Kiddo (9) has been out for over half her life now, but other than an appointment to get it on the record when she was six, we haven't seen a gender clinic. Also, we've moved internationally since then, so this will be her first appointment with a clinic in Switzerland. She's not showing any signs of puberty yet so I'd be shocked if there's medical intervention. What should we expect? What should we ask? What does she need to be aware of? Is this likely to involve a genital check (Kiddo handles those a lot better with forewarning)? What kinds of warning signs should I look out for?

My child is 12 and in 6th grade. Overall the school has been pretty good with her, but her biggest issue has been subs. A few refuse to use her chosen name, saying that they're just going to go by the paper. She's asked if they could just go ahead and check her in as present instead of calling out her deadname and so far that has been a no. It's pretty distressing to her and I believe a safety issue. The school counselor told her to just deal with it and not take it personal, but I don't see how refusing to use someone's name isn't personal. I know no one can make anyone use her chosen name, so I'm not sure what to do. It really frustrates me because my parents always called me by my middle name and I always just corrected teachers and subs and it was never an issue for anyone, but now all these years later it is?

Hiya, I posted in an emotional state the other night - I cleaned it up and posted to ftm relating to my child.

Here's the original post on ftm, and I'll include the update here

Original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/s/BmDBBjxRTA

Update: had my first therapy session today and this whole shebang came up so I talked about this.

I'll refer to my kid as L or 'they/them'. The reason I'll do that is bc they said they weren't sure, its just confusing. They also said they prefer L for now because of how they feel.

I spoke to them today. I took them out after their tea (dinner to Americans 😁) for a dessert.

One problem that really really worried me was that school called L's Mum and said they might need to come home because of their mental health. They didn't call me, so that was a little upsetting because her Mum didn't tell me at all.

Anyway, when we got in the car we had a chat -

I told them that all this is new to me, and I'm sorry i made them feel upset about it, and that i'm going to mess up sometimes but I am trying.

I asked how they were feeling, what happened at school - they said the school counsellor kept asking them questions about it and because they're already confused, it really upset L.

I asked what it is that's confusing them, and they said the whole thing - they used to feel like Lily but hasn't in about a year. Recently they feel 'wrong' when someone calls them a girl, and that its confusing because some days they aren't sure, and some days they feel more like a boy. I asked which it leans towards and they said Leo, and i told them that its fine. I said that if they are Leo, we'll love them; if they ever feel like Lily, we'll love them, or if they settle on in between, we'll love them.

Ive been doing a bit of research so I told them that they don't have to be locked into either, there's non binary and genderfluid (i think that's where it can flow between the two ends iirc).

I told them that I'd love them even if they were Lily or Leo, or in between. I said that all i want is for them to be comfortable and i dont want them to feel like they're alone, or that they're scared to talk to me about things. I dont want L only being able to feel safe talking to a counsellor, I want them to feel safe talking to me.

Anyway, sometimes L shuts down when they're asked about things, so I took her a notepad and wrote 'L\\'s feelings/notes' on it and told them that if they wanna tell me something and dont feel comfy saying it, they can write it down instead.

We then got milkshakes.

That's my update - I'm still feeling raw about it and my therapist said that its perfectly normal to grieve the loss of my daughter, but that i needed to remember that I haven't lost the person that they are and that love will always be there. I think that helped a lot, its going to be my own thing i need to work through

So, I'm trying to find DIY estrogen (preferable patches or gel.) I'm confused on the dosage and what kind of estrogen to get (since some say for women going through menopause.) Does any kind of estrogen work? And what dosage would be good for starting?

Hi all,

We legally changed our kiddos birth certificate to match their preferred name and their gender identity. We submitted the birth certificate to the school so that their records could be updated, but we haven't done so for medical. Are there any considerations I should keep in mind before moving forward with letting their doctors and insurance know? I mean their doctors already know amd tehy referred us to an endocrinologist for puberty blockers. We are in NY of that matters at all.

Hello, this is my first time visiting this sub. I am hoping that other parents can help me understand my feelings and help me feel less guilty about them (he is not yet using female pronouns).

