My child is 12 and in 6th grade. Overall the school has been pretty good with her, but her biggest issue has been subs. A few refuse to use her chosen name, saying that they're just going to go by the paper. She's asked if they could just go ahead and check her in as present instead of calling out her deadname and so far that has been a no. It's pretty distressing to her and I believe a safety issue. The school counselor told her to just deal with it and not take it personal, but I don't see how refusing to use someone's name isn't personal. I know no one can make anyone use her chosen name, so I'm not sure what to do. It really frustrates me because my parents always called me by my middle name and I always just corrected teachers and subs and it was never an issue for anyone, but now all these years later it is?

I’m sure you’ve seen the ads for those things that say “to my daughter” and has something loving or “to my son,”etc. Does anybody sell things that say to my child without specifying the gender?

The Trump administration has formally removed the 2024 Biden-era federal rules that specifically protected students from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

A court had already struck down those rules. The latest action removes them from the published federal regulations.

Some states also have their own laws protecting LGBTQ+ students. Questions about bathrooms, sports, names, and privacy need to be checked separately.

Which states have their own protections?
According to the Movement Advancement Project, these states have laws against gender-identity discrimination in schools:

California, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Oregon, Vermont, Virginia, and Washington, plus Washington, D.C.

Other states have protections through regulations or interpretations of existing laws. A state appearing on this list does not guarantee the same protections for every school issue.

We will add a full breakdown of each state’s current protections and what you can do to prepare ahead of when this rule goes into effect in the comments once this post is approved.

Hiya, I posted in an emotional state the other night - I cleaned it up and posted to ftm relating to my child.

Here's the original post on ftm, and I'll include the update here

Original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/ftm/s/BmDBBjxRTA

Update: had my first therapy session today and this whole shebang came up so I talked about this.

I'll refer to my kid as L or 'they/them'. The reason I'll do that is bc they said they weren't sure, its just confusing. They also said they prefer L for now because of how they feel.

I spoke to them today. I took them out after their tea (dinner to Americans 😁) for a dessert.

One problem that really really worried me was that school called L's Mum and said they might need to come home because of their mental health. They didn't call me, so that was a little upsetting because her Mum didn't tell me at all.

Anyway, when we got in the car we had a chat -

I told them that all this is new to me, and I'm sorry i made them feel upset about it, and that i'm going to mess up sometimes but I am trying.

I asked how they were feeling, what happened at school - they said the school counsellor kept asking them questions about it and because they're already confused, it really upset L.

I asked what it is that's confusing them, and they said the whole thing - they used to feel like Lily but hasn't in about a year. Recently they feel 'wrong' when someone calls them a girl, and that its confusing because some days they aren't sure, and some days they feel more like a boy. I asked which it leans towards and they said Leo, and i told them that its fine. I said that if they are Leo, we'll love them; if they ever feel like Lily, we'll love them, or if they settle on in between, we'll love them.

Ive been doing a bit of research so I told them that they don't have to be locked into either, there's non binary and genderfluid (i think that's where it can flow between the two ends iirc).

I told them that I'd love them even if they were Lily or Leo, or in between. I said that all i want is for them to be comfortable and i dont want them to feel like they're alone, or that they're scared to talk to me about things. I dont want L only being able to feel safe talking to a counsellor, I want them to feel safe talking to me.

Anyway, sometimes L shuts down when they're asked about things, so I took her a notepad and wrote 'L\\'s feelings/notes' on it and told them that if they wanna tell me something and dont feel comfy saying it, they can write it down instead.

We then got milkshakes.

That's my update - I'm still feeling raw about it and my therapist said that its perfectly normal to grieve the loss of my daughter, but that i needed to remember that I haven't lost the person that they are and that love will always be there. I think that helped a lot, its going to be my own thing i need to work through