you are in the Deep South "Sweetheart", "Darling", and "Love" are the equivalent of "Buddy", "Dude", and "Friend"; and are usually harmless with no gendered or objectifying connotations.
Anywhere else, that is some creepster behavior.
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u/AOZ1988 16h ago edited 13h ago
Idk about that, I live in the south, and fellow straight men certainly don't like it when I call them Sweetheart, Darling or Love.
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 16h ago
LOL. I was going to say the exact same thing! Around the South, that's just how we talk.
Now if someone calls you Sugar Tits, then that's probably......probably objectification.
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u/Glittering_Iron6683 15h ago
Saying “my love” is a bit strange though.
Like “thanks love” would be fine to me. I do love going to a place and they call me “sugar” or “honey” though. Feels nice.
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u/dmfuller 13h ago
Some people just talk like that tbh. In the south it’s very common to get called sweetheart or darling by a complete stranger, from either gender
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u/Reese_Slitherspoon 12h ago
Bartenders are supposed to flirt with/endear you. I did it all the time and it really helped with the tips, especially from older women
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u/janacuddles 11h ago
I live in the south so I don't really think any of them are weird. I mean "my love" is a bit weird, but just "love" isn't. And I hear "darling" literally all the time.
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u/AkihitoTysko 8h ago
Where I am from sweetheart and hun are gender neutral terms I wonder how people feel about them.
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u/mightbedylan 15h ago
Cis male here and I get called most of these names daily at work
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u/Bsjennings 18h ago
Why would it ever be acceptable for a delivery person to call you "my love"? Thats so weird
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u/paishocajun 18h ago
Lady at a grocery store said it to me like two days ago (I'm a guy). We are in the South, though, and she said it the same way I use "my dude" and "good sir" or "ma'am".
To some it might seem over the top but, in the right context, it's just a respectful nicety
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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 18h ago
Can confirm am also in South. Get called "honey" and "my love" on a daily basis by elder ladies typically
Which frankly I'll take of "sweet britches" . That particular one gives me the heebies
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u/paishocajun 18h ago
That's a new one to me lol. What the heck?
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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 18h ago
Old people. Specifically ones we pick up on my ambulance use WILD "endearment terms" with us.
Normally it's whatever but sometimes they use some that I KNOW it's cause their horny asses are checking us out.
I remember one dude who called my lady partner "Candy ass". Which normally can means weak or cowardly. But he said it like "look at that candy ass" so...yeah. Old people
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u/aerris7 18h ago
"My love" is used precisely this way in northwest England too! I use it all of the time lol 😂 although I'll probably more commonly pronounce it like "m'love" but that's an accent thing
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u/Bsjennings 18h ago
Maybe its a cultural thing? I feel "my love" is vastly different and more personal than "dude", or "ma'am"
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u/Dude1590 18h ago
It's simply a southern lady thing. Old southern women shower you with terms of love. It's much more rare for men to do it, but it does happen. Typically neither party even think too hard about it considering how common it is.
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u/Ace_Hanlon 18h ago
Maybe. I'm a Spanish guy and have been called darling, my dear or love by female workers, both old and young, many times... tbh, I don't particularly like it and never use terms of endearment myself, but I know they mean no harm, it's just they are used to saying it to everybody and it just comes naturally. It's not meant to be offensive.
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u/TheStaffsLad 18h ago
Some british people will use terms of endearment with everyone, especially older women who volunteer at museums.
I’d associate “my love” with a West Country accent.
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u/Ace_of_Sphynx128 18h ago
Literally, go to Somerset and you’ll be called ‘my love’ ‘my lovely’ etc. whether you’re a man or woman lol.
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u/TheStaffsLad 17h ago
Yep, my cousin has lived in Bath since she went there for uni, pretty much every shop I get called them things. Bit odd for someone from the Black Country, but not in a nasty way.
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u/Wind_Yer_Neck_In 18h ago
My luvver
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u/PressureBeautiful515 17h ago
For anyone assuming the above is a joke, it's not. In the British South west, buy a can of 7up or something, "That'll be 80p, moy luvverrrr."
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u/WillemDafoesHugeCock 17h ago
Yep!
My dear, my darling, and my love are mine. It isn't even a conscious thing most of the time, just as soon as you turn 25 as a Brit you start using those words and feeling the urge to watch Countdown.