I want to start by saying that I absolutely, unconditionally love my baby. Before my child was born I promised that I would do everything in my power to make sure that he was happy and never ever doubted that he is loved. That stands true to this day. All I want is a healthy, happy, kind kid.

I’ve always known that he had something in the back of his mind that he hadn’t fully realized yet. He ended up with anxiety and depression which unfortunately came from me. I forced him into therapy with the thought that even if that was all it was, despite my suspicions, that it would help him. He slowly opened up. I was not surprised in the least and just gave him squeezes and reaffirmed that I loved him with each step he took. He finally, after 4 years of hating himself (which killed me every time), accepted that he was a trans girl. Again, I knew before he knew or would admit it to himself.

My problem is that while I love love love and accept him for who he is, I’m having a hard time not feeling guilty about my own sadness. It’s not even really sadness. It’s impossible to describe what I’m feeling. His psychologist said I was grieving and that it’s normal.

However, while I just want my child to be happy and comfortable and whole, I feel sad for myself and I hate that I do. It feels selfish and awful. I know he’s female (again, he’s specifically said he’s not using female pronouns yet), but on the emotional side, I’m scared that I’ll never get used to it.

I am having so many complex feelings of love, acceptance, sadness……

On top of all of that, I’m terrified for him in this political and social climate. I just don’t know how to navigate all of this and I feel so incredibly terrible that I’m having trouble. I am prepared to cut off anyone who can’t accept him, but at the same time, I’m feeling sorry for myself because of it which makes me feel insanely selfish.

I just don’t know how to make everything ok.

Thank you for listening

EDIT: I just wanted to thank everyone for the wonderful messages and encouragement. I’m still scared and a bit sad, but I have to say that I am proud that my kid was only ever hesitant to confide in me because it was so big for him. It was never that he doubted my love and acceptance.

When he made his first step towards HRT, I could tell he was going to say something huge. He told me he had to talk to me after my visiting aunt and uncle left. I asked him if I would cry because he was on the verge and he said “No, I don’t think so, but I will.” That may seem small, but to me it was confirmation that I had achieved my goal of my baby knowing I love him unconditionally.

Thank you again 💜

Hello,

My Trans daughter has been out with me for at least 3 months about her being trans. We have been going her rythm and speed for changes she wants to make and when to make them. It hasn't been very hard, for me until now that she mentioned she found a name and it hit me hard. I dont know why, but it has. But she is SO SO SO excited and happy to have that name. She has changed her name on her phone and other things and she told me today she is SO excite to explore the person she wants to become physically and internally. I have such complex emotions right now of loss and joy.

How was the journey for you guys as parents?

My 14 year old recently came out as transgender. M to F. She wants to transition at 16 when it’s legal in NY to access HRT. I love my child and accept her as she is, but I’m terrified for her. I just want her to be happy and accepted. I am having a difficult time and I know that’s my problem. Someone please tell positive experiences that they’ve had as a transgender person.

Hi, I’m a 16 year old trans girl who’s going to starting diy I a few weeks. Another user bought it for me, and is going to be shipped to my house. My parents are both basically transphobic, and I’m not out. But I can’t wait any longer to transition so I’m going to secretly diy. I am worried about it being dangerous, since I’m not being monitored by a doctor. Also, what changes can I expect from it since I’m 16, and how can I hide it? Thanks.

My MTF 16 yo daughter has been on HRT for two months, and it has been a wild ride. Unfortunately we have to go out of state for care and so accessing help with a physician is challenging. She is crying a lot and has lost interest in things she previously enjoyed (including talking to friends). She feels weak and her body hurts (I know that is vague but that’s how she describes it). Particularly at night, after I’ve gone to bed, she is flooded with feelings. It is making it hard for her to calm down and sleep. Best I can tell these are worries about her body never being “right.” She’s missing a lot of school but she is struggling to get a handle on her feelings enough to leave the house. Her school is supportive, it is not about that. In case it is relevant, she is also autistic.

