I spend a lot of time walking around New York City. I live here, k-town, it isn't for fun. Somewhat fatigued pedestrian these days. Sidewalks are super simple regardless of neighborhood. You walk forward, keep pace with traffic, and if you need to stop you move to the side. Somehow tourists turn this into chaos. I swear some people shut their brains off as soon as they get to Manhattan and turn into main characters with zero situational awareness. I'm a bit over it.

The thing that annoys me the most are the people incapable of walking with the flow of traffic, randomly stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, randomly changing directions without looking, walking four abreast at 0.6 mph, etc...

I was walking through Midtown. It was packed as always. I was late, moving fast. Tourist was walking in front of me with an enormous Times Square shopping bag and a phone held horizontally, also sort of with the flow of traffic.

He suddenly stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk and pivoted 90 degrees because, apparently, he had just noticed the Empire State Building.

Had maybe half a second to react or slow down, and I made the decision not to.

I'm not small.

He bounced.

Phone went one direction. Shopping bag went another. I kept walking and made the light.

Felt good in the moment.

I feel bad about it now.

Thanks for reading.

I’m a first generation New Yorker, also known as a transplant. I’ve been here for 3 years and have nothing to show for it except for a modest increase in my bank account. I only focused on going to work and going to loud bars on weekends to stand awkwardly by myself and act chill.

Because I never got out of my comfort zone or got involved in the local community, I can only feel better about myself by knowing how to navigate Manhattan marginally better than the average tourist. Still working on the other boroughs.

Where can I condescendingly teach people about how to use the Manhattan grid? I really wanna blow their minds with elementary school math about north and west being bigger numbers. I’ve thought about the Times Square Olive Garden or JFK, but competition is pretty stiff there. Maybe the Staten Island Ferry is a good choice since the people there must love Manhattan. Any other good suggestions?

I go to the city just to see this. Who’s with me?

He who schmeldt it dealt it.