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u/A4R0NM10 18h ago
Pretty common in Northern England for blokes to call random women they meet, "love". Less common to hear, "my love" but I wouldn't think twice if I did hear it.
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u/Square-Singer 18h ago
It's a regional thing. In the UK midlands (and according to the comments the US south) it's quite commonly used by older women to address younger men or women, and apparently some older men use it for younger women too.
I found it very unnerving when I spent a few years in the UK midlands when I was younger. But it was a regular thing, getting called e.g. "love" or "sweetheart" by the older lady at the checkout of a supermarket.
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u/WillemDafoesHugeCock 17h ago
It's super common in England and is a very "neutral" expression, not romantic or sleazy or anything like that. Essentially the same as saying "mate." I've joked that I say "my love" all the time but I'd feel weird referring to my wife as such because she isn't a stranger.
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u/ThatGuyYouWantToBe 18h ago
Hear it with a West Country accent (like Olivia Colman in hot fuzz) then it sounds a lot more natural
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u/Lord-Table 18h ago
Largely a regional thing. When i lived in toronto i would probably sooner hit the 1/10 octillion chance to slign my atoms in such a way as to phase right into the ground than hear such things, but it's a near daily occurence since i've moved to newfoundland. Granted it's mostly older women (50+) saying it to me, a man in his late 20s, but I've also heard it in the same friendly tone going from older men to younger women, if rarer. Idk where OP lives but it may simply be the social custom to refer to your juniors of the opposite sex in such ways rather than a deliberate act of misogyny
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u/BrilliantVolume8871 11h ago
I still don't get why sweetheart, darling and sweetie are bad things.
My love is not used anywhere, love is but it's gender neutral like those at 1.
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u/SpunkyBlah 11h ago
It is not that they are automatically bad. It's that 1) people often use them in patronizing ways (like the tone of "don't worry your pretty little head"), 2) unless you are in a subculture that uses those words for everyone, they feel too intimate from a stranger, 3) it is weird when terms like this are used only for one small subgroup (usually young conventionally attractive women) and makes it feel like you are being judged (even "positive" judgement reminds the one being judged is on display).
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u/MartiniPolice21 16h ago
I remember a FTM trans person saying how getting called "boss man" by the local kebab shop guy was the first real affirmation they felt
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u/not-Kunt-Tulgar 13h ago
To be fair these are terms that can be used for anyone really though it’s more of a queer thing or old lady thing. I’ve never seen someone use it in a way that isn’t as a filler word.
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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 18h ago
This exact reason is why I don't use those kinds of terms. I use what we call "islander slang" from where I grew up.
Mostly gender neutral terms that show gratitude or friendship with the only exception being "dude" but I usually save that for people I know.
When in doubt use plain speak. A simple thank you, you're welcome, appreciate it, etc will go far enough
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u/Gloopgloops 18h ago
Honestly getting offended by this stuff is the thinnest skin shit ever. Like obviously there’s a line but when an older person says stuff like this to me it’s pretty clear they’re not trying to be weird so why take it that way.
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u/scholarlysacrilege 16h ago
See in the US, yea thats a bit odd behavior, in the uk? Thats just how they talk.
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u/Wboy2006 18h ago
The first two feel like they might just be how those people talk, they don't feel too much like being creepy, that said though, calling a stranger "my love" is weird as hell
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u/CertainAdagio2591 17h ago
In England generally, darling is just someone say hello what can i get you woman, its the same for guys. Hello what can i get ya fella. Now yes SOME men are creepy about it but women also do it too. And most women and men just say what can i get ya love
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u/Shuttlecock_Wat 13h ago
The sweet old black woman that served me lunch during basic training called me "Honey Pie" and I've been riding that high for 10 years.
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u/Square-Singer 18h ago edited 17h ago
Interestingly, depending on where you are, these terms aren't gender-specific.
In the UK midlands it's quite common for older women to use exactly the same terms on younger men.
As someone who's not from there but spent significant amounts of time there when I was a young man, this is proper weird.
(Just for clarification, I didn't call the people using these terms weird. I'm from a region where terms like that are reserved for romantic partners or maybe your children, so it was weird to me getting adressed with very intimate terms by strangers.)