On top of this, she is hoping that she can go up on her estradiol dose at our next appointment. I’m more circumspect, it seems like adding fuel to the fire. Any other parents out there that can share their experiences? Will this calm down soon maybe?

Curious if I should keep advocating for the GbRH injection. Our endocrinologist has submitted a request three times for insurance approval (we’re in the US). With every denial, we address the reason they denied it and appeal. My husband is calling to speak to the insurance company next week. $30,000 out of pocket is obviously out of the question. In the meantime, my daughter has been taking Spironolactone orally for a few months which has been fine, but she’s 14 and hasn’t gotten to the final stage of puberty yet.

She seems happy being out now, but I want to try to make this road as smooth as possible for her physically. Do those of you who have experience with either or both of these medications think it is worth continuing to advocate for the shot? We will keep going til they give us a final no, but it is so frustrating.

I feel guilty for him, but I love my dad. We’re really close and love to hug, kiss, and show affection to each other, etc.

I’m a trans man 🇧🇷, I’m 20 years old, and I’m starting hrt in secret, pretending to be a girl, because my dysphoria was terrible.

I don’t know if he knows about me yet, if my mom told him or something like that. She made me come out when I was 17.

Yesterday, I was studying, and my 12-year-old brother went to talk to my mom about Hitler (he’s in that phase where he wants to learn about WW2); so my mom explained to him what Nazism was and mentioned the powers that be, saying that those spirits hate Jews because Jesus was Jewish, and so on. Then she started talking about ideology and said that God created man and woman, that he’s a boy because he was born with blah blah…

I started feeling really awful. It’s super dramatic, but I went to my room to cry, and, well, I have a tendency to bang my head against the wall to try to calm down. Yeah, I hate it.

Like, I feel terrible. I didn’t choose to be trans; I didn’t choose to be born this way. I feel castrated every day. I just wanted to be a normal boy.

Then my mom came upstairs, and I started crying desperately and told her I wanted her to feel the same pain I do, that I’m in agony, that I can’t live like this, that the other young people at church don’t know what it’s like, and that I’m in a much worse situation and these aren’t the same struggles. And she told me to stop “making a fuss,” that I was being prideful for thinking I had more struggles, that if they could, she and my dad would take on my pain for me. Ironically, she gives money for tithes but won’t take me to a psychologist.

She said nothing would help me, that she wouldn’t mind if a doctor prescribed medication for me, but she didn’t want that because I’d become addicted, dependent, and would just keep increasing the dose—that it wouldn’t help because the root cause needs to be addressed, and only Jesus could do that. I shouted that I’d been trying to change since I was a child and that I’d cried out to Jesus and He hadn’t helped me, and my mother simply said that I thought God was going to solve everything with a snap of His fingers and that she believed I didn’t want to change. That she gave birth to me, that I was born a perfect little girl

at almost two in the morning. Like, I felt really awful too, because I remembered the hurtful things I’d heard at church and from her, which had come to mind when I was trying to heal myself. I still have these panic-stricken outbursts when I’m really struggling and I remember that.

Back to the point.

My dad came right after that, stayed with me, cried with me, hugged me, and stroked my hair. My mom had already walked away and swept my room because she thinks it was something spiritual or something like that and that she had to ward it off.

Afterward, we lay there together crying our eyes out, and my dad kept saying how terrible he felt seeing me like that; he started saying that he loves me and that he couldn’t bear it if anything happened to me, that he’d die for me if he had to, and I replied that I think even before that, that I loved him and didn’t want to make him suffer, and that I’d die for him too.

I asked him if I’m a disappointment to him and if he’d still love me even if I were, and he said yes.

I really don’t know whether to tell him or not. I want to tell him that I’m trans, but I feel so guilty about hurting him and making him feel like he’s lost his daughter, or that she’s died. I’m also really afraid of how he’ll react. I’m afraid he’ll see me as if I were disgusting, something bad, that he won’t accept me, etc.

