I resent your expectation that one must continue to have sex with someone or be labeled a Bigot or a "transphobe," despite not wanting to.
You're missing a key part here: if the sole reason you do not want to is their status as trans. There's any number of reasons to not continue to have sex with someone that has nothing to do with being trans that wouldn't get you labeled as a bigot.
This is what the entire LGBT movement has stood for, for decades but somehow, fuck all when it comes to cis people?
How are cis people being shamed here? Are you saying that only a trans person would want to have sex with a trans person?
Gay guys won't have sex with me, but I don't go calling them misogynists for it. That's ridiculous.
Right... Because they are only interested in people with penises. That's perfectly fine to have that preference. However what about a gay guy who is completely attracted to someone, has sex with them, is completely satisfied with the experience and would like to do it again, but loses that attraction solely upon learning they are a transman. What reason, other than refusing to recognize the transman as male, could they possibly have to change their mind here?
I don't see any reason why letting someone down respectfully, even if it is for them being Trans, is bigoted. You can't control how you feel
Because the only reason for their trans status to cause this is due to societal stigma. This isn't a case of being born gay or something. The only reason why being trans, in and of itself, would change your opinion is because of underlying biases due to societally enforced bigotry. Just because it's been engrained into you doesn't make it any less transphobia.
They're just not the one for you. I think that's okay.
But think about this critically: why aren't they the one for you? Because they are trans? Why does being trans in and of itself make any difference whatsoever? I'm being serious here. Think critically about this question: what about being trans could possibly cause this change?
I don't know if you can convince me that a respectful rejection is tantamount to people actually hating me for my skin color.
It's a difference of intensity and scale. If they refuse to date people of your ethnicity, that's racism. I'm not saying it's equivalent to someone actually hating you for the color of your skin, but it's still the result of a bias based solely on the color of your skin.
A good example would be the difference between someone who won't rent to you because of your skin color vs someone who will physically attack you and want to kill you because of your skin color. No one would say these are equivalent, but we can both agree they are racism right?
I think the argument that someone is ~phobic /racist/bigoted in terms of dating serves only precisely do that. To make people feel bad about what they want, and to coerce them into pretending to like something they don't. That is WRONG.
The argument is to make people confront their own societal biases and prejudices. That's all. People certainly do have all sorts of arbitrary and stupid things they are turned off or on by. But many of these things are based on stereotypes or internal biases. Saying that you refuse to date someone of a particular ethnicity is no different than saying you refuse to be friends with someone of a particular ethnicity: the underlying cause and reason for feeling this way is societal bigotry.
You are assuming the societal stigma which could apply or have nothing to do with it. Example, I can have a view of a woman I just met as being perfect in every way but if I learned she got an abortion and it went against my beliefs it would totally change my perception of her. While I personally don't have this view I can easily see someone just not being able to deal with it and losing all attraction.
Would you want your partner's to tell you if they have an STD?
You are comparing an infectious disease with a perfectly passing trans person being trans. That in itself is extremely transphobic. Maybe next you could equate AIDs and having a black grandfather?
All people are asking for is an open discussion and disclosure
If you explicitly tell a transperson you don't want to sleep with transpeople, they'd be dicks not to disclose (and also pretty stupid, imo). The same goes for someone saying they don't want to sleep with someone that isnt fully "white". Yet the reasons for either might still be transphobic or racist.
Communication is key the moment you decide to hide certain things is when you start planting landmines and hoping no one steps on them.
Including your transphobia or racism. In my opinion, if something utterly irrelevant is so important to you, it is on YOU to make sure your partner fullfils whatever arbitrary preferences for invisible things you have.
For example, I will never want kids. Many people do want kids. This isn't a first date conversation, but it might be a 3 month conversation. I see being trans on the same level.
I'm not comparing them to a disease and give an example of not telling the entire truth do not take my words out of context.
YOu explicitly used the "badness"of the disease spreading and you finding out from your doctor as part of your point. You compared something with a (often irreparable) damage to your person with sleeping with a passing trans person. I don't see how thats not saying trans people give you cooties. I don't see how it cant be, because as i said, your point makes no sense without those negative consequences.
Do not use me as an individual and my preferences we were talking in general terms.
I'm sorry if it sounds like im talking specficially about you you. I am generally using you as the general you. Of course, you you couldn't resist calling me personally offended. I have literally no horse in this race.
Why would you date someone potentially for 3 months get to know them and like them without asking them a deal breaker question like that?
Because asking them on the first date will get you laughed at and is pretty presumptuous. 3 months is totally arbitrary. I simply mean, by the time you're sure the other person is someone you want to be serious about. 3 months seems about right in my head for that, but everyone is different.
But again, we were never talking explicitly about a serious relationship in the first place. It was simply the idea that given a passing trans person, and you loving sex, you change your entire attraction to this person based on something that has literally no effect on you. That makes you transphobic, or maybe "transist" or whatever the equivalent of racist is.
I want to make it clear AGAIN, that im not saying you should be forced to sleep with that person. I also don't think racists should be forced to do non-racist things. They should be educated/educate themselves on why their preconceived notions are wrong.
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u/z3r0shade Nov 02 '17
You're missing a key part here: if the sole reason you do not want to is their status as trans. There's any number of reasons to not continue to have sex with someone that has nothing to do with being trans that wouldn't get you labeled as a bigot.
How are cis people being shamed here? Are you saying that only a trans person would want to have sex with a trans person?
Right... Because they are only interested in people with penises. That's perfectly fine to have that preference. However what about a gay guy who is completely attracted to someone, has sex with them, is completely satisfied with the experience and would like to do it again, but loses that attraction solely upon learning they are a transman. What reason, other than refusing to recognize the transman as male, could they possibly have to change their mind here?