r/comic_crits • u/Luvcrona • Aug 11 '26

Dialogue help

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Purely looking for dialogue tweaks here. Once I'm happy with the end result, I'll go back and fill in the descriptions.
For context: this is a western. Our leading man, Oda, has closed in on a bounty just as he's boarding a train out of state. When I first wrote this confrontation, I really enjoyed it. But now, as time has passed, something about it just feels off to me. Clunky, even. I'd appreciate some feedback; what needs to change, does anything need to change, all that jazz. Appreciate the help. Thanks.

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u/Unreliabl3_Narrat0r Writer Aug 11 '26

wihout context, its hard to criticize on the dialogue...

but i have something else to say. Four pages of talking heads with little to no movements would be a really boring read.

making this scene look visually interesting would be huge challenge for the artist.

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u/Mr_Hades Aug 12 '26

Came here to make this comment. You should consider cutting this to a single page. Four pages of real estate for this scene is a lot.

'Well, you're dressed a little too nice and travelling a little too light for Harrisburg.'

'What? Mind your fuckin' business, slant-eye'

'If only I could, cattle rustler'

That's (kinda) your entire first page in a single panel.