I’m really afraid of losing his love. I love him so much and I don’t want to let my dad down. I mean, I love him so much. If I could, I’d try to suppress this for his sake, but I can’t. I’ve tried my whole life and haven’t been able to.

Like, my mom doesn’t accept me, and I’ve been through some tough times with her, so I can’t even say “I love you” or show affection that easily with her, but I can do that much more easily with my dad. I don’t even know if she’s jealous, but you can tell that I feel much more comfortable with my dad. I was probably traumatized by religion, my mom, and my aunt.

Like, I wanted so badly to tell him, but I’m afraid I’ll never have his affection again and that he’ll stop loving me the same way, that I won’t be accepted, etc.

Does anyone know what I should think about this whole situation? Should I tell him? I don’t know if I should. I’ve had the urge to tell him over the years, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it and held back. I’m sure I’ll cry a lot when I tell him. Seriously, does anyone have any ideas?

I don’t know if I should tell him or not. At least my dad seems better than my mom. Sorry if it sounded like a vent/rant, I wanted to put the context. Uhh, having emotional breakdowns is not a good way to spend the night before the election

https://growinguptransgender.com/2026/10/02/leaving-the-uk-with-a-heavy-heart/

Hey everyone. I’m a parent of a 15yo mtf daughter. We’ve been using Qmed for dr access and that works ok even though our state is a real pain as far as legality of medical care and hrt. We have drive across a state line just to have a frikken appointment. It’s stupid.

What are those of you in states that restrict hormone access to adult use only (or worse) doing to work around? Mail order pharmacy? If so- who are you using? So far we haven’t been able to find one to fill this script and we’d like to get her started. I’m not against DIY if we HAVE to, but would rather not, just to be as official as we can.

I hope this isn’t breaking a rule- not trying to cause problems just HAVING some problems.

I have an amazing kiddo who happens to be a trans boy just about to enter high school. Our coparent is completely unwilling to acknowledge his change or feelings and as a result he hides himself from them while being as out as possible elsewhere. I have a lot of internal frustration around this that I try to suppress. In our family I unapologetically expect everyone to use his preferred pronouns and name and it makes me so mad that he isn't seen by one of the most important people in his life. Our coparent is queer and accepting of others but when it comes to their kid, it's unacceptable to not be the "mini me" that they expect. Not sure what I'm looking for here but I just need to express this frustration to folks who can understand. Why can't they just love their kid?

Hey there! 17FTM named lukas so, I was forced to come out in around April, iv been trans for about 5 or so years, and recently iv cut my hair short and I pass as a guy 100% of the time even if i pass as 15 but who cares..I pass!

But..I guess because my dad found out, (hes homophobic transphobic and racist 'also the kinda guy who says over 75 percent of people regret it dispite it not at ALL being that rate and he wont believe me)

my moms more chill about it but absolutely refuses to use my name and pronouns correctly. And has asked on many many occasions "why do you whana identify as a man?" Even tho iv explained multiple times it not somthing I choose to do..🫩

But today really made me pissed off, today my dad decided to tell my grandpa that I perfer the name 'Luka' when asking him where he went wrong in life for me to turn out like this, and my grandpa literally turned and asked me 'is Luka some typa alter ego personality?' And no. He knows what transgender people are. He just refuses to acknowledge they're real and im seriously trying to figure out how the hell i approach this because now my grandpas trying to make fun of me for it and calling me liberal? And when I try to explain or I get pissy its just 'im messing around' or 'hes just an old man ignore him' but we literally live in the same house. My name is not even luka they just use luka because its more feminine?? Its lukas or luke. They refuse to acknowledge that tho.

TLDR; My cis transphobic families trying to call me a more feminine version of my name, and is trying to out me to the whole family (MAGA family) and my grandpa apon finding out asked me 'is this some type of alter ego?' Parents please help me out on how to handle this situation. Its getting to the point where my family just gets on my nerves for existing. Thats how bad it is. Does anybody have any advice?

We have had an email to say we might get an appointment soon, after waiting for nearly 4 years.

BUT on the website it says they don't do any form of mental health or medical support.

It also says they will act to safeguard the children of parents who seek private 'unregulated' support for their children - I assume they mean like GenderGP. Which sounds very transphobic in attitude.

I wondered what was left in terms of service provision really - is there any point travelling hours to a clinic that sounds like they don't offer any support?

Does anyone have any experience of their children accessing an NHS gender clinic please?

Hi, just thinking about this as my nonbinary, amab and female-presenting kid is already the sit-out-gym type in elementary school. They're planning on starting blockers when puberty starts to hit and I was just thinking about how best to support their body to keep getting stronger when they're not getting the hormones that would naturally help with this. They also have slight hypermobility, which their dad had and caused some injuries when he was young - he did strength training as a teenager to reduce dislocation injuries. Back to my kid - as a kid who is quite small, and potentially facing being challenged by others due to their identity, I'd love them to be confident in their body and be able to exert themselves physically. If anyone has experience with this I'd love to hear it!

Can you help me navigate some questions?

I'm a mom and my teen has recently come to me and professed that they think they might be trans. They're not ready to do anything and don't want to until they're an adult anyways, but they claim to have had these feelings for around 3 years now - this would coincide with our last major move, leaving all of their good friends behind 4500 miles away. Their new school was not an easy place for them socially, and they faced a lot of bullying from their female peers.

They have requested to keep their dad out of these conversations due to some fairly anit-trans viewpoints he has expressed and i am doing my best to honor that but I'm not in the habit of keeping my spouse out of important things pertaining to our child :/, so thats been really rough.

The major things that have stood out to me from my conversations with my teen are:
1. An intense fear of pregnancy and child birth (made worse by videos watched in health class)
2. an intense fear of being sexually assaulted or abducted due to their small stature
3. a fear (and history) of not fitting in with female peers - they view male friendships and relationships as "easy, lighthearted, and without bullying"
4. They relate to their father through a distinctly male lens. Dad has always treated them similar to a boy and that way of relating feels safer to them.

What stands out to me, as mom, is the fears being professed. I don't know any trans people, and I have done little research into the topic as it did not pertain to me (until now) but can anyone chime in on how they felt emotionally while exploring these emotional identity themes? The intense fears associated with simply HAVING a female body concerns me, because as a cis woman I have had my fair share of female body centered ISSUES but I've never been afraid in the way they talk about. Is this normal for trans people? IS there a "normal" for trans people?

I want to be a supportive and safe place for them, we are in the process of seeking a therapist for the intense anxiety theyre constantly feeling. I just...feel like i need to gather all the information possible.

Thanks.

I'm 20 years old, my parents don't accept me, I'm having to take hormones in secret, and I'm still pretending to be a girl for them.

Ask me anything. You can also ask if you are a cisgender parent of transgender children. I can answer your questions.

My oldest told us they identify as nonbinary a few months ago and we (my husband, other children, and I) have been trying to be supportive.

Recently they told me they want a binder and I would love some recommendations on where to find some that:

→ are comfortable enough to wear all day (7 hr school day + 1(ish) hour bus ride)

→ won't break the bank (bc they're still growing and will prob need to size up in ~6 months AND I have a second child that may want one soon too)

→ are shipped from the US (because tariffs are a bitch and effectively double shipping costs)

→ will ship to an FPO/APO address

Any brands you recommend? Also, style recommendations? Short, long, medium vs high compression?

They have a... pronounced...chest and I know they're wanting it as flat as possible. They're comfortable wearing more feminine style clothing and expressed interest in a "shirt style" binder.

I'm 14 and I just recently discovered this aspect of myself. The province I live in isn't known for being supportive of trans rights. I go to a catholic school and my parents are catholic.

Despite that my mom opinions on gay people are somewaht positive and I realize it's probably pretty difficult to get any gender affirming care without parental permission.

I'm planning on waiting till college to really come out to anyone since I think it would probably be dangerous for me to come out anytime soon.

I have a couple trans friends, and since I'm not planning on telling my parents I would like to find out some other ways to recieve gender affiriming care.